(no subject)
I found this to be hilarous. Courtesy The Internet Oracle.
http://cgi.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/index.cgi
--- 1427-08 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "J. Avedon"
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
>oh great and cheesy oracle...
>
>cheese is a favourite of mine, and I like it on potatoes.
>
>Could you please give me a simple Potatoes Au Gratin recipe?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} I'm glad you asked! I don't often get to tell people this, but I really
} enjoy cooking. In my temple, I have priests and other volunteers that
} take care of almost every chore - but I usually do the cooking myself,
} especially if we're having steak and potatoes. Au Gratin Potatoes is
} one of my favorite side dishes, and I've even been known to add some
} beef and turn it into a main course! That recipe doesn't have a name,
} though.
}
} But I digress. You wanted a recipe, and you shall have one! There are
} literally millions of different recipes for Potatoes Au Gratin. That's
} because "au gratin" is more-or-less French for "with cheese." So any
} recipe that combines potatoes with cheese can be-
}
} } I knew that. But do you have a simple recipe?
}
} *Sigh.* Yes, of course; you don't want the history, just a recipe.
} Okay. Here's one of my favorites:
}
} Cheesy Potatoes Au Gratin
} -------------------------
} The ingredients are:
} 1 pound of Idaho Potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced.
} (that's about 2 very large potatoes)
} 4 ounces of Cheddar Cheese (grated or shredded)
} 3/4 cup Heavy Cream
} Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder, and Onion Powder to taste
} First, preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
} Lightly grease a medium gratin dish with butter.
} Cover the bottom of the pan with an overlapping layer of potatoes.
} Lightly season with the salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder,
} and top it with a sprinkling (about 2 tablespoons) of cheese. Then make
} another layer of potatoes, seasoning and cheese, and then another,
} until you've used all of the potatoes; be sure to keep some cheese for
} the top layer.
} Now pour the cream over the potatoes; press lightly with your hands to
} cover the potatoes with cream.
} Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake until the cheese is absorbed
} into the potatoes and the potatoes are tender when pierced with a knife
} (this takes about 50 minutes).
} Remove the foil and bake about 10 more minutes, until the mixture is
} bubbly and the top is golden brown.
} Remove from the oven and let it rest at least 10 minutes before
} serving.
}
} } Wow.
}
} Sounds great, huh?
}
} } Um... it's probably delicious, but...
}
} But?
}
} } I wanted a SIMPLE recipe.
}
} What's so complicated? The layers?
}
} } I guess so.
}
} Okay, okay. Don't worry; I have others. Let me think... Ah! I have
} another fine recipe.
}
} Recipe #2: Potatoes Gratin
} --------------------------
} 3 1/4-pound Potatoes
} 1/3 cup Gruyere Cheese, shredded
} 3 cups Chicken Broth, or Vegetable Broth
} 1/2 teaspoon Ground Nutmeg
} 1/2 teaspoon Freshly Ground Black Pepper
} First, preheat your oven to 425 degrees.
} Peel potatoes and cut into 1/8" slices.
} Put the potatoes into a casserole and shake to settle potatoes down.
} Mix broth and spices and pour over potatoes.
} Bake until potatoes are very tender (1 to 1 1/2 hours).
} As potatoes get dry on top, tilt casserole and baste with broth.
} Sprinkle potatoes evenly with cheese and bake until cheese melts.
} Let casserole sit 5 to 10 minutes to allow juice to soak into potatoes.
}
} } Oh my.
}
} Better, huh? No layers.
}
} } Yeah, but...
}
} What's wrong now?
}
} } It still seems like a lot of work... you have to keep basting it!
}
} Not simple enough, huh?
}
} } Have you got something even simpler?
}
} Sure I do. In most of my potato recipes, once you start baking you
} don't have to do anything until it's almost done. Here's another fine
} recipe:
}
} Recipe #3: Au Gratin Potatoes
} -----------------------------
} 5 cups (about 5 medium) peeled, sliced, raw potatoes
} 1 cup shredded cheddar
} 1/2 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
} 1/4 cup butter or margarine
} 1/4 cup flour
} 1/2 tsp. salt
} 2 cups milk
} 1/4 cup dry bread crumbs
} 1 Tbs. melted butter or margarine
} First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
} In a medium saucepan, melt margarine, stir in flour and salt.
} Add milk and cook until mixture boils and thickens, stirring
} constantly. Stir in cheeses and potatoes.
