[YGO] The Feathered Dragon's Wish, Jounouchi x Yuugi x Atemu, part 9
Title: The Feathered Dragon’s Wish
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Pairings: forthcoming Atemu x Yuugi x Jounouchi
Rating: M for shounen ai
Warnings: angst, melodrama and sap
Summary: (end of series ‘fix-it’) Yuugi’s leading the life of his dreams: he’s going to college, he has an amazing boyfriend and wonderful friends. Things are about to change when he realizes his feelings for his best friend have turned into love; what does that say about his own relationship and how is he going to deal with it?
Author's Notes: Feedback is a great thing.
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Summer seemed to drag on forever. Yuugi spend most of his time working at the Game Shop, which freed up Atemu to do his promotional work for Duel Monsters and Kaiba’s latest virtual reality gaming system: Solid Vision IV. Kaiba had come amazingly far since he invented the first installment of Solid Vision, and Atemu was the perfect person to demonstrate the high-quality and innovative technology while playing his favorite game. Yuugi was glad that Atemu was happy and talking non-stop about the system and Duel Monsters in general. He wasn’t happy himself, not at all. Jounouchi had been true to his words: Well, I guess we won’t be seeing each other for a while and hadn’t contacted Yuugi, safe for a few neutral text messages. He hadn’t stopped by and he hadn’t invited Yuugi over to his own apartment, even though Yuugi’s mother, also true to her words, had been over to see him and to bring him the plants, rugs and posters. Jounouchi had send Yuugi a picture of his improved and colorful living room and he had returned the message, telling him that he would be over one day to see it for himself… but they didn’t dare to settle upon an appointment.
Yuugi knew that Atemu was checking his phone, not that the former Pharaoh was actually discreet about it. The phone would sometimes be in a different position than Yuugi had left it in. He had never locked the device with a password as he felt he had nothing to hide; still, it grated on his nerves that Atemu was scrutinizing his messages. It shouldn’t be necessary. He confronted him and Atemu didn’t even deny it, though he didn’t give Yuugi a solid answer exactly why he was doing it.
“You can always check my phone, mou hitori no boku, you don’t even need to ask,” Yuugi said to him, “but don’t do it behind my back. You told Jounouchi-kun he had your trust. Why don’t I have your trust?”
He was left without an answer, but he knew why, of course. Atemu was still holding a grudge about his kiss with Jounouchi. Yuugi regretted having confessed it, much to his own dismay. It was of no use to rehash the topic, yet it kept resurfacing. Atemu would deny and claim that he didn’t have a problem with it, not anymore, and Yuugi would point out that he could right see through that blatant lie, to which Atemu would deny again and they would get into a fight. Yuugi hated fighting… but he also hated being treated like a cheater. Though Atemu had never spoken that word out loud, it was conspicuous how he attached himself to Yuugi whenever he wasn’t at work himself.
Despite thinking the opposite, he was very bad at subtlety. He would walk by when Yuugi was in the living room, or he would sit next to him when he was reading, or he would enter the kitchen to help him out with the dishes, and so on… and of course, the phone. As far as Yuugi could see, Atemu hadn’t touched his laptop, knowing that would piss him off to the extreme and not even Atemu was as stupid as to mess with the device, filled to the brim with gaming projects and designs.
While working at the Game Shop, his grandfather gave him plenty of openings to talk about the current problems. Even Yuugi’s mother had picked up on the change in the dynamics of the relationship of her son, but Sugoroku was the one to actively try to get him to talk. He appreciated his efforts, but Yuugi didn’t think his grandfather was the right person to talk to. He wanted… no, he needed a third party, someone objective. He knew already who to approach, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her. Anzu had been studying dance in New York for over two years now and she had build up an entirely different life. They had kept in touch through email, text messages and video chats. She was the perfect person to talk to and ask for advice; she knew the both of them and would offer impartial advice, not judging or condemning. Yuugi had entertained the thought of talking to Honda first, but had decided against it. No matter how much he loved and respected Atemu, Honda would always choose Jounouchi’s side, understandably so.
Within seconds, Yuugi send off an email to Anzu, asking if she could help him with relationship advice and he suggested a time and date, after taking the different time zones into account. As expected, she returned an email that of course she was willing to help and accepted the time and date. As Domino City was roughly thirteen hours ahead of New York, Yuugi would call Anzu when it was late at night, which would be early in the morning for her. Now it was up to him to make it possible to talk to her undisturbed; either by having Atemu out of the house or having him incapacitated somehow so he couldn’t eavesdrop. Yuugi knew his lover’s weak points into the finest detail. He exactly knew how to tire out his Pharaoh.
He picked a day when multiple duels were scheduled at KaibaCorp.. These generic demonstration duels weren’t very difficult for Atemu, but Yuugi knew that he would take any duel extremely seriously and go all-out for his beloved game, the intensity draining him mentally. After the duels, Yuugi took him to a restaurant for a nice dinner, but he chose a busy location on purpose, with loud music and a hustle and bustle of customers and waiting staff. When dinner was over, he treated Atemu to one of his favorite kabuki shows, well aware that he’d follow the performance minutiously and sure enough, at the end Atemu had difficulties keeping his eyes open. To top it off, they had to travel home by subway, crowded and loud as ever. By the time they arrived at the Game Shop, Atemu was all but draped in his arms, exhausted from all the noises, impressions and hectic events of the day.
