Themostrandompostmyfirstforalongeffingtimemightdeleteitlaterjustneedtogetthingsoffmychest.
You will have no idea about what the hell this post is about. I havn't posted in a year. There is a reason. I'm living my life instead of writing about it. And it's better this way. But. Tonight I needed to vent.
Two paragraphs about two old loves.
At what point do you finally start to move on?
We won't ever 'be' again. He NEVER, EVER wants the things I want. We DON'T have a future. I know, well, I hope that when I go away I will finally move on. To be honest, I don't know what i'm hoping for. It would kill me to find out if he had someone else to love him. But I don't want to be his 'one' either. I just wanna be. Someone. Somebody's someone. But all I can think about is his way. No one else comes close to the way he was. I miss his touch. The way he kissed my arm. The way he kissed my back during the night to let me know he was 'just there'. The way he caressed my skin. The way he made love to me. The way be held me afterwards. The way he smiled at me. The way we were. We will never be again. And that's fine. I will eventually get over it. For now. I'm just selfish. I can't stand the thought of him being anyone else's somebody right now. Give me three months and I will be on the other side of the world, too far away to notice.
Relationships. Old lovers. Never quite go away, I don't think. If anything to honour what you had together, it doesn't all go away. No matter how much from the outside it looks okay. Inside is what counts. So don't tell me I was pretending. Or moved on so soon. I never stopped loving you. I WILL NEVER STOP loving you. You are in my heart, and sometimes my mind, every single damn day. I don't know what we had all those months ago. I think you just got out of a relationship and needed someone. Or maybe we needed each other. Whatever it was we had, we rekindled, so clearly over now. But that's ok. We'll always HAVE WHAT WE HAD. That time was special for me. And when I said those things to you, I felt like I was that 18 year old girl again when we first met. I thought you couldn've been the one. It made sense. Because I have NEVER stopped caring for you. But then, what do I know? Once again, we want different things, you have your interests, I have mine. You break my heart sometimes in the things you do. Although lately, I just let you be, atleast that way I can't be accused of being hypercritical. But I love you. I dream of you sometimes you know? Sometimes I wake up and feel sad. Sometimes I sit on the train to work and replay my dream as if it were real and smile. You seem so real i my dreams. Why are you still there?
I guess i'm just mixed up like the rest of them.
This is utter shit.
Just needed to get this off my chest. I'm not looking for answers. Unanswers are fine. If I had all the answers, a lot of lifes bullshit would not exist.
Enough.
Out.
Two paragraphs about two old loves.
At what point do you finally start to move on?
We won't ever 'be' again. He NEVER, EVER wants the things I want. We DON'T have a future. I know, well, I hope that when I go away I will finally move on. To be honest, I don't know what i'm hoping for. It would kill me to find out if he had someone else to love him. But I don't want to be his 'one' either. I just wanna be. Someone. Somebody's someone. But all I can think about is his way. No one else comes close to the way he was. I miss his touch. The way he kissed my arm. The way he kissed my back during the night to let me know he was 'just there'. The way he caressed my skin. The way he made love to me. The way be held me afterwards. The way he smiled at me. The way we were. We will never be again. And that's fine. I will eventually get over it. For now. I'm just selfish. I can't stand the thought of him being anyone else's somebody right now. Give me three months and I will be on the other side of the world, too far away to notice.
Relationships. Old lovers. Never quite go away, I don't think. If anything to honour what you had together, it doesn't all go away. No matter how much from the outside it looks okay. Inside is what counts. So don't tell me I was pretending. Or moved on so soon. I never stopped loving you. I WILL NEVER STOP loving you. You are in my heart, and sometimes my mind, every single damn day. I don't know what we had all those months ago. I think you just got out of a relationship and needed someone. Or maybe we needed each other. Whatever it was we had, we rekindled, so clearly over now. But that's ok. We'll always HAVE WHAT WE HAD. That time was special for me. And when I said those things to you, I felt like I was that 18 year old girl again when we first met. I thought you couldn've been the one. It made sense. Because I have NEVER stopped caring for you. But then, what do I know? Once again, we want different things, you have your interests, I have mine. You break my heart sometimes in the things you do. Although lately, I just let you be, atleast that way I can't be accused of being hypercritical. But I love you. I dream of you sometimes you know? Sometimes I wake up and feel sad. Sometimes I sit on the train to work and replay my dream as if it were real and smile. You seem so real i my dreams. Why are you still there?
I guess i'm just mixed up like the rest of them.
This is utter shit.
Just needed to get this off my chest. I'm not looking for answers. Unanswers are fine. If I had all the answers, a lot of lifes bullshit would not exist.
Enough.
Out.