} Pour into a 2 qt casserole or individual casserole dishes.
} Combine bread crumbs and melted margarine/butter, sprinkle over
} potatoes.
} Bake covered for 1 to 1 1/2 hours or until bubbly and potatoes tender.
} Garnish with chopped chives if desired.
}
} } But it's still a lot of work!
}
} Which part - adding the chopped chives? You can skip that step.
}
} } No, not that... just... well, you have to cook the sauce first, and
} } then there's still more cooking.
}
} So you'd prefer to have only one step that involves heating anything
} up?
}
} } Yeah. Do you have anything like that?
}
} Of course I do. Like I say, there are millions of different recipes -
} and since I'm omniscient, I know them all. Here's one that's not as
} tasty, but it's very simple to make:
}
} Recipe #4: Parmesan Potato Gratin
} ---------------------------------
} 4 large russet potatoes peeled and thinly sliced
} 6 tablespoons freshly grated parmesan cheese
} 1 teaspoon salt
} 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
} 1 large clove garlic finely chopped
} 1-1/2 cups chicken stock
} Preheat oven to 400.
} Lightly grease oval gratin dish and arrange a layer of potatoes on
} bottom.
} Sprinkle with salt, pepper, 1/3 garlic and 2 tablespoons cheese.
} Repeat twice more and pour over stock.
} Bake until potatoes are tender, about 45 minutes.
}
} } It seems like in every one of these recipes you have to slice
} } potatoes!
}
} Well, yeah. These recipes are for POTATOES Au Gratin, right?
}
} } But I remember when my mom used to make them, the potatoes were
} } already... um...
}
} Some of my recipes use pre-packaged hash browns, instead of fresh
} potatoes.
}
} } Yeah! That's a good idea.
}
} Okay, here's one you might like.
}
} Recipe #5: Potato Au Gratin
} ---------------------------
} 1 pkg of hash browns
} 2 cups grated cheddar cheese
} 1/2 cup margarine
} 1 can cream of chicken soup, undiluted
} 2 cups sour cream
} 2 tbsp onion or onion flakes
} 1 tsp pepper
} Preheat oven to 350.
} Melt margarine in a bowl in the microwave.
} Remove and add soup and sour cream and blend well.
} Stir in onion, pepper and cheese.
} Fold in hash browns until well mixed.
} Put in greased 9 x 13 baking dish and bake for 1 hour.
} Make sure hash browns are cooked in center.
} Can be made ahead and frozen.
}
} } An hour?
}
} Yes...
}
} } Have you got anything that cooks quicker?
}
} Why don't you ask your mom for her recipe?
}
} } She thinks I can't make potatoes without her help. I want to prove
} } something to her.
}
} Okay, fine. Here's one that cooks in 35 to 40 minutes:
}
} Recipe #6: Au Gratin Taters
} ---------------------------
} 2 pounds frozen hash browns - partially thawed
} 4 oz. cheddar cheese
} 2 sticks of butter (1/2 pound)
} 2 cups-
}
} } Wait a minute. 40 minutes? Haven't you got anything that cooks in
} } 20 minutes or less?
}
} *Sigh.* Of course I do. Okay, here we go.
}
} Recipe #7: Au Gratin Potatoes
} -----------------------------
} 4 cups peeled and thinly sliced potatoes
} 1 cup-
}
} } "Thinly sliced potatoes?"
}
} Whoops. My mistake. Okay, let me think for a minute.
}
} When you say you want a "simple" recipe, you mean:
} 1) You don't want to slice any potatoes
} 2) You don't want to have different layers
} 3) You don't want to have two different heating steps
} 4) It has to cook in 20 minutes or less
} Right?
}
} } Yeah! Have you got anything like that?
}
} I sure do, if you don't need "gourmet" quality.
}
} Recipe #8: Betty Crocker Potatoes Au Gratin
} -------------------------------------------
} 1 package Betty Crocker Potatoes Au Gratin
} 1/4 stick of butter or margarine
} 1 cup milk
} Combine all ingredients (except the cardboard) into a casserole dish.
} Cook at 375 degrees for 20 minutes.
}
} } Perfect! Hey, I think that's the same recipe my mom uses!
} } Thanks, Oracle! You're fantastic!
}
} I knew we'd get there eventually.
}
} You owe the Oracle a "simple recipe" for lasagna (no boiling noodles,
} no different layers, only one heating step, 20 minutes or less) that
} doesn't need an oven or a microwave, and doesn't involve anything
} frozen.
http://cgi.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/index.cgi
--- 1427-08 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "J. Avedon"
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
>oh great and cheesy oracle...
