Help, I have done it again...
Title: Help, I have done it again
Pairing: Connor and Angel but not Connor/Angel
Fandom: Angel the Series
Summary: Connor sees the final fight in Not Fade Away and reacts in the only way he can. (Not Beta'd you've been warned)
Spoilers: Sort of spoilers for NFA I suppose
Dedication: Written for swtlilhann who wanted angsty Connor and Angel fic. She commissioned by services at the_fund and you can too by going here inspired by two songs that queen_mecha used for the Connor soundtrack that I commissioned from her. Breathe Me by Sia and Angel Dream by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
word count 1784
Connor dreams of a dragon breathing fire and flying in the sky while a city full of people run to get out of it's way. His father doesn't run, despite Connor thrashing on the bed and crying out for Angel to run. Get away from the dragon and the flames. His body is drenched in sweat, every muscle in his body tense as he sees his father take out the eye of the dragon just before he shatters into dust. Connor wakes up screaming, "Dad!". Lawrence Riley rushes into the room to calm his son, but nothing helps. Connor doesn't speak another word.
The Riley's worry about their son and his not quite catatonic state. He barely sleeps, he barely eats, and is gone for days at a time. When he returns home he's covered in blood, various sorts of goo, dust, and his eyes show no sign of life. They beg Connor to talk to them. They plead with him to let them help, but Connor looks right through them before turning to head up the stairs to take a shower, change into new clothes, and leave again. Their son hasn't said a word in weeks. They realize it's time to seek help.
Connor growls at the intruder he finds waiting in the living room of the Riley's house. He doesn't trust outsiders, strangers, and when the stranger insists on asking Connor questions, Connor attempts to walk past him. Lawrence Riley makes the mistake of grabbing Connor by the wrist in an attempt to make him stay and finds himself thrown into the nearest wall. Connor never returns to the Riley's house again. It hasn't been home for weeks anyway.
The Hyperion is still standing when Connor enters the lobby. He can smell their lingering scents and if he closes his eyes he can still hear their voices. Sometimes he thinks he can hear his own voice, but he knows it's just a dream. Connor has yet to speak since the night he woke up screaming for his father. He doubts he'll ever speak again and that is okay. One of the rules for surviving in Quor'toth was to not speak unless you absolutely had to. It was too easy to be tracked by demons if you made noise and frankly Connor has nothing to say. The only person he wishes to talk to died fighting a dragon.
Connor has no idea how much time has passed since he returned to the life of the Destroyer. He takes to the streets from sunset to sunrise slaughtering every demon in his path. So far the humans have stayed out of his way, but Connor isn't sure he can stop himself from taking them out too if they try and stop him. He's back to surviving on his instincts. He has new a mission and it's to kill anything that could have possibly helped to take his father away from him.
When he returns to the hotel, battered, bruised, bleeding, and exhausted he steps under the shower head and tries to wash the evidence away. He can scrub until his skin is raw and bleeding, but he always feel dirty. When he lays on the bed in his father's room and stares at the ceiling, he has entire conversations in his mind with his dad. He rages and screams, fighting with Angel until they are both collapsed on the floor in bloody heaps. He's infuriated that he's been left again. He's infuriated that he allowed himself to leave just because Angel sounded desperate when he pleaded with Connor to go.
It's not that Connor believes things would have turned out differently had Angel let Connor help in the final fight. He realizes if Angel, Spike and Illyria didn't make it back then the addition of just Connor wouldn't have changed the odds that much in their favor. At least he would have gone out fighting. He maybe would have had a chance to rest once the fight was over. Instead, Connor is left standing and he didn't even have a chance to bury this father. That hurts more than he likes to admit, but Connor doesn't speak so is it really an admission if it's just another thought in his already overcrowded mind?
Every day he loses more of Connor Riley and becomes more like the Destroyer. Names mean very little to him because he's had many in his young life. Stephen, Connor, Connor Riley, all just names that covered his true identity. Because all along, just below the surface, blood screaming and boiling beneath his skin, Connor is the Destroyer. Maybe if he had shown this world his true face no one would have dared to take away the only family he had left.
The Riley's were good people and a pretty lie that his father gave him as a present after their fight in the mall turned fatal.
