Fic: Disenchanted
Title: Disenchanted
Author: the_huffster
Pairing: Nathan/Mag
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: After 'Seventeen'
Synopsis: A brief little scene between Nathan and Mag after Shilo blacks out at the end of 'Seventeen'
The only thing that was keeping Nathan from sitting by his daughter's side was guilt; guilt for having hit her and for causing her to black out. He had tried to sit in her room to be there when she woke up, but the faint handprint on her cheek ate at him until he had to leave. Running a hand through his hair, he walked downstairs with the intentions of rummaging through the kitchen for something to drink.
"Unbelievable," he muttered as his pale green eyes fell on the figure outside the front door.
Against his better judgment, Nathan stalked over to the door and threw it open. He didn't move out of the way or show any interest, just glared at the visitor.
"I thought I told you to leave, Mag."
"You should know by now I'm not that easy to get rid of," the singer forced her way pass the husband of her dead best friend, turning around to stare at him from the middle of the room. "Why did you lie to me about Shilo?"
"It doesn't matter, Mag. Now get out." He replied, walking towards the kitchen.
Nathan didn't care if he was being rude, he was beyond caring about his behavior. He didn't want to deal with the fallout of his wife's death and the lie he had told, among other things. But he would not allow himself to dwell on what those other things were, he hadn't allowed himself to dwell on those for years. He pulled out a glass from one of the cabinets and filled it with the alcohol he had resting on the counter.
"Drink often?" he gritted his teeth at the sound of Mag's voice. "Where's Shilo?"
"Sleeping." He knocked back half of the glass before turning around to look at Mag, a wave of conflicting emotions washing over him. "Leave,"
"Nathan…" she took a step towards him, stopping at the flash in his eyes. "What happened to you?"
"My wife died, that's what happened." His voice was rough as he finished the glass, turning around to refill it. "It was my fault…she was dying and I couldn't save her. Some doctor I turned out to be,"
"So locking yourself in this house, surrounded by her, is going to help you? Nate, this is ridiculous! Can you honestly say that Marni would want you to be miserable for the rest of your life? To take on the responsibility of raising Shilo with no help?"
"This isn't about what Marni would or wouldn't want for me," Nathan muttered, staring at the amber liquid before draining it. "It's about what I deserve."
He poured his third glass and that too was soon gone, automatically pouring his next glass. Maybe if he drank enough Mag would leave, because God knew Nathan couldn't handle being near her knowing he had been ordered to repossess her eyes. True he had walked out on the job, but that didn't mean the Repo Man in him didn't want to just rip those blue eyes out of her skull.
At the sudden rush of excitement at the mental image of her lying on his floor in a pool of blood, he finished his fourth glass. Just as he was about to refill the glass, a small hand grabbed his wrist and gently pulled him around to face Mag.
"Let me help you, Nathan." She pleaded as she took the bottle from his relaxed grip, putting it back on the counter behind him. "You and Marni made me her godmother for a reason,"
"I can't, Mag. I want to, but I can't." he was lowering his guard courtesy to the alcohol he had consumed. "I don't deserve it…"
"Why? What makes you so sure you have to do this on your own?"
"I had to tell you Shilo was dead…I had to make sure you wouldn't have a reason to come around, a reason I wouldn't see you again." He continued as if she had never spoke, his hand pushing back a lock of her hair. "It wouldn't be fair if I saw you after."
"What are you talking about, Nathan?" Mag asked as she placed her hand on his forearm, trying to offer as much comfort in that touch.
"I love Marni, and I always will. That's why it kills me inside to think about you, Mag. To acknowledge that somewhere during my marriage to Marni I fell in love with her best friend,"
He would blame it on the alcohol later. If Nathan hadn't drank, he never would have told her; he never would have pulled her towards him in a crushing kiss, nor would he have put so much passion into that kiss. As the kiss grew more heated, he prayed that Mag would push him away and slap him, telling him how much she hated him for what he had done. But when she returned the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck, he prayed that she would never leave his arms.
He easily picked her up and turned her so she was on the counter, making his intentions known with every touch and every kiss. They didn't have the sort of time to undress; Nathan wasn't sure when his daughter would wake up, and Mag needed to leave soon and prepare for that night's opera. He didn't want their first time to be a rushed encounter in his kitchen, but the way Mag was saying his name assured him it didn't exactly matter.
