Why can't life just be peachy for once?
I'm sick of academic work. I'm sick of writing papers simply to prove my intelect and understanding of something I read, but care only so much about. I want to do something that has more meaning and more immediate results, not to mention some sort of useful life-skill value. Going to class and doing the work feels so mindless and routine. I have no desire to try hard, and thusly I can't seem to assimilate information, or even pay attention in class. I feel like culinary school would be the ideal solution to my troubles. I feel I would much rather cook food for a living rather than study social statistics and spend the next few years simply just writing to prove a point.
I've been advised to stay at Maryland and finish getting my Bachelor's Degree by my parents. After all, I am halfway there already. But the problem is this: there is so much I dislike and can't-seem-to-get-to-like about this place and the people that it just seems too overwhelming to suggest that I stay here for another two years, when I'm barely getting around to the 18-month mark.
And now there's a dilemma with getting housing for next year. I can possibly get an apartment, but I would be bound to a year-long lease, thus signing myself to being at Maryland for that year and most likely the year after. Or I can try to get a suite (or a regular dorm again, which I hope to avoid), which I could easily get out of, but then would have to worry about being thrown out of housing for my senior year if I stay at Maryland.
It's all just too much right now, I can't take it. I'm feel so frustrated and upset and angry and helpless, even moreso now than when I was at Ithaca. I know "you're not supposed to have all the answers at age 19," but dammit, one or two answers would be really great right now.