[YGO] The Feathered Dragon's Wish, Jounouchi x Yuugi x Atemu, part 10
Title: The Feathered Dragon’s Wish
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Pairings: forthcoming Atemu x Yuugi x Jounouchi
Rating: M for shounen ai
Warnings: angst, melodrama and sap
Summary: (end of series ‘fix-it’) Yuugi’s leading the life of his dreams: he’s going to college, he has an amazing boyfriend and wonderful friends. Things are about to change when he realizes his feelings for his best friend have turned into love; what does that say about his own relationship and how is he going to deal with it?
Author's Notes: Feedback is a great thing.
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“How was your day at college, Yuugi-kun?” His mother ladled the miso soup from the large pot into the colorful bowls. The broth was perfectly clear and its delightful scent was amazing; she was such a good cook. Yuugi accepted the bowl. “Thank you, kaa-san.” The entire family was gathered at the kitchen table: Atemu next to Yuugi and jii-chan next to Yuugi’s mother, the elderly man blowing gently on the hot soup. Yuugi had anticipated the inevitable question. “It was great seeing each other again.” He left in the middle who exactly ‘each other’ was. “Everyone had a nice summer holiday and is pumped! We immediately started working on projects. The senseis are going to be even stricter this year!”
“We’ll help you as much as we can, Yuugi-kun,” his mother said. She had always been pushing him for a good education and was very proud of her son. Even though she couldn’t help with the actual study, whatever Yuugi would demand, be it absolute silence or a bigger room, she would do her best to fulfill his wishes. Yuugi’s eyes darted over to his boyfriend. Atemu spend his usual amount of attention to his food, not overly interacting with Yuugi or the rest of the family. He hadn’t asked about Jounouchi at all and he knew Yuugi had seen him today, of course. Sugoroku complimented Yuugi on his tenacity and his perseverance.
“Do you have any idea where you want to take your first internship? KaibaCorp., I presume?” he asked.
Yuugi wasn’t so sure about that. It was a pretty obvious choice, maybe too obvious…and KaibaCorp. was so massive and huge, whereas Yuugi had developed a fondness for small start-up businesses. “I still have some time to make a decision,” he said neutrally. Again no reaction from Atemu in particular, but why should he? Even though the former Pharaoh worked for Kaiba, Yuugi didn’t want him to put in a good word for him. He wanted to do his internship on his own merit, not by using Atemu as a step-up. He wondered if the other was going to ask about Jounouchi, sooner or later. Had he removed him entirely from his mind, from his life? They used to be the best of friends…
Yuugi knew the reason, and he was angered and annoyed. How much longer would Atemu hold a grudge? How could he keep on telling Yuugi that he had his trust, while his actions showed otherwise? Apparently Atemu’s solution was to ‘delete’ Jounouchi completely and simply ignore he existed. It was so petty that Yuugi almost choked on his soup. Despite Jounouchi lingering between them, the atmosphere was rather cozy and comfortable. They moved on to the second course of the meal and Yuugi ate dutifully, but he didn’t really taste what was served. His appetite was as bland as Atemu’s interest for his day.
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It was time for bed. Yuugi brushed his teeth, changed into his pajamas and hopped in, pulling the sheets and covers over him. Summer had ended and the months were getting cold again, which was most unfortunate for Atemu as he hated the cold. Yuugi curled up against him.
“Mou hitori no boku…”
“Yes?”
“You didn’t ask me about my day.”
“You told us all about it at the dinner table, aibou,” he said. His voice sounded normal, but after sharing body, mind and soul for over two years, sharing a bond beyond human comprehension and the deepest kind of intimacy, Yuugi knew every change in intonation, every emotion into the finest detail. He put his hand on Atemu’s cheek and gently tilted his head towards his.
“I saw Jounouchi-kun today,” he said. Atemu’s eyes narrowed; the slightest movement, but Yuugi caught it. “He has worked several jobs during summer to support himself and pay for tuition.”
“It is tough for him,” Atemu said and Yuugi was relieved to hear genuine compassion in his voice. “He does not have the financial comfort we have. He has to take care of himself, all alone.”
“He has us,” Yuugi said. “As friends, as support. Right, mou hitori no boku?” Was he pushing it? Was he taking it too far? Atemu took a few seconds before he gave an answer, which made Yuugi’s heart plummet.
“Of course, aibou. We will help him wherever we can.” The silence before the answer told Yuugi more than enough. What did he really expect? Atemu didn’t turn his head away, leaning against his hand. “I know what he means to you,” he continued.
“He means a lot to you too,” Yuugi whispered. “You mean a whole lot to him.”
Atemu pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand. “You have a busy day tomorrow,” he said. “Get some rest.”
That was it? So easy like that? Yuugi was sorely tempted to create a scene, to get into a no-holds-barred fight if only to clear the air between them, but he decided against it. He hated fighting, he hated confrontation and they had already discussed this a thousand times over, only to still end up in this awful stalemate. He couldn’t believe that Atemu was content to drop Jounouchi from his life and ignore him as his partner’s best friend, conveniently also ignoring everything they’d been through as friends. It made him sad. Atemu picked up on his sadness and he cuddled Yuugi, holding him close. The attention felt good, but Yuugi wasn’t so sure if he enjoyed the attention as much as he used to.
If your feelings for Jounouchi are stronger, then you have to break up with Atemu. Was that true? Did he feel more for Jounouchi? No! He loved them both so much; his heart was big enough and full of love for Atemu and Jounouchi. Why did it have to be so difficult? He was driving himself insane by rehashing the same thoughts over and over again. He knew he had to make a decision, no matter how much it scared him. It wasn’t fair to anyone involved to keep on going like this. Yuugi heaved a sigh. He had to face the facts. He had to face reality. As it was, Atemu stroking and petting his hair comforted him and he fell into a restless sleep.