Nathan wanted to tell himself this was nothing more than a need for a comfort, a way to add to the reasons for hating himself. He wanted to be able to look back and say it was a mistake that meant nothing to him; nothing but comfort and way to relieve the sexual frustration that had built up inside him. Hell, he needed to be able to say that the way Mag called his name and the way he called hers was nothing.
But the kiss she gave him as they came down from their climax shattered whatever illusion Nathan had built. In the moments of their afterglow, he allowed himself admit how much he loved her. In between the sweet and gentle kisses, he pretended that they had a future together. He imaged her walking through the front door after her performance later that night and into his awaiting arms, imaged carrying her up to his bed (although in that reality, it was their bed) and showing her just how much he loved her.
"You don't have to be guilty, Nathan." Mag told him, resting her palm against his cheek. "You're allowed to be happy."
"But Marni was your best friend," he whispered as he held her to him.
"Which is how I know she would want you to be with whoever makes you happy."
They stayed like that for a few moments before Mag said she had to leave, mentioning one more stop she had to make before her last performance as Geneco's star. He walked her to the front door, forcing himself to let go of her hand once they were in the doorway.
"I love you," he kissed her again, putting everything he had in that kiss.
In his mind he went back to the reality where Mag would be coming home to him and celebrating her final opera, but on eth surface he dealt with the very real fact that he had acted too late.
"I love you too,"
With those words, he was tempted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her to run away with him, start a new life with him and Shilo far from Geneco. Instead, he just claimed her lips in a hungry, carnal kiss.
All too soon, Mag ended the kiss and made her way to the awaiting car. Nathan stood on the front porch and watched until the vehicle was out of sight, his heart pounding against his ribcage. He took a deep breath and pushed all his emotions back into whatever corner of his heart he kept them in, it would do him no good to let Shilo see him heartbroken.
He had to be strong for his daughter, just like always. He was all she had and Nathan couldn't afford to let her know that he was barely holding it together. Even though it pained him, Nathan forced himself to push away what happened with Mag as he climbed the stairs.
There was no future between them and he had to accept that.
Author: the_huffster
Pairing: Nathan/Mag
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: After 'Seventeen'
Synopsis: A brief little scene between Nathan and Mag after Shilo blacks out at the end of 'Seventeen'
The only thing that was keeping Nathan from sitting by his daughter's side was guilt; guilt for having hit her and for causing her to black out. He had tried to sit in her room to be there when she woke up, but the faint handprint on her cheek ate at him until he had to leave. Running a hand through his hair, he walked downstairs with the intentions of rummaging through the kitchen for something to drink.
"Unbelievable," he muttered as his pale green eyes fell on the figure outside the front door.
Against his better judgment, Nathan stalked over to the door and threw it open. He didn't move out of the way or show any interest, just glared at the visitor.
"I thought I told you to leave, Mag."
"You should know by now I'm not that easy to get rid of," the singer forced her way pass the husband of her dead best friend, turning around to stare at him from the middle of the room. "Why did you lie to me about Shilo?"
"It doesn't matter, Mag. Now get out." He replied, walking towards the kitchen.
Nathan didn't care if he was being rude, he was beyond caring about his behavior. He didn't want to deal with the fallout of his wife's death and the lie he had told, among other things. But he would not allow himself to dwell on what those other things were, he hadn't allowed himself to dwell on those for years. He pulled out a glass from one of the cabinets and filled it with the alcohol he had resting on the counter.
"Drink often?" he gritted his teeth at the sound of Mag's voice. "Where's Shilo?"
"Sleeping." He knocked back half of the glass before turning around to look at Mag, a wave of conflicting emotions washing over him. "Leave,"
"Nathan…" she took a step towards him, stopping at the flash in his eyes. "What happened to you?"
"My wife died, that's what happened." His voice was rough as he finished the glass, turning around to refill it. "It was my fault…she was dying and I couldn't save her. Some doctor I turned out to be,"
"So locking yourself in this house, surrounded by her, is going to help you? Nate, this is ridiculous! Can you honestly say that Marni would want you to be miserable for the rest of your life? To take on the responsibility of raising Shilo with no help?"
