a nightmare
I am becoming more and more aware of this terrible avodiant way of dealing things. Perhaps its simply a growing problem, and thats why its coming more into view. I allow my thoughts to wander in order to escape my issues. It has, however, been catching up to me in my sleep. My nightmares and sleep paralysis episodes have been occuring much more often with greater potency. Its getting ridiculous. oye.
a nightmare
exhausted from my day i finally climbed into bed, laying on my stomach. Taking a deep breath i closed my eyes, relieved that i was finally going to get some rest before the next long day ahead of me. As i felt myself fall into this sleep my head started to tingle. Then bam- the entire inside of my head felt like it was on fire, being pulled into the ground through the bed with an enormous amount of force. I was in a great deal of pain and i tried to sit up- i couldnt. I was paralyzed. It was different this time because i had never experienced that much physical pain during sleep paralysis. i couldnt stop it. I tried to talk myself out of it, calm my body down but i couldnt. The pain grew into my stomach. I could feel my body tensing up trying to move and my tears running down my face, but i couldnt do anything. I'm not sure how long this went on for, but it seemed like an incredibly long time. I somehow managed to jerk myself out of it for a second to 'throw' myself into another sleeping position. Before i could regain composure and sit up my body 'jolted' and suddenly i was dreaming. I was standing outside of this huge building on the corner looking out into the street. The city was large with big building, and clean, and very open- almost futurastic, but not quite. I turned to face the building- it had large glass windows and doors. I walked in- there was a person in the center of the room behind a round desk. Everything seemed larger than normal. There were doors and escalators scattered everywhere leading to other rooms. There were a lot but with the size of the building it didnt look cluttered. I was called over by a group of people- they had thought i was with the group taking a tour of the building. So i followed. We proceded to go up into this room with a few rows of lab desks (similiar to the ones in battys science room- to those who know of the "stone" ;) ) The cleanliness was evident in this room as well. There was a woman in a white lab coat standing in the front speaking to a small group of people, who seemed to silent, and to attentive. Like they were mezmermized. She looked up and smiled at us- i did not like her smile, something about her gave me the chills. then she said " oh how lucky for you to arrive at this time-" she then went on to explain that she had the power to give us complete happiniess or joy or something a long those lines, but we had to remain there. My attention was drawn to the people at the desks. They were looking up with blank stares, not even blinking. I tried to get a response from them but nothing worked. I looked up and the tour group was leaving- i went to the door but it closed and locked before i could leave. I turned around to ask it to be opened and as i turned this woman was standing face to face with me. She stared into my eyes and i knew she was not who she was pretending to be. I looked down in my palm and she had placed a very thing long white pill in my hand. It had very small red letters on the center- but to small to make out. I looked up and these people were looking at these pills, with the unchanged blank stare. I put my hand forward to give it back and she shoved it back- "TAKE IT" she was no longer offering, she was demanding. And her voice was different. i then said "NO" - suddenly the pain i felt in my head before i had fallen asleep struck me. "SWALLOW IT" her voice was evil this time, and for a second her face changed onto the face of a demon. Again- pain hit me- this time harder. I hunched over. I knew i couldnt take this pill, i didnt know why, but i knew i couldnt. i forced myself to stand and face this woman- i looked her in the eyes- fear came over me but i knew i had to confront her. Trying to overcome this fear and pain i made a face of anger and shouted "NO!". This scared her- she shreiked and her face morphed again- her mouth turned beastly and she screamed "SWAAALLOW IT" - "NO!" She fell back in fear screaming and screaming. For some reason she saw my face change- i could feel what she saw. It looked like she was going to attack me and i took my hands and put them to my face, creating a larger mouth. She saw something terrifying. As terrified as i was I stood over her yelling "NO!" and she screamed and screamed and started throwing herself around on the ground. I then ran for an escape. The pain had stopped. Down in the lobby i hid behing a newspaper- there were groups of men in uniforms running towards where i had left, and an alarm had been sounded. They were looking for me. I ran outside and a gust of wind hit me. I looked up and the sky was a sepia tone red. It was bright like the day, but felt like a lit night. A very strange thing. There were billowing clouds and the wind grew stronger. Something was coming. I stepped forward on the street.