Yuugi wasn’t done yet. He undressed Atemu and made sure to pay extra attention to his lover’s desires, while not forgetting about his own pleasure and joy. When they kissed and cuddled afterwards, Atemu fell asleep mid-sentence, promising Yuugi his forever love. He was completely and totally exhausted. It wasn’t perhaps the classiest act, but Yuugi hadn’t known any other way to make sure that Atemu was out like a light until next morning. Yuugi traipsed towards the living room and booted up his laptop. His mother and grandfather had retired earlier for the night; he was alone and could speak freely. Dressed in his comfy bathrobe, Yuugi installed himself on the sofa and waited until his connection was established. He opened the video chat program and wasn’t surprised to find Anzu, exactly on time, behind the camera, waving enthusiastically at him.
“Yuugi, hey! Good evening!” The bright morning light filtered through the blinds, adding a warm, radiating glow to her hair and face. Anzu looked relaxed, sipping tea from a rather large mug. In the background, he could see the posters she’d hung on the walls of her bedroom; she rented an apartment with two girls from the same dance academy.
“Good morning,” he quipped, relieved to see her in such good spirits. “How are you?”
“I’m enjoying my day off, thank you very much,” she said. “I originally planned to train, but I decided to take it easy. Drink tea, sleep in, take a break, you know..!”
“Good,” Yuugi said. “You’ve been working hard non-stop, so a break’s in order.”
“Thank you.” A wide smile. “Besides, I want to know what’s going on with you two. You really surprised me, by telling me that you wanted some advice.”
“It’s true,” Yuugi said. “I… things have happened and I’m not sure how to deal with it.”
“Tell me.”
He told her everything. He didn’t skip and didn’t spare himself; his selfish desires, how he had pushed Atemu around, how he had kissed Jounouchi and the evening they had spend together, all three of them (though he left out the graphic details). When he was done, he reached for his bottle of water, his throat felt as dry as a piece of sandpaper. Anzu had listened intently without interrupting him even once.
“I’ve got to say, that’s quite a mess you’re in, Yuugi,” she said.
“I know.” It was a sad, pathetic mewl.
“I’ve never noticed such intensity between you and Jounouchi. I mean, I know and I’ve seen for myself that you’re good friends and you’ve been through a lot, but that you were attracted to each other, physically attracted…”
“I have to admit that it started at college,” Yuugi said. “I’m not sure how to describe it. Suddenly it was like… I was seeing him in a different light, you know? He was no longer ‘Jounouchi-kun, my best friend’, but ‘Jounouchi-kun, the person I’ve fallen in love with’. And it confused me more than anything, because I never thought I could feel this much love for someone else, on top of what I was already feeling for Atemu.”
“I can imagine how overwhelming it was for him,” Anzu said. She turned the mug around in her hands. “It’s quite overwhelming for me, too. I guess he felt totally blindsided by your confession, Yuugi, and the kiss… the moment of passion is understandable, but also unfortunate. You can’t turn back time and what happened, happened.”
“Anzu, if you know something, or can tell me what to do…” he begged her. He had told her about Atemu’s changed attitude, the possessiveness that he was displaying by keeping an eye on him, wherever he went.
“I can’t solve this for you, Yuugi,” she said, grimacing. “This is a matter of very intimate, very personal emotions. You have to decide for yourself how you want this to continue. You can’t have them both - not that I would deny you your relationship with two people, but simply because Atemu doesn’t feel the same for Jounouchi as you do. If your feelings for Jounouchi are stronger, then you have to break up with Atemu. If your feelings for Atemu are stronger, then you have to break up with Jounouchi.”
“But I’ll still be seeing Jounouchi-kun at college,” Yuugi protested.
“In that case, you have to avoid any and all suspicion that something might be going on between you two. As you’ve noticed yourself, Atemu doesn’t trust you right now. I’m not saying he’s doing the right thing, Yuugi. I’d love to talk some sense into him, believe me. But as I see it, you can’t have it the way you want it. You have to take a decision. You can’t force a third party into a relationship when your partner doesn’t want it. I don’t foresee Atemu changing his mind about that anytime soon. He just doesn’t love Jounouchi like the way you do and you can scream or sulk all you want, love can’t be forced. I’m sorry, Yuugi. I wish I had a handy dandy solution for you.”
“Thank you for listening to me and talking to me,” Yuugi said. “I was afraid you’d be… well, disgusted by what happened.”
“Like I said, it’s quite overwhelming for me,” she admitted. “I never thought or figured that you’d go this far with Jounouchi. I’d never be disgusted, Yuugi, you know that. I can understand Atemu to a point that he feels threatened, hurt and confused, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. I do believe Jounouchi has a good point for you guys as to not see each other during the summer. Give each other some space and time to think. Everyone has made his feelings quite clear, Yuugi. Now you have to sort it out for yourself what you want to do.”
He agreed. It was too unrealistic to expect her to have a perfect solution at her fingertips, but he was grateful that she’d been willing to talk to him. She was right, he had to sort it out for himself and not drag the others into it. He thanked her once again for listening and they continued the chat, talking about other things: the dance academy, college, the Game Shop, family and friends, the weather and even food, until it was getting so late that Yuugi had to yawn. They said their goodbyes, setting a date for the next video chat and they logged off.
