SPN fic: To Get To The Other Side {con't}
So, Misha sighs, standing up off
the couch. You have thing for my brother now? Misha
arches an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.
No! Jensen exclaims. God, Misha, are you serious? I can never tell if youre serious or not. he huffs in exasperation.
What about Matt? Misha asks flatly, all humor suddenly gone.
We broke up, he replies quietly. And Jensen thought that had been hard, but this is already a mess.
Misha is silent for once, completely closed off, and that ends up being more unsettling than anything else Misha has ever done.
Jensen throws up his hands and sighs, defeated. I thought you were just playing with me this whole time, he admits.
What? Misha frowns, confused.
When I told you I liked you, and you didnt say it back. I thought I thought you were just leading me on or something, Jensen sighs again. But apparently Im an idiot, for not seeing what everyone else knew, he mutters, looking at his feet.
Yes, you are, Misha huffs.
Jensen barks a self-deprecating laugh.
But to be fair, I shouldve said it back when you did, Misha adds softly, coming closer. I just thought I was being really obvious about how I felt, so all I was focused on was hearing you say it, Misha adds, reaching up to stroke his cheek.
Jensen finally looks up again. Dude, I joined the play to be near you, he smiles wryly.
Oh my god. You hate being in the play, dont you? Misha groans, pulling his hand away, mortified. Jensen grabs it, holding on.
No thats not true. I like the whole acting thing. Just not the Shakespeare, he explains, twining their fingers together.
Oh. Well thats good, Misha replies, his voice carefully controlled, but still a little breathless, and Jensen doesnt know how he missed noticing things like that before.
Maybe next year we can do something more contemporary, Misha rambles on, Maybe even a Musical! Im sure if we talk to Kripke
Misha.
Yes?
Are you ever going to stop talking and let me kiss you?
And this time, when Misha goes silent, its in the best way.
~ 19 ~
When Jensen gets back home, he looks much happier than he did when he left. Actually he looks much happier than he has in weeks, and Deans just about to ask where he can get some of whatever his twin is on, but as soon as Jensen sees him, his expression darkens.
Woah., Dean holds up his hands, What? I got something on my face or something? he jokes.
Dean, Jensen says, all serious-like, and Deans smirk drops, a sense of dread beginning to creep over him.
Please dont kill me, okay? Jensen says, holding out his hands like hes trying to placate a wild animal. It was an accident, I swear.
Huh? Dean huffs, bewildered.
I kissed Cas.
WHAT?! Dean explodes.
Im sorry! I thought he was Misha! It was an accident, I swear! Im so sorry! Jensen rushes to apologize.
Dean is silent through his brothers rambling, trying to breathe through the sudden rush of blood in his ears. He wants to punch something. A wall. His stupid, stupid dick brothers face. Anything. Something. He doesnt know. He just knows hes stupidly, irrationally angry. But,
Wait a minute. Why are you apologizing to me?
I thought Jensen frowns at him, confused. I thought, you and Cas ?
What? Dean scoffs. No, dude, were not like that. Cas and me were just friends, Dean shrugs it off. No matter how much he wants it to be more, he probably doesnt have a chance in hell. Cas would probably never think of him that way.
Huh, Jensen narrows his eyes. Thats not what it seemed like when I kissed him.
What? Dean breathes. What exactly did it seem like? he asks, trying to remain nonchalant and failing miserably.
Well, Jensen smiles, It seemed like he was pretty happy about it, until he realised it wasnt actually you.
Dean stews over that for a whole ten minutes, before hes storming across the road.
~ 20 ~
Castiel is curled up into a pathetic little ball in his bed, hiding under all the heavy layers of his blankets, as if they can shield him away from the rest of the world.
He still cant believe it.
His first kiss.
Stolen!
But oh it had been so good Until hed realized it wasnt actually Dean.
Of course it was Jensen, looking for Misha. Of course it had been mistake. Of course Dean didnt want him that way.
