Sad Muurrr

[the_hollowness]

Do I feel the pressures of life coming down on me? I feel aggrivated like I could punt a small child or anything to make me laugh. I'm hating Crew because I don't want to be in charge, this is not what I want to do, I don't want to have total control I don't want to be the Go-To person. I don't want to have to organize things for people who "really want to" do something but don't help. Or say they are going to help then don't, and this I guess doesn't just go for Crew. I really love my friends who support Venturing and are part of this mess that i've created. I guess its not a mess, but it feels messy to me. I dont want to do anything involving Crew, I just want to finish motherfucking high school! I DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW IN LIFE BUT FINISH GODDAMN SCHOOL AND MOVE ON! I feel so much pressure right now, I hate it, I hate it I hate it and I don't hate many things. BAH i'm so whiney right now its even fucking annoying me! I'm not really happy with myself, I feel that I could be doing better. WHY can't I juggle everything? Why can't I make everything wooorrrrk!! Popcorn sales SUCK, I dont like selling things that I don't even like myself, i.e POPCORN. MEHHHH meh meh. I cant even fucking schedule an day for archery right. I procrastinate, and don't make phone calls like i'm supposed to. I feel like my drive is deteriorating, but  I know this feeling will pass. I need a job, I need money, I need a car, I need to move out of California, and I would like a man to be there for those moments like this where I want none of my problems to matter just for a few hours!

I will not break for I am strong.
I will not break for I am motivated.
I will not break for I am determined(?)
I will not break.

Honestly,
I don't feel like any of those things.