In Multiples of Three
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis and I am not making any money by writing about it.
Title: In Multiples of Three
Author: Madelin Breaker
Warnings: Slash
Pairings: McKay/Zelenka
Season: 2
Rating: K+ (This is the fanfiction.net rating-I belong to so many yahoo groups that I can’t keep track of which group uses what rating system)
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
Feedback: Please
Summary: The events surrounding the Arcturus project never quite left Radek’s mind. The underlying anger sparks a series of events and revelations on which Radek had never planned.
This is a fic written for the Radekathon. terrie01 wanted a misunderstanding resolved and a happy ending.
Special thanks to my beta readers Faith-chan and noctuabunda. All mistakes are still mine especially since I’m awful at following instructions.
In the years that follow, Radek looks back at the moment of transition with great shame and a twinge of embarrassment at his cluelessness. Rodney tells the story on the rare occasions he feels like sharing, but he leaves out the emotional portions, turning it into a funny anecdote. They have never told the whole story, leaving the past in the past, but Radek can’t help filling in the blanks silently in his head.
They are arguing-but that is normal.
“Radek, this couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the ZPM.” McKay gestures wildly at a display. “The equations are completely different.”
“Yes, yes, I admit that is new, but these are the same, yes?” He is also pointing exaggeratedly, getting in McKay’s personal space.
The next several minutes are filled with heated words-the argument escalating-neither of them giving up ground. In the end, it doesn’t matter who would have won.
The words that ring out clearly at the climax are ones that Radek had discovered in the bowels of Russia. The other men were bigger and cruder-he made a few concessions in order to survive-he learned the lingo.
Radek sputters to take the foreign words back, but in the haze of his own shock English fails him. It comes out in broken Czech and Rodney doesn’t stick around to hear even that.
He stares at the gaping hole, realizing what has changed.
***
Three days of receiving orders via e-mail later, Zelenka realizes that McKay isn’t going to get over the mistake on his own.
Not so coincidently, Atlantis is once again in a state of panic. A team exploring the city inadvertently turned on a Wraith homing device leftover from the siege and Rodney, of course, has locked himself in with it.
Radek can’t believe that Rodney is still angry in the face of certain death-the hive ships just appearing on long range sensors. Communicating through the computer system is impractical at best and fairly stupid for a man of McKay’s ego--the few seconds for a message to transmit could make all the difference in this situation.
“What are you doing here?” His tone has an extra edge of viciousness. “You’re supposed to be setting up the cloak.”
“It is done. I am needed here.” Radek counters with as much calmness as he can muster given the situation.
“I think I can handle this on my own, thank you.”
“It will go faster.”
“If I wanted your help, I would have asked.”
Radek blinks-the enormity of Rodney’s stubbornness catching him off guard.
“I apologize for whatever I said that is making you act more like a bastard than usual. Could we please deactivate the Wraith homing device before they arrive?”
“Fine, but I’m still not speaking to you when this is over.”
***
It takes three more days for Radek to trap Rodney in his quarters so they can finish the fight.
“This cannot continue.”
Rodney looks up from his desk. “Have you ever heard of privacy?”
“You have been avoiding me.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“And Ronon always guards the mess hall while you are eating?”
“I suppose you find a man doing me a favor offensive.”
Radek can’t make sense of that even when applying Rodney’s twisted sense of logic. “What?”
Rodney throws the Russian phrase angrily back into his face.
“I did not mean it.” He can’t believe that Rodney is fixated on that. “I picked that up in Russia, trying to -how do the Americans put it-- be one of the guys.” And you accused me of professional jealousy.
Which Rodney, of course, can’t hear. “I was in Russia.”
“I know.”
“I wasn’t one of the guys.”
The wind is knocked out of the annoyance Radek had started to muster. In Russia, he had been lucky, but in other places he had experienced the same type of discrimination faced by other geeks. Homophobic slander certainly wasn’t above them-apparently caring more about the work than finding a girlfriend translated automatically into being gay. He realizes that given Rodney’s irritating nature he probably has heard far nastier phrases in a multitude of languages.
He looks back at Rodney, but the man has already started typing again, dismissing Radek.
“Rodney?”
“Go away--I don’t want to deal with this.”
“It was a slip of the tongue--not something worth ruining our friendship over.”
“Friendship?” Rodney snorts. “Fine, I’ll come back to the lab tomorrow.”
“Rodney.” Somehow he doesn’t believe that Rodney has suddenly relented.
“Do you know what they do when they find out you really are gay?”
And that is the last piece of the puzzle-one that Radek hasn’t been expecting.
“No”
“I’ll spare you the gory details, but maybe you can fathom why I’m so upset.”
“Yes. I am sorry.” He flees not knowing what else to do.
***
Radek spends another three day avoiding the main lab as much as possible and dodging Elizabeth’s questions as to why her two lead scientists are never in the same room together.
He can’t meet Rodney’s eyes without pity and he knows that that is the one thing Rodney will never tolerate.
A massive explosion in Lab 6, however, forces them back together. Kavanagh has been all too perfectly replaced.
“Nice of you to show up.”
“Now is not the time.” Zelenka opens a panel and begin sorting circuit paths.
“I’m just saying that you forced me into the first heart to heart I’ve had since I was three and you leave Elizabeth to chase after me.”
“Remove the third crystal down.” He thinks that was a heart to heart?
“What good will that do?”