Despite his resolution, Yuugi failed to make any decision. No matter how he looked at it, he couldn’t find a satisfactory outcome of the entire situation and he withdrew into himself. He buried himself in his studies and his internship at a small, indie gaming company and worked, aside from other projects and work for college, 60+ hours a week. Jounouchi had managed to secure an internship at a similar company and they would meet up every Friday evening to unwind and vent about their busy weeks. Atemu knew of these get-togethers, as Yuugi told him about it; he wasn’t a liar and he didn’t want to keep any secrets. The former Pharaoh had stopped checking Yuugi’s phone, but every Friday evening he was in a tense, sour mood and Yuugi evaded him when he got home. The morale in the bedroom sank to an absolute low, with the both of them refusing to take the first step. The entire family started to walk on eggshells and heavy tension hung in the air. It had to come to an escalation, and it happened after Yuugi’s internship ended. He was at college to hand in his report and other paperwork.
“Glad that’s over,” Jounouchi said who also handed in his report. “I dislike internships. They use you for boring chores, like sorting through mountains of shit and reorganizing a dusty archive, stuff that no one wants to do, and then they call it a ‘learning experience’.”
Yuugi shrugged. He hadn’t been all that happy with his internship either, and it sounded more and more tempting to do his second internship at KaibaCorp.. Kaiba would treat him fairly yet harsh, now he had just been treated as a second-rate errand boy. Well, at least he knew a lot about coding, as he had slugged through a bazillion lines of code to debug one of the games the company was working on.
“Hey, are you alright?” Jounouchi suddenly asked, a little worrisome.
Yuugi blinked. “Yeah, I’m okay. I forgot to eat this afternoon as I had to finish up my report.”
“I think you have forgotten to eat for quite a while,” Jounouchi said.
Yuugi showed a sheepish smile. His mother, grandfather and Atemu had been pushing him to eat and to rest well, but their words had gone in one ear and out the other. Working and studying had prevented him from having to take that decision. He knew he was fooling himself and the others… and it didn’t help that he saw Jounouchi every day, his feelings for the other being confirmed daily.
“Let’s just turn in these reports and go home,” Yuugi said. “Sorry Jounouchi-kun, we usually go for a drink on Fridays, but I think I want to sleep for a week.”
“Sure thing, let’s skip it this week.” Jounouchi looked intently at him. “Even if you did want to go, I would’ve send you home. You look like shit.” He grinned to take the sting out of his words, but the next second he yelled Yuugi’s name, as he fell to the floor as a doll whose strings had been cut.
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“Yuugi… hey, Yuugi.”
He opened his eyes, honing in on the sound of Jounouchi’s voice. His friend’s face was a little out of focus.
Yuugi groaned. “What happened?”
“You fainted,” Jounouchi said. Something heavy was clamped around his hand and Yuugi realized that Jounouchi’s hands were around his, holding him quite firmly. “I’m worried sick about you. Yuugi…”
“I’m so sorry, Jounouchi-kun,” he whispered. “I don’t know…”
“Stay with the other half of your soul,” Jounouchi said, a deep frown marring his face. “That’s not a difficult choice, Yuugi. No matter how much I love you, I’d never come close to that bond you two have. He belongs to you, and you belong to him.”
“No,” Yuugi said, and louder: “No.”
Jounouchi withdrew his hand and Yuugi gasped, thinking that he had offended or upset him. The next second, a woman in light blue and white scrubs walked briskly into the room and up to Yuugi.
“Mutou-san, how are you feeling?” she asked.
“A little woozy,” he said. “Am I in the hospital?”
“No, you’re at the nurse’s office at Domino university,” she said. “I already called your family, Mutou-san. You stay right here.”
“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” Yuugi mumbled. Jounouchi talked to the nurse and he caught a couple of words: … “tension”…. “needs rest”… and his eyes slid close, giving in to the call of sleep.
“Mutou-san?” the same, friendly woman woke him up, smiling at him as he blinked a couple of times. “Your nii-sama is here to pick you up.”
“Nii-sama?” Yuugi didn’t understand. “What…”
“Ah, there he is,” she said. Atemu stepped into the room, his face mirroring Jounouchi’s earlier worry and deep frown. “Do you think you can manage from here, Mutou-sama?”
“I will take him home with me,” Atemu said. Yuugi couldn’t help himself, the strength and confidence in Atemu’s voice was such guidance to him. “I will abide by your recommendations.”
“We see a lot of students collapse under the grueling weight of their obligations,” the nurse said. “Rest and relaxation will get them back up on their feet.”
“I will make sure he will get plenty of rest. Thank you so much for your hard work, Omuri-san.”
She was pleased with his formal speech and bow, the woman even seemed to blush. It wasn’t strange for her to address Atemu as Yuugi’s elder brother; the physical similarities were obvious of course, and it was much easier than telling the truth. That was all for the outside world to know. Yuugi had never heard Atemu use an honorific before, except to address Jounouchi with a -‘kun’, and Atemu certainly had never bowed to someone before. He held doctors in high regard, but she was just a school nurse. Yuugi didn’t know and didn’t care at the moment. He felt tired and lightheaded. Atemu came to stand next to his bed.
“Where’s Jounouchi-kun?” Yuugi asked.
“He is not here,” Atemu answered, voice perfectly neutral. “We are going home.” As the nurse was in the room, he didn’t use his usual moniker for Yuugi and vice versa. He held out his hand and Yuugi accepted it. Atemu gently pulled him up. Yuugi swung his legs over the edge of the bed and straightened himself. He was a bit out of balance, but he could walk if he took it slow. Yuugi said goodbye to the nurse and with Atemu supporting him, he left the campus.