"I really do love you, Connor."
"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?"
"Prove it."
The blade cut deep and fast and Connor died staring into the tear filled eyes of his father. He thought that Angel killed him for the same reason Connor killed Jasmine. When you are a parent the one pain that cuts the deepest and bleeds you dry is watching your child suffer. Jasmine couldn't remain in this world because the pain was too deep. She'd lost too much and she just wanted to rest. Connor gave her that gift with a fist through her skull.
As Connor was bleeding on the floor of the sporting goods store and his body was turning cold fast, he thought his father had made the same choice. He realized later, when his memories came rushing back while he was fighting Sahjahn, that his father had his own way of trying to bring Connor peace. He thinks that it had to be harder on Angel than it was on Connor. Connor merely ended Jasmine's existence. Angel cut himself out of Connor's existence, but knew that Connor was off somewhere calling someone else Dad. Living the life that Angel couldn't provide him. The ultimate sacrifice to save his boy.
Connor tried to cling tightly to that life. He'd told his father that he couldn't be saved by a lie, but when the lie was revealed to Connor he couldn't help but want to keep it. Almost immediately he realized it was impossible. There were two sets of memories and both felt real, but deep down his instincts were of the Destroyer. He took to hunting at night and blowing off exams at Stanford. Not that he was kicked out. Apparently his new life provided him with the amazing ability to ace tests he never opened books to study for. Funny how that worked.
He realizes now that he was clinging to the life for his father. To give Angel something to hold on to when he was haunted by the image of a knife slicing into his only son's throat as he tried to save his boy. Because the moment that Connor felt their connection severed he stopped trying to cling to the lie. He reverted immediately the life that was his reality.
Soon word gets out that it is best to avoid the teenage boy who moves like a predator through the streets of LA. Demons try to run, but Connor hunts them down and slaughters them without much effort. He searches for bigger and badder demons and somewhere in the darkest corner of his mind he realizes he's just waiting to come up against something he can't take down. He's waiting for another blade to slice into his throat so he can finally rest. It doesn't happen and night after night, Connor fights until he practically has to crawl back to the lobby of the hotel to wait for the sun to set again.
It's been weeks, maybe months even, because Connor doesn't keep track of time, when he crawls into the lobby and immediately realizes he's not alone. Standing by the window, basking in the rays of the sun is his father. Connor is positive that this is proof he's finally lost what is left of his mind. Vampires can't survive the sun's rays and the hyperion damn sure doesn't have necrotempered glass.
Decapitation. Stake through the heart. Sunlight.
"Connor." Angel says and Connor backs away, crawling as fast as he can and stopping only when his back hits the nearest wall. The first time he and Angel fought Connor ended up in this position. On the floor, looking into his father's eyes and waiting for him to kill him. He'd been raised on stories of Angelus and Darla and he knew he should not expect mercy when he clearly lost the fight. Instead a hand was offered to him and Connor ran for the door to use the protection of the sunlight to grant him an escape.
The second time he ended up in this position he was on the floor of the sporting goods store and he didn't believe his father had it in him to end it. He expected a hand to be extended and they would limp back to the hotel and he'd be fed lies about how things would get better with time. Connor never expected the blade to cut him open and bleed him dry so damn easily. He remembered dying slowly and wondering if his father had to fight hard not to taste Connor's blood.
"Connor, it's alright son. I'm here." Angel's voice is soft, comforting, and Connor wants to believe it's real. Wishes he can believe in fairy tales where there are happy endings and some how his dad is back for him. But he felt the connection sever and whoever this is, well it can't be his dad, right? Not when he can hear this man's heart beating. But when Connor sniffs the air it smells like his father. When he looks up and sees the tears in Angel's eyes he realizes that is has to be his dad.
"Hi Dad." Connor whispers as he accepts the hand that is offered to him. They've come full circle and both have died once in order to get here. There are things that Angel will have to tell him. Starting with how the hell he's back and why is he human. Connor isn't worried about those explanations yet. He clings tight to his father and releases the tears that he hasn't cried since the night he woke up screaming his father's name in his sleep. "Don't leave me again." He manages to choke out and it feels strange to talk after being silent for so long. It feels right though. His father is back and Connor doesn't care how he got here as long as he doesn't leave him again.
