Tales of Interest!!
And now for a few TALES OF INTEREST! from 11/18/05
At City Club, standing on the stage, being all awesome by choosing not to dance to the onsalught of crap music that filters through the airwaves when all of a sudden, while scanning the club I make eye contact with a troll for 1/1 millionth of a second. Now, I know this is a mistake because the moment I see her, her beady little eyes start glowing red and a smile stretches from one drunken old timey ear to the other.
She approaches, and I pray for an indoor lightning bolt. My prayes go unanswered yet again and this is the conversation we have:
Drunky Mcgross: Heyhi
Me: THE FUCK?!?
Drunky Mcgross: I whas just, just I saw you and
Me: What's that Slick?
Drunky Mcgross: I just whanted to *insert cartoon hiccup* say you're attractive and...
Me: THANKS!
Cue me turning away to avoid any more embarassing dialogue that would have more than likely resulted in me screaming for an adult.
Ladies, here's some guidelines you need to adhere to before talking to me:
1. Etienne has a girlfried. If you don't understand what this means, skip talking to me to begin with.
2. Under the Act of the Duchess of Eva created circa 1998, chances are if you aren't being introduced through some type of intermediary person such as Eva, I don't want to talk to you.
3. If you makes hobos throw-up as you walk by them, what do you think is going to happen when my sober non-cracked out eyes see you?
Moving on to ANOTHER TALE OF INTEREST!!!!!!
At about 2 O'clock there was a good old fashioned Master Series DORKOFF at City Club. Oooooh who would win, would it be annoying idiot with the blue glowstick light pieces of crap, or would it be his arch-nemesis... Annoying moron with red glowstick pieces of trash. Watch in wonder as their drunken feeble hands make a piss poor attempt to immitate the worst raver in the world.
Seriously kids, glowstuff draws attention to you. You know why? BECAUSE IT FUCKING GLOWS! So if you have some type of cerebral palsay and/or suffer from a condition known as "no rhythm white man syndrom" and can't for the life of you manage to do a single interesting thing with those glowing enemas... then please, please please please leave them at home.
Because as much as I want no... NEED to see who is the reigning champ in the Glowing Asshole Olympics, you know, maybe I really don't because you're a fucking douchebag tool. Maybe instead of playing with glowsticks you could kill yourself. Give it a shot! Hahaha, give it a shot, I am so clever.
CARE FOR ANOTHER.... TALE OF INTEREST!!!???!!!
Apparently everyone on Earth except for me absolutely loved Carrie's new blonde hair. And while I still love Carrie for being Carrie, this proves one thing about everyone else on Earth. You're all fucking dumb. Maybe if it were like a super bleached blonde mohawk or something with mechanical bees than guard the top spikes... that would be something. But strawberry blonde, to quote Patrick Bateman... well I don't remember what he says but I know he wasn't happy when he asked for a blonde and got more of a strawberry blonde.
I guess my point here is, do you guys like Huey Lewis?
ONE LAST TALE OF INTEREST BEFORE I LEAVE FOR WORK!!!
Eva... I want my innocence back. Hahaha.
SUPER FUN EXTRA BONUS ROUND EDIT!!!
Some of you may... wait no... some of you HAD BETTER be wondering what I listen to in my car on the way to City Club. Now, the majority of people will never get to experience driving with me due to the simple fact that you are a failure at all things life related. So, being that as it is... here is a list of the music played on the way to, and from City Club! BEHOLD ITS FURY!!!
Guns N Rose - November Rain (Eva and I sang our asses off to this song)
OMC - How Bizzarre (The perfect song to listen to while watching a wrecked Jeep that flipped over)
Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside a Broken Phonebooth with change in my right hand wondering where the fuck I'm supposed to find a working phonebooth at this hour and who thought it would be a funny joke to take a shit in the coinbox because that's really pretty gross people. (Such a good song)
TLC - Waterfalls (Hahahahahaha)
Shaggy - Boombastic (We be Jammin', Jammee Jamma Jammin', everybody Jammin, Jam all night)
En Vogue - My Lovin' (Whatever, En Vogue is awesome)
At City Club, standing on the stage, being all awesome by choosing not to dance to the onsalught of crap music that filters through the airwaves when all of a sudden, while scanning the club I make eye contact with a troll for 1/1 millionth of a second. Now, I know this is a mistake because the moment I see her, her beady little eyes start glowing red and a smile stretches from one drunken old timey ear to the other.