Mostly, Castiel feels foolish, for even daring to hope.
And its this that makes Castiel pull at his own hair in shame, cringing his eyes shut against the embarrassing memory, and covering his ears so he doesnt have to hear his own mortified groans
And because of that it takes a few seconds to register the banging at his bedroom door.
Go away! he yells, hoping whoever it is can hear him through all the many layers of blankets.
Open up, Cas! Its me! is the reply, and Castiel flings away the sheets, shooting straight up in bed. Uh, I mean, its me Dean, the familiar voice adds, and Castiels heart lurches up into his throat. Cmon Cas, let me in, Dean pleads.
He knows. Jensen told him. Oh God.
Castiel looks around wildly for an escape, but aside from flinging himself out of his bedroom window, theres none. He does seriously consider it for a second though. Dean is the last person he wants to face right now.
Im not leaving until you let me in, Dean threatens through the door. Then after a long moment he adds, Please, Cas, a little more desperately.
Castiel heaves a resigned sigh, dragging himself out of his safe nest of blankets. He knows how stubborn Dean is, so he knows hell find himself starved for food and peeing in jars before Dean even considers leaving. And while Castiels stubborn enough to go that far as well, he also knows hes going to have to deal with Dean sooner or later anyway.
He wouldve preferred it to be later but he doesnt have any jars.
What do you want Dean? is what he begins to ask when he finally unlocks the door. But he doesnt even get the chance, because Dean is instantly reaching out for his face, pulling him close and stealing the words the very breath from his throat, with a fierce kiss.
Dean, Castiel gasps when he is finally allowed to breathe again, amazed, but without doubt this time.
Your first kiss shouldnt have been a mistake, Cas, Dean murmurs, pressing their foreheads together, It shouldve been special, he whispers. It shouldve been me.
I wanted it to be you, Castiel whispers back.
I know that now, Dean pulls back, frustrated. God I wanted to be your first, so bad. I want to be all your firsts, he huffs angrily, fingers gripping Castiels arms.
Dean, Castiel pulls him close again, murmuring soothingly into his ear, I still have many firsts left to share with you.
When Dean pulls back to look at him then, hes grinning from ear to ear. Youre right Cas. Lets start now.
~ 21 ~
Misha burrows further into the couch, turning the volume on the television up from annoyingly loud to obnoxiously loud. It manages to drown out the totally gross sounds of Cas making out with Dean in the front hall, but unfortunately they still dont come up for air. But then again, they didnt take the hint twenty minutes ago when he first turned the volume up either.
Mishas starting to worry that his normally reserved twin has developed some kind of weird exhibitionist kink or something. Youd think Dean was going off to war instead of back across the road, the way theyre going at it.
It was kind of sweet when theyd first gotten together, and Misha was happy for his twin, so hed left Cas alone. But now its just grating.
Ill call you when I get home, he hears Dean murmur during an unfortunate silence between ads, and thats it. The grace period is over.
Hey Dean, why did the chicken cross the road? he snipes in their direction.
Screw you, Misha! Dean replies, before finally, finally leaving.
Did he use protection at least? Misha snarks as Cas shuts the door. Hes expecting his brother will yell at him, some red-faced sputtering and stammering, or at least a little embarrassed outrage
He doesnt expect the blissed out sigh as Cas leans back against the door, or the dreamy look on his face as he replies, Yes.
Misha gapes.
~ 22 ~
Dean doesnt know it, but hes about to slice off his finger. He also doesnt know that Mishas about to get all up in his face with the protective brother routine because quite frankly, Deans too busy daydreaming about Mishas brother to notice. But when his electric saw abruptly comes to a stop in Shop class that afternoon, he suddenly becomes aware of both aforementioned things.
I swear to God, Dean, if you break his heart Ill--
Youll what? Break my face? Dean smirks, beating him to the punch. Misha looks so much like Cas, squinting at him in anger like that, its hard for Dean to take him seriously. Pretty unoriginal for you Misha.
