Oh my god!

[the_epic]

EVERYONE IN CANADA!!! DID YOU HEAR?! SOMEONE WAS KILLED AND BEHEADED ON A BUS THE OTHER DAY! IN WINNIPEG!
WE SHOULD ALL PANIC RIGHT AWAY IN CASE IT HAPPENS TO US! IT COULD HAPPEN ANYWHERE! I'M NEVER GOING ON A BUS AGAIN!

I MAY ACTUALLY NEVER GO OUTSIDE BECAUSE I LIKE MY HEAD!
I DEMAND A KNIFE REGISTRY! REGISTER ALL CANADIAN KNIVES! WE'LL BE SAFE!