if i could just reverse time
I genuinely wish I could say that I had any kind of motivation at all to do anything. But I don't. Sorry I am being a really shitty friend right now. I am too lazy to be on the Internet and too annoyed to do anything else remotely productive.
Hawai'i was great. Really nice, except for the part where I had to spend the whole time with my family. I am tired of being with my family. It was nice, because my mother is from Honolulu so we had a lot to see and it was fun to have her narrate the whole trip (her elementary school is now closed, apparently, for example), but I am sick of spending all my time with my family.
Boston and New York were pretty awesome. Right now I'm kind of pissy, so all I can think about is how annoyed I am over the room arrangements. It's no one's fault, but I really think if you're going to stick a girl in a room with 3 guys, the least you could do is get her a rollaway bed. I didn't do anything during the con, mostly because I was working, but also because I was sick and needed the rest. I watched a lot of TV, kept the room cool, read, and generally relaxed when I wasn't working.
New York was... kind of a mess, ngl. I loved hanging out with my cousin, but the next time I do that I'm definitely just getting a hotel room in the city. Commuting to and from Long Island just got long, tiring, and felt expensive. I seriously felt like we were devoting hours just to making sure we got places on time with the trains and shuttles. But I got to hang out with cool people. I will definitely have to work on figuring out what to do in New York.
Mostly I'm pissy now because I don't have nice things. I wanted to give myself a year - just a freaking year - to enjoy being out of school and basically do nothing. My year is coming up, but I really don't want to do anything before the year is up. But I'm starting to get really annoyed with my parents and an unresponsive job market. Seriously, would it kill you to RESPOND to a job application? It was actually really considerate of the non-profit I applied and interviewed at to send me an official letter of decline.
I desperately need my own apartment (or one with a roommate, you know what I mean) but I haven't worked on budgeting for it, my bills, expenses, and my loan payments because I didn't plan to. And, frankly, still don't. I'm getting pissy because I am getting to a point where I feel like I have to make that choice between what I want to do and what is responsible for me to do, and I want to scream and swear and punch things because I can't have what I want.
Also I want a nice boyfriend. To go with my nice apartment. He doesn't have to be rich, or a future Nobel Prize winner, or even that good looking. Just nice. Seriously. What the fuck. It's not that hard. There are tons of guys in the world. I'm nice. I'm smart. I have advanced degrees. I could have more if I wanted. I'm good with people. I'm cute (ish). I have a ton of interests. I have opinions. I like food.
But somehow the best I can come up with is, as always, someone I would give a limb to be with but who himself has the luxury of others giving their limbs. And, of course, I'm just not quite good enough for him. (I'm summarizing and editorializing. I love him but I hate our relationship and I'm tired of pretending I don't because I don't want to hurt his feelings.)
Pomona should have spent more time preparing me for dating and less time making me feel like shit. At least it prepared me to be alone.
Check with me in a month. Maybe I'll be less angry then.
Hawai'i was great. Really nice, except for the part where I had to spend the whole time with my family. I am tired of being with my family. It was nice, because my mother is from Honolulu so we had a lot to see and it was fun to have her narrate the whole trip (her elementary school is now closed, apparently, for example), but I am sick of spending all my time with my family.
Boston and New York were pretty awesome. Right now I'm kind of pissy, so all I can think about is how annoyed I am over the room arrangements. It's no one's fault, but I really think if you're going to stick a girl in a room with 3 guys, the least you could do is get her a rollaway bed. I didn't do anything during the con, mostly because I was working, but also because I was sick and needed the rest. I watched a lot of TV, kept the room cool, read, and generally relaxed when I wasn't working.
New York was... kind of a mess, ngl. I loved hanging out with my cousin, but the next time I do that I'm definitely just getting a hotel room in the city. Commuting to and from Long Island just got long, tiring, and felt expensive. I seriously felt like we were devoting hours just to making sure we got places on time with the trains and shuttles. But I got to hang out with cool people. I will definitely have to work on figuring out what to do in New York.
Mostly I'm pissy now because I don't have nice things. I wanted to give myself a year - just a freaking year - to enjoy being out of school and basically do nothing. My year is coming up, but I really don't want to do anything before the year is up. But I'm starting to get really annoyed with my parents and an unresponsive job market. Seriously, would it kill you to RESPOND to a job application? It was actually really considerate of the non-profit I applied and interviewed at to send me an official letter of decline.
I desperately need my own apartment (or one with a roommate, you know what I mean) but I haven't worked on budgeting for it, my bills, expenses, and my loan payments because I didn't plan to. And, frankly, still don't. I'm getting pissy because I am getting to a point where I feel like I have to make that choice between what I want to do and what is responsible for me to do, and I want to scream and swear and punch things because I can't have what I want.
Also I want a nice boyfriend. To go with my nice apartment. He doesn't have to be rich, or a future Nobel Prize winner, or even that good looking. Just nice. Seriously. What the fuck. It's not that hard. There are tons of guys in the world. I'm nice. I'm smart. I have advanced degrees. I could have more if I wanted. I'm good with people. I'm cute (ish). I have a ton of interests. I have opinions. I like food.
But somehow the best I can come up with is, as always, someone I would give a limb to be with but who himself has the luxury of others giving their limbs. And, of course, I'm just not quite good enough for him. (I'm summarizing and editorializing. I love him but I hate our relationship and I'm tired of pretending I don't because I don't want to hurt his feelings.)
Pomona should have spent more time preparing me for dating and less time making me feel like shit. At least it prepared me to be alone.
Check with me in a month. Maybe I'll be less angry then.