VEINTICINCO
The men and boys of my life. Not all of them. God, that would take up too much time. And space. These are some of the ones that stand out. Some, because a few need whole posts dedicated solely to them. Not just a few quick lines.
PAUL - I don’t know my dad. He never showed up for my second birthday. After that, he just never came back to my mom and me. And when I say I don’t know him, I mean I have no relationship with him. I know who he is. It’s hard to miss him when we live in the same city. And he lives just down the street from my grandma’s house, so I’ve seen him about more than once. He makes no claim to me. Him, and his whole family, have chosen to ignore my existence. My would-be grandparents never even paid attention to me when my mom would take me to their house when I was a baby, so I suppose I’m not missing out on much. And it’s not as if people around don’t know I’m his. I get it all the time, those long stares and a surprised ‘Wow, you look just like Paul.’
ANTONIO - My sister’s dad introduced me as his daughter to all the people we met. He seemed to realize that my sister and I were a package deal, and he and his family were quick to embrace me. With him came grandparents and great-grandparents, cousins and aunts and uncles. It was with my new family that I discovered my love of camping and road trips. His parents took my sister and me everywhere. And when he got arrested on my sister’s sixth birthday, and subsequently thrown into prison with a life sentence, his family still held onto my sister and me. Even without Antonio there as a buffer, they still accepted me as one of their own.
ADAM - My mom and Antonio did not stay together after my sister’s birth. Instead, my mom moved into a new relationship with Adam. I remember being seven, wedged into the backseat of his lowrider with my sister, while he fiddled away with the hydraulic switches. What I recall most about Adam is the way he always wanted to please me and my sister. He bought us Squeeze-Its all the time, and often took my sister and me to the Wonder Bread-Hostess thrift shop to buy all sorts of goodies.
TONY - Jerk personified. Seriously, he was a complete asshole. I’ve never felt so insignificant in my life. He had this way of looking at you, and I’ve never wanted to burrow so far underground before. I have no idea what my mom was thinking when she dated him. He is, and always will be, one of the least liked people in my life. Luckily, his relationship with my mom was short lived.
GEORGE - Nice guy. There wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for my sister and me. For my mom. When our house got broken into, every tiny noise set my mom on edge. She made my sister and me sleep with her, and kept a knife beneath her pillow. I can’t even begin to count the number of times George drove half an hour across town at two in the morning to do a sweep of our house, baseball bat in hand. Unfortunately, I was going through an awkward stage during the time he was around (read: I was becoming a “teenager”), and didn’t realize how wonderful he actually was until years after he and my mom broke up.
ERIC - My first kiss. I was ten. It was on the back of a school bus during a game of Truth-or-Dare. I remember being terrified. My lips were chapped, and at our age a peck on the lips was kind of a big deal. Two year later he asked me to be his “girlfriend.” I said no.
JOHN - My first open-mouthed kiss. I was freshly twelve years old. Dear lord. He came at me with his mouth open and his eyes shut tight. His teeth knocked mine so hard I felt my brain rattle loose, and it was awful.
EDWARD - Five years. Jesus. I don’t dislike a lot of people. In fact, the list of people I don’t like is relatively short. Surprisingly short. But, I can say with unwavering certainty that I absolutely hate Ed. The day my mom broke things off with him was, quite possibly, one of the best days of my life.
SSSG (SUPER SEXY SEX GOD) - I went through this phase when I was fourteen-fifteen, where I listened to a lot of metal and industrial music. SSSG was sex personified for me. Good grief. He was gothic and a senior, of course, and I used to imagine running into him in an empty hallway. Now, I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Black lipstick no longer has the same hold on me as it once did. I never did find out his real name.
CORY - Sophomore year Biology. I remember feeling like a newly born calf around him, knobby kneed and unstable. He had black hair, pale skin, and green eyes. And he was gorgeous in a way no other boy was, or could possibly be. He is the reason I began listening to Punk music. Every smile I was able to draw forth made me feel on top of the world. Nothing ever came of my crush on Cory. He spent all of high school in a relationship with a girl two years his senior. Se dumped him on our graduation day. Oh, to be young. When I see Corey now, he still has the ability to make my knees go all wobbly.
VINCENT - My best friend. He knows practically everything about me. I love him more than he will ever know.
NATHAN - My first “real” boyfriend. My first of a lot of things. When I run into him around town I still get all flustered and tongue-tied. It’s pathetic. The bits and pieces of him I have, well, I’m keeping those to myself because I‘m selfish like that.
JAMES - I walked into my English class my first semester of college, and promptly felt like throwing up. Have you ever seen a guy so gorgeous it makes your whole body sick? Your stomach goes haywire, your blood pumps fast, everything aches, and you just want to collapse? Yeah, that was James. I never spoke a word to him. But…Oh. Seriously, I believe fully that he is the reason I failed the class.
CHO - My first blind date. My first one-night stand. My first walk of shame. Never again.
GEROGE - After years apart, George and my mom are back together. And it’s working, and she’s happy, and I love them both. If ever I end up with someone for the rest of my life, I want him to be as kind as George.
ETHAN - Vincent’s old roommate. A pothead, basically. I ran into him at Barnes & Nobles on Sunday night. I was in a bad mood, and he took me out for ice cream. Then we went to his new apartment. We painted with some old watercolors from back when Ethan was taking art classes at the local community college. We geeked out over the new Harry Potter movie and hung out pictures on the fridge with alphabet magnets. Around four in the morning on Monday, we sat on the couch and watched CNN until I had to go to work. I borrowed a button up from him while he made me coffee. Then he kind of stroked the palm of my hand right before I left. It was nice.
