the hate i hold for myself
you know no body reads this and i have nobody to talk to so im gonna let everything out on this....
last week was the hardest week ive ever had in my life....i screwed up the best thing i had in my life last week....and i hate myself immensly for it....i hurt the one person i had in my life that understood me, that knew me and accepted me for me, the one person that really really loved me. i am so disgusted with myself because i am losing him..and its all because i have an anger problem and i start so many arguements with him.....i cant stand myself and i doubt ill be able too for awhile...
you know i dont deserve him and ive realized that for a long time but he still stayed with me...and he once told me that our relationship was unique because no matter how much we fought...our love ran deeper than any fight we could get into.....and now i pushed him to the point where he wont talk to me...and im just so stupid for not realizing what i was doing to him....and i just wish that i could take all the hurt i caused him back, i wish he would take me back, and i jsut wish hed give me the chance to prove to him that there wouldnt be any more fight and that he wouldnt have to worry about getting hurt...i just wish hed talk to me and let me show him how sorry i am......we had so many plans and we were gonna be that old couple on the porch sitting side by side in rocking chairs watching the sunset....and we were gonna be the abc family, and we had everything planned out and now because im so stupid its gonna be all gone....and i hate myself for it...hes the one thing that means the world to me and now my world is falling apart with out him....
that boy is my heart and soul...and if i lose him completely ill have neither....i'd love to see him just one more time...to just be in his arms and to just feel him around me....i love him with all that i am and i know that if he gave me one more chance i could prove to him that he would never have to worry about hurting again....maybe ill update more later maybe when i dont hate myself anymore
brit
last week was the hardest week ive ever had in my life....i screwed up the best thing i had in my life last week....and i hate myself immensly for it....i hurt the one person i had in my life that understood me, that knew me and accepted me for me, the one person that really really loved me. i am so disgusted with myself because i am losing him..and its all because i have an anger problem and i start so many arguements with him.....i cant stand myself and i doubt ill be able too for awhile...
you know i dont deserve him and ive realized that for a long time but he still stayed with me...and he once told me that our relationship was unique because no matter how much we fought...our love ran deeper than any fight we could get into.....and now i pushed him to the point where he wont talk to me...and im just so stupid for not realizing what i was doing to him....and i just wish that i could take all the hurt i caused him back, i wish he would take me back, and i jsut wish hed give me the chance to prove to him that there wouldnt be any more fight and that he wouldnt have to worry about getting hurt...i just wish hed talk to me and let me show him how sorry i am......we had so many plans and we were gonna be that old couple on the porch sitting side by side in rocking chairs watching the sunset....and we were gonna be the abc family, and we had everything planned out and now because im so stupid its gonna be all gone....and i hate myself for it...hes the one thing that means the world to me and now my world is falling apart with out him....
that boy is my heart and soul...and if i lose him completely ill have neither....i'd love to see him just one more time...to just be in his arms and to just feel him around me....i love him with all that i am and i know that if he gave me one more chance i could prove to him that he would never have to worry about hurting again....maybe ill update more later maybe when i dont hate myself anymore
brit