...for fuck's sake.
Because it apparently is not enough that I have had to have my entire abdomen cut open to fight cancer, and it is not enough that I am still in great pain every single day because of it, I got to have really super good news today.
I now have Bell's Palsy.
Not that it is lifethreatening or anything...
and in eightyfive percent of cases it goes away in a month or so.
But come on.
For fuck's sake.
Leave me alone, already!
I have been fighting an infection in my eye and my sinuses for the last three days, and I woke up this morning to the right side of my face not working right. I cannot smile, I cannot eat properly, I cannot blink my right eye -(it does not even close all the way when both eyes are shut)-, and I cannot raise my right eyebrow. I can talk mostly well, but I can feel the right side of my face just sitting there. It is disheartening.
And frustrating.
And embarrassing.
And just one more thing to make everyday life that much fucking harder.
I have been trying so hard.
And praying. And being good... or trying to be.
I do not understand.
Why am I still being tested?
How much more am I supposed to take?
How much more is my favourite Punk going to have to endure with me?
Tired.
So fucking tired.
The worst part is that I do not have my insurance card for COBRA yet, so I had to pay over $500 today for doctor's visits and prescriptions out of pocket. So much for getting our new scooters ordered this month...
Fuck!
Likely tomorrow I will not feel so sorry for myself and will have a better attitude about it all.
Eventually, I will probably even laugh about it...
at least through half of my face.
Maybe I can be Billy Idol for Halloween, since now I can do that sneering thing with no effort at all.
And...
I did get an eyepatch to wear at night so nothing gets in my eye when I sleep.
So maybe I can yarr! like a pirate more effectively now.
But tonight, I am allowed to be upset and feel sorry for myself.
And even if it is wrong, that is just the way it is.
I now have Bell's Palsy.
Not that it is lifethreatening or anything...
and in eightyfive percent of cases it goes away in a month or so.
But come on.
For fuck's sake.
Leave me alone, already!
I have been fighting an infection in my eye and my sinuses for the last three days, and I woke up this morning to the right side of my face not working right. I cannot smile, I cannot eat properly, I cannot blink my right eye -(it does not even close all the way when both eyes are shut)-, and I cannot raise my right eyebrow. I can talk mostly well, but I can feel the right side of my face just sitting there. It is disheartening.
And frustrating.
And embarrassing.
And just one more thing to make everyday life that much fucking harder.
I have been trying so hard.
And praying. And being good... or trying to be.
I do not understand.
Why am I still being tested?
How much more am I supposed to take?
How much more is my favourite Punk going to have to endure with me?
Tired.
So fucking tired.
The worst part is that I do not have my insurance card for COBRA yet, so I had to pay over $500 today for doctor's visits and prescriptions out of pocket. So much for getting our new scooters ordered this month...
Fuck!
Likely tomorrow I will not feel so sorry for myself and will have a better attitude about it all.
Eventually, I will probably even laugh about it...
at least through half of my face.
Maybe I can be Billy Idol for Halloween, since now I can do that sneering thing with no effort at all.
And...
I did get an eyepatch to wear at night so nothing gets in my eye when I sleep.
So maybe I can yarr! like a pirate more effectively now.
But tonight, I am allowed to be upset and feel sorry for myself.
And even if it is wrong, that is just the way it is.