Cinderellie Part 2

[the_disco_fairy]

Urrrrgh. Sorry, my brain is oozing. This one is better than the last, though it deteriorates towards the end. Bear with me, for tonight we dine in...BREAKFAST.

By which I mean, the next installment will include meals.

Comments

[the_aftershock]

This is me commenting because I love you.

I like it. :P I am also a useless commenter.

[the_disco_fairy]

-STAB-

[cybermathwitch]

Matthias woke up with a headache. Contributing to that were the whitewashed walls of the room he was in- he was a little hazy on how he got there, in fact- and an eastward-facing window. He rolled over, moaning, and shoved his head under the only pillow on the single bed. He could hear running water and clanking, as well as something that sounded like an off-key attempt at music. The more he thought about the night previous the more things came into focus- an oddity in and of itself; Matthias was used to such things slipping out of his grasp-and the more he remembered the more things made sense. He was in the spare room of Jordan, who he believed to be a wizard, and if Matthias remembered correctly, it was possible he was going to be getting a job. He was contemplating thinking about getting up when there came an abrupt knock on the door before Jordan walked in, bearing a steaming mug of coffee and a pile of clothes. He put the clothes down on the dresser before moving towards the bed.Try something like: Matthias woke up slowly, his

[the_disco_fairy]

I tend to overuse redundancy because it amuses me. :p Dult noted. I also agree about that one really awkward sentence, and I'll fix that eventually.

I like the simplicity of the first bit, but I do agree that the room bit needs to be changed.

[cybermathwitch]

Matthias cleared his throat while trying to break the seal. It was easier said than done, but after a small struggle he got it. The affects were not immediate, but already the sour taste in his mouth was fading. "So, you are a wizard then?" he asked hoarsely, giving a Jordan an inquisitive look over his mug.

The effects were not immediate, but the sour taste in his mouth started to fade.

Also, I have a pet peeve about not using contractions, but that's a purely personal stylistic choice. ("So, you're a wizard then?" vs. "So, you are a wizard then?")

Obviously pleased that he was speaking, Jordan sat down on the end of the bed. "Oh, yes. That's what the green is for," he said, holding up an arm and gesturing at the emerald fabric. "I specialize in mundane things like cooking fixes, cleaners, hangover cures- that sort of thing. Healers wear yellow, prophets wear blue, bruisers wear red, mundies wear green. It's pretty simple. Of course, there are more categories, but you know," he shrugged, "That covers the basics." Matthias nodded

[cybermathwitch]

No sooner than he had walked out, he stepped back in. "I'm sorry, how do you like your eggs?"

Matthias blinked. "Sunny-side up." He waltzed out again, just like that. Jordan, as Matthias was going to learn, was very enthusiastic in all things he did, and he tended to do all of them at once.

Matthias blinked. "Sunny-side up," he replied, and Jordan waltzed out again. (Jordan, as Matthias was going to learn, was very enthusiastic in all the things he did, and he tended to do all of them at once.)

He got out of bed after he was certain Jordan had left, taking a moment to observe his surroundings. It had been too dark the night before to get a proper look at it. It was small, as he had observed earlier, and whitewashed walls led to whitewashed floorboards creaky with age. There was a bed, a small nightstand, a dresser, and a bookshelf. The latter had little on it- mainly the dusty sort of book you would find in the bedroom of an unwanted guest. All in all, it wasn't so bad. Matthias had stayed in less cheery places, though they were

[the_disco_fairy]

The tech level is debatable- things like plumbing are handled by magic, so I would consider it pretty similar to what we have. Did you read the city description? Just curious. As for shaving cream, that sort of thing is something I'll decide on later.

Thanks for all the help, btw, I appreciate it. You know, seeing as you're the only one who cares enough to comment. :p

(Also, the you're vs. you are was actually because there was an uncertain, question-y inflection on the are in my head that wasn't on the paper. I debated italics, but obviously I need them. -dorkdorkdork-)

[jessofthebugs]

I care!
I'm just easily distracted.

I pretty much concur with the others. Yeah, that's lame, but that's all I got right now.

[the_disco_fairy]

Lol, well, all comments are appreciated.

Except for Brittany's. -glares at her comment-

[kadollan]

I like the idea of folks who do household magic being called "mundies" -- that's clever.

I agree with cybermathwitch that there is something odd about the first paragraph -- the description of the room and the flow of his thoughts don't entirely do right.

All in all though, I'm impressed and interested to read more.