“It is connection to hub of sorts.”
“I knew that-so only half the pier blows up rather than the entire thing. That’s helpful.” McKay pauses to give him a sarcastic look, but discovers that Zelenka is halfway in the console.
“It also prevents this room from exploding. Elizabeth spoke to me as well.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That she should be used to the antics of the science staff.”
“Oh.”
Radek pulls his head out of the console. “I do not care that you are gay.”
Rodney nods.
“How did this happen?” Radek doesn’t let the moment settle, fearing what silence would breed.
“The SGC sent Kavanagh’s replacement.”
“And job description included being an overly confident dimwit.”
“This time,” McKay sounds almost happy given the situation, “we can send him back.”
“Yes Rodney, but focus. I actually like the south pier.”
“I can multi-task.”
Radek groans.
***
“Gentlemen, calm down!”
“Elizabeth, he nearly blew up the south pier-we’re down a lab which we hadn’t finished exploring-not to mention the minor accidents all last week-I don’t have time to baby-sit the pyro-wannabe.”
“I hear what you’re saying Rodney, but there are procedures that have to be followed.”
“I agree with him.” Zelenka points to Rodney, standing beside him. “Zimber is going to get us killed.”
“All right, I’ll review what happened today and make recommendations accordingly.”
“Good. Now we have a mess to clean up.”
Zelenka makes a funny face-the only problem with making peace with Rodney is that he will now be dragged all over the city. “We? I have projects…”
“Actually,” Elizabeth interrupts, “I need to speak with Dr. Zelenka.”
“Oh.” Rodney’s face goes expressionless, reminding Radek that he hasn’t suddenly become the trusting type. He leaves without adding anything further.
“Is something going on…” Elizabeth trails off.
“No.” He laughs, falsely. “Rodney is just being Rodney.”
Elizabeth doesn’t look like she’s buying it, but lets it go.
“General Landry wants someone from the science department to brief a number of foreign diplomats about the work we’re doing. The International Alliance has become shaky at best so he wants to make a lasting impression.”
“Elizabeth.” He pulls on his collar. “I am not sure I am the right person for this job.”
“I can’t send Rodney for obvious reasons. No one else knows the full scope of the project.”
“I will do my best.” Zelenka agrees because sadly she is right.
“You’ll leave with the next scheduled check in with Earth.”
Rodney is waiting for him outside Elizabeth’s office.
“Do not worry-she is sending me to deal with diplomats.” Radek looks appropriately forlorn.
“Hmf.” Rodney smiles and starts toward the lab.
***
The eighteen days on the Daedalus are far more torturous than Radek had envisioned. In between the certain doom of open space and the feeling of being trapped in a sardine can, he is antsy to set foot on Atlantis again.
The cramped quarters are actually the problem for once-three of the new female scientists have attached themselves to him.
He can’t decide whether Kavanagh has given McKay such a bad reputation that they are trying to make an ally before they arrive or whether they’ve just collectivity decided to be his groupies. Either way, he just wants them to go away.
Which leads to real issue at hand-when does a single man turn down three obviously sane women following him around without at least checking them out first?
It doesn’t hit him like a ton of clichéd bricks, but it does make him pause.
Awkward teenage memories haunt the few moments he can get to himself.
They didn’t seem abnormal at the time--just that he didn’t respond the same as the rest of his peers. The hot young female teacher that they all joked about “marrying” accompanied by a wink never did anything for him-he didn’t hide porn magazines under his mattress-he certainly didn’t hang a sock on the door knob when at university.
He always figured his desire for a girl would develop later, but now they are women and he is hiding from them.
***
“How did you realize you are gay?”
They are working together in one of the labs recently cleared of any easily discernable danger.
“I know it is none of my business, but I am curious.”
Rodney’s face is stuck between “What? Are you stupid?” and “I can’t believe you just asked me a personal question.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe being attracted to men was the first clue.” His tone is brutishly sarcastic-evidence that he still isn’t comfortable with Zelenka knowing.
And by far it is not the elegant answer Radek is seeking--the one that distinguishes between confused curiosity and reality.
“Oh, I thought it would be more complicated than that.”
McKay is eyeing him oddly, but Zelenka hands him pliers in the hope that he’ll focus most of his attention back inside the panel.
“Well, the huge embarrassing crush on my male chem lab partner was a completely uncomplicated revelation.”
Zelenka still doesn’t find his answer, but he recognizes that perhaps McKay had one too may startling discoveries in childhood.
***
“Tell me about the chem lab partner.”
They are trapped in an Ancient lab on PX3-636 waiting for a power regeneration cycle to complete so they can leave.
“What? Why are you still fixated on that? I still have half an hour left on my lap top battery. I’m working.”
“It is the only thing you have shared in how much time of working together.”
“You know I have a sister.”
“You thought you were dying.”
“You have a point there.”
Rodney starts typing again.
“Rodney?” His voice is edged with unwarranted warning--somehow Rodney has become his only link to discovering his repressed sexuality.
“Okay, okay.” Radek watches him collect his thoughts, hoping that the pause means that he’ll get more than sarcasm. “Ryan Benning-hmf-he was afraid to light the Bunsen burner-which considering the fact that I face death by life sucking aliens everyday makes him sound pathetic.” He picks up speed. The reministic mood is replaced by his usual panicked pace. “It’s inconceivable what I saw in him-I wrote him a note-that’s what everyone did in high school, but it always seemed so corny to me-anyway-no one told the geek that liking a guy wasn’t normal.” McKay stops to breathe. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Okay.”
