The Trip Inside
I went on a journey last night. In the quiet and the dark, I went searching inside for answers. It is there that I met the voices of "Reason" and "Cause." Sometimes they spoke to me separately, but at first they spoke to me as one. They told me that they live in my head. I wanted to talk with the part of me that felt, too. Unified, when I arrived, they asked me why was I there. I told them that I am on a spiritual quest to find myself. They asked why again. I said that it was because I need to find myself. That is when The Voice split into Reason and Cause. I spoke with them for a little while. Once, I realized that as soon as I thought of what to ask them, they answered. I realized that they are part of me, and because of that, they know my thoughts. "I know this because Tyler knows this." After that, all I had to do is think of what I wanted to ask, and they could answer me without me voicing it. Imagine, if I could concentrate enough to manage it, an entire conversation limited only by the speed of my mind, in the space of a heartbeat. The whole time, they sounded even to me. Benevolent, but emotionless. It was as if they didn't care one way or another, and were speaking matter-of-factly. Like they were pure reason, with no emotion. Like a machine. When I asked about the part of me that feels, they said that part of me lives in my heart, but is dead (dormant?) or not there right now. They said the torches that light the way are unlit. I had the sense that to get there, I would have to go down, like down a mountain side. I had the image in my mind of a hut along a dust road, with tiki-torches along the road, but they were unlit.
I didn't say anything to Reason or Cause, but I wanted very much to find this part of me. They must have known that, because they began to lower me down. I saw myself in a small boat, being lowered from a great ship, which looked like the Titanic or the Queen Mary. When I was lowered into the water, I knew that there were large sharks under the dark surface, though they never made themselves visible. I had the sense that there were large pieces of ice around the boat, but I didn't dwell on this. The ship faded away, and I became aware that I was not alone in the boat. Sitting in the bow was a hooded and cloaked figure, that I knew was female. She was shadowy, and I never saw any clear features. I had the sense that Reason and Cause were male, but I KNEW that this figure was female. She said that she was "Just Cause." I was wondering what her name meant, whether it was like a just cause or like just-because, but she didn't tell me like Reason or Cause would have. She seemed like she was ethereal or made of shadow-stuff, and didn't say much. She just sat in the boat's bow, hidden in her hood. I got the feeling of great sadness and emptiness from her.
Noises in the hallway broke my concentration. Every sound echoed in my mind as music, like drums or congas. I became aware of my body once again, and said to the One Voice that it was hard to be there with them, and not be aware of my body. The Voice said "I know," and seemed sympathetic to me and my efforts. It spoke to me, and seemed neuter, but sympathetic. It seemed like it was the voice of Nature, or the Voice of my nature. It was like I was merely a domain of its control, a small piece of the whole. I asked it what I should do. It told me to wait. "Wait until it's real." Then it told me to sleep. I said that I didn't want to, and thought that I might sleep too long. It said that it was just going to be for a little while, not too long. I heard myself snore, but I was awake at the same time. It was as if my mind had detached from my body, and my consciousness was independent of my physical self. Contained, but separate. I realized that I could be awake while my body was asleep. This was like lucid dreaming, but I never felt that I was dreaming at all. Rather, I KNEW that I was aware, and simply separate from the part of me that was sleeping.
I eventually rejoined myself, and woke up. It was an odd feeling, because I realized what had just happened. I had a craving for chocolate, so I returned to my room and attacked my cookies. When I woke up, it felt so nice to be covered up with my warm blanket and sleep. I felt that I needed to write this down, so I could sleep and not be afraid of losing the experience. I didn't find any answers to my questions, but I learned a little bit about myself, and met the voices that I might find myself from. I look forward to going back, inside, and meeting the parts of me again.
I didn't say anything to Reason or Cause, but I wanted very much to find this part of me. They must have known that, because they began to lower me down. I saw myself in a small boat, being lowered from a great ship, which looked like the Titanic or the Queen Mary. When I was lowered into the water, I knew that there were large sharks under the dark surface, though they never made themselves visible. I had the sense that there were large pieces of ice around the boat, but I didn't dwell on this. The ship faded away, and I became aware that I was not alone in the boat. Sitting in the bow was a hooded and cloaked figure, that I knew was female. She was shadowy, and I never saw any clear features. I had the sense that Reason and Cause were male, but I KNEW that this figure was female. She said that she was "Just Cause." I was wondering what her name meant, whether it was like a just cause or like just-because, but she didn't tell me like Reason or Cause would have. She seemed like she was ethereal or made of shadow-stuff, and didn't say much. She just sat in the boat's bow, hidden in her hood. I got the feeling of great sadness and emptiness from her.
Noises in the hallway broke my concentration. Every sound echoed in my mind as music, like drums or congas. I became aware of my body once again, and said to the One Voice that it was hard to be there with them, and not be aware of my body. The Voice said "I know," and seemed sympathetic to me and my efforts. It spoke to me, and seemed neuter, but sympathetic. It seemed like it was the voice of Nature, or the Voice of my nature. It was like I was merely a domain of its control, a small piece of the whole. I asked it what I should do. It told me to wait. "Wait until it's real." Then it told me to sleep. I said that I didn't want to, and thought that I might sleep too long. It said that it was just going to be for a little while, not too long. I heard myself snore, but I was awake at the same time. It was as if my mind had detached from my body, and my consciousness was independent of my physical self. Contained, but separate. I realized that I could be awake while my body was asleep. This was like lucid dreaming, but I never felt that I was dreaming at all. Rather, I KNEW that I was aware, and simply separate from the part of me that was sleeping.
I eventually rejoined myself, and woke up. It was an odd feeling, because I realized what had just happened. I had a craving for chocolate, so I returned to my room and attacked my cookies. When I woke up, it felt so nice to be covered up with my warm blanket and sleep. I felt that I needed to write this down, so I could sleep and not be afraid of losing the experience. I didn't find any answers to my questions, but I learned a little bit about myself, and met the voices that I might find myself from. I look forward to going back, inside, and meeting the parts of me again.