I awoke with a jolt and sat up.- the rest of my night remained sleepless.
a nightmare
exhausted from my day i finally climbed into bed, laying on my stomach. Taking a deep breath i closed my eyes, relieved that i was finally going to get some rest before the next long day ahead of me. As i felt myself fall into this sleep my head started to tingle. Then bam- the entire inside of my head felt like it was on fire, being pulled into the ground through the bed with an enormous amount of force. I was in a great deal of pain and i tried to sit up- i couldnt. I was paralyzed. It was different this time because i had never experienced that much physical pain during sleep paralysis. i couldnt stop it. I tried to talk myself out of it, calm my body down but i couldnt. The pain grew into my stomach. I could feel my body tensing up trying to move and my tears running down my face, but i couldnt do anything. I'm not sure how long this went on for, but it seemed like an incredibly long time. I somehow managed to jerk myself out of it for a second to 'throw' myself into another sleeping position. Before i could regain composure and sit up my body 'jolted' and suddenly i was dreaming. I was standing outside of this huge building on the corner looking out into the street. The city was large with big building, and clean, and very open- almost futurastic, but not quite. I turned to face the building- it had large glass windows and doors. I walked in- there was a person in the center of the room behind a round desk. Everything seemed larger than normal. There were doors and escalators scattered everywhere leading to other rooms. There were a lot but with the size of the building it didnt look cluttered. I was called over by a group of people- they had thought i was with the group taking a tour of the building. So i followed. We proceded to go up into this room with a few rows of lab desks (similiar to the ones in battys science room- to those who know of the "stone" ;) ) The cleanliness was evident in this room as well. There was a woman in a white lab coat standing in the front speaking to a small group of people, who seemed to silent, and to attentive. Like they were mezmermized. She looked up and smiled at us- i did not like her smile, something about her gave me the chills. then she said " oh how lucky for you to arrive at this time-" she then went on to explain that she had the power to give us complete happiniess or joy or something a long those lines, but we had to remain there. My attention was drawn to the people at the desks. They were looking up with blank stares, not even blinking. I tried to get a response from them but nothing worked. I looked up and the tour group was leaving- i went to the door but it closed and locked before i could leave. I turned around to ask it to be opened and as i turned this woman was standing face to face with me. She stared into my eyes and i knew she was not who she was pretending to be. I looked down in my palm and she had placed a very thing long white pill in my hand. It had very small red letters on the center- but to small to make out. I looked up and these people were looking at these pills, with the unchanged blank stare. I put my hand forward to give it back and she shoved it back- "TAKE IT" she was no longer offering, she was demanding. And her voice was different. i then said "NO" - suddenly the pain i felt in my head before i had fallen asleep struck me. "SWALLOW IT" her voice was evil this time, and for a second her face changed onto the face of a demon. Again- pain hit me- this time harder. I hunched over. I knew i couldnt take this pill, i didnt know why, but i knew i couldnt. i forced myself to stand and face this woman- i looked her in the eyes- fear came over me but i knew i had to confront her. Trying to overcome this fear and pain i made a face of anger and shouted "NO!". This scared her- she shreiked and her face morphed again- her mouth turned beastly and she screamed "SWAAALLOW IT" - "NO!" She fell back in fear screaming and screaming. For some reason she saw my face change- i could feel what she saw. It looked like she was going to attack me and i took my hands and put them to my face, creating a larger mouth. She saw something terrifying. As terrified as i was I stood over her yelling "NO!" and she screamed and screamed and started throwing herself around on the ground. I then ran for an escape. The pain had stopped. Down in the lobby i hid behing a newspaper- there were groups of men in uniforms running towards where i had left, and an alarm had been sounded. They were looking for me. I ran outside and a gust of wind hit me. I looked up and the sky was a sepia tone red. It was bright like the day, but felt like a lit night. A very strange thing. There were billowing clouds and the wind grew stronger. Something was coming. I stepped forward on the street.
I awoke with a jolt and sat up.- the rest of my night remained sleepless.