The silence is deafening. Zelenka realizes that McKay is never going to come up with a poetic answer-he simply doesn’t have one. The confusion he is feeling now compares on no level to what Rodney faced in the homophobic world of his childhood. Whether he is being led on by the shock of Rodney’s admission or really discovered the reason behind his romantic failures, it would have to be tested in a different manner.
Rodney slams his lab top shut. “Is this your way of making me feel pathetic? I can’t help the fact that I was born with a superior intellect. I know that…”
Radek breaks into the diatribe. “No, I am sorry I asked you to share.” He keeps his voice honestly apologetic. He hadn’t meant to get Rodney’s hackles up.
“I suppose you have some wildly entertaining stories from hanging out with the guys.
“I take them out. I get bored. I take them home.” Radek tries to be funny to counter the mood he’s created.
“Ha! I’ve done better than that.”
“With women!”
“I usually prefer not to repeat the painful experiences in my life.”
Luckily Sheppard banging on the door ends the conversation.
***
It occurs to Radek that having a sexual crisis this late in life is not very wise. He is sitting in a briefing debating upon whether Colonel Caldwell’s ass does anything for him. He finds it rather disturbing that he has gotten that desperate for answers-on the cerebral level the man has no appeal.
“I could have used your help in there.” Rodney follows him out of the briefing.
“The Great Rodney McKay needed my help.”
“Well--No, but both of us talking at once confuses Elizabeth enough for her to give us a go ahead. Now we have to wait another week and run more simulations.”
Yes, a really bad time for a sexual crisis.
“And since this is your fault-you can spend the next week in the dark cold windowless lab rerunning the simulations.”
Radek mumbles in Czech about sexual preferences and revenge on Rodney McKay.
“Why are you still following me? The lab is that way.” He points helpfully.
“I was admiring your ass. I have lap top.” He holds it up for Rodney to see. “Not tools.”
“Oh-well in that case.” Rodney gives him an odd look and turns around to keep walking.
***
The one week turns into three as McKay manages to get caught in an explosion on PRX-9455.
“I don’t see why you do not just leave.”
Rodney has orders to rest in his quarters and, of course, has goaded Radek into bringing him work.
“Because all the pain killers in the universe aren’t going to cover up the fact that I’m a bit singed.”
“Perhaps you should learn to run faster.”
“Yes, I’ll just add trips to the gym in amongst saving our lives on a daily basis.”
“It would be beneficial to your health.” Radek remarks calmly, adding a touch of reality to the snarky conversation.
“Oh, don’t start getting mushy on me. I already had the “would you please stop trying to get yourself killed” lecture from Elizabeth yesterday.”
“Mushy?” Radek snorts. “I am just tired of research schedule being disrupted by your inability to out run danger.”
But Radek is concerned-not that Rodney visits the infirmary anymore than usual-but more that he worries about loosing a friend.
“Disrupting the research schedule? At least I’m not so busy checking Elizabeth out that I forget to speak.”
Radek starts to laugh-loudly-uncontrollably-while Rodney looks at him seriously perplexed.
He can’t help himself. With all the inner confusion he has been facing and all the questions that he has less than discreetly asked, Rodney had still followed his eyes to the wrong person.
“I was not staring at Elizabeth.” Radek manages to get out-tears just starting to form.
Radek watches as Rodney’s face goes through a series of even more perplexed expressions as he reasons out the truth.
A knot suddenly forms in the pit of Radek’s stomach when he realizes that the moment is here-the one where he has to admit it out loud and it becomes real.
“You can’t be gay.”
“Why not?”
“You were drunk and blabbering about Elizabeth’s breasts.”
“When?”
Rodney thinks for a moment. “Never mind-I just always assumed…”
The silence grows awkward-Rodney doesn’t know what to say-and Radek is embarrassed that Rodney finds the idea so unbelievable. He mumbles something about the lab and makes a hasty exit.
***
It’s six more days before Rodney considers moving from his quarters and Zelenka finally finds himself in the lab that they’ve desperately been wanting to play with for weeks.
Working with Rodney again surprisingly isn’t weird-Rodney has gotten over his uncertainty about the matter and is chirping happily about finally getting to turn the device on.
“You were staring at Caldwell’s ass?” Perhaps Radek had jumped to conclusion at little too fast.
“Yes.” Radek responds, hesitantly-he really doesn’t want to admit to anything related to the irritable man.
“The only good part about being stuck on the other side of the galaxy with hoards of military men is that they work out-oh-and fire the occasional well placed bullet-but that’s not what we’re talking about.”
Radek’s eyes grow wide-the conversation is far too surreal-but Rodney is merely typing away on the console-leaving him to hurriedly catch up with his part.
“Have you run into,” Rodney pauses in thought, “I think his name is Jarvis ...Javis…maybe...he came with the last Daedalus run-blonde hair-blue eyes-and looks like he could bend a bar of steel in half-yes-I know that’s not physically possible…”
Rodney looks at him this time and catches the deer in the head lights look. “What?”
“I can’t do this.”
“I thought we had concluded that this is what you did,” His voice isn’t laced with the usual sarcasm-he looks more like this dog has run away all over again.
“I did not do this before and after years of listening to you go on and on about one Samantha Carter it seems a bit odd.”