Actually I was thinking more along the lines of using that saw to chop off more than just your finger, Misha replies, and Dean cant help but balk a little at that idea.
Look, he sighs, Not for nothin Misha, I mean I know we arent kids anymore, but Im pretty sure Cas could still beat the ever loving crap out of me himself if he wanted to.
Fair point, Misha concedes.
Besides, Dean narrows his eyes threateningly, If we were gonna do the protective brother thing, I shoulda kicked your ass weeks ago.
Also a fair point, Misha deflates, backing away.
Glad we got that sorted then, Dean grins, turning his saw on again.
He tries to concentrate more on what hes doing after that, but he cant help that the thought of Cas being perfectly capable of knocking him on his ass turns him on, just a little.
~ 23 ~
Dude, Misha, your brother Cas is seriously hot, Richard declares one day during rehearsal, plopping down on the seat next to him. Misha rolls his eyes.
Richard, you do realise he looks exactly like me, right? he says, arching an eyebrow.
Pshaw, Richard scoffs. Totally different. I mean, hes so sweet. Everytime I see him I just want to tie him up and eat him, he leers.
Misha shudders, reflexively inching as far away from his insane friend as possible.
Think you could put in a good word for me? Richard waggles his eyebrows
Hes taken, Misha replies with no small measure of relief.
What? Richards eyes go almost comically wide with disbelief and despair, a reaction which Misha enjoys in no small measure either.
Yep, he smirks, Very seriously taken.
By who?! Richard sputters, Its Sebastian isnt it. You should know better than to expose all that innocent sweetness to a salacious lech like Sebastian!
(Hey! Sebastian protests from the other side of the theater.)
Oooh big words, Richard, Misha mocks him, Been studying for the SATs?
Cmon, Misha, you gotta give me something! Richard begs, just as Misha spies Jensen coming back from the bathroom. Jensen may have given up baseball to join the play, but hes still just as big as Dean. And Richard is smaller than Cas, even. Misha has no doubt Dean could beat Richard to a bloody pulp, given the right incentive.
Just leave it alone Richard, for your own good. Trust me.
~ 24 ~
So Dean, Jensen grins, popping his head in the door of his brothers bedroom barely two minutes after Dean gets home. Its not like he was just waiting for Dean or anything. Because that would make him sadistic, or slightly evil, even. And that would mean Misha has been a very bad influence on him.
Deans lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a dopey smile on his face that Jensen knows has something to do with Cas. Jensen grins. He cant wait to see Deans reaction to this.
I just heard from Misha that one of his friends wants to, and I quote, tie Cas up and eat him, he smirks.
What?! Dean shoots up in his bed. Who?! he snarls.
He wouldnt say, Jensen shrugs. Im not even supposed to be telling you this much.
I bet its that Sebastian lech, Dean narrows his eyes.
(Somewhere across town, Sebastian suddenly sneezes.)
Oh fuck, Dean pales suddenly, his eyes widening in horror. Do you think Cas would want that? Someone like Sebastian or one of Mishas other theater buddies? I mean, theyre all really smart, arent they? And witty? And
And its almost funny for a second, until Jensen realizes his twin is actually, genuinely, freaking the fuck out.
Dean! Jensen cuts off his twins panicked rambling, grabbing him by the shoulders and giving him a shake. Dean, Cas isnt going to just up and leave you, anytime soon. If ever. Hes totally in love with you.
Holy shit, he totally is, right? Dean whispers, looking even more panicked than before. Jesus Jen, the things he lets me do to him Who knew nerds could be so hot? Dean huffs an amazed sound, even as Jensen cringes at the unwanted information.
Dean doesnt notice, rambling on, Its like he never learned to be self-conscious about himself, so he isnt. And he loves it because its me. And its fucking terrifying because I think I Dean trails off, his panic reaching a fevered-pitch, and Jensen knows what hes going to say even before he finishes;
I think Im in love with him too.
