Politcally correct: Happy holidays
I'm at my parents house for the break and I decided to sort through my things. While I was in my organizing mood I stumbled upon a binder of all my old papers I wrote in highschool. I'm not going to lie, I really enjoy my writing. It's taken me years, but I feel I can finally bypass the creators bias and read my old drafts as a true outsider looking in. They definantly aren't professional quality, like I had once tricked myself into believing would be a possible career. However, a few pieces display this really unique voice. My voice. And its not half bad. It tickles me to hear my past self shinning through the white pages.
So today is Christmas and the skies have blessed us with little white flurries dancing beyond the window. Its beautiful. I'm listening to Iron and Wine by the fire with some Earl Gray tea by my side and I couldn't be more content with life. It's taken me a while to feel content, but I've finally gotten there. My last "antsy" break in my life lasted for longer than usual. It seems likes these cycles keep getting harder and harder to rise out of. I build up mental solutions only to figure out ways to combat them later. It's a thought catch 22 when you're your own enemy and savior. Perhaps this is the underlying problem with being sacreligious too long. I myself am experiencing the urge to go back to organized religion. It's not really a change in beliefs, but rather a fatigue with independence. It's taxing to be ones own devil and then ones own God. I'm running low on the holy light of individualism lately. It seems more appealing to put on nice clothes once a week and sit back in a wooden puplit while my inspiration is fed to me. I'll keep my moral character in check every week through a satin dress wearing middle aged man with mic. Sure, I'll praise a Jesus. Sure I'll bow my head and mumble things to a character in the sky. I'll even sing a little if it means taking some of the mental heat off myself for a while. I mean I do believe in Jesus. I believe in him as much as I believe in Mohammed or Abraham. They are all means to an end. The same end. They are all right because they are all wrong or vice versa. I don't really know which. Some choose to believe he sits in a cloud with a lightening bolt or kneeled by a bedside. They're both right (or wrong) and it matters little in my head that I'm going to join those people even though my God resides in a different arena. My own religion lies in the spirit of the individual. It is the ability to look at a masturful critcally acclaimed art display and call it shit and truly mean it, or the ability to look at a masturful critcally acclaimed art display and call it gods greatest gift and truly mean it. It's the power of the human hero. We are all right because we are all ourselves. A lot of people seek shelter in group think such a religion or public opinion. It's easier that way (that's why I want to go back to it), but the person who can go their entire lives without that need or urge... they are my hero. They are my God. The individual soul is sacred and anyone who has the strength to resist society is Jesus in my mind.
I've been stuggling with Ayn Rands theories for a while. I feel kind of like I'm stranded alone on an island. Sometimes I have it in me to be a pure individualist, but right now I'm feeling too weak and tired... It's time to go back to the cattle ranch and be safe as a number. I'll gladly drop trow' so I can be branded...A MAN turns into two MEN... A MAN, MEN, AMEN.
So today is Christmas and the skies have blessed us with little white flurries dancing beyond the window. Its beautiful. I'm listening to Iron and Wine by the fire with some Earl Gray tea by my side and I couldn't be more content with life. It's taken me a while to feel content, but I've finally gotten there. My last "antsy" break in my life lasted for longer than usual. It seems likes these cycles keep getting harder and harder to rise out of. I build up mental solutions only to figure out ways to combat them later. It's a thought catch 22 when you're your own enemy and savior. Perhaps this is the underlying problem with being sacreligious too long. I myself am experiencing the urge to go back to organized religion. It's not really a change in beliefs, but rather a fatigue with independence. It's taxing to be ones own devil and then ones own God. I'm running low on the holy light of individualism lately. It seems more appealing to put on nice clothes once a week and sit back in a wooden puplit while my inspiration is fed to me. I'll keep my moral character in check every week through a satin dress wearing middle aged man with mic. Sure, I'll praise a Jesus. Sure I'll bow my head and mumble things to a character in the sky. I'll even sing a little if it means taking some of the mental heat off myself for a while. I mean I do believe in Jesus. I believe in him as much as I believe in Mohammed or Abraham. They are all means to an end. The same end. They are all right because they are all wrong or vice versa. I don't really know which. Some choose to believe he sits in a cloud with a lightening bolt or kneeled by a bedside. They're both right (or wrong) and it matters little in my head that I'm going to join those people even though my God resides in a different arena. My own religion lies in the spirit of the individual. It is the ability to look at a masturful critcally acclaimed art display and call it shit and truly mean it, or the ability to look at a masturful critcally acclaimed art display and call it gods greatest gift and truly mean it. It's the power of the human hero. We are all right because we are all ourselves. A lot of people seek shelter in group think such a religion or public opinion. It's easier that way (that's why I want to go back to it), but the person who can go their entire lives without that need or urge... they are my hero. They are my God. The individual soul is sacred and anyone who has the strength to resist society is Jesus in my mind.
I've been stuggling with Ayn Rands theories for a while. I feel kind of like I'm stranded alone on an island. Sometimes I have it in me to be a pure individualist, but right now I'm feeling too weak and tired... It's time to go back to the cattle ranch and be safe as a number. I'll gladly drop trow' so I can be branded...A MAN turns into two MEN... A MAN, MEN, AMEN.