“That was my cover.”
“Oh.” He understands the crushed expression-Rodney has lived in fear of being humiliated for so long that being able to admit to someone that he thinks Sergeant Harvis is well built is relief of major proportions-he can do this-perhaps bonding over something other than science would be good for their friendship. “His name is Harvis and I usually give him a wide berth---my tensile strength does not match that of steel.”
Rodney relaxes visibly.
The day ends in victory for the dynamic duo and defeat for Heisenberg-in between diagnosing the hotness of most of the male members of the expedition-they mange to capture both the position and the velocity of an electrons at the same time.
Kids stuff for the Ancients-perhaps-but amazing enough for the next generation to have celebratory pudding.
***
The sense of comradery is short-lived, however.
Three day of playing with the electron of a hydrogen atom and they are arguing about air resistance of all things.
“This didn’t used to happen.”
“What?” McKay bristles, annoyed that Zelenka has had a revelation mid argument.
“An urge to spit vulgar profanities.”
“Well maybe something in the Pegasus galaxy acts as a constant truth serum. Should I call Carson down to check it out?”
“It amazes me that you think so little of me.”
“Think so little-what?-you’re the one-well, hasn’t this argument progressed to the level of five year olds.”
“That I will agree with.”
“Then what is the problem? I would like to get some actual work done today.”
“You do not trust me.”
“What?”
Radek realizes how silly it must sound-that Rodney has started to trust him on personal level-which amazingly is far harder for him than even the intellectual realm.
“Is this about Arcturus? I already apologized for that-numerous times-if I remember correctly. I was pissed that for the first time I couldn’t just will something to happen. I really wanted a weapon that could blow the hell out of the Wraith.”
Radek can seen the tinge of fear in his eyes and realizes that that moment really hadn’t been about him correctly questioning the calculations, but more about the loss of the only line of defense that geeks have when backed into the wall-the ability to outsmart anything. Whatever had happened in Rodney’s childhood and his natural talent had prevented him from developing a psychological backup plan-one where it’s okay to be wrong and the planet will keep spinning.
Radek nods. “I understand now.”
“Good.”
“I will still argue with you.”
“Just don’t expect me to listen.
Radek snorts. The reason this started is because Rodney paid too much attention to every word that ever passed through his lips.
***
“I want to know why the Ancients never went on to map larger electron clouds.”
They are sitting up against the wall of Rodney’s quarters-the Daedalus has just returned from its Earth rotation and brought a fresh supply of ice cream.
“Did we not open a new lab today?”
“Yes-yes-but it feels so incomplete-why did they bother?”
“Perhaps it led to something else and then electrons seemed insignificant.”
“See if you can find anything associated with the Heisenberg Crushing Device tomorrow.”
Radek groans-he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. “I’m sure that is what they named it.”
“Whatever.” And the Rodney does something rather unexpected-or perhaps not-he steals ice cream out of Radek’s bowl. “Did you see any of the new military personal?”
“I was pilfering ice cream-I was avoiding military personal.”
“Oh”
Zelenka decides to just take some of Rodney’s ice cream in turn.
“Hey-what are you doing?”
“Taking my share.”
“That’s enough because your ice cream is gross.”
“There is nothing wrong with pistachio.”
“I would only eat that if it was the last ice cream on Atlantis, which it probably will be.”
For that, Radek intersects the spoonful of mint chocolate chip on its way to Rodney’s mouth.
“You will pay for that when I’m finished.”
Rodney scoots away and begins shoveling ice cream into his mouth.
“Vordel thinks she has found beginning of wormhole dynamic exploration.”
“Vordel always thinks that-last week she presented me with a potato salad recipe-I mean where does the SGC find these people?’
“Perhaps this is Carter’s revenge for pretending to have crush on her.”
“Sending moronic people to head the chemistry department while annoying lacks a certain flair I would have expected from her.”
Radek snorts. “I think Vordel actually found something useful today; though, it has nothing to do with wormhole dynamics.”
“Really? Send it to me in the morning.”
Without warning Radek finds himself being pounced upon by Rodney-he must have taken his advice and gotten some training from Teyla-Radek finds his pistachio ice cream decorating the front of his shirt and Rodney McKay’s lips pressed up again his.
“Rodney-this is Elizabeth.” Her voice comes through on Rodney’s radio. “Stackhouse’s team has recovered a Wraith dart-I thought you might like to take a look.”
“Yes, course, I’ll be right there. McKay out.”
Rodney stands up, checking his clothes for signs of ice cream. Radek wonders how he can sneak back to his quarter without anyone noticing.
“It made sense in the moment.” Rodney nervously admits.
“I am not complaining-it just had never occurred to me.”
“Never occurred…” Rodney disappears, loosing whatever else he was saying and returns with a clean shirt.
“You are always talking about military men.”
“Talking is the key word.”
Radek accepts the shirt from Rodney and self-consciously begin the process of changing-through the muffle of the fabric he hears Rodney rambling about why he would only date a fellow scientist and Radek takes the time to read between the lines-that this isn’t just about convenience-that Rodney really cares.
“The shirt is too big.”
“Like you don’t look frumpy all the time anyway.”
“Remind me to do something horrible to your laundry.”
Rodney laughs as though he doesn’t believe that Radek could pull a fast one on him. “Let’s go.”
Rodney grabs Zelenka’s ass before the door can open-Radek yelps-glares at McKay-and off they go to save the galaxy again.