~ 25 ~
Castiel is sitting in his usual spot under a tree outside the cafeteria, slowly eating his lunch and trying to read a book, but quite frankly, hes too distracted with daydreaming about Dean to get through a single sentence. Unfortunately, that also means hes too distracted to notice the annoying interruption thats about to sit down next to him.
Hey, Cas! Remember me? said interruption leers as he plops himself down, leaning so close, their legs press up against each other.
Castiel frowns, trying to lean away. Youre a friend of Mishas?
Mr. Interruption beams, Thats right! Im Richard.
Knowing his name doesnt make him any less annoying though, and Castiels frown deepens. Was there something you wanted?
Well Richard sing-songs, Misha told me youre taken, but I dont see anyone here with you, so I was just wondering if you wanted some company?
Castiel is about to spit out a very definite I dont, but before he can even open his mouth, Dean plops down on his other side, easily draping an arm around his shoulder and pressing a kiss into his neck.
Castiel cant help the shiver that runs through him at that, but when he realises what Deans just done he finds himself with a stupidly happy smile on his face. Its the most affectionate Deans ever been with him in public. The most affectionate Deans ever been with anyone in public. Over his entire history of serial one-night stands and womanizing ways.
Granted, it all happens so quick youd miss it if you blinked, but no one in the cafeteria has blinked an eye since Dean slammed out the door and sat himself down. Hes just sent a very clear message to anyone and everyone whos watching.
Hey Cas, Dean grins innocently as Richard gapes at them. Is there a problem here? he asks, his grin taking a hard edge as he looks pointedly in Richards direction.
Nope, no problem, Richard recovers hastily, Im just gonna go over there now, he mumbles, fleeing the scene.
Seeya later, Dick. Dean smirks.
~ 26 ~
Quite frankly, Jensens a little intimidated by how fast Dean and Cas are moving in their relationship. More than a little intimidated actually. Downright scared, to be exact. Because he gets it.
As if he wasnt already spending enough time with Misha, now they look for every single chance they can get. They disappear during lunch, skip study hall, stay after rehearsals when everyone has left - hell even during rehearsal if theyre sneaky enough - Misha shows him dark, secret corners of the theater he never knew existed, and touches him in ways he never knew he wanted, but can barely live without now.
He doesnt know how he thought he could ever settle for Matt. How he ever couldve fooled himself into believing what he felt for Matt was something real. But maybe that was because he didnt know he could feel like this.
Misha makes him react and crave and need in ways he never knew he could. And while he was a little shy about it at first, now he finds he can barely hold back anymore, throwing himself at Misha unashamedly and whole-heartedly.
Its Deans little freakout over Cas that sticks with him, making him ponder all the breath-stealing things Misha does to him, all the things he lets Misha do to him, all the things he wants Misha to do to him, and what that all means exactly. Until finally, one afternoon after rehearsals, when theyre folded up in the velvet-heavy curtains of the stage, hidden from the rest of the world and rutting up against each other with their flies open and Mishas mouth doing wondrous things to his nipple, Jensen suddenly blurts, I think I love you.
And then Misha makes him come so hard he forgets to be disappointed Misha doesnt say it back.
~ 27 ~
I think I love you too.
Thats all he had to say.
And its kind of a big deal that he didnt. He knows that. Hell, he lost Jensen once because he failed to do the simple thing of telling Jensen he liked him back.
He was just caught off guard, is all. He wasnt trying to pull a confession out of Jensen this time, so he was unprepared. Jensen just told him how he felt freely, of his own volition, right out of the blue. Well, in the midst of some serious throes of passion, but still.
No. The truth is, Mishas not even sure if hes capable of saying something honestly straight-faced. When it gets down to it, he always manages to avoid any serious situations with humor. Like he did the first time he got Jensen to admit his feelings. And that turned out wonderfully.
