Puffy eyes....
I laid there holding onto Xander as I kept remembering the funeral. It was weird for the most part, no one was really talking except to say 'I'm sorry for your loss' or the continued to talk about how good a person Joyce was. Which she was but I wasn't even sure if half of those people actually knew who she was. I tried extremely hard to keep quiet and not interrupt the ceremony, which made me even sadder and I had tons of questions about the whole process.
I hadn't ever actually been to a funeral before but I couldn't help but stare at everyone as they cried. All of them seemed to let her go in different ways including Xander. He wasn't crying that hard but he held onto very tightly as if I possessed some sort of comfort. As I heard him it even made me start to tear up knowing that he was going through pain. It wasn't physical but it was mental and on some level I understood that.
What made it worse was the eery calm I sensed from Buffy. I knew she was more upset than any of us yet she tried her hardest not to show it. Was she stronger about holding her feelings in than the rest of us, does that come in the slayer package. Whatever it was being near her sent chills down my spine.
After all was said and done I realized now more than ever I'd never see her again. I didn't much see her before and a thought occurred to me. What if I ever needed help teach me cook, or if I ever needed her to help to help me wallow over one of Xanders little outburst. Of course I'd never done that with Joyce but now I can never do anything with Joyce.
I snapped out of it as squeezed tightly to Xander. He seemed to be doing much better after the little game we had played. It was nice, almost the best we'd ever had. I smiled as I started to remember something on Oprah I watched the other day. It was interesting actually more than I thought it would be. Usually I tune in to catch the shimmer that is her and how people look up to her. There is of course more to her than that, like she was worth ALOT money from doing this show.
I crawled onto of Xander and lightly pressed his lips against mine. He had a knew tone in the way he was behaving and I was assuming it was all because of Joyce. Everything seemed to revolve around her but the most part now It was beginning to be more interesting. I started to play with his less greasy hair, I could tell he didn't apply that nasty gell this morning.
"That was nice..." I reached in for one more kiss, "We should do that more often without the funeral part in the morning of course. It's actually quite interesting coming back here and us having sex"
Keeping both Oprah and Joyce in the back of my mind, I wondered if he was thinking the same thing or if this was grief sex. Which of course was more than just fine but there seemed to be something lingering about in his head.
"Are you thinking of Joyce too?"
[open to Xander]
I hadn't ever actually been to a funeral before but I couldn't help but stare at everyone as they cried. All of them seemed to let her go in different ways including Xander. He wasn't crying that hard but he held onto very tightly as if I possessed some sort of comfort. As I heard him it even made me start to tear up knowing that he was going through pain. It wasn't physical but it was mental and on some level I understood that.
What made it worse was the eery calm I sensed from Buffy. I knew she was more upset than any of us yet she tried her hardest not to show it. Was she stronger about holding her feelings in than the rest of us, does that come in the slayer package. Whatever it was being near her sent chills down my spine.
After all was said and done I realized now more than ever I'd never see her again. I didn't much see her before and a thought occurred to me. What if I ever needed help teach me cook, or if I ever needed her to help to help me wallow over one of Xanders little outburst. Of course I'd never done that with Joyce but now I can never do anything with Joyce.
I snapped out of it as squeezed tightly to Xander. He seemed to be doing much better after the little game we had played. It was nice, almost the best we'd ever had. I smiled as I started to remember something on Oprah I watched the other day. It was interesting actually more than I thought it would be. Usually I tune in to catch the shimmer that is her and how people look up to her. There is of course more to her than that, like she was worth ALOT money from doing this show.
I crawled onto of Xander and lightly pressed his lips against mine. He had a knew tone in the way he was behaving and I was assuming it was all because of Joyce. Everything seemed to revolve around her but the most part now It was beginning to be more interesting. I started to play with his less greasy hair, I could tell he didn't apply that nasty gell this morning.
"That was nice..." I reached in for one more kiss, "We should do that more often without the funeral part in the morning of course. It's actually quite interesting coming back here and us having sex"
Keeping both Oprah and Joyce in the back of my mind, I wondered if he was thinking the same thing or if this was grief sex. Which of course was more than just fine but there seemed to be something lingering about in his head.
"Are you thinking of Joyce too?"
[open to Xander]