The End
Title: In Multiples of Three
Author: Madelin Breaker
Warnings: Slash
Pairings: McKay/Zelenka
Season: 2
Rating: K+ (This is the fanfiction.net rating-I belong to so many yahoo groups that I can’t keep track of which group uses what rating system)
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
Feedback: Please
Summary: The events surrounding the Arcturus project never quite left Radek’s mind. The underlying anger sparks a series of events and revelations on which Radek had never planned.
This is a fic written for the Radekathon. terrie01 wanted a misunderstanding resolved and a happy ending.
Special thanks to my beta readers Faith-chan and noctuabunda. All mistakes are still mine especially since I’m awful at following instructions.
In the years that follow, Radek looks back at the moment of transition with great shame and a twinge of embarrassment at his cluelessness. Rodney tells the story on the rare occasions he feels like sharing, but he leaves out the emotional portions, turning it into a funny anecdote. They have never told the whole story, leaving the past in the past, but Radek can’t help filling in the blanks silently in his head.
They are arguing-but that is normal.
“Radek, this couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the ZPM.” McKay gestures wildly at a display. “The equations are completely different.”
“Yes, yes, I admit that is new, but these are the same, yes?” He is also pointing exaggeratedly, getting in McKay’s personal space.
The next several minutes are filled with heated words-the argument escalating-neither of them giving up ground. In the end, it doesn’t matter who would have won.
The words that ring out clearly at the climax are ones that Radek had discovered in the bowels of Russia. The other men were bigger and cruder-he made a few concessions in order to survive-he learned the lingo.
Radek sputters to take the foreign words back, but in the haze of his own shock English fails him. It comes out in broken Czech and Rodney doesn’t stick around to hear even that.
He stares at the gaping hole, realizing what has changed.
***
Three days of receiving orders via e-mail later, Zelenka realizes that McKay isn’t going to get over the mistake on his own.
Not so coincidently, Atlantis is once again in a state of panic. A team exploring the city inadvertently turned on a Wraith homing device leftover from the siege and Rodney, of course, has locked himself in with it.
Radek can’t believe that Rodney is still angry in the face of certain death-the hive ships just appearing on long range sensors. Communicating through the computer system is impractical at best and fairly stupid for a man of McKay’s ego--the few seconds for a message to transmit could make all the difference in this situation.
“What are you doing here?” His tone has an extra edge of viciousness. “You’re supposed to be setting up the cloak.”
“It is done. I am needed here.” Radek counters with as much calmness as he can muster given the situation.
“I think I can handle this on my own, thank you.”
“It will go faster.”
“If I wanted your help, I would have asked.”
Radek blinks-the enormity of Rodney’s stubbornness catching him off guard.
“I apologize for whatever I said that is making you act more like a bastard than usual. Could we please deactivate the Wraith homing device before they arrive?”
“Fine, but I’m still not speaking to you when this is over.”
***
It takes three more days for Radek to trap Rodney in his quarters so they can finish the fight.
“This cannot continue.”
Rodney looks up from his desk. “Have you ever heard of privacy?”
“You have been avoiding me.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“And Ronon always guards the mess hall while you are eating?”
“I suppose you find a man doing me a favor offensive.”
Radek can’t make sense of that even when applying Rodney’s twisted sense of logic. “What?”
Rodney throws the Russian phrase angrily back into his face.
“I did not mean it.” He can’t believe that Rodney is fixated on that. “I picked that up in Russia, trying to -how do the Americans put it-- be one of the guys.” And you accused me of professional jealousy.
Which Rodney, of course, can’t hear. “I was in Russia.”
“I know.”
“I wasn’t one of the guys.”
The wind is knocked out of the annoyance Radek had started to muster. In Russia, he had been lucky, but in other places he had experienced the same type of discrimination faced by other geeks. Homophobic slander certainly wasn’t above them-apparently caring more about the work than finding a girlfriend translated automatically into being gay. He realizes that given Rodney’s irritating nature he probably has heard far nastier phrases in a multitude of languages.
He looks back at Rodney, but the man has already started typing again, dismissing Radek.
“Rodney?”
“Go away--I don’t want to deal with this.”
“It was a slip of the tongue--not something worth ruining our friendship over.”
“Friendship?” Rodney snorts. “Fine, I’ll come back to the lab tomorrow.”
“Rodney.” Somehow he doesn’t believe that Rodney has suddenly relented.
“Do you know what they do when they find out you really are gay?”
And that is the last piece of the puzzle-one that Radek hasn’t been expecting.
“No”
“I’ll spare you the gory details, but maybe you can fathom why I’m so upset.”
“Yes. I am sorry.” He flees not knowing what else to do.
***
Radek spends another three day avoiding the main lab as much as possible and dodging Elizabeth’s questions as to why her two lead scientists are never in the same room together.
He can’t meet Rodney’s eyes without pity and he knows that that is the one thing Rodney will never tolerate.
A massive explosion in Lab 6, however, forces them back together. Kavanagh has been all too perfectly replaced.
“Nice of you to show up.”
“Now is not the time.” Zelenka opens a panel and begin sorting circuit paths.
“I’m just saying that you forced me into the first heart to heart I’ve had since I was three and you leave Elizabeth to chase after me.”
“Remove the third crystal down.” He thinks that was a heart to heart?
“What good will that do?”
“It is connection to hub of sorts.”
