Bleh...
Well, it's 6:00 a.m., I've been awake sense I woke up after my ear was hurting at 2:00 a.m., and I feel lackluster as a whole.
I feel extremely awkward and depressed out of nowhere, and I can't sleep because I feel so low.
Christmas was disappointing. It was rough watching everyone else opening things they really wanted, because Mom couldn't actually find a Wii for me, so my gift was an I.O.U. I'm not mad at my mom, and I'm more than grateful for letting me have one, but it was hard getting gifts that were completely impersonal and virtually thoughtless because my mom was so wrapped up in making it a perfect Christmas for herself. I even wrapped some of my own gifts on Christmas eve. My dad sent me a gift bag with money, toothpicks, 2 flashlights, and a colorful rock. What the hell are they thinking? The Catch-22 here is that I feel really ungrateful and selfish, but I feel like my gifts were found in the wal-mart bargain bin and they were picked out blindfolded. Another weird slap in the face is getting Twilight Princess for the Wii, and not being able to play it yet. But, I am excited about getting one in the near future. I only wish the actual Christmas experience was like it used to be - VERY thoughtful and planned.
I'm also sick of people I don't want to see. I've spent countless hours cooking, cleaning, and attending parties/get-togethers throughout my break and I just wanted something simple. I feel like this is my break from college, because I missed the relaxing home environment because my roommate doesn't make it easy to settle. But I feel so obligated to cater to others, and I want it to end. I miss seeing the people I want to see, and I'm exhausted with friends of the family who annoy the hell out of me.
My next adventure is picking up my brother from Atlanta on the 30th. As much an idiot as he is, I missed him, so it will be good to see him. I plan on making it down to the aquarium, if anyone is interested in joining me. I hear they have whales, and little excites me more than seeing live whales. Maybe penquins at the zoo, but that's it in terms of animal life.
I just want to be able to come home, but not deal with my family. They are too high maintenance, and I miss just seeing my close friends. So, today, after I wake up problem around 2 in the afternoon if I ever go to sleep, I'm going to just go out. Maggie, John Allen, Romana, Lindsay - I haven't seen you guys in a long time, and I've missed you. I'm sorry if I haven't been a good friend, but I just want to see you guys.
And I'm sorry for rambling and moaning, but I feel like a douche.
Maybe now, that all that's out, I can get some sleep. I just need to convince myself that I'm not ungrateful, just hurt by my family.
I think I beat myself up too much.
K
I feel extremely awkward and depressed out of nowhere, and I can't sleep because I feel so low.
Christmas was disappointing. It was rough watching everyone else opening things they really wanted, because Mom couldn't actually find a Wii for me, so my gift was an I.O.U. I'm not mad at my mom, and I'm more than grateful for letting me have one, but it was hard getting gifts that were completely impersonal and virtually thoughtless because my mom was so wrapped up in making it a perfect Christmas for herself. I even wrapped some of my own gifts on Christmas eve. My dad sent me a gift bag with money, toothpicks, 2 flashlights, and a colorful rock. What the hell are they thinking? The Catch-22 here is that I feel really ungrateful and selfish, but I feel like my gifts were found in the wal-mart bargain bin and they were picked out blindfolded. Another weird slap in the face is getting Twilight Princess for the Wii, and not being able to play it yet. But, I am excited about getting one in the near future. I only wish the actual Christmas experience was like it used to be - VERY thoughtful and planned.
I'm also sick of people I don't want to see. I've spent countless hours cooking, cleaning, and attending parties/get-togethers throughout my break and I just wanted something simple. I feel like this is my break from college, because I missed the relaxing home environment because my roommate doesn't make it easy to settle. But I feel so obligated to cater to others, and I want it to end. I miss seeing the people I want to see, and I'm exhausted with friends of the family who annoy the hell out of me.
My next adventure is picking up my brother from Atlanta on the 30th. As much an idiot as he is, I missed him, so it will be good to see him. I plan on making it down to the aquarium, if anyone is interested in joining me. I hear they have whales, and little excites me more than seeing live whales. Maybe penquins at the zoo, but that's it in terms of animal life.
I just want to be able to come home, but not deal with my family. They are too high maintenance, and I miss just seeing my close friends. So, today, after I wake up problem around 2 in the afternoon if I ever go to sleep, I'm going to just go out. Maggie, John Allen, Romana, Lindsay - I haven't seen you guys in a long time, and I've missed you. I'm sorry if I haven't been a good friend, but I just want to see you guys.
And I'm sorry for rambling and moaning, but I feel like a douche.
Maybe now, that all that's out, I can get some sleep. I just need to convince myself that I'm not ungrateful, just hurt by my family.
I think I beat myself up too much.
K