Yuugi sneaked back into the bedroom. As expected, Atemu was still in bed, snoring softly. He had shifted onto his right side, facing the wall. Yuugi yawned again. He took off his bathrobe and slipped under the covers. He moved his arm around Atemu, draping it over his chest. Usually the situation was reversed and Atemu would be the one to spoon behind him, moving his arm around his chest, giving him a feeling of comfort and protection. Yuugi snuggled up to Atemu and pressed a kiss to his neck. He didn’t receive a reaction, not even a non-committal sound.
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Two weeks before his summer holiday would end, Yuugi received an e-mail from college, detailing his third academic year. He was scrolling through the walls of text spelling out all the projects and credits due, and it almost started dizzying him. He focused on the screen to read through the information. When gentle hands came to rest on his shoulders, he wasn’t startled; Atemu had been walking back and forth in the bedroom, taking care of some household chores. He peeked over Yuugi’s head to stare at the laptop screen.
“Aibou, that is going to be a very difficult year,” he said. “So many projects, and you even have to arrange for your own internship! Not one, but two!”
“Yes, it’s going to be a lot of hard work,” Yuugi said.
Atemu kissed him on the top of his head. “You are going to make it, just like last year. You will be the most excellent student of the entire college!” He moved his hands towards Yuugi’s neck and he couldn’t help it, that touch… those long, slender fingers knew exactly where and how to touch him.
“Mou hitori no boku…”
“Yes..?”
He better got that elephant in the room out of the way. “You know that when the academic year starts, I’ll be seeing Jounouchi-kun again, don’t you?”
“Of course I do, aibou.” His voice was just a little too high-pitched. “You will be working with him on your projects.”
“I want your trust,” Yuugi said. “I need it.”
“But you have it, aibou.” Now a little worry was audible. Had Yuugi been mistaken and had Atemu trusted him after all? His actions had told him otherwise. Yuugi leaned back and Atemu moved his hands up, gently trailing over his chin and cheeks. “I love you so much. You have surpassed me in any way possible, and there is no limit as to what you can achieve. I…” He halted. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know,” Yuugi said. “I made such a mess out of everything, and I’ve been thinking it over and over again, but I’m running in circles. I’m so sorry, mou hitori no boku.”
“It is alright,” Atemu said. “My reactions have not always been fair either.”
“You’re still blaming me for that kiss,” Yuugi said. “That one little kiss.”
He frowned. “You were kissing someone else, aibou. I do not care who it was - a kiss, something very intimate that you shared with someone but me.”
Yuugi didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t stop his selfish feelings; he wanted to have them both, and he couldn’t figure it out to make it happen. It was never going to happen. He didn’t want to lose either of them. Yuugi mentally braced himself for another discussion, but Atemu petted his hair, his fingers sifting through the strands.
“We have been through an emotional time,” he said. “Maybe we should go away for a couple of days and retreat from our work and obligations. Where would you like to go to?”
That wasn’t a bad idea at all. Yuugi couldn’t remember when Atemu had taken a break and a mini-holiday sounded nice.
“Somewhere with nature,” he said. “A forest, a beach, mountains… lots of fresh air. Room to move.”
“Very well, aibou.” Atemu nuzzled him. It was so familiar, it was so nice… the feeling of his fingers, the movements… how could he even consider throwing this all away? Every time Atemu touched him, every time he kissed him, it was so full with love and adoration, he’d be insane to give this all up… and yet it didn’t feel complete, not without Jounouchi-kun. It wasn’t about the intimacy. It was about love and care and the affection he felt for the others, for both of them. “You are still crying,” Atemu said, sounding worried. “No more sitting at the desk for you, today. Turn that infernal device off. We will go to the living room and relax.”
“I need the laptop to book our holiday, mou hitori no boku,” Yuugi said. He wiped at his wet cheeks. What a mess!
“Nonsense, I will take care of it. Now turn it off, or I will do it for you.” The former Pharaoh knew how to work with modern technology and common devices, but apart from a Duel Disk and his cell phone, he didn’t use much of what the modern world had to offer. Their friends often poked gentle fun at him for his ‘old fashioned ways’, nothing too seriously. Yuugi just nodded and pressed the on/off button after he closed down his email program. Atemu slipped his arms under his and hoisted him up from the chair, as if he needed help walking.
“Let me take care of you,” he said. “You are my everything, aibou.”
Yuugi didn’t have the heart to answer the same. He was convinced Atemu was his everything too, but somehow… it didn’t feel right to say it..? It added to his confusion and he allowed himself to be guided, as meek as a little lamb, to the living room where Atemu installed him on the couch. If it hadn’t been for the last days of summer, he would’ve smothered Yuugi with an afghan and more blankets and pillows. Instead, he traipsed to the kitchen to make tea for the both of them. Yuugi rested his head against the comfortable cushions. Anzu had told him to sort it out, but how was he supposed to when his mind was going in circles, his thoughts bouncing into every direction and he simply couldn’t see the forest for the trees? How was he ever supposed to create order in this chaos? Atemu returned from the kitchen with the tea and talked about the herbs in this particular blend and their properties and benefits. His voice was a soothing, continuous low hum and Yuugi listened to it, not to the words but to the tone, and his body relaxed by the deep timbre and soon, his eyes slid close.