Well, eventually it did, anyway.
Okay, so this time Misha realises he needs to do something here. Something decidedly declarative. Maybe something that will set the mood so perfectly, he cant help but confess his undying devotion.
He takes Jensen on a date. An honest-to-goodness dinner and a movie, date. Its not an overly creative solution, but its a definite change from all the sneaking around, finding secluded places around school to make out. And he knows Jensen is kind of traditional at heart, so hell appreciate the gesture.
He even shows up at Jensens house with flowers. Well, two comically large plastic sunflowers, in a ridiculously large gift box, but theyre still flowers. And Jensens reaction when he opens the box is completely worth it, stunned and laughing so hard he almost cries. God, Misha loves that laugh.
Its a perfect evening. Right up to the point theyre in his bed, slowly peeling off each others clothes and their own respective watches and accessories, and Misha makes a passing comment about Jensens ring. Hes tried doing some work with silver and jewellery in Shop class and he cant help but admire the detail on it.
You can have it, if you want, Jensen tells him.
Really? But its so beautiful, I cant, Misha protests.
Its yours. Jensen breathes, sliding it on his finger.
And if there was ever a moment for a love confession, it shouldve been then. Jensens just given him his ring for crying out loud.
So of course, what he says is, Wow. I bet this ring is going to feel great when I jack off.
And Jensen, beautiful soul that he is, just smiles and replies, Then I hope it reminds you of me when you do.
Its then that it hits him, that what he feels for Jensen goes way beyond a cheesy dinner and movie date. And while once upon a time it was a huge deal just to get Jensen to admit he had a crush, what Misha feels for him now is so much more than that.
And he doesnt think it. He knows.
~ 28 ~
Jensen doesnt need Misha to say it. He knows Misha now. So he knows not to pay attention to anything that comes out of Mishas mouth. Nothing Misha says is serious, so the words themselves dont matter.
Its Mishas actions that tell him everything he needs to know. Misha is always there for him - even though he comes across as a careless scatterbrain - always on time for rehearsals, or any of their other secret rendezvous. And hes always completely present and focused, even though he seems like hes all over the place and easily distracted he doesnt miss a thing.
That kind of attentiveness and care overwhelms him sometimes. And its probably what led to his unbidden declaration of love to begin with.
That, and Mishas amazing tongue.
Yeah, Jensen doesnt need Misha to tell him anything at all. Not if it means Misha has to stop doing all those other wonderful things with his mouth to say it.
Thats his first thought when theyre making out on Mishas bed one afternoon, and he suddenly realizes Mishas mouth is no longer on his skin, but forming words instead.
I made something for you in Shop, Misha is saying, and Jensen pouts even more when he realizes that not only has Misha stopped kissing him, but hes stopped for a friggin birdhouse or something.
But then he sees what Mishas pulled out of his pocket, and all he can do is blink, dumbfounded, as Misha takes his hand, and slides it on.
Oh good, it fits, Misha breathes a sigh of relief. Dean helped me with the sizing, but I still wasnt sure, he smiles.
What is this? Jensen finally breathes, staring at the simple band of silver around his finger.
Thats so you know how I feel about you, too, Misha murmurs.
A small sound of surprise escapes Jensens throat then, at the meaning of the gesture, the honesty in Mishas words, and sincerity in his eyes.
Another blink though, and its gone.
And now youll think of me when you jack off as well.
~ 29 ~
If anyone told Jensen at the beginning of the year that when he gave up baseball to try new things, he would end up joining the school play just to be closer to the boy who lives across the road he wouldve told them they were crazy.
But thats exactly what happened. Plus a whole lot of crazy on top of that.
When he finally loses his virginity to said boy across the road, it goes a lot like his first time performing on stage. Hes nervous as hell at first, so there are a few awkward hitches here and there. But he puts his trust in Misha, so eventually they find their rhythm. And by the end of it Jensens pretty sure its something he wants to do for the rest of his life.
