Ok, so he's not a muse of mine, but
....you all know that for as much as I ponder the character of Draco Malfoy, he might as well be. I'd actually sort of stopped giving much of a damn to tell the truth, between school and my own little cast of fellows, but I ran into a poll tonight that made me sorta sad. The questions were, 1) Do you like canon!Draco Malfoy? and 2) Why or why not.
My answers might surprise you all.
Or not.
I DO, actually like canon!Draco. I find variations on him amusing, yes, and sexy, yes, but....when it comes down to it, nothing can replace the real thing. Right, and I know why.
The thing about heroes...they're never completely honest. With themselves, with anybody around them. No matter how much they love or care for somebody, they will always hold them at arms length, because the fact is, when you perform some ridiculously hard, higher-than-human task, whether it is the lucky work of an instant or not, people expect that you will act, well...higher than human. All of the time, and in every facet of your everyday life.
And it's funny the way that people's expectations tend to leak into your own expectations of yourself. To the point to which you (AKA: Hero) start second-guessing the reality/necessity/point/validity of your feelings. NOT your thoughts, which are a whole different matter, but your passions, your moods, the most real and valid expression of who you actually are. The real you, not the set of actions that the rest of the world has defined you by (memo to self: someday write essay on the validity of the statement, "Actions speak louder than words"). And once you start to question, you only naturally start to sort, and once you start to sort, you only naturally start to squelch, and once you start to squelch, you stop the forward progression known as, "working through" and instead begin, "working around." Inevitably, you get caught in an emotional time-trap, so that by the time you really need to be able to sort clearly through what it is you do believe and what it is you don't, you reach back to your base to find that...right. It doesn't really exist.
The resulting catastrophe is not pretty. Prime example: Harry "ANGER MANAGEMENT" Potter.
And that's where the beauty of one Draco Malfoy comes sweeping in. With flair, great drama, and probably an entire Greek chorus of his own design.
The kid doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He wears it on his face, in his hair, between his clenched fists; in his words, his movements, his every look. The fact is, in the entire series, there is no character more honest, in some ways, than Draco Malfoy. He doesn't squelch. His father actually told him to squelch somewhere back, but he wouldn't/couldn't listen to him. He is always completely and utterly his own whiney, childish, vindictive, smirking, clever, angry, sulky self, and can't change that for absolutely anyone or anyone's agenda. He’s not afraid of who he is, or at least, who he thinks he is, which goes to prove the same point. And this, I think, takes a certain type of bravery that Harry doesn't have (oh, gee, could that be his Slytherin half coming out...) but that Malfoy (probably more through sheer innocence than anything) does (hmmm...a possible Gryffindor quality? I shudder.)
And I respect this honesty above everything else, probably because I myself don't possess it. And it's especially beautiful in a book full of characters who, by and large, don't like themselves. And it's where his potential is, actually. Because right now, it seems as if Draco is poised to fall, long and hard, and the bottom doesn't look too pretty. And there are people like Harry who will walk through fire and pretend it doesn't burn, and will just sit by waiting for serious infection to set in because, supposedly, that's what heroes do. And then there are people like Draco Malfoy who will be shoved into the fire, and will bitch and moan about it every fucking step of the way and will come out of it saying, "FUCK, that HURT LIKE HELL. MEDIC, MEDIC!!!"
But who will, in the end, heal faster.
Like I've said before, my favorite movie quotation of all time is, "Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it." And right now, the character who, to me, looks most likely to have the ability to do that...is that little prat, Draco.
Ironic, neh?
Maybe this is why they're paired together so often. What one has to teach the other about a certain lever of outside reality is matched by what the other can teach about a certain amount of inner-truth. Or maybe I'm just crazy. Thoughts? Please. Rip this apart if you think it's wrong. I'd really appreciate it, plus...I also really need it.
My answers might surprise you all.
Or not.
I DO, actually like canon!Draco. I find variations on him amusing, yes, and sexy, yes, but....when it comes down to it, nothing can replace the real thing. Right, and I know why.
The thing about heroes...they're never completely honest. With themselves, with anybody around them. No matter how much they love or care for somebody, they will always hold them at arms length, because the fact is, when you perform some ridiculously hard, higher-than-human task, whether it is the lucky work of an instant or not, people expect that you will act, well...higher than human. All of the time, and in every facet of your everyday life.
And it's funny the way that people's expectations tend to leak into your own expectations of yourself. To the point to which you (AKA: Hero) start second-guessing the reality/necessity/point/validity of your feelings. NOT your thoughts, which are a whole different matter, but your passions, your moods, the most real and valid expression of who you actually are. The real you, not the set of actions that the rest of the world has defined you by (memo to self: someday write essay on the validity of the statement, "Actions speak louder than words"). And once you start to question, you only naturally start to sort, and once you start to sort, you only naturally start to squelch, and once you start to squelch, you stop the forward progression known as, "working through" and instead begin, "working around." Inevitably, you get caught in an emotional time-trap, so that by the time you really need to be able to sort clearly through what it is you do believe and what it is you don't, you reach back to your base to find that...right. It doesn't really exist.
The resulting catastrophe is not pretty. Prime example: Harry "ANGER MANAGEMENT" Potter.
And that's where the beauty of one Draco Malfoy comes sweeping in. With flair, great drama, and probably an entire Greek chorus of his own design.
The kid doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He wears it on his face, in his hair, between his clenched fists; in his words, his movements, his every look. The fact is, in the entire series, there is no character more honest, in some ways, than Draco Malfoy. He doesn't squelch. His father actually told him to squelch somewhere back, but he wouldn't/couldn't listen to him. He is always completely and utterly his own whiney, childish, vindictive, smirking, clever, angry, sulky self, and can't change that for absolutely anyone or anyone's agenda. He’s not afraid of who he is, or at least, who he thinks he is, which goes to prove the same point. And this, I think, takes a certain type of bravery that Harry doesn't have (oh, gee, could that be his Slytherin half coming out...) but that Malfoy (probably more through sheer innocence than anything) does (hmmm...a possible Gryffindor quality? I shudder.)
And I respect this honesty above everything else, probably because I myself don't possess it. And it's especially beautiful in a book full of characters who, by and large, don't like themselves. And it's where his potential is, actually. Because right now, it seems as if Draco is poised to fall, long and hard, and the bottom doesn't look too pretty. And there are people like Harry who will walk through fire and pretend it doesn't burn, and will just sit by waiting for serious infection to set in because, supposedly, that's what heroes do. And then there are people like Draco Malfoy who will be shoved into the fire, and will bitch and moan about it every fucking step of the way and will come out of it saying, "FUCK, that HURT LIKE HELL. MEDIC, MEDIC!!!"
But who will, in the end, heal faster.
Like I've said before, my favorite movie quotation of all time is, "Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it." And right now, the character who, to me, looks most likely to have the ability to do that...is that little prat, Draco.
Ironic, neh?
Maybe this is why they're paired together so often. What one has to teach the other about a certain lever of outside reality is matched by what the other can teach about a certain amount of inner-truth. Or maybe I'm just crazy. Thoughts? Please. Rip this apart if you think it's wrong. I'd really appreciate it, plus...I also really need it.