“I knew that-so only half the pier blows up rather than the entire thing. That’s helpful.” McKay pauses to give him a sarcastic look, but discovers that Zelenka is halfway in the console.
“It also prevents this room from exploding. Elizabeth spoke to me as well.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That she should be used to the antics of the science staff.”
“Oh.”
Radek pulls his head out of the console. “I do not care that you are gay.”
Rodney nods.
“How did this happen?” Radek doesn’t let the moment settle, fearing what silence would breed.
“The SGC sent Kavanagh’s replacement.”
“And job description included being an overly confident dimwit.”
“This time,” McKay sounds almost happy given the situation, “we can send him back.”
“Yes Rodney, but focus. I actually like the south pier.”
“I can multi-task.”
Radek groans.
***
“Gentlemen, calm down!”
“Elizabeth, he nearly blew up the south pier-we’re down a lab which we hadn’t finished exploring-not to mention the minor accidents all last week-I don’t have time to baby-sit the pyro-wannabe.”
“I hear what you’re saying Rodney, but there are procedures that have to be followed.”
“I agree with him.” Zelenka points to Rodney, standing beside him. “Zimber is going to get us killed.”
“All right, I’ll review what happened today and make recommendations accordingly.”
“Good. Now we have a mess to clean up.”
Zelenka makes a funny face-the only problem with making peace with Rodney is that he will now be dragged all over the city. “We? I have projects…”
“Actually,” Elizabeth interrupts, “I need to speak with Dr. Zelenka.”
“Oh.” Rodney’s face goes expressionless, reminding Radek that he hasn’t suddenly become the trusting type. He leaves without adding anything further.
“Is something going on…” Elizabeth trails off.
“No.” He laughs, falsely. “Rodney is just being Rodney.”
Elizabeth doesn’t look like she’s buying it, but lets it go.
“General Landry wants someone from the science department to brief a number of foreign diplomats about the work we’re doing. The International Alliance has become shaky at best so he wants to make a lasting impression.”
“Elizabeth.” He pulls on his collar. “I am not sure I am the right person for this job.”
“I can’t send Rodney for obvious reasons. No one else knows the full scope of the project.”
“I will do my best.” Zelenka agrees because sadly she is right.
“You’ll leave with the next scheduled check in with Earth.”
Rodney is waiting for him outside Elizabeth’s office.
“Do not worry-she is sending me to deal with diplomats.” Radek looks appropriately forlorn.
“Hmf.” Rodney smiles and starts toward the lab.
***
The eighteen days on the Daedalus are far more torturous than Radek had envisioned. In between the certain doom of open space and the feeling of being trapped in a sardine can, he is antsy to set foot on Atlantis again.
The cramped quarters are actually the problem for once-three of the new female scientists have attached themselves to him.
He can’t decide whether Kavanagh has given McKay such a bad reputation that they are trying to make an ally before they arrive or whether they’ve just collectivity decided to be his groupies. Either way, he just wants them to go away.
Which leads to real issue at hand-when does a single man turn down three obviously sane women following him around without at least checking them out first?
It doesn’t hit him like a ton of clichéd bricks, but it does make him pause.
Awkward teenage memories haunt the few moments he can get to himself.
They didn’t seem abnormal at the time--just that he didn’t respond the same as the rest of his peers. The hot young female teacher that they all joked about “marrying” accompanied by a wink never did anything for him-he didn’t hide porn magazines under his mattress-he certainly didn’t hang a sock on the door knob when at university.
He always figured his desire for a girl would develop later, but now they are women and he is hiding from them.
***
“How did you realize you are gay?”
They are working together in one of the labs recently cleared of any easily discernable danger.
“I know it is none of my business, but I am curious.”
Rodney’s face is stuck between “What? Are you stupid?” and “I can’t believe you just asked me a personal question.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe being attracted to men was the first clue.” His tone is brutishly sarcastic-evidence that he still isn’t comfortable with Zelenka knowing.
And by far it is not the elegant answer Radek is seeking--the one that distinguishes between confused curiosity and reality.
“Oh, I thought it would be more complicated than that.”
McKay is eyeing him oddly, but Zelenka hands him pliers in the hope that he’ll focus most of his attention back inside the panel.
“Well, the huge embarrassing crush on my male chem lab partner was a completely uncomplicated revelation.”
Zelenka still doesn’t find his answer, but he recognizes that perhaps McKay had one too may startling discoveries in childhood.
***
“Tell me about the chem lab partner.”
They are trapped in an Ancient lab on PX3-636 waiting for a power regeneration cycle to complete so they can leave.
“What? Why are you still fixated on that? I still have half an hour left on my lap top battery. I’m working.”
“It is the only thing you have shared in how much time of working together.”
“You know I have a sister.”
“You thought you were dying.”
“You have a point there.”
Rodney starts typing again.
“Rodney?” His voice is edged with unwarranted warning--somehow Rodney has become his only link to discovering his repressed sexuality.
“Okay, okay.” Radek watches him collect his thoughts, hoping that the pause means that he’ll get more than sarcasm. “Ryan Benning-hmf-he was afraid to light the Bunsen burner-which considering the fact that I face death by life sucking aliens everyday makes him sound pathetic.” He picks up speed. The reministic mood is replaced by his usual panicked pace. “It’s inconceivable what I saw in him-I wrote him a note-that’s what everyone did in high school, but it always seemed so corny to me-anyway-no one told the geek that liking a guy wasn’t normal.” McKay stops to breathe. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Okay.”