He's found what he was looking for.
~ 30 ~ flashforward ~
Sometime in the not so distant future
Dean.
Hmm?
Youre hogging all the sheets again.
Well how else am I supposed to make sure you stay close to me, Cas?
As if Id want to be anywhere else. Assbutt.
Meanwhile, under the sheets, in a bedroom not so far away
Permission to come aboard, sir?
Permission granted.
~ fin
No! Jensen exclaims. God, Misha, are you serious? I can never tell if youre serious or not. he huffs in exasperation.
What about Matt? Misha asks flatly, all humor suddenly gone.
We broke up, he replies quietly. And Jensen thought that had been hard, but this is already a mess.
Misha is silent for once, completely closed off, and that ends up being more unsettling than anything else Misha has ever done.
Jensen throws up his hands and sighs, defeated. I thought you were just playing with me this whole time, he admits.
What? Misha frowns, confused.
When I told you I liked you, and you didnt say it back. I thought I thought you were just leading me on or something, Jensen sighs again. But apparently Im an idiot, for not seeing what everyone else knew, he mutters, looking at his feet.
Yes, you are, Misha huffs.
Jensen barks a self-deprecating laugh.
But to be fair, I shouldve said it back when you did, Misha adds softly, coming closer. I just thought I was being really obvious about how I felt, so all I was focused on was hearing you say it, Misha adds, reaching up to stroke his cheek.
Jensen finally looks up again. Dude, I joined the play to be near you, he smiles wryly.
Oh my god. You hate being in the play, dont you? Misha groans, pulling his hand away, mortified. Jensen grabs it, holding on.
No thats not true. I like the whole acting thing. Just not the Shakespeare, he explains, twining their fingers together.
Oh. Well thats good, Misha replies, his voice carefully controlled, but still a little breathless, and Jensen doesnt know how he missed noticing things like that before.
Maybe next year we can do something more contemporary, Misha rambles on, Maybe even a Musical! Im sure if we talk to Kripke
Misha.
Yes?
Are you ever going to stop talking and let me kiss you?
And this time, when Misha goes silent, its in the best way.
~ 19 ~
When Jensen gets back home, he looks much happier than he did when he left. Actually he looks much happier than he has in weeks, and Deans just about to ask where he can get some of whatever his twin is on, but as soon as Jensen sees him, his expression darkens.
Woah., Dean holds up his hands, What? I got something on my face or something? he jokes.
Dean, Jensen says, all serious-like, and Deans smirk drops, a sense of dread beginning to creep over him.
Please dont kill me, okay? Jensen says, holding out his hands like hes trying to placate a wild animal. It was an accident, I swear.
Huh? Dean huffs, bewildered.
I kissed Cas.
WHAT?! Dean explodes.
Im sorry! I thought he was Misha! It was an accident, I swear! Im so sorry! Jensen rushes to apologize.
Dean is silent through his brothers rambling, trying to breathe through the sudden rush of blood in his ears. He wants to punch something. A wall. His stupid, stupid dick brothers face. Anything. Something. He doesnt know. He just knows hes stupidly, irrationally angry. But,
Wait a minute. Why are you apologizing to me?
I thought Jensen frowns at him, confused. I thought, you and Cas ?
What? Dean scoffs. No, dude, were not like that. Cas and me were just friends, Dean shrugs it off. No matter how much he wants it to be more, he probably doesnt have a chance in hell. Cas would probably never think of him that way.
Huh, Jensen narrows his eyes. Thats not what it seemed like when I kissed him.
What? Dean breathes. What exactly did it seem like? he asks, trying to remain nonchalant and failing miserably.
Well, Jensen smiles, It seemed like he was pretty happy about it, until he realised it wasnt actually you.
Dean stews over that for a whole ten minutes, before hes storming across the road.