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Atemu booked a stay at a luxurious all-inclusive resort in Hokkaido, fulfilling two out of Yuugi’s three ‘demands’: forest and mountains. Yuugi didn’t question if they could afford it; the former Pharaoh made a good wage working for Kaiba and he was in charge of the family’s finances, so if there hadn’t been any budget for it, he simply wouldn’t have booked this trip. He had to admit though, there was lots of room to move, literally; their suite was the size of the entire Game Shop building and the resort was located in the middle of a beautiful forest with lots of hiking routes. The change of environment had been a wonderful idea; Yuugi had the feeling he could breathe again, away from the city, away from the house where so many things had happened and where the atmosphere had been heavy and uncomfortable.
The fresh mountain air, the majestic trees and the luxurious suite were simply wonderful. They spend the day of arrival in the large bed, cozy and entangled; the fatigue of working and studying non-stop and the emotional distress as of late had exhausted them both. Splurging even more, they decided to order room service instead of visiting the local restaurant and Yuugi had been more than happy to settle into Atemu’s arms after dinner, for some lazy hugs and cuddles.
“You look well rested, Yuugi,” Sugoroku greeted them upon their return. As with all things wonderful and amazing, the holiday ended too soon. If it were up to Yuugi, he would’ve stayed at the resort for a month, if not longer… but the real world called and he had to go back to college and finish his education. Back to college… it made him nervous, anxious. During their holiday, Jounouchi hadn’t been mentioned and it saddened Yuugi to his very core. He used to talk about his best friend all the time and Atemu as well, and even though the former Pharaoh had never forbidden Yuugi to talk about him, he had dropped him from their daily topics, if only to avoid confrontation or a painful, difficult discussion.
The last weekend before college would start up again, Atemu took him out for dinner and a movie. He had been nothing but perfect, dialing back on his extreme possessiveness and showing Yuugi much love and affection, and care. It confused Yuugi; not Atemu’s attitude, but why he was still thinking so much of Jounouchi. Why couldn’t he stop these senseless, selfish feelings? Like Anzu had said: You can’t have them both. He just doesn’t love Jounouchi as much as you do. Now you have to sort it out for yourself. He just couldn’t. He was unable to ‘sort it out’. If only Atemu wouldn’t be so rigid and simply accept Jounouchi into the relationship… he knew that wasn’t fair and that made him feel guilty all over. It didn’t help matters that he would see Jounouchi the next morning, at the start of the new academic year. Atemu hadn’t said a single thing about it, and Yuugi was wary of bringing up the subject. So he said nothing and laid in Atemu’s arms as usual, enjoying the comfort and warmth of his embrace nonetheless. They exchanged a couple of kisses, slow and passionate, and drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.
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He’d been nervous on his first day of college, but that day seemed like a walk in the park compared to today. Yuugi walked through the large hallways with the confidence and superiority of a third-year student; he knew his way around and greeted his senseis in passing. He was ridiculously early for this year’s introduction class. Yuugi picked a seat and installed his laptop, booting the device up. He was nervous; he had to enter his password twice, his fingers were trembling so much. Get yourself together, he scolded himself mentally, but it was to no avail. Busying himself with the laptop, he didn’t hear the modest footsteps behind him until it was too late.
“Yuugi,” a more than familiar voice greeted him.
He immediately turned around. “Jounouchi-kun..!” Yuugi jumped at him and wrapped his arms around him. Jounouchi reciprocated the gesture, folding his arms around his shoulders and hugging him close. Yuugi laughed and almost cried at the same moment. Jounouchi’s warmth, his scent, his entire being…
“I missed you so much,” he said, voice smothered against Jounouchi’s chest. “Hey! Your clothes smell different.”
“I took your mother’s advice and switched laundry detergent,” Jounouchi laughed, ruffling Yuugi’s hair. “Nothing escapes your attention, does it?”
A faint color spread on Yuugi’s cheeks. Jounouchi withdrew his hand, also coloring lightly.
“You look good,” he said.
“You look good, too.” Yuugi was reluctant to break up the embrace, but the other students could arrive at any moment now, and he didn’t want to get caught in anything intimate, for both his and Jounouchi’s sake. “How was your summer?”
“I worked a lot,” Jounouchi said. “Paper routes, washing dishes, production work… I even took a job at a construction site. I basically worked 24/7.”
“Why?” Yuugi asked, stupefied. “You should’ve taken a small break, at least!”
Jounouchi smiled at him. “So I wouldn’t have the time to think about you,” he said, lowering his voice. “And agonize each and every day for not seeing you, talking to you, touching you…”
Yuugi’s lip quivered. He quickly smiled enthusiastically when other students came into the class room, greeting them.
“I had a nice break,” he said, “we went to Hokkaido for a couple of days. But without you…” he whispered the last words, so no one could overhear him.
“How is our resident Pharaoh?” Jounouchi asked as he sat down, next to Yuugi. No other student would even think of taking that place, they were so used to seeing them in each other’s presence all the time.
What could he say? Atemu had been a wonderful boyfriend and hadn’t checked up on Yuugi’s phone since the last couple of weeks. “I love him, Jounouchi-kun,” Yuugi answered honestly. “I love him so much.”
“I know.” Jounouchi shoved his lanky legs under the desk. “Gods know that I love him too, no matter what. Even in all his stubbornness, he’s strong and majestic.”
Before Yuugi could answer, even if he had an answer, their sensei entered the class room and there was no more time to talk. Yuugi was glad to sit down; he had to process the avalanche of emotions of seeing Jounouchi again. It was of no use fighting all these strong feelings;
he loved Jounouchi just as much as ever and it painfully drove the problem home: nothing had changed, and he was going to hurt two of the people he loved and cared for the most if he didn’t take a decision. His stomach started to tie itself into knots again.