>
>cheese is a favourite of mine, and I like it on potatoes.
>
>Could you please give me a simple Potatoes Au Gratin recipe?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} I'm glad you asked! I don't often get to tell people this, but I really
} enjoy cooking. In my temple, I have priests and other volunteers that
} take care of almost every chore - but I usually do the cooking myself,
} especially if we're having steak and potatoes. Au Gratin Potatoes is
} one of my favorite side dishes, and I've even been known to add some
} beef and turn it into a main course! That recipe doesn't have a name,
} though.
}
} But I digress. You wanted a recipe, and you shall have one! There are
} literally millions of different recipes for Potatoes Au Gratin. That's
} because "au gratin" is more-or-less French for "with cheese." So any
} recipe that combines potatoes with cheese can be-
}
} } I knew that. But do you have a simple recipe?
}
} *Sigh.* Yes, of course; you don't want the history, just a recipe.
} Okay. Here's one of my favorites:
}
} Cheesy Potatoes Au Gratin
} -------------------------
} The ingredients are:
} 1 pound of Idaho Potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced.
} (that's about 2 very large potatoes)
} 4 ounces of Cheddar Cheese (grated or shredded)
} 3/4 cup Heavy Cream
} Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder, and Onion Powder to taste
} First, preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
} Lightly grease a medium gratin dish with butter.
} Cover the bottom of the pan with an overlapping layer of potatoes.
} Lightly season with the salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder,
} and top it with a sprinkling (about 2 tablespoons) of cheese. Then make
} another layer of potatoes, seasoning and cheese, and then another,
} until you've used all of the potatoes; be sure to keep some cheese for
} the top layer.
} Now pour the cream over the potatoes; press lightly with your hands to
} cover the potatoes with cream.
} Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake until the cheese is absorbed
} into the potatoes and the potatoes are tender when pierced with a knife
} (this takes about 50 minutes).
} Remove the foil and bake about 10 more minutes, until the mixture is
} bubbly and the top is golden brown.
} Remove from the oven and let it rest at least 10 minutes before
} serving.
}
} } Wow.
}
} Sounds great, huh?
}
} } Um... it's probably delicious, but...
}
} But?
}
} } I wanted a SIMPLE recipe.
}
} What's so complicated? The layers?
}
} } I guess so.
}
} Okay, okay. Don't worry; I have others. Let me think... Ah! I have
} another fine recipe.
}
} Recipe #2: Potatoes Gratin
} --------------------------
} 3 1/4-pound Potatoes
} 1/3 cup Gruyere Cheese, shredded
} 3 cups Chicken Broth, or Vegetable Broth
} 1/2 teaspoon Ground Nutmeg
} 1/2 teaspoon Freshly Ground Black Pepper
} First, preheat your oven to 425 degrees.
} Peel potatoes and cut into 1/8" slices.
} Put the potatoes into a casserole and shake to settle potatoes down.
} Mix broth and spices and pour over potatoes.
} Bake until potatoes are very tender (1 to 1 1/2 hours).
} As potatoes get dry on top, tilt casserole and baste with broth.
} Sprinkle potatoes evenly with cheese and bake until cheese melts.
} Let casserole sit 5 to 10 minutes to allow juice to soak into potatoes.
}
} } Oh my.
}
} Better, huh? No layers.
}
} } Yeah, but...
}
} What's wrong now?
}
} } It still seems like a lot of work... you have to keep basting it!
}
} Not simple enough, huh?
}
} } Have you got something even simpler?
}
} Sure I do. In most of my potato recipes, once you start baking you
} don't have to do anything until it's almost done. Here's another fine
} recipe:
}
} Recipe #3: Au Gratin Potatoes
} -----------------------------
} 5 cups (about 5 medium) peeled, sliced, raw potatoes
} 1 cup shredded cheddar
} 1/2 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
} 1/4 cup butter or margarine
} 1/4 cup flour
} 1/2 tsp. salt
} 2 cups milk
} 1/4 cup dry bread crumbs
} 1 Tbs. melted butter or margarine
} First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
} In a medium saucepan, melt margarine, stir in flour and salt.
} Add milk and cook until mixture boils and thickens, stirring
} constantly. Stir in cheeses and potatoes.
} Pour into a 2 qt casserole or individual casserole dishes.