Atemu didn’t say a thing during the drive home. Neither one of them had a driver’s license, so he had arrived by taxi. The driver was waiting patiently for them and held the door open for a still wobbly Yuugi. After they had arrived at the Game Shop building, Atemu helped Yuugi out of the car and took care of the taxi bill.
“Yuugi-kun!” His mother waited for him at the door, hands wringing. “What happened?”
“I’m okay, kaa-san,” he said and waved at her tiredly. “I fainted. Too much stress.”
Atemu frowned, but didn’t comment.
“Fainted? You’ve been working too hard! You haven’t had a moment of free time in months! Come inside!” She hugged him when he stepped over the threshold. “You go to bed immediately, alright? I’ll make you your favorite dish tonight!”
“Kaa-san…” Yuugi was almost smothered, and it endeared and annoyed him at the same time. He wasn’t a small kid anymore, yet his mother’s hug was so soothing and comforting.
“Go upstairs, aibou. You need rest.” Atemu directed him towards the stairs.
“I’m fine, I just fainted,” Yuugi repeated. He was impatient to let Jounouchi know that he was alright. Atemu looked sternly at him and he relinquished. “Okay, I could use some sleep.”
“You could use some food too,” Atemu said. “You eat far too little, aibou. Now, go upstairs. I will be with you shortly.”
Yuugi followed up on his orders, wondering what Atemu was going to do. Take a nap with him? He struggled to take the stairs to the attic and paused half-way, still lightheaded. When he was finally in his bedroom, he undressed himself and yawned. Yuugi was about to get into bed when Atemu entered, holding a large glass with what looked like orange juice.
“For me?” Yuugi asked.
“Yes. It is what you call a ‘smoothie’, with lots of vitamins.”
“Oh, nice!” Yuugi took the glass from him and sipped the drink. Orange, banana, mango…all that fresh fruit in wintertime, it had to be expensive. “It tastes great! I’m not sure if I can finish the entire glass, though.”
“Drink as much or as little as you like, aibou.”
Yuugi enjoyed the smoothie but he was right, he couldn’t finish it all. Atemu looked really pleased when he drained the glass for about three quarters. He sat on the bed and petted the empty space next to him. Yuugi wasn’t sure if he was going to get his desired sleep this way, but on the other hand, he longed for Atemu’s arms around him, to be held. He crawled onto the bed and nestled against the former Pharaoh’s chest.
“Mou hitori no boku, we really need to talk.”
“I know.” Atemu had one hand in his hair, petting him. “When you are well again, aibou.”
Yuugi wanted to reply once again that he had simply fainted and it wasn’t such a big deal… but his body took a decision for him, succumbing to strain and stress and he fell asleep really fast.
He woke up again. Yuugi stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath before turning his head around, checking the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was past dinnertime. He felt a lot better and surprisingly, his stomach growled. It was true that he hadn’t been eating all that much lately, his appetite ruined by the stress and tension. He dressed himself in an easy outfit, shirt and sweatpants, and made his way downstairs.
“Yuugi-kun, come over here,” his mother called him from the kitchen.
“Yes, kaa-san?”
“How do you feel? Would you like something to eat?”
“Yes, please. I’m sorry I missed dinner.”
“No worries, Yuugi-kun. I saved you some.”
Yuugi sat at the kitchen table. “Kaa-san, this is way too much!” He protested as she put bowl after bowl in front of him.
“You should eat up,” she told him with the kind of sternness in her voice mothers use when they’re worried about their children. “I don’t think you’ve lost weight, but you need to keep up your strength. I know the university is demanding a lot of you, Yuugi-kun, and I want to help you.”
If only she knew university wasn’t the main stress factor. Apparently his nap had increased his appetite drastically, because the delicious scents almost made him drool and he ate three fully topped donburi. His mother offered to make more while she put two thick slices of kasutera sponge cake in front of him.
“Kaa-san, no, please, that’s overkill,” he said and he patted his tummy. “I have enough, thank you so much!”
“If you want more after all, you can take it out of the fridge,” she said. “I’ll take care of the dishes while you relax in the living room. Tell your grandfather that I said that you can watch any kind of TV show you like.”
Yuugi chuckled. She was blissfully unaware of watching TV on a laptop, cell phone or any other mobile device, and still thought she could use ‘TV’ as either reward or punishment for her son. He wandered over to the living room, still sampling the wonderful taste of his last donburi. Sugoroku was in his usual seat, enjoying a cup of tea while watching the latest news. Atemu wasn’t present.
“Where’s Atemu?” he asked, bewildered that he wasn’t in the living room. He always watched the latest news with the rest of the family. Sugoroku looked up from his tea.
“I think I saw him going downstairs,” he answered. “I really need to talk to him. He’s going to the Game Shop a lot after business hours to help out with the inventory and administration. I think he feels guilty as he does a lot of work for Kaiba, and not putting in as many hours at the store as he used to do.”
“I’ll go talk to him,” Yuugi said. Sugoroku’s mentioning of guilt had fanned his own feelings of guilt. He hadn’t been thinking of Atemu’s emotions at all, despite knowing them so well. Selfish, he scolded himself again. Anzu had told him to make a decision, and she was right. He couldn’t let it go on like this. Half-way down the stairs, he suddenly felt a pang in his heart. A deep sadness, and he immediately knew where it was coming from. He quickly went over to the stock room, a small room located behind the Game Shop. The door was closed and Yuugi put his hand on the handle.
It was horrible, but he didn’t know what to do. He was sure that Atemu had chosen the stock room to retreat for very personal reasons; he was too proud to show his tears in public. Should he knock or not? Atemu needed him, but what if he caught him crying? To hell with it. He was the other half of his soul, and he was in need of him..! Yuugi did knock before opening the door and immediately squinted at the harsh tube light blinding him.
“Mou hitori no boku,” he said. Atemu had his back turned to him and it looked like he had been counting the inventory, as he was surrounded by papers and holding a large pencil in his hand.
