Nightmares
I'm awake shivering covered in sweat this morning. I had the worst night I've had in a long time. Stressed enough that I spent most of the night curled up as stomach cramps felt like they'd ripe me in to. Then I finally fall asleep to dream. .....
There's a kitchen I don't recognise I'm kneeling hugging air. I'm remembering and my dream self falls into the momories. A yard with a little pond running around the trees with my two little brothers. They are just in school. Then something happens to Leon I'm not sure what. While I'm an adult nobody will tell me what's happening. Everything keeps spinning. Then I'm back in the kitchen tears running down my face I'm not hugging air I'm hugging the image off my brother I can see in my mind like he's there with me.
Then I wake crying.
I haven't seen Leon in 3 years. In the dream he was 6 or so as I remember him. Last time the mother thing visited. She brought photos and Reade who I also hadn't seen. I'm over these games but I don't know how to not play them. Unless I see the mother she won't let me see them. I'm not allowed to take them anywhere myself. And if I arrange to see her she only bring one with her each time. I'm the eldest of 5. I won't go to their home the stepfather is there.
I just keep hoping when they are old enough they will forgive me their childhoods I missed.
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