Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
It's funny because usually it's hard to make me shut up but lately I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say to anybody. It's getting harder and harder for me to verbally express all of the thoughts in my head and, as a direct result of this, my head is more jumbled than it has ever been. I have no desire to talk to anyone and it's hard for me to carry on a decent conversation with even my closest of friends, which makes for a boring couple of hours, which has led me to stop hanging out with friends as well. I assume that the ultimate destination of my life (becoming a hermit) will arrive faster than even I could imagine. Example: Saturday after work I went to see Taladega Nights alone, after which I spent 2 hours wandering mindlessly, yet enjoyably, around the huge 2 story Barnes and Noble picking out friend replacements in the form of 4 books for 30 dollars and have since been shacked up with said friend replacements and happy as a jay bird. But....as much as I don't want to admit it, this most recent loss of important people in my life has been even more hard to manage than previous groups of such.
I've only ever been able to completely and honestly talk to 3 people about anything and everything for hours at a time; one was lost long ago and really doesn't even register anymore but the other 2, more recent, still pang the heart a little. The sudden and abrupt disappearance of my best friend of all time has not only weirded me out, but left me feeling a little hollow inside. What do you do when your best friend lives 800 miles away and disappears? Not much you can do I guess, except chalk it up to another loss. The other one, well, the other one, now he's a different story. If you really want to get technical about it, I lost him months ago. Or, maybe, I never really had him to begin with, and I mean that in a completely platonic sense. I don't want people to get the wrong idea about that. Anyway, just recently though the loss was taken to a totally new plateau, in that he's choosing to spend his quality time elsewhere on purpose and the numerous promises in spoken form have been only that, spoken, with no action. When someone ignores your calls, you get the idea. And i'm not one to grovel or even attempt to contact someone if the reaction is of that nature so, again, we chalk it up to another loss.
If there is one thing that I will never understand it is this: How can you be best friends with someone one day and the next, have no earthly idea who this person even is? Do people really change that much and that quickly?
All I know is that i've seriously been re-evaluating my friendships and some of them just aren't cutting it. It's time to clean out the closet and move on while the moving is good. What's surprising is that with my volatile temper and high standards for people in general, that these people lasted so long anyway.
I've only ever been able to completely and honestly talk to 3 people about anything and everything for hours at a time; one was lost long ago and really doesn't even register anymore but the other 2, more recent, still pang the heart a little. The sudden and abrupt disappearance of my best friend of all time has not only weirded me out, but left me feeling a little hollow inside. What do you do when your best friend lives 800 miles away and disappears? Not much you can do I guess, except chalk it up to another loss. The other one, well, the other one, now he's a different story. If you really want to get technical about it, I lost him months ago. Or, maybe, I never really had him to begin with, and I mean that in a completely platonic sense. I don't want people to get the wrong idea about that. Anyway, just recently though the loss was taken to a totally new plateau, in that he's choosing to spend his quality time elsewhere on purpose and the numerous promises in spoken form have been only that, spoken, with no action. When someone ignores your calls, you get the idea. And i'm not one to grovel or even attempt to contact someone if the reaction is of that nature so, again, we chalk it up to another loss.
If there is one thing that I will never understand it is this: How can you be best friends with someone one day and the next, have no earthly idea who this person even is? Do people really change that much and that quickly?
All I know is that i've seriously been re-evaluating my friendships and some of them just aren't cutting it. It's time to clean out the closet and move on while the moving is good. What's surprising is that with my volatile temper and high standards for people in general, that these people lasted so long anyway.