“Yes, aibou?”
Yuugi winced at the strain it took the other to keep his voice at a normal, neutral tone. He wanted to hug him, embrace him, but he felt… locked, withheld, paralyzed… “Please come upstairs,” he said. “We’re going to watch a movie and there’s tea…”
“I will be right there,” Atemu said but he didn’t turn around. He had cried, Yuugi was sure of it. He didn’t know why he didn’t race towards the other half of his soul to comfort him. It scared and confused him. It made him feel bad. It didn’t surprise him that Atemu only came upstairs when the movie was almost over.
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With a sigh, Jounouchi poured the boiling hot water into the instant ramen cup. Pre-made noodles were pretty much the only thing he could afford right now. He had to be very carefully with his money, despite having worked all summer; he had finally bought himself a laptop because he couldn’t keep using Yuugi’s and tuition didn’t come cheap. He participated in the meal plan at university so he had at least one hot meal a day, preferably dinner. For lunch and breakfast, he survived on scraps and instant ramen. Jounouchi watched as the dish cooked. He had to wait for three minutes until it was done, and he drummed with his fingers on the kitchen counter top. It didn’t deserve to be called a kitchen with just a hot plate, a small sink and barely any room to move.
Still, it was his; his own apartment, his own kitchen, his own food. He took great pride in being this independent, though he wasn’t scared to admit that he missed eating at Yuugi’s place. Yuugi’s mother made the best dishes and never commented on his huge intake. After that many years, the quips and jokes about his bottomless pit appetite were wearing quite thin on him. It didn’t matter, though. He had Yuugi and his family a lot to thank for, their continuous support and kindness had pulled him through quite some rough times. But this... this was the roughest time of all. Seeing Yuugi at class ignited his heart, with even more ferociousness than before. He couldn’t put a stop on these feelings. Yuugi had told him about his holiday with Atemu in Hokkaido and Jounouchi furiously wished he could’ve been there, to spend time with them. Gods, even in all his stubbornness the former Pharaoh was so strong. Jounouchi had always admired him for his strength and courage, no matter what.
Just as he was about to start his food, a knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. Jounouchi rarely received visitors; not that he was ashamed about his extremely small apartment, but he preferred meeting people outside, at the university restaurant or at a café. Jounouchi was even more surprised when he opened the door. For a split second he thought it was Yuugi, but the dark tan and the large golden earrings gave the other away.
“Atemu,” he said, baffled. “Come in, come in!”
Without saying a word, Atemu stepped over the threshold and strode into the apartment, with the usual confidence in his posture.
“What can I do for you?” Jounouchi asked, keeping his voice as neutral as possible.
“Come with me,” Atemu said, a little too loud. “Yuugi needs you.”
“I… eh, excuse me?” Jounouchi didn’t hide his surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“Yuugi needs you,” Atemu repeated. “When I retrieved him from the nurse’s station…”
“After he had fainted, yes…”
“The first person he asked for was you,” Atemu said. It was hard to make out the tone of his voice. Disappointment, disgust, defeat? Jounouchi scratched the back of his head. To say that he was overwhelmed, was the understatement of the year. As he remained silent, not knowing what to say, Atemu interpreted his silence as him being offended.
“I... it is better for Yuugi if you were to come with me,” he rephrased his request, making it sound less than a command or demand.
“I’m not sure if that’s the best for all of us,” Jounouchi said in a friendly manner. He pointed at the couch. “Why don’t you sit down, Atemu? I was about to eat.”
“Yes, yes, of course, my apologies.” He didn’t sit down, though. Jounouchi didn’t push him and retrieved the hot ramen from his kitchen. He leaned against the wall and slurped the noodles. Atemu wasn’t looking at him. Instead, he stared outside the small window, the windowsill adorned with the plants Yuugi’s mother had brought over. “I have been too harsh on him,” he said. “Yuugi was telling me what he wanted, what he needed, and I refused to listen to him. I denied him his life and his happiness, and now he is ill.”
“He doesn’t respond to pressure very well,” Jounouchi said. It was an automatic instinct to stand up for his friend, yet Jounouchi couldn’t help to feel some irritation with him as well. Yuugi was the one adding pressure on himself, it wasn’t all Atemu’s fault. From the look on the former Pharaoh’s face though, he was adamant to take the blame. “He’s not ill, he’s not suffering from a disease. He fainted because it was too much to him. The internship, university… it happens. ”
“He has eaten so very little as of late. Yuugi has mentioned that we should talk, and I… postponed it. I have not listened to him well. I did not…”
“I hear a lot of ‘Yuugi this’, ‘Yuugi that’, but what about you, Atemu?” Jounouchi calmly put the finished cup of ramen away. He didn’t want to force a decision upon anyone. He wasn’t the right person to force anything at all, yet it was clear to him that this situation couldn’t go on forever. Atemu turned away from the window.
“I will do anything for the other half of my soul,” he said.
“Even accepting or including me in your relationship?” Jounouchi asked. It sounded heartlessly and he didn’t intend it that way. His curiosity got the better of him. How much would it take for the Pharaoh to break?
“Yes, anything,” Atemu said without a second of hesitation. Jounouchi gazed at him. Gods, how could anyone be this beautiful, this strong and so goddamn stubborn. This was the perfect opportunity to bend the entire situation to his liking, but Jounouchi wasn’t like that. It would only make matters worse and the thought of profiting from the pain of his friend, as he still regarded Atemu as such, made him sick to his stomach.
“Of course I’ll go with you,” he said. “Let me get some stuff.”
“Yes, thank you,” Atemu said, relieved. Jounouchi grabbed his bag and his coat.