PAUL - I don’t know my dad. He never showed up for my second birthday. After that, he just never came back to my mom and me. And when I say I don’t know him, I mean I have no relationship with him. I know who he is. It’s hard to miss him when we live in the same city. And he lives just down the street from my grandma’s house, so I’ve seen him about more than once. He makes no claim to me. Him, and his whole family, have chosen to ignore my existence. My would-be grandparents never even paid attention to me when my mom would take me to their house when I was a baby, so I suppose I’m not missing out on much. And it’s not as if people around don’t know I’m his. I get it all the time, those long stares and a surprised ‘Wow, you look just like Paul.’
ANTONIO - My sister’s dad introduced me as his daughter to all the people we met. He seemed to realize that my sister and I were a package deal, and he and his family were quick to embrace me. With him came grandparents and great-grandparents, cousins and aunts and uncles. It was with my new family that I discovered my love of camping and road trips. His parents took my sister and me everywhere. And when he got arrested on my sister’s sixth birthday, and subsequently thrown into prison with a life sentence, his family still held onto my sister and me. Even without Antonio there as a buffer, they still accepted me as one of their own.
ADAM - My mom and Antonio did not stay together after my sister’s birth. Instead, my mom moved into a new relationship with Adam. I remember being seven, wedged into the backseat of his lowrider with my sister, while he fiddled away with the hydraulic switches. What I recall most about Adam is the way he always wanted to please me and my sister. He bought us Squeeze-Its all the time, and often took my sister and me to the Wonder Bread-Hostess thrift shop to buy all sorts of goodies.
TONY - Jerk personified. Seriously, he was a complete asshole. I’ve never felt so insignificant in my life. He had this way of looking at you, and I’ve never wanted to burrow so far underground before. I have no idea what my mom was thinking when she dated him. He is, and always will be, one of the least liked people in my life. Luckily, his relationship with my mom was short lived.
GEORGE - Nice guy. There wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for my sister and me. For my mom. When our house got broken into, every tiny noise set my mom on edge. She made my sister and me sleep with her, and kept a knife beneath her pillow. I can’t even begin to count the number of times George drove half an hour across town at two in the morning to do a sweep of our house, baseball bat in hand. Unfortunately, I was going through an awkward stage during the time he was around (read: I was becoming a “teenager”), and didn’t realize how wonderful he actually was until years after he and my mom broke up.
ERIC - My first kiss. I was ten. It was on the back of a school bus during a game of Truth-or-Dare. I remember being terrified. My lips were chapped, and at our age a peck on the lips was kind of a big deal. Two year later he asked me to be his “girlfriend.” I said no.
JOHN - My first open-mouthed kiss. I was freshly twelve years old. Dear lord. He came at me with his mouth open and his eyes shut tight. His teeth knocked mine so hard I felt my brain rattle loose, and it was awful.
EDWARD - Five years. Jesus. I don’t dislike a lot of people. In fact, the list of people I don’t like is relatively short. Surprisingly short. But, I can say with unwavering certainty that I absolutely hate Ed. The day my mom broke things off with him was, quite possibly, one of the best days of my life.
SSSG (SUPER SEXY SEX GOD) - I went through this phase when I was fourteen-fifteen, where I listened to a lot of metal and industrial music. SSSG was sex personified for me. Good grief. He was gothic and a senior, of course, and I used to imagine running into him in an empty hallway. Now, I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Black lipstick no longer has the same hold on me as it once did. I never did find out his real name.
CORY - Sophomore year Biology. I remember feeling like a newly born calf around him, knobby kneed and unstable. He had black hair, pale skin, and green eyes. And he was gorgeous in a way no other boy was, or could possibly be. He is the reason I began listening to Punk music. Every smile I was able to draw forth made me feel on top of the world. Nothing ever came of my crush on Cory. He spent all of high school in a relationship with a girl two years his senior. Se dumped him on our graduation day. Oh, to be young. When I see Corey now, he still has the ability to make my knees go all wobbly.
VINCENT - My best friend. He knows practically everything about me. I love him more than he will ever know.
NATHAN - My first “real” boyfriend. My first of a lot of things. When I run into him around town I still get all flustered and tongue-tied. It’s pathetic. The bits and pieces of him I have, well, I’m keeping those to myself because I‘m selfish like that.
JAMES - I walked into my English class my first semester of college, and promptly felt like throwing up. Have you ever seen a guy so gorgeous it makes your whole body sick? Your stomach goes haywire, your blood pumps fast, everything aches, and you just want to collapse? Yeah, that was James. I never spoke a word to him. But…Oh. Seriously, I believe fully that he is the reason I failed the class.
CHO - My first blind date. My first one-night stand. My first walk of shame. Never again.
GEROGE - After years apart, George and my mom are back together. And it’s working, and she’s happy, and I love them both. If ever I end up with someone for the rest of my life, I want him to be as kind as George.
ETHAN - Vincent’s old roommate. A pothead, basically. I ran into him at Barnes & Nobles on Sunday night. I was in a bad mood, and he took me out for ice cream. Then we went to his new apartment. We painted with some old watercolors from back when Ethan was taking art classes at the local community college. We geeked out over the new Harry Potter movie and hung out pictures on the fridge with alphabet magnets. Around four in the morning on Monday, we sat on the couch and watched CNN until I had to go to work. I borrowed a button up from him while he made me coffee. Then he kind of stroked the palm of my hand right before I left. It was nice.