"This isn't about what Marni would or wouldn't want for me," Nathan muttered, staring at the amber liquid before draining it. "It's about what I deserve."
He poured his third glass and that too was soon gone, automatically pouring his next glass. Maybe if he drank enough Mag would leave, because God knew Nathan couldn't handle being near her knowing he had been ordered to repossess her eyes. True he had walked out on the job, but that didn't mean the Repo Man in him didn't want to just rip those blue eyes out of her skull.
At the sudden rush of excitement at the mental image of her lying on his floor in a pool of blood, he finished his fourth glass. Just as he was about to refill the glass, a small hand grabbed his wrist and gently pulled him around to face Mag.
"Let me help you, Nathan." She pleaded as she took the bottle from his relaxed grip, putting it back on the counter behind him. "You and Marni made me her godmother for a reason,"
"I can't, Mag. I want to, but I can't." he was lowering his guard courtesy to the alcohol he had consumed. "I don't deserve it…"
"Why? What makes you so sure you have to do this on your own?"
"I had to tell you Shilo was dead…I had to make sure you wouldn't have a reason to come around, a reason I wouldn't see you again." He continued as if she had never spoke, his hand pushing back a lock of her hair. "It wouldn't be fair if I saw you after."
"What are you talking about, Nathan?" Mag asked as she placed her hand on his forearm, trying to offer as much comfort in that touch.
"I love Marni, and I always will. That's why it kills me inside to think about you, Mag. To acknowledge that somewhere during my marriage to Marni I fell in love with her best friend,"
He would blame it on the alcohol later. If Nathan hadn't drank, he never would have told her; he never would have pulled her towards him in a crushing kiss, nor would he have put so much passion into that kiss. As the kiss grew more heated, he prayed that Mag would push him away and slap him, telling him how much she hated him for what he had done. But when she returned the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck, he prayed that she would never leave his arms.
He easily picked her up and turned her so she was on the counter, making his intentions known with every touch and every kiss. They didn't have the sort of time to undress; Nathan wasn't sure when his daughter would wake up, and Mag needed to leave soon and prepare for that night's opera. He didn't want their first time to be a rushed encounter in his kitchen, but the way Mag was saying his name assured him it didn't exactly matter.
Nathan wanted to tell himself this was nothing more than a need for a comfort, a way to add to the reasons for hating himself. He wanted to be able to look back and say it was a mistake that meant nothing to him; nothing but comfort and way to relieve the sexual frustration that had built up inside him. Hell, he needed to be able to say that the way Mag called his name and the way he called hers was nothing.
But the kiss she gave him as they came down from their climax shattered whatever illusion Nathan had built. In the moments of their afterglow, he allowed himself admit how much he loved her. In between the sweet and gentle kisses, he pretended that they had a future together. He imaged her walking through the front door after her performance later that night and into his awaiting arms, imaged carrying her up to his bed (although in that reality, it was their bed) and showing her just how much he loved her.
"You don't have to be guilty, Nathan." Mag told him, resting her palm against his cheek. "You're allowed to be happy."
"But Marni was your best friend," he whispered as he held her to him.
"Which is how I know she would want you to be with whoever makes you happy."
They stayed like that for a few moments before Mag said she had to leave, mentioning one more stop she had to make before her last performance as Geneco's star. He walked her to the front door, forcing himself to let go of her hand once they were in the doorway.
"I love you," he kissed her again, putting everything he had in that kiss.
In his mind he went back to the reality where Mag would be coming home to him and celebrating her final opera, but on eth surface he dealt with the very real fact that he had acted too late.
"I love you too,"
With those words, he was tempted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her to run away with him, start a new life with him and Shilo far from Geneco. Instead, he just claimed her lips in a hungry, carnal kiss.
All too soon, Mag ended the kiss and made her way to the awaiting car. Nathan stood on the front porch and watched until the vehicle was out of sight, his heart pounding against his ribcage. He took a deep breath and pushed all his emotions back into whatever corner of his heart he kept them in, it would do him no good to let Shilo see him heartbroken.
He had to be strong for his daughter, just like always. He was all she had and Nathan couldn't afford to let her know that he was barely holding it together. Even though it pained him, Nathan forced himself to push away what happened with Mag as he climbed the stairs.
There was no future between them and he had to accept that.