“Let’s go.” He was going to have a thorough talk with Yuugi; something his friend wasn’t probably expecting, but it had to be done. If only he could ignore his own, heavy heart…
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Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |
This entry was originally posted at http://the-goldenpath.dreamwidth.org/90147.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Pairings: forthcoming Atemu x Yuugi x Jounouchi
Rating: M for shounen ai
Warnings: angst, melodrama and sap
Summary: (end of series ‘fix-it’) Yuugi’s leading the life of his dreams: he’s going to college, he has an amazing boyfriend and wonderful friends. Things are about to change when he realizes his feelings for his best friend have turned into love; what does that say about his own relationship and how is he going to deal with it?
Author's Notes: Feedback is a great thing.
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“How was your day at college, Yuugi-kun?” His mother ladled the miso soup from the large pot into the colorful bowls. The broth was perfectly clear and its delightful scent was amazing; she was such a good cook. Yuugi accepted the bowl. “Thank you, kaa-san.” The entire family was gathered at the kitchen table: Atemu next to Yuugi and jii-chan next to Yuugi’s mother, the elderly man blowing gently on the hot soup. Yuugi had anticipated the inevitable question. “It was great seeing each other again.” He left in the middle who exactly ‘each other’ was. “Everyone had a nice summer holiday and is pumped! We immediately started working on projects. The senseis are going to be even stricter this year!”
“We’ll help you as much as we can, Yuugi-kun,” his mother said. She had always been pushing him for a good education and was very proud of her son. Even though she couldn’t help with the actual study, whatever Yuugi would demand, be it absolute silence or a bigger room, she would do her best to fulfill his wishes. Yuugi’s eyes darted over to his boyfriend. Atemu spend his usual amount of attention to his food, not overly interacting with Yuugi or the rest of the family. He hadn’t asked about Jounouchi at all and he knew Yuugi had seen him today, of course. Sugoroku complimented Yuugi on his tenacity and his perseverance.
“Do you have any idea where you want to take your first internship? KaibaCorp., I presume?” he asked.
Yuugi wasn’t so sure about that. It was a pretty obvious choice, maybe too obvious…and KaibaCorp. was so massive and huge, whereas Yuugi had developed a fondness for small start-up businesses. “I still have some time to make a decision,” he said neutrally. Again no reaction from Atemu in particular, but why should he? Even though the former Pharaoh worked for Kaiba, Yuugi didn’t want him to put in a good word for him. He wanted to do his internship on his own merit, not by using Atemu as a step-up. He wondered if the other was going to ask about Jounouchi, sooner or later. Had he removed him entirely from his mind, from his life? They used to be the best of friends…
Yuugi knew the reason, and he was angered and annoyed. How much longer would Atemu hold a grudge? How could he keep on telling Yuugi that he had his trust, while his actions showed otherwise? Apparently Atemu’s solution was to ‘delete’ Jounouchi completely and simply ignore he existed. It was so petty that Yuugi almost choked on his soup. Despite Jounouchi lingering between them, the atmosphere was rather cozy and comfortable. They moved on to the second course of the meal and Yuugi ate dutifully, but he didn’t really taste what was served. His appetite was as bland as Atemu’s interest for his day.
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It was time for bed. Yuugi brushed his teeth, changed into his pajamas and hopped in, pulling the sheets and covers over him. Summer had ended and the months were getting cold again, which was most unfortunate for Atemu as he hated the cold. Yuugi curled up against him.
“Mou hitori no boku…”
“Yes?”
“You didn’t ask me about my day.”
“You told us all about it at the dinner table, aibou,” he said. His voice sounded normal, but after sharing body, mind and soul for over two years, sharing a bond beyond human comprehension and the deepest kind of intimacy, Yuugi knew every change in intonation, every emotion into the finest detail. He put his hand on Atemu’s cheek and gently tilted his head towards his.
“I saw Jounouchi-kun today,” he said. Atemu’s eyes narrowed; the slightest movement, but Yuugi caught it. “He has worked several jobs during summer to support himself and pay for tuition.”
“It is tough for him,” Atemu said and Yuugi was relieved to hear genuine compassion in his voice. “He does not have the financial comfort we have. He has to take care of himself, all alone.”
“He has us,” Yuugi said. “As friends, as support. Right, mou hitori no boku?” Was he pushing it? Was he taking it too far? Atemu took a few seconds before he gave an answer, which made Yuugi’s heart plummet.
“Of course, aibou. We will help him wherever we can.” The silence before the answer told Yuugi more than enough. What did he really expect? Atemu didn’t turn his head away, leaning against his hand. “I know what he means to you,” he continued.
“He means a lot to you too,” Yuugi whispered. “You mean a whole lot to him.”
Atemu pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand. “You have a busy day tomorrow,” he said. “Get some rest.”
That was it? So easy like that? Yuugi was sorely tempted to create a scene, to get into a no-holds-barred fight if only to clear the air between them, but he decided against it. He hated fighting, he hated confrontation and they had already discussed this a thousand times over, only to still end up in this awful stalemate. He couldn’t believe that Atemu was content to drop Jounouchi from his life and ignore him as his partner’s best friend, conveniently also ignoring everything they’d been through as friends. It made him sad. Atemu picked up on his sadness and he cuddled Yuugi, holding him close. The attention felt good, but Yuugi wasn’t so sure if he enjoyed the attention as much as he used to.
If your feelings for Jounouchi are stronger, then you have to break up with Atemu. Was that true? Did he feel more for Jounouchi? No! He loved them both so much; his heart was big enough and full of love for Atemu and Jounouchi. Why did it have to be so difficult? He was driving himself insane by rehashing the same thoughts over and over again. He knew he had to make a decision, no matter how much it scared him. It wasn’t fair to anyone involved to keep on going like this. Yuugi heaved a sigh. He had to face the facts. He had to face reality. As it was, Atemu stroking and petting his hair comforted him and he fell into a restless sleep.
