herre mah freynd, bourbon cheeeken

[the_enk_show]

Thursday. Express is having a giant sale. Due to our boredom, we decide to go to the mall. Immediately we figure out that it was a bad idea yet we're mesmerized by the beautiful items Express for men has to offer. We buy a shirt. ELlie says "K, it complements your upper body." Those words make K hungry. So then he pops the question "Are you hungry?" Ellie says "Yes!Where should we go?" K says "good question, sis." And he offers the most efficient place to eat. The food court. They stand in the center of the food court pondering out loud all the possibilities that would satisfy their hunger. As they walk around looking up at the menus they're interrupted by a loud, Asian, masculine voice accompanied by an Asian lady's jiberish. K and Ellie turn around to make the biggest mistake of their lives by making eye contact with the Asian-Food-Court Tribe located at the North-West side of the Volusia Mall Food Court. Now they are forced to eat the questionable meat placed on the tooth picks given to them by the Crazy Asian Advertisement for Chicken screaming "Bourbon cheeeken. cum herre mah freynd, goude fo' u! goude fo' yo' helfe! eet it no'! cum herre, cum no'!" Ellie and K concerned about the safety of everyone around them took the risk and yes, they ate the chicken. And these are only the flashbacks as K and Ellie sit on separate toilet seats located at the only two bathrooms of their house regretting the risk they took. As a wise Asian once said some risks in life are not worth taking or you will face the consequences which are personified as atomic diarrhea.

This true story is dedicated to our close friend Ashleigh Stottlemyer. May your diarrhea rest in peace.