Warning! XTREME EMO AHEAD!
Okay "god." You win. I'm done.
I thought things were starting to look up for me. I really did. I went on a job interview, and they seemed very impressed by me. They were doing the whole, "Oh, WHEN you work here" shit, and today I find out they hired someone else.
I have a tiny handful of friends out here, who honestly, I wouldn't even miss if I were to move. I fooled around with my one friend, and now things are weird. I've fooled around with 2 guys since Jim died, and I'm not even sure why I did that. I just feel stupid about it. They BOTH have girlfriends, and I KNEW this, yet I still went along with it. And what is wrong with these men???
And messing around with other guys hasn't made me miss Jim any less. I kinda thought it would, but if anything, I miss him more. I'd do anything just to have even 5 minutes with him. I just miss him so much.
My friends from VCA have pretty much all moved away. Shannon, Sherri, and now Jen. WTF? I've met a couple of cool chicks from the dog park, but I wouldn't really call them "friends", at least not yet. I think I'm the youngest out of all of them, and I'm the only one not in a relationship.
Fuck it's hard being 25 and completely single.
None of my friends from NY have "real" jobs. In fact, I don't know ANYONE my age who likes what they are doing or who are even using their skills. Nothing is the way it should be.
And there's this side of me that just wants to say, "Fuck it", and stay in San Diego and surf and go to the beach and go back to smoking weed and just being selfish and high always. But I also have this real social conscience, and I miss being in a busy metropolitan like NYC. I want to do shit that will HELP people, help this world...it needs it.
So with all that said, here I am. Pharaoh is asleep on my arm as I'm typing this. I'm unemployed, I have no direction. My "past" likes are all tainted, as they just remind me of Jim and DC and the way life should have been.
Damn. It's harder than you think it will be losing someone who was so much a part of you. I find myself constantly reinventing myself day by day. I want to get away from who I was because who I was was also who Jim was. But I liked it there. And I'm just so lost and confused and sad and nostalgic.
I hate being emo...
I thought things were starting to look up for me. I really did. I went on a job interview, and they seemed very impressed by me. They were doing the whole, "Oh, WHEN you work here" shit, and today I find out they hired someone else.
I have a tiny handful of friends out here, who honestly, I wouldn't even miss if I were to move. I fooled around with my one friend, and now things are weird. I've fooled around with 2 guys since Jim died, and I'm not even sure why I did that. I just feel stupid about it. They BOTH have girlfriends, and I KNEW this, yet I still went along with it. And what is wrong with these men???
And messing around with other guys hasn't made me miss Jim any less. I kinda thought it would, but if anything, I miss him more. I'd do anything just to have even 5 minutes with him. I just miss him so much.
My friends from VCA have pretty much all moved away. Shannon, Sherri, and now Jen. WTF? I've met a couple of cool chicks from the dog park, but I wouldn't really call them "friends", at least not yet. I think I'm the youngest out of all of them, and I'm the only one not in a relationship.
Fuck it's hard being 25 and completely single.
None of my friends from NY have "real" jobs. In fact, I don't know ANYONE my age who likes what they are doing or who are even using their skills. Nothing is the way it should be.
And there's this side of me that just wants to say, "Fuck it", and stay in San Diego and surf and go to the beach and go back to smoking weed and just being selfish and high always. But I also have this real social conscience, and I miss being in a busy metropolitan like NYC. I want to do shit that will HELP people, help this world...it needs it.
So with all that said, here I am. Pharaoh is asleep on my arm as I'm typing this. I'm unemployed, I have no direction. My "past" likes are all tainted, as they just remind me of Jim and DC and the way life should have been.
Damn. It's harder than you think it will be losing someone who was so much a part of you. I find myself constantly reinventing myself day by day. I want to get away from who I was because who I was was also who Jim was. But I liked it there. And I'm just so lost and confused and sad and nostalgic.
I hate being emo...