Not Fade Away c_h_o_s_e_n
I felt my body shudder, the rain on my face, as I ran towards the rest of the group. The events of the night replaying themselves in my head like a broken record. I did not understand them, nor did I care to. I wanted to destroy, to kill everything and anything that dared to challenge me. I closed my eyes for a moment as I ran, letting the rain and wind hit my face. Open your eyes… Wesley…
“I don't understand.”
“It'll help you heal faster. If you really plan to join us in this fight-”
“I will fight. I've been broken and humiliated. I will return in kind every blow, every sting. I will shred my adversaries. Pull their eyes out just enough to turn them towards their mewing, mutilated faces.”
The fight. It mattered to him, it mattered more than life itself. Angel had taken his last stand. He had gambled at such a high price, he had worked from within the belly of the beast. He had planned the impossible, and made it possible. He had heeded my advice…
You learn to destroy everything that's not utterly yours… A true ruler is as moral as a hurricane, empty but for the force of his gale… If you want to win a war, you must serve no master but your ambition.
I stopped for a moment, something inside of me had changed. Why? It disturbed me that I had been made to feel emotions. I had always regarded human emotions as a sign of weakness… but on his night it seemed to be the driving force of my whole being.
“Angel told you to do whatever you wanted. Today... tonight, you may all be dead.”
“Yes. Good point.”
“I am not what you want.”
“No.”
“Then why-”
The rain came down harder, making the street seem like a black solid ocean. So empty… like his shell. In the distance I could see the wolf, ram, and hart building. I was almost there.
“There is no perfect day for me, Illyria. There is no sunset or painting or finely-aged scotch that's going to sum up my life and make tonight any... There is nothing that I want.”
“You want to be with Fred.”
“Yes. Yes, that's where I'd be if I could.”
“I could assume her shape, make her come alive again this once for you. But you would never ask me to.”
“The first lesson a watcher learns is to separate truth from illusion. Because in the world of magics, it's the hardest thing to do. The truth is that Fred is gone. To pretend anything else would be a lie. And since I don't actually intend to die tonight, I won't accept a lie. Is it better?”
“It's better.”
Wesley… The rained covered every inch of my body, and I shivered from sheer anger, feeing hot like a flame in the sun. I closed my eyes again, and for a moment I could hear Wesley’s voice…
“Wesley…This wound is mortal.”
“Aren't we all? It was good... that you came.”
“I killed all mine, and I was...”
“Concerned?”
“I think so. But I can't help. You'll be dead within moments...”
"I know."
I felt the most interesting feeling, something deep in the pit of my stomach. Something that wasn’t allowing me to breathe… I grabbed my throat, I held my chest, and I felt as if though a knife had sliced me from end to end and all my insides had spilled onto the street…
“Would you like me to lie to you now?”
“Yes...Thank you. Yes...Hello there.”
“Oh, Wesley. My Wesley.”
“Fred. I've missed you.”
“It's gonna be OK. It won't hurt much longer, and then you'll be where I am. We'll be together.”
“I-I love you.”
“I love you. My love. Oh, my love.”
I finally got to my destination. I climbed a small building nearby and I could see Angel and Spike and in the distance I cold see Gunn running towards them.
“Any word on Wes?” He asked.
I jumped down from the chain-link fence and stood behind Angel.
“Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence.”
“Well, wishes just happen to be horses today.”
“Among other things.”
“OK. You take the 30,000 on the left...”
“You're fading. You'll last 10 minutes at best.” I said noticing his wound.
“Then let's make 'em memorable.”
The demons approached at a great speed, from above and below. I looked at the sky and saw an ancient creature fly above us… A dragon.
“In terms of a plan?”
“We fight.”
“Bit more specific.”
“Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.”
I was ready to die here and now. I would annihilate each and every single one of these demons, they would face my wrath, the wrath of the god king Illyria.
“I don't understand.”
“It'll help you heal faster. If you really plan to join us in this fight-”
“I will fight. I've been broken and humiliated. I will return in kind every blow, every sting. I will shred my adversaries. Pull their eyes out just enough to turn them towards their mewing, mutilated faces.”
The fight. It mattered to him, it mattered more than life itself. Angel had taken his last stand. He had gambled at such a high price, he had worked from within the belly of the beast. He had planned the impossible, and made it possible. He had heeded my advice…
You learn to destroy everything that's not utterly yours… A true ruler is as moral as a hurricane, empty but for the force of his gale… If you want to win a war, you must serve no master but your ambition.
I stopped for a moment, something inside of me had changed. Why? It disturbed me that I had been made to feel emotions. I had always regarded human emotions as a sign of weakness… but on his night it seemed to be the driving force of my whole being.
“Angel told you to do whatever you wanted. Today... tonight, you may all be dead.”
“Yes. Good point.”
“I am not what you want.”
“No.”
“Then why-”
The rain came down harder, making the street seem like a black solid ocean. So empty… like his shell. In the distance I could see the wolf, ram, and hart building. I was almost there.
“There is no perfect day for me, Illyria. There is no sunset or painting or finely-aged scotch that's going to sum up my life and make tonight any... There is nothing that I want.”
“You want to be with Fred.”
“Yes. Yes, that's where I'd be if I could.”
“I could assume her shape, make her come alive again this once for you. But you would never ask me to.”
“The first lesson a watcher learns is to separate truth from illusion. Because in the world of magics, it's the hardest thing to do. The truth is that Fred is gone. To pretend anything else would be a lie. And since I don't actually intend to die tonight, I won't accept a lie. Is it better?”
“It's better.”
Wesley… The rained covered every inch of my body, and I shivered from sheer anger, feeing hot like a flame in the sun. I closed my eyes again, and for a moment I could hear Wesley’s voice…
“Wesley…This wound is mortal.”
“Aren't we all? It was good... that you came.”
“I killed all mine, and I was...”
“Concerned?”
“I think so. But I can't help. You'll be dead within moments...”
"I know."
I felt the most interesting feeling, something deep in the pit of my stomach. Something that wasn’t allowing me to breathe… I grabbed my throat, I held my chest, and I felt as if though a knife had sliced me from end to end and all my insides had spilled onto the street…
“Would you like me to lie to you now?”
“Yes...Thank you. Yes...Hello there.”
“Oh, Wesley. My Wesley.”
“Fred. I've missed you.”
“It's gonna be OK. It won't hurt much longer, and then you'll be where I am. We'll be together.”
“I-I love you.”
“I love you. My love. Oh, my love.”
I finally got to my destination. I climbed a small building nearby and I could see Angel and Spike and in the distance I cold see Gunn running towards them.
“Any word on Wes?” He asked.
I jumped down from the chain-link fence and stood behind Angel.
“Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence.”
“Well, wishes just happen to be horses today.”
“Among other things.”
“OK. You take the 30,000 on the left...”
“You're fading. You'll last 10 minutes at best.” I said noticing his wound.
“Then let's make 'em memorable.”
The demons approached at a great speed, from above and below. I looked at the sky and saw an ancient creature fly above us… A dragon.
“In terms of a plan?”
“We fight.”
“Bit more specific.”
“Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.”
I was ready to die here and now. I would annihilate each and every single one of these demons, they would face my wrath, the wrath of the god king Illyria.