The silence is deafening. Zelenka realizes that McKay is never going to come up with a poetic answer-he simply doesn’t have one. The confusion he is feeling now compares on no level to what Rodney faced in the homophobic world of his childhood. Whether he is being led on by the shock of Rodney’s admission or really discovered the reason behind his romantic failures, it would have to be tested in a different manner.
Rodney slams his lab top shut. “Is this your way of making me feel pathetic? I can’t help the fact that I was born with a superior intellect. I know that…”
Radek breaks into the diatribe. “No, I am sorry I asked you to share.” He keeps his voice honestly apologetic. He hadn’t meant to get Rodney’s hackles up.
“I suppose you have some wildly entertaining stories from hanging out with the guys.
“I take them out. I get bored. I take them home.” Radek tries to be funny to counter the mood he’s created.
“Ha! I’ve done better than that.”
“With women!”
“I usually prefer not to repeat the painful experiences in my life.”
Luckily Sheppard banging on the door ends the conversation.
***
It occurs to Radek that having a sexual crisis this late in life is not very wise. He is sitting in a briefing debating upon whether Colonel Caldwell’s ass does anything for him. He finds it rather disturbing that he has gotten that desperate for answers-on the cerebral level the man has no appeal.
“I could have used your help in there.” Rodney follows him out of the briefing.
“The Great Rodney McKay needed my help.”
“Well--No, but both of us talking at once confuses Elizabeth enough for her to give us a go ahead. Now we have to wait another week and run more simulations.”
Yes, a really bad time for a sexual crisis.
“And since this is your fault-you can spend the next week in the dark cold windowless lab rerunning the simulations.”
Radek mumbles in Czech about sexual preferences and revenge on Rodney McKay.
“Why are you still following me? The lab is that way.” He points helpfully.
“I was admiring your ass. I have lap top.” He holds it up for Rodney to see. “Not tools.”
“Oh-well in that case.” Rodney gives him an odd look and turns around to keep walking.
***
The one week turns into three as McKay manages to get caught in an explosion on PRX-9455.
“I don’t see why you do not just leave.”
Rodney has orders to rest in his quarters and, of course, has goaded Radek into bringing him work.
“Because all the pain killers in the universe aren’t going to cover up the fact that I’m a bit singed.”
“Perhaps you should learn to run faster.”
“Yes, I’ll just add trips to the gym in amongst saving our lives on a daily basis.”
“It would be beneficial to your health.” Radek remarks calmly, adding a touch of reality to the snarky conversation.
“Oh, don’t start getting mushy on me. I already had the “would you please stop trying to get yourself killed” lecture from Elizabeth yesterday.”
“Mushy?” Radek snorts. “I am just tired of research schedule being disrupted by your inability to out run danger.”
But Radek is concerned-not that Rodney visits the infirmary anymore than usual-but more that he worries about loosing a friend.
“Disrupting the research schedule? At least I’m not so busy checking Elizabeth out that I forget to speak.”
Radek starts to laugh-loudly-uncontrollably-while Rodney looks at him seriously perplexed.
He can’t help himself. With all the inner confusion he has been facing and all the questions that he has less than discreetly asked, Rodney had still followed his eyes to the wrong person.
“I was not staring at Elizabeth.” Radek manages to get out-tears just starting to form.
Radek watches as Rodney’s face goes through a series of even more perplexed expressions as he reasons out the truth.
A knot suddenly forms in the pit of Radek’s stomach when he realizes that the moment is here-the one where he has to admit it out loud and it becomes real.
“You can’t be gay.”
“Why not?”
“You were drunk and blabbering about Elizabeth’s breasts.”
“When?”
Rodney thinks for a moment. “Never mind-I just always assumed…”
The silence grows awkward-Rodney doesn’t know what to say-and Radek is embarrassed that Rodney finds the idea so unbelievable. He mumbles something about the lab and makes a hasty exit.
***
It’s six more days before Rodney considers moving from his quarters and Zelenka finally finds himself in the lab that they’ve desperately been wanting to play with for weeks.
Working with Rodney again surprisingly isn’t weird-Rodney has gotten over his uncertainty about the matter and is chirping happily about finally getting to turn the device on.
“You were staring at Caldwell’s ass?” Perhaps Radek had jumped to conclusion at little too fast.
“Yes.” Radek responds, hesitantly-he really doesn’t want to admit to anything related to the irritable man.
“The only good part about being stuck on the other side of the galaxy with hoards of military men is that they work out-oh-and fire the occasional well placed bullet-but that’s not what we’re talking about.”
Radek’s eyes grow wide-the conversation is far too surreal-but Rodney is merely typing away on the console-leaving him to hurriedly catch up with his part.
“Have you run into,” Rodney pauses in thought, “I think his name is Jarvis ...Javis…maybe...he came with the last Daedalus run-blonde hair-blue eyes-and looks like he could bend a bar of steel in half-yes-I know that’s not physically possible…”
Rodney looks at him this time and catches the deer in the head lights look. “What?”
“I can’t do this.”
“I thought we had concluded that this is what you did,” His voice isn’t laced with the usual sarcasm-he looks more like this dog has run away all over again.
“I did not do this before and after years of listening to you go on and on about one Samantha Carter it seems a bit odd.”
“That was my cover.”
