The deal is sealed on my heterosexuality.
Last night was one of the worst nights ever. So bad, in fact, that i spent the better part of my morning laughing about it over Caesars and brunch. Straight ladies, do NOT go to lesbian bars! You do not belong and it is not fun!
I was dragged out by some lesbian friends to Andy Poolhall lesbo night and I will never ever go back. Partly because I probably never be allowed in ever again. The tone of the evening was set when I saw a bearded lady and my apparent shock was, I guess, offensive to some. But come on! I wasn't being rude! This chick had a full-on goatee! She knew it was there! It was a full fucking goatee! If she was selfconscious about it, she could do something about it, or at least comb the damn thing. They have beard combs, for christ's sake! If you are cool with your beard and you are a lady, good for you! But people, understand that I was not being rude, just merely marveling at a bearded lady. So I got a little lecture from a lass and a guilt trip thrown down on me because "she should be able to come here and feel comfortable". whatever. If you saw a bear on a unicycle, you'd point that out too. I didn't know lesbian night = circus. That shit is stupid.
Then, instead of waiting in the huge, out-the-door line-up for the ladies' toilets, I went into the EMPTY men's room. When i came out, I told the huge line-up of lesbians that they should just use the men's room because it was empty. Well, they looked at me like i was a fucking bear on a unicycle and were all like, "Uh, yeah, NO THANKS!" Well, not expecting such a harsh response, I guess i felt a little defensive, so leaned forward, stared them all down, and loudly said, "FINE! Have fun waiting in line, STUPIDS!" haha. Lesbians do not like being called stupids!
The night just went downhill form there. By the end, my other straight friend and I had smashed out glasses in a hearty "cheers", fell down, got told we were acting like drunken asshole men, argued with strangers, alienated an entire room of lesbians (who were all there with their GIRLFRIENDS which apparently means you are not looking to have a good time but only sit on couches and act snotty to the only girls looking to have fun), then we got separated in a sea of angry, no-fun chicks, so I understandably freaked out, left, and proceeded to make several messy drunk calls, trying to get people to come hang out with me in my house at 2am.
This morning my phone isn't working and I have a cut on my arm from broken glass and my room looks like a drunken bear on a unicycle tried to ride around like it was lesbian circus night at Andy Poolhall.
I was dragged out by some lesbian friends to Andy Poolhall lesbo night and I will never ever go back. Partly because I probably never be allowed in ever again. The tone of the evening was set when I saw a bearded lady and my apparent shock was, I guess, offensive to some. But come on! I wasn't being rude! This chick had a full-on goatee! She knew it was there! It was a full fucking goatee! If she was selfconscious about it, she could do something about it, or at least comb the damn thing. They have beard combs, for christ's sake! If you are cool with your beard and you are a lady, good for you! But people, understand that I was not being rude, just merely marveling at a bearded lady. So I got a little lecture from a lass and a guilt trip thrown down on me because "she should be able to come here and feel comfortable". whatever. If you saw a bear on a unicycle, you'd point that out too. I didn't know lesbian night = circus. That shit is stupid.
Then, instead of waiting in the huge, out-the-door line-up for the ladies' toilets, I went into the EMPTY men's room. When i came out, I told the huge line-up of lesbians that they should just use the men's room because it was empty. Well, they looked at me like i was a fucking bear on a unicycle and were all like, "Uh, yeah, NO THANKS!" Well, not expecting such a harsh response, I guess i felt a little defensive, so leaned forward, stared them all down, and loudly said, "FINE! Have fun waiting in line, STUPIDS!" haha. Lesbians do not like being called stupids!
The night just went downhill form there. By the end, my other straight friend and I had smashed out glasses in a hearty "cheers", fell down, got told we were acting like drunken asshole men, argued with strangers, alienated an entire room of lesbians (who were all there with their GIRLFRIENDS which apparently means you are not looking to have a good time but only sit on couches and act snotty to the only girls looking to have fun), then we got separated in a sea of angry, no-fun chicks, so I understandably freaked out, left, and proceeded to make several messy drunk calls, trying to get people to come hang out with me in my house at 2am.
This morning my phone isn't working and I have a cut on my arm from broken glass and my room looks like a drunken bear on a unicycle tried to ride around like it was lesbian circus night at Andy Poolhall.