Do Not Adjust Your Computer.
Dear You,
Yo what's up? How has your day been? Good I hope. Ok so you might be wondering where all my journal entries went. Or you might just assume I deleted them all. Well I did. Why? I don't know. I just did. I have all those memories in my head and I don't think I need to read them to remember them. I know you all are probably burnt out on reading about my CF (cystic fibrosis) problems, but here is another entry dedicated to it. Well mostly dedicated to it. You can skip over those parts if you please. So today I went to the Cystic Fibrosis Family Education Conference in Orange. I'll admit I DID NOT want to go at first. I'm glad I did though. The first couple hours were a little boring. It was all medical stuff I didn't understand. Well I mean I understood it, but I felt like I was in a biology classroom taking notes and stuff. It wasn't till the last couple hours where the whole atmosphere really hit me and sunk in. For the first time I went to the Adult Panel. Where adults with the disease talk about their experiences in life. These people think exactly like me. It was scary how Right on they were with how I was/ am feeling. For example, One of the guys addressed the topic about how Teens will get discouraged about school and other things because they don't feel they will have a long life. They don't worry about college or anything. Then when they get to that point, they don't know what to do with themselves. Uhhhhh (pointing to self). So they went on about how they got through college FOR FREE. Dammit I wish I knew about this. Apparently I can get Free college and books and even rent. Well at least I know now and not after I finish school. They were very inspirational motivating. I'm really glad I got to meet them. I dont know anyone with my disease so I can't relate to people like that. The one I did know died. My friends are Awesome. They try to understand as much as they can. And that let's me know they care enough about me to know what is going on in my life. That's another issue we talked about. Friends. I grew up with this disease so I am used to it. Well, I'm used to the concept of it. My friends however aren't. I never share my disease up front because, well I don't know why. I think it's because I want people to get to know me before they label me as a sick charity case. They can do that later. Haha. I really don't know what my friends think of it. Me being sick that is. I've never asked. I am too embarrassed to ask. It seems like an awkward subject to talk about. But I would like to know a little bit. I would like to answer questions that they might be embarrassed to ask. But I wonder sometimes. I don't know if it's hard for them to understand. Or if it hurts them to see me sick at home with an I.V. in my arm. I hope it doesn't. I really hope it doesn't. Because I would feel bad. Like I am making them worry about me on top of everything they have to worry about now. I'm sure it's not like that, but it's hard to convince my mind otherwise. You guys know that. Then again I suppose feeling a little worried is better than not giving a crap at all. Well either way, I'm not asking for attention. I hope that's not how that came out. Wasn't supposed to be like that. I also realized how lucky I am. There were kids there that their Lung Function was about 30% and they were waiting for a transplant. Mine is still about 70-75% which is really good. I think I take my health for granted a lot. No I don't think, I KNOW I do. I need to change that. And I will. As much as I don't like the thought of it, I need to start exercising and stuff. Who wants to come? We can lift weights and run! Yeahhhhh! Well I know I need to do this because I learned that inactivity in this disease leads to Osteoporosis and what not. So that would be terrible. I am not going to be 23 with a broken Hip and cane. No sir. Ok so I think I am done boring you guys about this =). If you did read this though, thank you. I'm glad you take interest in my life. Chances are I take great interest in Your's too. If you're willing to share, I am definitely ready to listen.
With Love,
Kevin.