dazed and confused
I am numb. I've come to that conclusion. Something has been bothering me lately. I'm not sad or depressed but I'm not happy either. I'm just numb. It's like I'm in a complete daze. I perform the same tasks everyday. I don't know. It's like I can just stare at a wall all day and be perfectly content. I am making mistakes with school and get worried about it, but after an hour it doesn't even bother me. It's not like last year where I was so stressed and freaking out all the time. This year is different. I'm never here and I don't do anything. I try to think of what I do but nothing comes to mind. I feel like I lost everything, but I don't have anything to even lose. I don' know what I want or what I want to be. Here am I sitting here updating when I should be studying for my midterm that is in 2 hours. Instead I'm updating to the three people who read this and telling them I feel numb. I feel absolutley nothing. I could care less about anything going on. I'm tired of hearing all the same stories. The classes are getting old and repetitive. Maybe I need more involvement. What do I even like to start getting involved with? Exactly. I don't know. I know I've changed since last year. I still take shit from people, but I'm slowly starting to not care and stick up. Why should people walk all over me? What benefit do I get being people's bitch? None. I am assuming I'm just stuck in a rut. I haven't been home yet but I can't face that place. I have nothing up there for me anymore. I don't have that many friends up there or at least hang out with those people anymore. I don't want to sit at my house and be forced to think of everything I used to do either. I care, but I don't. I feel like I can sleep all the time. All I want to do is lay around all day. I'm perfectly fine with that. What do I want? I want to be able to feel something again. I want to know that I'm still there.