(no subject)
Chances are, I won't have internet access anytime soon, and since this is fairly important I should put this down.
This is mostly for my own use here, but if you'd like read on.
Father's Day is tomorrow. Father's Day was the last time I talked to my father.
I've spent most of this year locked away within the dark recesses of my mind, exploring the musty caverns of my own thoughts. I've questioned who I am and how I got to where I am. I challenged my beliefs and my social relations. I've torn myself inside out, trying to discover who I have become and how to go on from here.
I've finally emerged from this solitary journey and can see the warmth of sunlight again. I've let so many of my friends fall to the side as I worked on myself. But, because of all my meditations, I can more freely give the self I always wanted to be.
I am a better person than I have ever been in my past. Through the things I have learned, the obstacles I've overcome and the ideals I hold to I am truly proud of the person I am today. Ignorance is discrimination, and I've learned so much. And yet, I have so much to learn from here. With every new discovery I am obtaining new heights. Currently, I'm reading Gendering Bodies, which is expanding my beliefs into a more life-changing realm. Gendering Bodies is about the dichotomous society we've built around us. Everything is broken into an either/or relationship. Republican/Democrat, good/bad, right/wrong, white/black, male/female. Usually, these are placed on a scale, with one being supposedly 'better' than the other. The three authors are challenging the gender box we've built around us, and this is where I'd like to send a thank you to my mother.
My mother is not open-minded; my mother is a die-hard republican; probably would have a mental breakdown if she discovered I was not a christian; and would most likely disown me if she knew half of my beliefs and knew some of the things I've done. But, she helped me, from an early age, to see people for individuals and not for labels such as male/female. She is a strong woman who does what she wants, regardless of society's standards. A perfect example is: She flew to Texas for a week long Mary Kay cosmetics convention and, the day she got back from Texas, hopped onto her motorcycle and drove from Issaquah WA to Sturgis South Dakota for the motorcycle event of the nation. a good 2,000 miles. She is the first female at Boeing to obtain the Two Million Mile award in Transportation. She has worked as a seamstress as well as in construction. She is not a stranger to hard work, but she also knows how to have a night on the town dressed up and looking nice. I thank her, for being an individual in a world where we are trained to only see labels.
The year since my father passed has been, looking back, the most personally rewarding year of my life. I wish more than anything to have him back, mainly so he can meet the son I've grown to be. I know he'd be proud of what I've accomplished, and would support me in the direction I've chosen for myself. I owe so much to my father who taught me above all else to enjoy life, no matter what. Without his lessons, and his love, I would not be the individual I am today. Chances are I'd be bitter, crass, rude and the perfect embodiment of the 'male of today' that I find so disgusting. He was not perfect, but by standing on his shoulders I have seen a world more beautiful than I would have otherwise thought possible. Because of his gifts, I will do that which he told me to long ago. I asked him once, "Why do I have to live in a world so filled with hate, with so much pain." And he told me "Maybe you're here to change that."
I refuse to let my father down, and whether I change the world, or affect just one person, I plan on improving this world which has fallen so far these 5,000 years. I tire of seeing so much suffering, so much intolerance, so much hatred and mistrust. I have dedicated my life to the process of learning all that I can in order to discover the flaw that, once brought into the open, will unite people across borders and fill each heart with a renewed inspiration to create a better world. I yearn to create a life that my children will be able to live in peacefully, without fear or hatred. Call me idealistic, call me a fool, but nothing can stop me in my quest.
I believe in a world of love. I believe that, given the option, people would much rather live in times of joy and creation rather than pain and destruction. I believe that eqaulity is within our grasp, regardless of cultural background, religious beliefs, political standpoint, sexual preferences, gender identity, ideals, morals, class standing, education, etc. We are the brink of change, a change unseen since the downfall of society 5,000 years ago during the Kurgan invasions. But, this time we have the opportunity to improve on what we've learned. We have the opportunity to build a world to be proud of. It won't be easy, and it won't be pain free, but we can rise above the trials of the day and seek a land of harmony. That is my goal, that is my dream. That is the gift I give to my father, on this and every Father's Day.
Monday, the 22nd, will be one year from when I found out about his passing. I will spend the day in silence. There is a trail next to my house which I've nicknamed Sanity's Recluse. I plan on spending the day hiking and meditating on the mountainside.