Despite his resolution, Yuugi failed to make any decision. No matter how he looked at it, he couldn’t find a satisfactory outcome of the entire situation and he withdrew into himself. He buried himself in his studies and his internship at a small, indie gaming company and worked, aside from other projects and work for college, 60+ hours a week. Jounouchi had managed to secure an internship at a similar company and they would meet up every Friday evening to unwind and vent about their busy weeks. Atemu knew of these get-togethers, as Yuugi told him about it; he wasn’t a liar and he didn’t want to keep any secrets. The former Pharaoh had stopped checking Yuugi’s phone, but every Friday evening he was in a tense, sour mood and Yuugi evaded him when he got home. The morale in the bedroom sank to an absolute low, with the both of them refusing to take the first step. The entire family started to walk on eggshells and heavy tension hung in the air. It had to come to an escalation, and it happened after Yuugi’s internship ended. He was at college to hand in his report and other paperwork.
“Glad that’s over,” Jounouchi said who also handed in his report. “I dislike internships. They use you for boring chores, like sorting through mountains of shit and reorganizing a dusty archive, stuff that no one wants to do, and then they call it a ‘learning experience’.”
Yuugi shrugged. He hadn’t been all that happy with his internship either, and it sounded more and more tempting to do his second internship at KaibaCorp.. Kaiba would treat him fairly yet harsh, now he had just been treated as a second-rate errand boy. Well, at least he knew a lot about coding, as he had slugged through a bazillion lines of code to debug one of the games the company was working on.
“Hey, are you alright?” Jounouchi suddenly asked, a little worrisome.
Yuugi blinked. “Yeah, I’m okay. I forgot to eat this afternoon as I had to finish up my report.”
“I think you have forgotten to eat for quite a while,” Jounouchi said.
Yuugi showed a sheepish smile. His mother, grandfather and Atemu had been pushing him to eat and to rest well, but their words had gone in one ear and out the other. Working and studying had prevented him from having to take that decision. He knew he was fooling himself and the others… and it didn’t help that he saw Jounouchi every day, his feelings for the other being confirmed daily.
“Let’s just turn in these reports and go home,” Yuugi said. “Sorry Jounouchi-kun, we usually go for a drink on Fridays, but I think I want to sleep for a week.”
“Sure thing, let’s skip it this week.” Jounouchi looked intently at him. “Even if you did want to go, I would’ve send you home. You look like shit.” He grinned to take the sting out of his words, but the next second he yelled Yuugi’s name, as he fell to the floor as a doll whose strings had been cut.
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“Yuugi… hey, Yuugi.”
He opened his eyes, honing in on the sound of Jounouchi’s voice. His friend’s face was a little out of focus.
Yuugi groaned. “What happened?”
“You fainted,” Jounouchi said. Something heavy was clamped around his hand and Yuugi realized that Jounouchi’s hands were around his, holding him quite firmly. “I’m worried sick about you. Yuugi…”
“I’m so sorry, Jounouchi-kun,” he whispered. “I don’t know…”
“Stay with the other half of your soul,” Jounouchi said, a deep frown marring his face. “That’s not a difficult choice, Yuugi. No matter how much I love you, I’d never come close to that bond you two have. He belongs to you, and you belong to him.”
“No,” Yuugi said, and louder: “No.”
Jounouchi withdrew his hand and Yuugi gasped, thinking that he had offended or upset him. The next second, a woman in light blue and white scrubs walked briskly into the room and up to Yuugi.
“Mutou-san, how are you feeling?” she asked.
“A little woozy,” he said. “Am I in the hospital?”
“No, you’re at the nurse’s office at Domino university,” she said. “I already called your family, Mutou-san. You stay right here.”
“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” Yuugi mumbled. Jounouchi talked to the nurse and he caught a couple of words: … “tension”…. “needs rest”… and his eyes slid close, giving in to the call of sleep.
“Mutou-san?” the same, friendly woman woke him up, smiling at him as he blinked a couple of times. “Your nii-sama is here to pick you up.”
“Nii-sama?” Yuugi didn’t understand. “What…”
“Ah, there he is,” she said. Atemu stepped into the room, his face mirroring Jounouchi’s earlier worry and deep frown. “Do you think you can manage from here, Mutou-sama?”
“I will take him home with me,” Atemu said. Yuugi couldn’t help himself, the strength and confidence in Atemu’s voice was such guidance to him. “I will abide by your recommendations.”
“We see a lot of students collapse under the grueling weight of their obligations,” the nurse said. “Rest and relaxation will get them back up on their feet.”
“I will make sure he will get plenty of rest. Thank you so much for your hard work, Omuri-san.”
She was pleased with his formal speech and bow, the woman even seemed to blush. It wasn’t strange for her to address Atemu as Yuugi’s elder brother; the physical similarities were obvious of course, and it was much easier than telling the truth. That was all for the outside world to know. Yuugi had never heard Atemu use an honorific before, except to address Jounouchi with a -‘kun’, and Atemu certainly had never bowed to someone before. He held doctors in high regard, but she was just a school nurse. Yuugi didn’t know and didn’t care at the moment. He felt tired and lightheaded. Atemu came to stand next to his bed.
“Where’s Jounouchi-kun?” Yuugi asked.
“He is not here,” Atemu answered, voice perfectly neutral. “We are going home.” As the nurse was in the room, he didn’t use his usual moniker for Yuugi and vice versa. He held out his hand and Yuugi accepted it. Atemu gently pulled him up. Yuugi swung his legs over the edge of the bed and straightened himself. He was a bit out of balance, but he could walk if he took it slow. Yuugi said goodbye to the nurse and with Atemu supporting him, he left the campus.
Atemu didn’t say a thing during the drive home. Neither one of them had a driver’s license, so he had arrived by taxi. The driver was waiting patiently for them and held the door open for a still wobbly Yuugi. After they had arrived at the Game Shop building, Atemu helped Yuugi out of the car and took care of the taxi bill.