Pairing: Connor and Angel but not Connor/Angel
Fandom: Angel the Series
Summary: Connor sees the final fight in Not Fade Away and reacts in the only way he can. (Not Beta'd you've been warned)
Spoilers: Sort of spoilers for NFA I suppose
Dedication: Written for swtlilhann who wanted angsty Connor and Angel fic. She commissioned by services at the_fund and you can too by going here inspired by two songs that queen_mecha used for the Connor soundtrack that I commissioned from her. Breathe Me by Sia and Angel Dream by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
word count 1784
Connor dreams of a dragon breathing fire and flying in the sky while a city full of people run to get out of it's way. His father doesn't run, despite Connor thrashing on the bed and crying out for Angel to run. Get away from the dragon and the flames. His body is drenched in sweat, every muscle in his body tense as he sees his father take out the eye of the dragon just before he shatters into dust. Connor wakes up screaming, "Dad!". Lawrence Riley rushes into the room to calm his son, but nothing helps. Connor doesn't speak another word.
The Riley's worry about their son and his not quite catatonic state. He barely sleeps, he barely eats, and is gone for days at a time. When he returns home he's covered in blood, various sorts of goo, dust, and his eyes show no sign of life. They beg Connor to talk to them. They plead with him to let them help, but Connor looks right through them before turning to head up the stairs to take a shower, change into new clothes, and leave again. Their son hasn't said a word in weeks. They realize it's time to seek help.
Connor growls at the intruder he finds waiting in the living room of the Riley's house. He doesn't trust outsiders, strangers, and when the stranger insists on asking Connor questions, Connor attempts to walk past him. Lawrence Riley makes the mistake of grabbing Connor by the wrist in an attempt to make him stay and finds himself thrown into the nearest wall. Connor never returns to the Riley's house again. It hasn't been home for weeks anyway.
The Hyperion is still standing when Connor enters the lobby. He can smell their lingering scents and if he closes his eyes he can still hear their voices. Sometimes he thinks he can hear his own voice, but he knows it's just a dream. Connor has yet to speak since the night he woke up screaming for his father. He doubts he'll ever speak again and that is okay. One of the rules for surviving in Quor'toth was to not speak unless you absolutely had to. It was too easy to be tracked by demons if you made noise and frankly Connor has nothing to say. The only person he wishes to talk to died fighting a dragon.
Connor has no idea how much time has passed since he returned to the life of the Destroyer. He takes to the streets from sunset to sunrise slaughtering every demon in his path. So far the humans have stayed out of his way, but Connor isn't sure he can stop himself from taking them out too if they try and stop him. He's back to surviving on his instincts. He has new a mission and it's to kill anything that could have possibly helped to take his father away from him.
When he returns to the hotel, battered, bruised, bleeding, and exhausted he steps under the shower head and tries to wash the evidence away. He can scrub until his skin is raw and bleeding, but he always feel dirty. When he lays on the bed in his father's room and stares at the ceiling, he has entire conversations in his mind with his dad. He rages and screams, fighting with Angel until they are both collapsed on the floor in bloody heaps. He's infuriated that he's been left again. He's infuriated that he allowed himself to leave just because Angel sounded desperate when he pleaded with Connor to go.
It's not that Connor believes things would have turned out differently had Angel let Connor help in the final fight. He realizes if Angel, Spike and Illyria didn't make it back then the addition of just Connor wouldn't have changed the odds that much in their favor. At least he would have gone out fighting. He maybe would have had a chance to rest once the fight was over. Instead, Connor is left standing and he didn't even have a chance to bury this father. That hurts more than he likes to admit, but Connor doesn't speak so is it really an admission if it's just another thought in his already overcrowded mind?
Every day he loses more of Connor Riley and becomes more like the Destroyer. Names mean very little to him because he's had many in his young life. Stephen, Connor, Connor Riley, all just names that covered his true identity. Because all along, just below the surface, blood screaming and boiling beneath his skin, Connor is the Destroyer. Maybe if he had shown this world his true face no one would have dared to take away the only family he had left.
The Riley's were good people and a pretty lie that his father gave him as a present after their fight in the mall turned fatal.
"I really do love you, Connor."
"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?"