} Combine bread crumbs and melted margarine/butter, sprinkle over
} potatoes.
} Bake covered for 1 to 1 1/2 hours or until bubbly and potatoes tender.
} Garnish with chopped chives if desired.
}
} } But it's still a lot of work!
}
} Which part - adding the chopped chives? You can skip that step.
}
} } No, not that... just... well, you have to cook the sauce first, and
} } then there's still more cooking.
}
} So you'd prefer to have only one step that involves heating anything
} up?
}
} } Yeah. Do you have anything like that?
}
} Of course I do. Like I say, there are millions of different recipes -
} and since I'm omniscient, I know them all. Here's one that's not as
} tasty, but it's very simple to make:
}
} Recipe #4: Parmesan Potato Gratin
} ---------------------------------
} 4 large russet potatoes peeled and thinly sliced
} 6 tablespoons freshly grated parmesan cheese
} 1 teaspoon salt
} 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
} 1 large clove garlic finely chopped
} 1-1/2 cups chicken stock
} Preheat oven to 400.
} Lightly grease oval gratin dish and arrange a layer of potatoes on
} bottom.
} Sprinkle with salt, pepper, 1/3 garlic and 2 tablespoons cheese.
} Repeat twice more and pour over stock.
} Bake until potatoes are tender, about 45 minutes.
}
} } It seems like in every one of these recipes you have to slice
} } potatoes!
}
} Well, yeah. These recipes are for POTATOES Au Gratin, right?
}
} } But I remember when my mom used to make them, the potatoes were
} } already... um...
}
} Some of my recipes use pre-packaged hash browns, instead of fresh
} potatoes.
}
} } Yeah! That's a good idea.
}
} Okay, here's one you might like.
}
} Recipe #5: Potato Au Gratin
} ---------------------------
} 1 pkg of hash browns
} 2 cups grated cheddar cheese
} 1/2 cup margarine
} 1 can cream of chicken soup, undiluted
} 2 cups sour cream
} 2 tbsp onion or onion flakes
} 1 tsp pepper
} Preheat oven to 350.
} Melt margarine in a bowl in the microwave.
} Remove and add soup and sour cream and blend well.
} Stir in onion, pepper and cheese.
} Fold in hash browns until well mixed.
} Put in greased 9 x 13 baking dish and bake for 1 hour.
} Make sure hash browns are cooked in center.
} Can be made ahead and frozen.
}
} } An hour?
}
} Yes...
}
} } Have you got anything that cooks quicker?
}
} Why don't you ask your mom for her recipe?
}
} } She thinks I can't make potatoes without her help. I want to prove
} } something to her.
}
} Okay, fine. Here's one that cooks in 35 to 40 minutes:
}
} Recipe #6: Au Gratin Taters
} ---------------------------
} 2 pounds frozen hash browns - partially thawed
} 4 oz. cheddar cheese
} 2 sticks of butter (1/2 pound)
} 2 cups-
}
} } Wait a minute. 40 minutes? Haven't you got anything that cooks in
} } 20 minutes or less?
}
} *Sigh.* Of course I do. Okay, here we go.
}
} Recipe #7: Au Gratin Potatoes
} -----------------------------
} 4 cups peeled and thinly sliced potatoes
} 1 cup-
}
} } "Thinly sliced potatoes?"
}
} Whoops. My mistake. Okay, let me think for a minute.
}
} When you say you want a "simple" recipe, you mean:
} 1) You don't want to slice any potatoes
} 2) You don't want to have different layers
} 3) You don't want to have two different heating steps
} 4) It has to cook in 20 minutes or less
} Right?
}
} } Yeah! Have you got anything like that?
}
} I sure do, if you don't need "gourmet" quality.
}
} Recipe #8: Betty Crocker Potatoes Au Gratin
} -------------------------------------------
} 1 package Betty Crocker Potatoes Au Gratin
} 1/4 stick of butter or margarine
} 1 cup milk
} Combine all ingredients (except the cardboard) into a casserole dish.
} Cook at 375 degrees for 20 minutes.
}
} } Perfect! Hey, I think that's the same recipe my mom uses!
} } Thanks, Oracle! You're fantastic!
}
} I knew we'd get there eventually.
}
} You owe the Oracle a "simple recipe" for lasagna (no boiling noodles,
} no different layers, only one heating step, 20 minutes or less) that
} doesn't need an oven or a microwave, and doesn't involve anything
} frozen.