“Yuugi-kun!” His mother waited for him at the door, hands wringing. “What happened?”
“I’m okay, kaa-san,” he said and waved at her tiredly. “I fainted. Too much stress.”
Atemu frowned, but didn’t comment.
“Fainted? You’ve been working too hard! You haven’t had a moment of free time in months! Come inside!” She hugged him when he stepped over the threshold. “You go to bed immediately, alright? I’ll make you your favorite dish tonight!”
“Kaa-san…” Yuugi was almost smothered, and it endeared and annoyed him at the same time. He wasn’t a small kid anymore, yet his mother’s hug was so soothing and comforting.
“Go upstairs, aibou. You need rest.” Atemu directed him towards the stairs.
“I’m fine, I just fainted,” Yuugi repeated. He was impatient to let Jounouchi know that he was alright. Atemu looked sternly at him and he relinquished. “Okay, I could use some sleep.”
“You could use some food too,” Atemu said. “You eat far too little, aibou. Now, go upstairs. I will be with you shortly.”
Yuugi followed up on his orders, wondering what Atemu was going to do. Take a nap with him? He struggled to take the stairs to the attic and paused half-way, still lightheaded. When he was finally in his bedroom, he undressed himself and yawned. Yuugi was about to get into bed when Atemu entered, holding a large glass with what looked like orange juice.
“For me?” Yuugi asked.
“Yes. It is what you call a ‘smoothie’, with lots of vitamins.”
“Oh, nice!” Yuugi took the glass from him and sipped the drink. Orange, banana, mango…all that fresh fruit in wintertime, it had to be expensive. “It tastes great! I’m not sure if I can finish the entire glass, though.”
“Drink as much or as little as you like, aibou.”
Yuugi enjoyed the smoothie but he was right, he couldn’t finish it all. Atemu looked really pleased when he drained the glass for about three quarters. He sat on the bed and petted the empty space next to him. Yuugi wasn’t sure if he was going to get his desired sleep this way, but on the other hand, he longed for Atemu’s arms around him, to be held. He crawled onto the bed and nestled against the former Pharaoh’s chest.
“Mou hitori no boku, we really need to talk.”
“I know.” Atemu had one hand in his hair, petting him. “When you are well again, aibou.”
Yuugi wanted to reply once again that he had simply fainted and it wasn’t such a big deal… but his body took a decision for him, succumbing to strain and stress and he fell asleep really fast.
He woke up again. Yuugi stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath before turning his head around, checking the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was past dinnertime. He felt a lot better and surprisingly, his stomach growled. It was true that he hadn’t been eating all that much lately, his appetite ruined by the stress and tension. He dressed himself in an easy outfit, shirt and sweatpants, and made his way downstairs.
“Yuugi-kun, come over here,” his mother called him from the kitchen.
“Yes, kaa-san?”
“How do you feel? Would you like something to eat?”
“Yes, please. I’m sorry I missed dinner.”
“No worries, Yuugi-kun. I saved you some.”
Yuugi sat at the kitchen table. “Kaa-san, this is way too much!” He protested as she put bowl after bowl in front of him.
“You should eat up,” she told him with the kind of sternness in her voice mothers use when they’re worried about their children. “I don’t think you’ve lost weight, but you need to keep up your strength. I know the university is demanding a lot of you, Yuugi-kun, and I want to help you.”
If only she knew university wasn’t the main stress factor. Apparently his nap had increased his appetite drastically, because the delicious scents almost made him drool and he ate three fully topped donburi. His mother offered to make more while she put two thick slices of kasutera sponge cake in front of him.
“Kaa-san, no, please, that’s overkill,” he said and he patted his tummy. “I have enough, thank you so much!”
“If you want more after all, you can take it out of the fridge,” she said. “I’ll take care of the dishes while you relax in the living room. Tell your grandfather that I said that you can watch any kind of TV show you like.”
Yuugi chuckled. She was blissfully unaware of watching TV on a laptop, cell phone or any other mobile device, and still thought she could use ‘TV’ as either reward or punishment for her son. He wandered over to the living room, still sampling the wonderful taste of his last donburi. Sugoroku was in his usual seat, enjoying a cup of tea while watching the latest news. Atemu wasn’t present.
“Where’s Atemu?” he asked, bewildered that he wasn’t in the living room. He always watched the latest news with the rest of the family. Sugoroku looked up from his tea.
“I think I saw him going downstairs,” he answered. “I really need to talk to him. He’s going to the Game Shop a lot after business hours to help out with the inventory and administration. I think he feels guilty as he does a lot of work for Kaiba, and not putting in as many hours at the store as he used to do.”
“I’ll go talk to him,” Yuugi said. Sugoroku’s mentioning of guilt had fanned his own feelings of guilt. He hadn’t been thinking of Atemu’s emotions at all, despite knowing them so well. Selfish, he scolded himself again. Anzu had told him to make a decision, and she was right. He couldn’t let it go on like this. Half-way down the stairs, he suddenly felt a pang in his heart. A deep sadness, and he immediately knew where it was coming from. He quickly went over to the stock room, a small room located behind the Game Shop. The door was closed and Yuugi put his hand on the handle.
It was horrible, but he didn’t know what to do. He was sure that Atemu had chosen the stock room to retreat for very personal reasons; he was too proud to show his tears in public. Should he knock or not? Atemu needed him, but what if he caught him crying? To hell with it. He was the other half of his soul, and he was in need of him..! Yuugi did knock before opening the door and immediately squinted at the harsh tube light blinding him.
“Mou hitori no boku,” he said. Atemu had his back turned to him and it looked like he had been counting the inventory, as he was surrounded by papers and holding a large pencil in his hand.
