Thinking about things, per usual
Two songs are aptly describing my emotional state at the moment. Both Zero 7:
You're My Flame
You take a stroll into the morning sun
You make a Happy Meal a portion for one
You steal the wallet of a man with a gun
You make it seem like a whole lot of fun
Yeah you do
You're making shapes with your hands on a wall
You're drawing them now while you're taking a call
You wouldn't care if you had nothing at all
Instead of chasing the dream
You're just chasing a ball
Yeah you are
You're just dodging all the friendly fire
You're never dressed in the right attire
You miss the start of every game
You're my flame
You make hay when the sun don't shine
You don't need a dollar, you don't need a dime
You burn at both ends and still you're fine
You're my flame
Teach me to haggle
I'll teach you to swim
Get right back on the saddle
Push me on a swing
Take me to Rio
I'll take you to Berlin
I'll give you some yarn
And you'll give it some spin
Yes you will
Now you're sitting shirtless in an old tree
You've tied our legs, and so now we have three
You dip your toes into the ice cold sea
I see your reflection, your reflection is me
Yes I am
You're just dodging all the friendly fire
You're never dressed in the right attire
You miss the start of every game
You're my flame
You make hay when the sun don't shine
You don't need a dollar, you don't need a dime
You burn at both ends yet still you're fine
You're my flame
Throw It All Away
Try talking to you
While you do, while you do
I swap places with you
Just to see things through
Just sing me the tune
And you'll see
I'll keep it here for you
I'll wait for your cue
You wrote down all the words
Black and white
On a wall
Just keepin' it so
Yeah you know how it goes
No plans for a change, nothing strange
No not today no way
Now sing me the tune
Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway
So you twist and you turn
Uncomfortable fool, you'll never learn
But you can take a stand
Forget all about the plans california rose
Side one track two
On a record of you
I've even stuck on a groove
That I don't wanna lose
Just play it again, as a friend
It's your favorite worn-in shoes
Now sing me the tune
Cash it in and throw it all away, yeah
Never needed any of it anyway
So you crash, and you burn
Sometimes the road will twist and turn
Some of this, less of that
Forget all about the map California road
Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway
I'm becoming inspired, lately. In things of self expression, extensions of the self through mediums of art and music. It's so self serving, so comforting, so understanding, so difficult to make people understand, but I feel like it's where my activities should take me next. In the inner exploration of myself, that is. And even more strangely still, nothing has that sense of grandeur and awe that it used to when I was younger. It was something I chased for so long, I forgot it was the thing I was looking for. And yet now, in its horrible absence, I feel empty, but with room to move. It does not give me satisfaction, only ability. The emptiness I feel, and the perceived fullness and contentment I see of others, makes me jealous. Hateful, sometimes, if it gets carried away. Hateful of that terrible position between ignorance and resourcing wasting self masturbation, and the realization that things are never going to be what you think they are meant to be. Every cognitive leap, is a step. Maybe a baby step, at best. Wrapping oneself in this search, is so terribly lonely and depraving, and yet I cannot stop. I can't stop the search, I can't sate the hunger. How can I be content with my nature, when my realizations, my trials, my aches, my pains, my triumphs, go wholly or mostly unnoticed in the social strata we find ourselves in every day? It's as the laymen says: why go through all the trouble? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that I will drown without it. It is inextricably part of what little sanity I possess. While I can't regret this, sometimes, just for a reprieve, I wish I could.
I'm going to do well in school. I'm going to find myself a job. I'm going to include art and music in my life. I'm going to make all of this work. My state, my business, is just another neural layer in me, the meat machine.
You're My Flame
You take a stroll into the morning sun
You make a Happy Meal a portion for one
You steal the wallet of a man with a gun
You make it seem like a whole lot of fun
Yeah you do
You're making shapes with your hands on a wall
You're drawing them now while you're taking a call
You wouldn't care if you had nothing at all
Instead of chasing the dream
You're just chasing a ball
Yeah you are
You're just dodging all the friendly fire
You're never dressed in the right attire
You miss the start of every game
You're my flame
You make hay when the sun don't shine
You don't need a dollar, you don't need a dime
You burn at both ends and still you're fine
You're my flame
Teach me to haggle
I'll teach you to swim
Get right back on the saddle
Push me on a swing
Take me to Rio
I'll take you to Berlin
I'll give you some yarn
And you'll give it some spin
Yes you will
Now you're sitting shirtless in an old tree
You've tied our legs, and so now we have three
You dip your toes into the ice cold sea
I see your reflection, your reflection is me
Yes I am
You're just dodging all the friendly fire
You're never dressed in the right attire
You miss the start of every game
You're my flame
You make hay when the sun don't shine
You don't need a dollar, you don't need a dime
You burn at both ends yet still you're fine
You're my flame
Throw It All Away
Try talking to you
While you do, while you do
I swap places with you
Just to see things through
Just sing me the tune
And you'll see
I'll keep it here for you
I'll wait for your cue
You wrote down all the words
Black and white
On a wall
Just keepin' it so
Yeah you know how it goes
No plans for a change, nothing strange
No not today no way
Now sing me the tune
Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway
So you twist and you turn
Uncomfortable fool, you'll never learn
But you can take a stand
Forget all about the plans california rose
Side one track two
On a record of you
I've even stuck on a groove
That I don't wanna lose
Just play it again, as a friend
It's your favorite worn-in shoes
Now sing me the tune
Cash it in and throw it all away, yeah
Never needed any of it anyway
So you crash, and you burn
Sometimes the road will twist and turn
Some of this, less of that
Forget all about the map California road
Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway
I'm becoming inspired, lately. In things of self expression, extensions of the self through mediums of art and music. It's so self serving, so comforting, so understanding, so difficult to make people understand, but I feel like it's where my activities should take me next. In the inner exploration of myself, that is. And even more strangely still, nothing has that sense of grandeur and awe that it used to when I was younger. It was something I chased for so long, I forgot it was the thing I was looking for. And yet now, in its horrible absence, I feel empty, but with room to move. It does not give me satisfaction, only ability. The emptiness I feel, and the perceived fullness and contentment I see of others, makes me jealous. Hateful, sometimes, if it gets carried away. Hateful of that terrible position between ignorance and resourcing wasting self masturbation, and the realization that things are never going to be what you think they are meant to be. Every cognitive leap, is a step. Maybe a baby step, at best. Wrapping oneself in this search, is so terribly lonely and depraving, and yet I cannot stop. I can't stop the search, I can't sate the hunger. How can I be content with my nature, when my realizations, my trials, my aches, my pains, my triumphs, go wholly or mostly unnoticed in the social strata we find ourselves in every day? It's as the laymen says: why go through all the trouble? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that I will drown without it. It is inextricably part of what little sanity I possess. While I can't regret this, sometimes, just for a reprieve, I wish I could.
I'm going to do well in school. I'm going to find myself a job. I'm going to include art and music in my life. I'm going to make all of this work. My state, my business, is just another neural layer in me, the meat machine.