This is mostly for my own use here, but if you'd like read on.
Father's Day is tomorrow. Father's Day was the last time I talked to my father.
I've spent most of this year locked away within the dark recesses of my mind, exploring the musty caverns of my own thoughts. I've questioned who I am and how I got to where I am. I challenged my beliefs and my social relations. I've torn myself inside out, trying to discover who I have become and how to go on from here.
I've finally emerged from this solitary journey and can see the warmth of sunlight again. I've let so many of my friends fall to the side as I worked on myself. But, because of all my meditations, I can more freely give the self I always wanted to be.
I am a better person than I have ever been in my past. Through the things I have learned, the obstacles I've overcome and the ideals I hold to I am truly proud of the person I am today. Ignorance is discrimination, and I've learned so much. And yet, I have so much to learn from here. With every new discovery I am obtaining new heights. Currently, I'm reading Gendering Bodies, which is expanding my beliefs into a more life-changing realm. Gendering Bodies is about the dichotomous society we've built around us. Everything is broken into an either/or relationship. Republican/Democrat, good/bad, right/wrong, white/black, male/female. Usually, these are placed on a scale, with one being supposedly 'better' than the other. The three authors are challenging the gender box we've built around us, and this is where I'd like to send a thank you to my mother.
My mother is not open-minded; my mother is a die-hard republican; probably would have a mental breakdown if she discovered I was not a christian; and would most likely disown me if she knew half of my beliefs and knew some of the things I've done. But, she helped me, from an early age, to see people for individuals and not for labels such as male/female. She is a strong woman who does what she wants, regardless of society's standards. A perfect example is: She flew to Texas for a week long Mary Kay cosmetics convention and, the day she got back from Texas, hopped onto her motorcycle and drove from Issaquah WA to Sturgis South Dakota for the motorcycle event of the nation. a good 2,000 miles. She is the first female at Boeing to obtain the Two Million Mile award in Transportation. She has worked as a seamstress as well as in construction. She is not a stranger to hard work, but she also knows how to have a night on the town dressed up and looking nice. I thank her, for being an individual in a world where we are trained to only see labels.
The year since my father passed has been, looking back, the most personally rewarding year of my life. I wish more than anything to have him back, mainly so he can meet the son I've grown to be. I know he'd be proud of what I've accomplished, and would support me in the direction I've chosen for myself. I owe so much to my father who taught me above all else to enjoy life, no matter what. Without his lessons, and his love, I would not be the individual I am today. Chances are I'd be bitter, crass, rude and the perfect embodiment of the 'male of today' that I find so disgusting. He was not perfect, but by standing on his shoulders I have seen a world more beautiful than I would have otherwise thought possible. Because of his gifts, I will do that which he told me to long ago. I asked him once, "Why do I have to live in a world so filled with hate, with so much pain." And he told me "Maybe you're here to change that."
I refuse to let my father down, and whether I change the world, or affect just one person, I plan on improving this world which has fallen so far these 5,000 years. I tire of seeing so much suffering, so much intolerance, so much hatred and mistrust. I have dedicated my life to the process of learning all that I can in order to discover the flaw that, once brought into the open, will unite people across borders and fill each heart with a renewed inspiration to create a better world. I yearn to create a life that my children will be able to live in peacefully, without fear or hatred. Call me idealistic, call me a fool, but nothing can stop me in my quest.
I believe in a world of love. I believe that, given the option, people would much rather live in times of joy and creation rather than pain and destruction. I believe that eqaulity is within our grasp, regardless of cultural background, religious beliefs, political standpoint, sexual preferences, gender identity, ideals, morals, class standing, education, etc. We are the brink of change, a change unseen since the downfall of society 5,000 years ago during the Kurgan invasions. But, this time we have the opportunity to improve on what we've learned. We have the opportunity to build a world to be proud of. It won't be easy, and it won't be pain free, but we can rise above the trials of the day and seek a land of harmony. That is my goal, that is my dream. That is the gift I give to my father, on this and every Father's Day.
Monday, the 22nd, will be one year from when I found out about his passing. I will spend the day in silence. There is a trail next to my house which I've nicknamed Sanity's Recluse. I plan on spending the day hiking and meditating on the mountainside.