She approaches, and I pray for an indoor lightning bolt. My prayes go unanswered yet again and this is the conversation we have:
Drunky Mcgross: Heyhi
Me: THE FUCK?!?
Drunky Mcgross: I whas just, just I saw you and
Me: What's that Slick?
Drunky Mcgross: I just whanted to *insert cartoon hiccup* say you're attractive and...
Me: THANKS!
Cue me turning away to avoid any more embarassing dialogue that would have more than likely resulted in me screaming for an adult.
Ladies, here's some guidelines you need to adhere to before talking to me:
1. Etienne has a girlfried. If you don't understand what this means, skip talking to me to begin with.
2. Under the Act of the Duchess of Eva created circa 1998, chances are if you aren't being introduced through some type of intermediary person such as Eva, I don't want to talk to you.
3. If you makes hobos throw-up as you walk by them, what do you think is going to happen when my sober non-cracked out eyes see you?
Moving on to ANOTHER TALE OF INTEREST!!!!!!
At about 2 O'clock there was a good old fashioned Master Series DORKOFF at City Club. Oooooh who would win, would it be annoying idiot with the blue glowstick light pieces of crap, or would it be his arch-nemesis... Annoying moron with red glowstick pieces of trash. Watch in wonder as their drunken feeble hands make a piss poor attempt to immitate the worst raver in the world.
Seriously kids, glowstuff draws attention to you. You know why? BECAUSE IT FUCKING GLOWS! So if you have some type of cerebral palsay and/or suffer from a condition known as "no rhythm white man syndrom" and can't for the life of you manage to do a single interesting thing with those glowing enemas... then please, please please please leave them at home.
Because as much as I want no... NEED to see who is the reigning champ in the Glowing Asshole Olympics, you know, maybe I really don't because you're a fucking douchebag tool. Maybe instead of playing with glowsticks you could kill yourself. Give it a shot! Hahaha, give it a shot, I am so clever.
CARE FOR ANOTHER.... TALE OF INTEREST!!!???!!!
Apparently everyone on Earth except for me absolutely loved Carrie's new blonde hair. And while I still love Carrie for being Carrie, this proves one thing about everyone else on Earth. You're all fucking dumb. Maybe if it were like a super bleached blonde mohawk or something with mechanical bees than guard the top spikes... that would be something. But strawberry blonde, to quote Patrick Bateman... well I don't remember what he says but I know he wasn't happy when he asked for a blonde and got more of a strawberry blonde.
I guess my point here is, do you guys like Huey Lewis?
ONE LAST TALE OF INTEREST BEFORE I LEAVE FOR WORK!!!
Eva... I want my innocence back. Hahaha.
SUPER FUN EXTRA BONUS ROUND EDIT!!!
Some of you may... wait no... some of you HAD BETTER be wondering what I listen to in my car on the way to City Club. Now, the majority of people will never get to experience driving with me due to the simple fact that you are a failure at all things life related. So, being that as it is... here is a list of the music played on the way to, and from City Club! BEHOLD ITS FURY!!!
Guns N Rose - November Rain (Eva and I sang our asses off to this song)
OMC - How Bizzarre (The perfect song to listen to while watching a wrecked Jeep that flipped over)
Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside a Broken Phonebooth with change in my right hand wondering where the fuck I'm supposed to find a working phonebooth at this hour and who thought it would be a funny joke to take a shit in the coinbox because that's really pretty gross people. (Such a good song)
TLC - Waterfalls (Hahahahahaha)
Shaggy - Boombastic (We be Jammin', Jammee Jamma Jammin', everybody Jammin, Jam all night)
En Vogue - My Lovin' (Whatever, En Vogue is awesome)