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Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
This entry was originally posted at http://the-goldenpath.dreamwidth.org/89813.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Pairings: forthcoming Atemu x Yuugi x Jounouchi
Rating: M for shounen ai
Warnings: angst, melodrama and sap
Summary: (end of series ‘fix-it’) Yuugi’s leading the life of his dreams: he’s going to college, he has an amazing boyfriend and wonderful friends. Things are about to change when he realizes his feelings for his best friend have turned into love; what does that say about his own relationship and how is he going to deal with it?
Author's Notes: Feedback is a great thing.
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Summer seemed to drag on forever. Yuugi spend most of his time working at the Game Shop, which freed up Atemu to do his promotional work for Duel Monsters and Kaiba’s latest virtual reality gaming system: Solid Vision IV. Kaiba had come amazingly far since he invented the first installment of Solid Vision, and Atemu was the perfect person to demonstrate the high-quality and innovative technology while playing his favorite game. Yuugi was glad that Atemu was happy and talking non-stop about the system and Duel Monsters in general. He wasn’t happy himself, not at all. Jounouchi had been true to his words: Well, I guess we won’t be seeing each other for a while and hadn’t contacted Yuugi, safe for a few neutral text messages. He hadn’t stopped by and he hadn’t invited Yuugi over to his own apartment, even though Yuugi’s mother, also true to her words, had been over to see him and to bring him the plants, rugs and posters. Jounouchi had send Yuugi a picture of his improved and colorful living room and he had returned the message, telling him that he would be over one day to see it for himself… but they didn’t dare to settle upon an appointment.
Yuugi knew that Atemu was checking his phone, not that the former Pharaoh was actually discreet about it. The phone would sometimes be in a different position than Yuugi had left it in. He had never locked the device with a password as he felt he had nothing to hide; still, it grated on his nerves that Atemu was scrutinizing his messages. It shouldn’t be necessary. He confronted him and Atemu didn’t even deny it, though he didn’t give Yuugi a solid answer exactly why he was doing it.
“You can always check my phone, mou hitori no boku, you don’t even need to ask,” Yuugi said to him, “but don’t do it behind my back. You told Jounouchi-kun he had your trust. Why don’t I have your trust?”
He was left without an answer, but he knew why, of course. Atemu was still holding a grudge about his kiss with Jounouchi. Yuugi regretted having confessed it, much to his own dismay. It was of no use to rehash the topic, yet it kept resurfacing. Atemu would deny and claim that he didn’t have a problem with it, not anymore, and Yuugi would point out that he could right see through that blatant lie, to which Atemu would deny again and they would get into a fight. Yuugi hated fighting… but he also hated being treated like a cheater. Though Atemu had never spoken that word out loud, it was conspicuous how he attached himself to Yuugi whenever he wasn’t at work himself.
Despite thinking the opposite, he was very bad at subtlety. He would walk by when Yuugi was in the living room, or he would sit next to him when he was reading, or he would enter the kitchen to help him out with the dishes, and so on… and of course, the phone. As far as Yuugi could see, Atemu hadn’t touched his laptop, knowing that would piss him off to the extreme and not even Atemu was as stupid as to mess with the device, filled to the brim with gaming projects and designs.
While working at the Game Shop, his grandfather gave him plenty of openings to talk about the current problems. Even Yuugi’s mother had picked up on the change in the dynamics of the relationship of her son, but Sugoroku was the one to actively try to get him to talk. He appreciated his efforts, but Yuugi didn’t think his grandfather was the right person to talk to. He wanted… no, he needed a third party, someone objective. He knew already who to approach, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her. Anzu had been studying dance in New York for over two years now and she had build up an entirely different life. They had kept in touch through email, text messages and video chats. She was the perfect person to talk to and ask for advice; she knew the both of them and would offer impartial advice, not judging or condemning. Yuugi had entertained the thought of talking to Honda first, but had decided against it. No matter how much he loved and respected Atemu, Honda would always choose Jounouchi’s side, understandably so.
Within seconds, Yuugi send off an email to Anzu, asking if she could help him with relationship advice and he suggested a time and date, after taking the different time zones into account. As expected, she returned an email that of course she was willing to help and accepted the time and date. As Domino City was roughly thirteen hours ahead of New York, Yuugi would call Anzu when it was late at night, which would be early in the morning for her. Now it was up to him to make it possible to talk to her undisturbed; either by having Atemu out of the house or having him incapacitated somehow so he couldn’t eavesdrop. Yuugi knew his lover’s weak points into the finest detail. He exactly knew how to tire out his Pharaoh.
He picked a day when multiple duels were scheduled at KaibaCorp.. These generic demonstration duels weren’t very difficult for Atemu, but Yuugi knew that he would take any duel extremely seriously and go all-out for his beloved game, the intensity draining him mentally. After the duels, Yuugi took him to a restaurant for a nice dinner, but he chose a busy location on purpose, with loud music and a hustle and bustle of customers and waiting staff. When dinner was over, he treated Atemu to one of his favorite kabuki shows, well aware that he’d follow the performance minutiously and sure enough, at the end Atemu had difficulties keeping his eyes open. To top it off, they had to travel home by subway, crowded and loud as ever. By the time they arrived at the Game Shop, Atemu was all but draped in his arms, exhausted from all the noises, impressions and hectic events of the day.
