(no subject)

[the_freckle]

a couple nights ago justin came and knocked on my back door and aske to take me on a drive but would only say it was a surprise when i asked where, so we drove up way into the hills til we got to the sky observing part, where scientists go and do important quiet solitary work, and he turned in the very very final draft of his thesis, which is getting published. he double majored in math and physics. then we just stood up there looking at everything and the stars and he has green hazel eyes, and we were talking about everything and then we drove down and drove around for awhile, then i showed him me and matthew's poetry project, then he asked me to go with him to his room where i basically laid on his lap and sang while he played guitar. he said i was a great singer. he said i was one of five people in the world he could talk to in the special, all-the-way way.

its funny because we fought like cats and dogs all year and now im in love with him or something but luckily he has a girlfriend and hes moving to boulder anyway. its my love anyway, i dont have to give any of it to the open air in front of his face. i think he is sort of in love with me too and that because of emma and boulder that love is super safe, locked in forever. im going to sleep in his bed all summer, while hes gone. i got the room. hannah will play organ and fiddle

i really miss my dad and my parents in new york and some others who i probably should just keep out, though the cracks inevitably let them back in and in and in.

soon my plane will leave and ill be in LA. all right