“Yes, aibou?”
Yuugi winced at the strain it took the other to keep his voice at a normal, neutral tone. He wanted to hug him, embrace him, but he felt… locked, withheld, paralyzed… “Please come upstairs,” he said. “We’re going to watch a movie and there’s tea…”
“I will be right there,” Atemu said but he didn’t turn around. He had cried, Yuugi was sure of it. He didn’t know why he didn’t race towards the other half of his soul to comfort him. It scared and confused him. It made him feel bad. It didn’t surprise him that Atemu only came upstairs when the movie was almost over.
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With a sigh, Jounouchi poured the boiling hot water into the instant ramen cup. Pre-made noodles were pretty much the only thing he could afford right now. He had to be very carefully with his money, despite having worked all summer; he had finally bought himself a laptop because he couldn’t keep using Yuugi’s and tuition didn’t come cheap. He participated in the meal plan at university so he had at least one hot meal a day, preferably dinner. For lunch and breakfast, he survived on scraps and instant ramen. Jounouchi watched as the dish cooked. He had to wait for three minutes until it was done, and he drummed with his fingers on the kitchen counter top. It didn’t deserve to be called a kitchen with just a hot plate, a small sink and barely any room to move.
Still, it was his; his own apartment, his own kitchen, his own food. He took great pride in being this independent, though he wasn’t scared to admit that he missed eating at Yuugi’s place. Yuugi’s mother made the best dishes and never commented on his huge intake. After that many years, the quips and jokes about his bottomless pit appetite were wearing quite thin on him. It didn’t matter, though. He had Yuugi and his family a lot to thank for, their continuous support and kindness had pulled him through quite some rough times. But this... this was the roughest time of all. Seeing Yuugi at class ignited his heart, with even more ferociousness than before. He couldn’t put a stop on these feelings. Yuugi had told him about his holiday with Atemu in Hokkaido and Jounouchi furiously wished he could’ve been there, to spend time with them. Gods, even in all his stubbornness the former Pharaoh was so strong. Jounouchi had always admired him for his strength and courage, no matter what.
Just as he was about to start his food, a knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. Jounouchi rarely received visitors; not that he was ashamed about his extremely small apartment, but he preferred meeting people outside, at the university restaurant or at a café. Jounouchi was even more surprised when he opened the door. For a split second he thought it was Yuugi, but the dark tan and the large golden earrings gave the other away.
“Atemu,” he said, baffled. “Come in, come in!”
Without saying a word, Atemu stepped over the threshold and strode into the apartment, with the usual confidence in his posture.
“What can I do for you?” Jounouchi asked, keeping his voice as neutral as possible.
“Come with me,” Atemu said, a little too loud. “Yuugi needs you.”
“I… eh, excuse me?” Jounouchi didn’t hide his surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“Yuugi needs you,” Atemu repeated. “When I retrieved him from the nurse’s station…”
“After he had fainted, yes…”
“The first person he asked for was you,” Atemu said. It was hard to make out the tone of his voice. Disappointment, disgust, defeat? Jounouchi scratched the back of his head. To say that he was overwhelmed, was the understatement of the year. As he remained silent, not knowing what to say, Atemu interpreted his silence as him being offended.
“I... it is better for Yuugi if you were to come with me,” he rephrased his request, making it sound less than a command or demand.
“I’m not sure if that’s the best for all of us,” Jounouchi said in a friendly manner. He pointed at the couch. “Why don’t you sit down, Atemu? I was about to eat.”
“Yes, yes, of course, my apologies.” He didn’t sit down, though. Jounouchi didn’t push him and retrieved the hot ramen from his kitchen. He leaned against the wall and slurped the noodles. Atemu wasn’t looking at him. Instead, he stared outside the small window, the windowsill adorned with the plants Yuugi’s mother had brought over. “I have been too harsh on him,” he said. “Yuugi was telling me what he wanted, what he needed, and I refused to listen to him. I denied him his life and his happiness, and now he is ill.”
“He doesn’t respond to pressure very well,” Jounouchi said. It was an automatic instinct to stand up for his friend, yet Jounouchi couldn’t help to feel some irritation with him as well. Yuugi was the one adding pressure on himself, it wasn’t all Atemu’s fault. From the look on the former Pharaoh’s face though, he was adamant to take the blame. “He’s not ill, he’s not suffering from a disease. He fainted because it was too much to him. The internship, university… it happens. ”
“He has eaten so very little as of late. Yuugi has mentioned that we should talk, and I… postponed it. I have not listened to him well. I did not…”
“I hear a lot of ‘Yuugi this’, ‘Yuugi that’, but what about you, Atemu?” Jounouchi calmly put the finished cup of ramen away. He didn’t want to force a decision upon anyone. He wasn’t the right person to force anything at all, yet it was clear to him that this situation couldn’t go on forever. Atemu turned away from the window.
“I will do anything for the other half of my soul,” he said.
“Even accepting or including me in your relationship?” Jounouchi asked. It sounded heartlessly and he didn’t intend it that way. His curiosity got the better of him. How much would it take for the Pharaoh to break?
“Yes, anything,” Atemu said without a second of hesitation. Jounouchi gazed at him. Gods, how could anyone be this beautiful, this strong and so goddamn stubborn. This was the perfect opportunity to bend the entire situation to his liking, but Jounouchi wasn’t like that. It would only make matters worse and the thought of profiting from the pain of his friend, as he still regarded Atemu as such, made him sick to his stomach.
“Of course I’ll go with you,” he said. “Let me get some stuff.”
“Yes, thank you,” Atemu said, relieved. Jounouchi grabbed his bag and his coat.
“Let’s go.” He was going to have a thorough talk with Yuugi; something his friend wasn’t probably expecting, but it had to be done. If only he could ignore his own, heavy heart…
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