Yuugi wasn’t done yet. He undressed Atemu and made sure to pay extra attention to his lover’s desires, while not forgetting about his own pleasure and joy. When they kissed and cuddled afterwards, Atemu fell asleep mid-sentence, promising Yuugi his forever love. He was completely and totally exhausted. It wasn’t perhaps the classiest act, but Yuugi hadn’t known any other way to make sure that Atemu was out like a light until next morning. Yuugi traipsed towards the living room and booted up his laptop. His mother and grandfather had retired earlier for the night; he was alone and could speak freely. Dressed in his comfy bathrobe, Yuugi installed himself on the sofa and waited until his connection was established. He opened the video chat program and wasn’t surprised to find Anzu, exactly on time, behind the camera, waving enthusiastically at him.
“Yuugi, hey! Good evening!” The bright morning light filtered through the blinds, adding a warm, radiating glow to her hair and face. Anzu looked relaxed, sipping tea from a rather large mug. In the background, he could see the posters she’d hung on the walls of her bedroom; she rented an apartment with two girls from the same dance academy.
“Good morning,” he quipped, relieved to see her in such good spirits. “How are you?”
“I’m enjoying my day off, thank you very much,” she said. “I originally planned to train, but I decided to take it easy. Drink tea, sleep in, take a break, you know..!”
“Good,” Yuugi said. “You’ve been working hard non-stop, so a break’s in order.”
“Thank you.” A wide smile. “Besides, I want to know what’s going on with you two. You really surprised me, by telling me that you wanted some advice.”
“It’s true,” Yuugi said. “I… things have happened and I’m not sure how to deal with it.”
“Tell me.”
He told her everything. He didn’t skip and didn’t spare himself; his selfish desires, how he had pushed Atemu around, how he had kissed Jounouchi and the evening they had spend together, all three of them (though he left out the graphic details). When he was done, he reached for his bottle of water, his throat felt as dry as a piece of sandpaper. Anzu had listened intently without interrupting him even once.
“I’ve got to say, that’s quite a mess you’re in, Yuugi,” she said.
“I know.” It was a sad, pathetic mewl.
“I’ve never noticed such intensity between you and Jounouchi. I mean, I know and I’ve seen for myself that you’re good friends and you’ve been through a lot, but that you were attracted to each other, physically attracted…”
“I have to admit that it started at college,” Yuugi said. “I’m not sure how to describe it. Suddenly it was like… I was seeing him in a different light, you know? He was no longer ‘Jounouchi-kun, my best friend’, but ‘Jounouchi-kun, the person I’ve fallen in love with’. And it confused me more than anything, because I never thought I could feel this much love for someone else, on top of what I was already feeling for Atemu.”
“I can imagine how overwhelming it was for him,” Anzu said. She turned the mug around in her hands. “It’s quite overwhelming for me, too. I guess he felt totally blindsided by your confession, Yuugi, and the kiss… the moment of passion is understandable, but also unfortunate. You can’t turn back time and what happened, happened.”
“Anzu, if you know something, or can tell me what to do…” he begged her. He had told her about Atemu’s changed attitude, the possessiveness that he was displaying by keeping an eye on him, wherever he went.
“I can’t solve this for you, Yuugi,” she said, grimacing. “This is a matter of very intimate, very personal emotions. You have to decide for yourself how you want this to continue. You can’t have them both - not that I would deny you your relationship with two people, but simply because Atemu doesn’t feel the same for Jounouchi as you do. If your feelings for Jounouchi are stronger, then you have to break up with Atemu. If your feelings for Atemu are stronger, then you have to break up with Jounouchi.”
“But I’ll still be seeing Jounouchi-kun at college,” Yuugi protested.
“In that case, you have to avoid any and all suspicion that something might be going on between you two. As you’ve noticed yourself, Atemu doesn’t trust you right now. I’m not saying he’s doing the right thing, Yuugi. I’d love to talk some sense into him, believe me. But as I see it, you can’t have it the way you want it. You have to take a decision. You can’t force a third party into a relationship when your partner doesn’t want it. I don’t foresee Atemu changing his mind about that anytime soon. He just doesn’t love Jounouchi like the way you do and you can scream or sulk all you want, love can’t be forced. I’m sorry, Yuugi. I wish I had a handy dandy solution for you.”
“Thank you for listening to me and talking to me,” Yuugi said. “I was afraid you’d be… well, disgusted by what happened.”
“Like I said, it’s quite overwhelming for me,” she admitted. “I never thought or figured that you’d go this far with Jounouchi. I’d never be disgusted, Yuugi, you know that. I can understand Atemu to a point that he feels threatened, hurt and confused, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. I do believe Jounouchi has a good point for you guys as to not see each other during the summer. Give each other some space and time to think. Everyone has made his feelings quite clear, Yuugi. Now you have to sort it out for yourself what you want to do.”
He agreed. It was too unrealistic to expect her to have a perfect solution at her fingertips, but he was grateful that she’d been willing to talk to him. She was right, he had to sort it out for himself and not drag the others into it. He thanked her once again for listening and they continued the chat, talking about other things: the dance academy, college, the Game Shop, family and friends, the weather and even food, until it was getting so late that Yuugi had to yawn. They said their goodbyes, setting a date for the next video chat and they logged off.