“Oh.” He understands the crushed expression-Rodney has lived in fear of being humiliated for so long that being able to admit to someone that he thinks Sergeant Harvis is well built is relief of major proportions-he can do this-perhaps bonding over something other than science would be good for their friendship. “His name is Harvis and I usually give him a wide berth---my tensile strength does not match that of steel.”
Rodney relaxes visibly.
The day ends in victory for the dynamic duo and defeat for Heisenberg-in between diagnosing the hotness of most of the male members of the expedition-they mange to capture both the position and the velocity of an electrons at the same time.
Kids stuff for the Ancients-perhaps-but amazing enough for the next generation to have celebratory pudding.
***
The sense of comradery is short-lived, however.
Three day of playing with the electron of a hydrogen atom and they are arguing about air resistance of all things.
“This didn’t used to happen.”
“What?” McKay bristles, annoyed that Zelenka has had a revelation mid argument.
“An urge to spit vulgar profanities.”
“Well maybe something in the Pegasus galaxy acts as a constant truth serum. Should I call Carson down to check it out?”
“It amazes me that you think so little of me.”
“Think so little-what?-you’re the one-well, hasn’t this argument progressed to the level of five year olds.”
“That I will agree with.”
“Then what is the problem? I would like to get some actual work done today.”
“You do not trust me.”
“What?”
Radek realizes how silly it must sound-that Rodney has started to trust him on personal level-which amazingly is far harder for him than even the intellectual realm.
“Is this about Arcturus? I already apologized for that-numerous times-if I remember correctly. I was pissed that for the first time I couldn’t just will something to happen. I really wanted a weapon that could blow the hell out of the Wraith.”
Radek can seen the tinge of fear in his eyes and realizes that that moment really hadn’t been about him correctly questioning the calculations, but more about the loss of the only line of defense that geeks have when backed into the wall-the ability to outsmart anything. Whatever had happened in Rodney’s childhood and his natural talent had prevented him from developing a psychological backup plan-one where it’s okay to be wrong and the planet will keep spinning.
Radek nods. “I understand now.”
“Good.”
“I will still argue with you.”
“Just don’t expect me to listen.
Radek snorts. The reason this started is because Rodney paid too much attention to every word that ever passed through his lips.
***
“I want to know why the Ancients never went on to map larger electron clouds.”
They are sitting up against the wall of Rodney’s quarters-the Daedalus has just returned from its Earth rotation and brought a fresh supply of ice cream.
“Did we not open a new lab today?”
“Yes-yes-but it feels so incomplete-why did they bother?”
“Perhaps it led to something else and then electrons seemed insignificant.”
“See if you can find anything associated with the Heisenberg Crushing Device tomorrow.”
Radek groans-he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. “I’m sure that is what they named it.”
“Whatever.” And the Rodney does something rather unexpected-or perhaps not-he steals ice cream out of Radek’s bowl. “Did you see any of the new military personal?”
“I was pilfering ice cream-I was avoiding military personal.”
“Oh”
Zelenka decides to just take some of Rodney’s ice cream in turn.
“Hey-what are you doing?”
“Taking my share.”
“That’s enough because your ice cream is gross.”
“There is nothing wrong with pistachio.”
“I would only eat that if it was the last ice cream on Atlantis, which it probably will be.”
For that, Radek intersects the spoonful of mint chocolate chip on its way to Rodney’s mouth.
“You will pay for that when I’m finished.”
Rodney scoots away and begins shoveling ice cream into his mouth.
“Vordel thinks she has found beginning of wormhole dynamic exploration.”
“Vordel always thinks that-last week she presented me with a potato salad recipe-I mean where does the SGC find these people?’
“Perhaps this is Carter’s revenge for pretending to have crush on her.”
“Sending moronic people to head the chemistry department while annoying lacks a certain flair I would have expected from her.”
Radek snorts. “I think Vordel actually found something useful today; though, it has nothing to do with wormhole dynamics.”
“Really? Send it to me in the morning.”
Without warning Radek finds himself being pounced upon by Rodney-he must have taken his advice and gotten some training from Teyla-Radek finds his pistachio ice cream decorating the front of his shirt and Rodney McKay’s lips pressed up again his.
“Rodney-this is Elizabeth.” Her voice comes through on Rodney’s radio. “Stackhouse’s team has recovered a Wraith dart-I thought you might like to take a look.”
“Yes, course, I’ll be right there. McKay out.”
Rodney stands up, checking his clothes for signs of ice cream. Radek wonders how he can sneak back to his quarter without anyone noticing.
“It made sense in the moment.” Rodney nervously admits.
“I am not complaining-it just had never occurred to me.”
“Never occurred…” Rodney disappears, loosing whatever else he was saying and returns with a clean shirt.
“You are always talking about military men.”
“Talking is the key word.”
Radek accepts the shirt from Rodney and self-consciously begin the process of changing-through the muffle of the fabric he hears Rodney rambling about why he would only date a fellow scientist and Radek takes the time to read between the lines-that this isn’t just about convenience-that Rodney really cares.
“The shirt is too big.”
“Like you don’t look frumpy all the time anyway.”
“Remind me to do something horrible to your laundry.”
Rodney laughs as though he doesn’t believe that Radek could pull a fast one on him. “Let’s go.”
Rodney grabs Zelenka’s ass before the door can open-Radek yelps-glares at McKay-and off they go to save the galaxy again.
The End