"Prove it."
The blade cut deep and fast and Connor died staring into the tear filled eyes of his father. He thought that Angel killed him for the same reason Connor killed Jasmine. When you are a parent the one pain that cuts the deepest and bleeds you dry is watching your child suffer. Jasmine couldn't remain in this world because the pain was too deep. She'd lost too much and she just wanted to rest. Connor gave her that gift with a fist through her skull.
As Connor was bleeding on the floor of the sporting goods store and his body was turning cold fast, he thought his father had made the same choice. He realized later, when his memories came rushing back while he was fighting Sahjahn, that his father had his own way of trying to bring Connor peace. He thinks that it had to be harder on Angel than it was on Connor. Connor merely ended Jasmine's existence. Angel cut himself out of Connor's existence, but knew that Connor was off somewhere calling someone else Dad. Living the life that Angel couldn't provide him. The ultimate sacrifice to save his boy.
Connor tried to cling tightly to that life. He'd told his father that he couldn't be saved by a lie, but when the lie was revealed to Connor he couldn't help but want to keep it. Almost immediately he realized it was impossible. There were two sets of memories and both felt real, but deep down his instincts were of the Destroyer. He took to hunting at night and blowing off exams at Stanford. Not that he was kicked out. Apparently his new life provided him with the amazing ability to ace tests he never opened books to study for. Funny how that worked.
He realizes now that he was clinging to the life for his father. To give Angel something to hold on to when he was haunted by the image of a knife slicing into his only son's throat as he tried to save his boy. Because the moment that Connor felt their connection severed he stopped trying to cling to the lie. He reverted immediately the life that was his reality.
Soon word gets out that it is best to avoid the teenage boy who moves like a predator through the streets of LA. Demons try to run, but Connor hunts them down and slaughters them without much effort. He searches for bigger and badder demons and somewhere in the darkest corner of his mind he realizes he's just waiting to come up against something he can't take down. He's waiting for another blade to slice into his throat so he can finally rest. It doesn't happen and night after night, Connor fights until he practically has to crawl back to the lobby of the hotel to wait for the sun to set again.
It's been weeks, maybe months even, because Connor doesn't keep track of time, when he crawls into the lobby and immediately realizes he's not alone. Standing by the window, basking in the rays of the sun is his father. Connor is positive that this is proof he's finally lost what is left of his mind. Vampires can't survive the sun's rays and the hyperion damn sure doesn't have necrotempered glass.
Decapitation. Stake through the heart. Sunlight.
"Connor." Angel says and Connor backs away, crawling as fast as he can and stopping only when his back hits the nearest wall. The first time he and Angel fought Connor ended up in this position. On the floor, looking into his father's eyes and waiting for him to kill him. He'd been raised on stories of Angelus and Darla and he knew he should not expect mercy when he clearly lost the fight. Instead a hand was offered to him and Connor ran for the door to use the protection of the sunlight to grant him an escape.
The second time he ended up in this position he was on the floor of the sporting goods store and he didn't believe his father had it in him to end it. He expected a hand to be extended and they would limp back to the hotel and he'd be fed lies about how things would get better with time. Connor never expected the blade to cut him open and bleed him dry so damn easily. He remembered dying slowly and wondering if his father had to fight hard not to taste Connor's blood.
"Connor, it's alright son. I'm here." Angel's voice is soft, comforting, and Connor wants to believe it's real. Wishes he can believe in fairy tales where there are happy endings and some how his dad is back for him. But he felt the connection sever and whoever this is, well it can't be his dad, right? Not when he can hear this man's heart beating. But when Connor sniffs the air it smells like his father. When he looks up and sees the tears in Angel's eyes he realizes that is has to be his dad.
"Hi Dad." Connor whispers as he accepts the hand that is offered to him. They've come full circle and both have died once in order to get here. There are things that Angel will have to tell him. Starting with how the hell he's back and why is he human. Connor isn't worried about those explanations yet. He clings tight to his father and releases the tears that he hasn't cried since the night he woke up screaming his father's name in his sleep. "Don't leave me again." He manages to choke out and it feels strange to talk after being silent for so long. It feels right though. His father is back and Connor doesn't care how he got here as long as he doesn't leave him again.