Yuugi sneaked back into the bedroom. As expected, Atemu was still in bed, snoring softly. He had shifted onto his right side, facing the wall. Yuugi yawned again. He took off his bathrobe and slipped under the covers. He moved his arm around Atemu, draping it over his chest. Usually the situation was reversed and Atemu would be the one to spoon behind him, moving his arm around his chest, giving him a feeling of comfort and protection. Yuugi snuggled up to Atemu and pressed a kiss to his neck. He didn’t receive a reaction, not even a non-committal sound.
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Two weeks before his summer holiday would end, Yuugi received an e-mail from college, detailing his third academic year. He was scrolling through the walls of text spelling out all the projects and credits due, and it almost started dizzying him. He focused on the screen to read through the information. When gentle hands came to rest on his shoulders, he wasn’t startled; Atemu had been walking back and forth in the bedroom, taking care of some household chores. He peeked over Yuugi’s head to stare at the laptop screen.
“Aibou, that is going to be a very difficult year,” he said. “So many projects, and you even have to arrange for your own internship! Not one, but two!”
“Yes, it’s going to be a lot of hard work,” Yuugi said.
Atemu kissed him on the top of his head. “You are going to make it, just like last year. You will be the most excellent student of the entire college!” He moved his hands towards Yuugi’s neck and he couldn’t help it, that touch… those long, slender fingers knew exactly where and how to touch him.
“Mou hitori no boku…”
“Yes..?”
He better got that elephant in the room out of the way. “You know that when the academic year starts, I’ll be seeing Jounouchi-kun again, don’t you?”
“Of course I do, aibou.” His voice was just a little too high-pitched. “You will be working with him on your projects.”
“I want your trust,” Yuugi said. “I need it.”
“But you have it, aibou.” Now a little worry was audible. Had Yuugi been mistaken and had Atemu trusted him after all? His actions had told him otherwise. Yuugi leaned back and Atemu moved his hands up, gently trailing over his chin and cheeks. “I love you so much. You have surpassed me in any way possible, and there is no limit as to what you can achieve. I…” He halted. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know,” Yuugi said. “I made such a mess out of everything, and I’ve been thinking it over and over again, but I’m running in circles. I’m so sorry, mou hitori no boku.”
“It is alright,” Atemu said. “My reactions have not always been fair either.”
“You’re still blaming me for that kiss,” Yuugi said. “That one little kiss.”
He frowned. “You were kissing someone else, aibou. I do not care who it was - a kiss, something very intimate that you shared with someone but me.”
Yuugi didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t stop his selfish feelings; he wanted to have them both, and he couldn’t figure it out to make it happen. It was never going to happen. He didn’t want to lose either of them. Yuugi mentally braced himself for another discussion, but Atemu petted his hair, his fingers sifting through the strands.
“We have been through an emotional time,” he said. “Maybe we should go away for a couple of days and retreat from our work and obligations. Where would you like to go to?”
That wasn’t a bad idea at all. Yuugi couldn’t remember when Atemu had taken a break and a mini-holiday sounded nice.
“Somewhere with nature,” he said. “A forest, a beach, mountains… lots of fresh air. Room to move.”
“Very well, aibou.” Atemu nuzzled him. It was so familiar, it was so nice… the feeling of his fingers, the movements… how could he even consider throwing this all away? Every time Atemu touched him, every time he kissed him, it was so full with love and adoration, he’d be insane to give this all up… and yet it didn’t feel complete, not without Jounouchi-kun. It wasn’t about the intimacy. It was about love and care and the affection he felt for the others, for both of them. “You are still crying,” Atemu said, sounding worried. “No more sitting at the desk for you, today. Turn that infernal device off. We will go to the living room and relax.”
“I need the laptop to book our holiday, mou hitori no boku,” Yuugi said. He wiped at his wet cheeks. What a mess!
“Nonsense, I will take care of it. Now turn it off, or I will do it for you.” The former Pharaoh knew how to work with modern technology and common devices, but apart from a Duel Disk and his cell phone, he didn’t use much of what the modern world had to offer. Their friends often poked gentle fun at him for his ‘old fashioned ways’, nothing too seriously. Yuugi just nodded and pressed the on/off button after he closed down his email program. Atemu slipped his arms under his and hoisted him up from the chair, as if he needed help walking.
“Let me take care of you,” he said. “You are my everything, aibou.”
Yuugi didn’t have the heart to answer the same. He was convinced Atemu was his everything too, but somehow… it didn’t feel right to say it..? It added to his confusion and he allowed himself to be guided, as meek as a little lamb, to the living room where Atemu installed him on the couch. If it hadn’t been for the last days of summer, he would’ve smothered Yuugi with an afghan and more blankets and pillows. Instead, he traipsed to the kitchen to make tea for the both of them. Yuugi rested his head against the comfortable cushions. Anzu had told him to sort it out, but how was he supposed to when his mind was going in circles, his thoughts bouncing into every direction and he simply couldn’t see the forest for the trees? How was he ever supposed to create order in this chaos? Atemu returned from the kitchen with the tea and talked about the herbs in this particular blend and their properties and benefits. His voice was a soothing, continuous low hum and Yuugi listened to it, not to the words but to the tone, and his body relaxed by the deep timbre and soon, his eyes slid close.
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Atemu booked a stay at a luxurious all-inclusive resort in Hokkaido, fulfilling two out of Yuugi’s three ‘demands’: forest and mountains. Yuugi didn’t question if they could afford it; the former Pharaoh made a good wage working for Kaiba and he was in charge of the family’s finances, so if there hadn’t been any budget for it, he simply wouldn’t have booked this trip. He had to admit though, there was lots of room to move, literally; their suite was the size of the entire Game Shop building and the resort was located in the middle of a beautiful forest with lots of hiking routes. The change of environment had been a wonderful idea; Yuugi had the feeling he could breathe again, away from the city, away from the house where so many things had happened and where the atmosphere had been heavy and uncomfortable.
The fresh mountain air, the majestic trees and the luxurious suite were simply wonderful. They spend the day of arrival in the large bed, cozy and entangled; the fatigue of working and studying non-stop and the emotional distress as of late had exhausted them both. Splurging even more, they decided to order room service instead of visiting the local restaurant and Yuugi had been more than happy to settle into Atemu’s arms after dinner, for some lazy hugs and cuddles.
“You look well rested, Yuugi,” Sugoroku greeted them upon their return. As with all things wonderful and amazing, the holiday ended too soon. If it were up to Yuugi, he would’ve stayed at the resort for a month, if not longer… but the real world called and he had to go back to college and finish his education. Back to college… it made him nervous, anxious. During their holiday, Jounouchi hadn’t been mentioned and it saddened Yuugi to his very core. He used to talk about his best friend all the time and Atemu as well, and even though the former Pharaoh had never forbidden Yuugi to talk about him, he had dropped him from their daily topics, if only to avoid confrontation or a painful, difficult discussion.
The last weekend before college would start up again, Atemu took him out for dinner and a movie. He had been nothing but perfect, dialing back on his extreme possessiveness and showing Yuugi much love and affection, and care. It confused Yuugi; not Atemu’s attitude, but why he was still thinking so much of Jounouchi. Why couldn’t he stop these senseless, selfish feelings? Like Anzu had said: You can’t have them both. He just doesn’t love Jounouchi as much as you do. Now you have to sort it out for yourself. He just couldn’t. He was unable to ‘sort it out’. If only Atemu wouldn’t be so rigid and simply accept Jounouchi into the relationship… he knew that wasn’t fair and that made him feel guilty all over. It didn’t help matters that he would see Jounouchi the next morning, at the start of the new academic year. Atemu hadn’t said a single thing about it, and Yuugi was wary of bringing up the subject. So he said nothing and laid in Atemu’s arms as usual, enjoying the comfort and warmth of his embrace nonetheless. They exchanged a couple of kisses, slow and passionate, and drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.
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He’d been nervous on his first day of college, but that day seemed like a walk in the park compared to today. Yuugi walked through the large hallways with the confidence and superiority of a third-year student; he knew his way around and greeted his senseis in passing. He was ridiculously early for this year’s introduction class. Yuugi picked a seat and installed his laptop, booting the device up. He was nervous; he had to enter his password twice, his fingers were trembling so much. Get yourself together, he scolded himself mentally, but it was to no avail. Busying himself with the laptop, he didn’t hear the modest footsteps behind him until it was too late.
“Yuugi,” a more than familiar voice greeted him.
He immediately turned around. “Jounouchi-kun..!” Yuugi jumped at him and wrapped his arms around him. Jounouchi reciprocated the gesture, folding his arms around his shoulders and hugging him close. Yuugi laughed and almost cried at the same moment. Jounouchi’s warmth, his scent, his entire being…
“I missed you so much,” he said, voice smothered against Jounouchi’s chest. “Hey! Your clothes smell different.”
“I took your mother’s advice and switched laundry detergent,” Jounouchi laughed, ruffling Yuugi’s hair. “Nothing escapes your attention, does it?”
A faint color spread on Yuugi’s cheeks. Jounouchi withdrew his hand, also coloring lightly.
“You look good,” he said.
“You look good, too.” Yuugi was reluctant to break up the embrace, but the other students could arrive at any moment now, and he didn’t want to get caught in anything intimate, for both his and Jounouchi’s sake. “How was your summer?”
“I worked a lot,” Jounouchi said. “Paper routes, washing dishes, production work… I even took a job at a construction site. I basically worked 24/7.”
“Why?” Yuugi asked, stupefied. “You should’ve taken a small break, at least!”
Jounouchi smiled at him. “So I wouldn’t have the time to think about you,” he said, lowering his voice. “And agonize each and every day for not seeing you, talking to you, touching you…”
Yuugi’s lip quivered. He quickly smiled enthusiastically when other students came into the class room, greeting them.
“I had a nice break,” he said, “we went to Hokkaido for a couple of days. But without you…” he whispered the last words, so no one could overhear him.
“How is our resident Pharaoh?” Jounouchi asked as he sat down, next to Yuugi. No other student would even think of taking that place, they were so used to seeing them in each other’s presence all the time.
What could he say? Atemu had been a wonderful boyfriend and hadn’t checked up on Yuugi’s phone since the last couple of weeks. “I love him, Jounouchi-kun,” Yuugi answered honestly. “I love him so much.”
“I know.” Jounouchi shoved his lanky legs under the desk. “Gods know that I love him too, no matter what. Even in all his stubbornness, he’s strong and majestic.”
Before Yuugi could answer, even if he had an answer, their sensei entered the class room and there was no more time to talk. Yuugi was glad to sit down; he had to process the avalanche of emotions of seeing Jounouchi again. It was of no use fighting all these strong feelings;
he loved Jounouchi just as much as ever and it painfully drove the problem home: nothing had changed, and he was going to hurt two of the people he loved and cared for the most if he didn’t take a decision. His stomach started to tie itself into knots again.
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