~ 20 ~
Castiel is curled up into a pathetic little ball in his bed, hiding under all the heavy layers of his blankets, as if they can shield him away from the rest of the world.
He still cant believe it.
His first kiss.
Stolen!
But oh it had been so good Until hed realized it wasnt actually Dean.
Of course it was Jensen, looking for Misha. Of course it had been mistake. Of course Dean didnt want him that way.
Mostly, Castiel feels foolish, for even daring to hope.
And its this that makes Castiel pull at his own hair in shame, cringing his eyes shut against the embarrassing memory, and covering his ears so he doesnt have to hear his own mortified groans
And because of that it takes a few seconds to register the banging at his bedroom door.
Go away! he yells, hoping whoever it is can hear him through all the many layers of blankets.
Open up, Cas! Its me! is the reply, and Castiel flings away the sheets, shooting straight up in bed. Uh, I mean, its me Dean, the familiar voice adds, and Castiels heart lurches up into his throat. Cmon Cas, let me in, Dean pleads.
He knows. Jensen told him. Oh God.
Castiel looks around wildly for an escape, but aside from flinging himself out of his bedroom window, theres none. He does seriously consider it for a second though. Dean is the last person he wants to face right now.
Im not leaving until you let me in, Dean threatens through the door. Then after a long moment he adds, Please, Cas, a little more desperately.
Castiel heaves a resigned sigh, dragging himself out of his safe nest of blankets. He knows how stubborn Dean is, so he knows hell find himself starved for food and peeing in jars before Dean even considers leaving. And while Castiels stubborn enough to go that far as well, he also knows hes going to have to deal with Dean sooner or later anyway.
He wouldve preferred it to be later but he doesnt have any jars.
What do you want Dean? is what he begins to ask when he finally unlocks the door. But he doesnt even get the chance, because Dean is instantly reaching out for his face, pulling him close and stealing the words the very breath from his throat, with a fierce kiss.
Dean, Castiel gasps when he is finally allowed to breathe again, amazed, but without doubt this time.
Your first kiss shouldnt have been a mistake, Cas, Dean murmurs, pressing their foreheads together, It shouldve been special, he whispers. It shouldve been me.
I wanted it to be you, Castiel whispers back.
I know that now, Dean pulls back, frustrated. God I wanted to be your first, so bad. I want to be all your firsts, he huffs angrily, fingers gripping Castiels arms.
Dean, Castiel pulls him close again, murmuring soothingly into his ear, I still have many firsts left to share with you.
When Dean pulls back to look at him then, hes grinning from ear to ear. Youre right Cas. Lets start now.
~ 21 ~
Misha burrows further into the couch, turning the volume on the television up from annoyingly loud to obnoxiously loud. It manages to drown out the totally gross sounds of Cas making out with Dean in the front hall, but unfortunately they still dont come up for air. But then again, they didnt take the hint twenty minutes ago when he first turned the volume up either.
Mishas starting to worry that his normally reserved twin has developed some kind of weird exhibitionist kink or something. Youd think Dean was going off to war instead of back across the road, the way theyre going at it.
It was kind of sweet when theyd first gotten together, and Misha was happy for his twin, so hed left Cas alone. But now its just grating.
Ill call you when I get home, he hears Dean murmur during an unfortunate silence between ads, and thats it. The grace period is over.
Hey Dean, why did the chicken cross the road? he snipes in their direction.
Screw you, Misha! Dean replies, before finally, finally leaving.
Did he use protection at least? Misha snarks as Cas shuts the door. Hes expecting his brother will yell at him, some red-faced sputtering and stammering, or at least a little embarrassed outrage
He doesnt expect the blissed out sigh as Cas leans back against the door, or the dreamy look on his face as he replies, Yes.
Misha gapes.
~ 22 ~
Dean doesnt know it, but hes about to slice off his finger. He also doesnt know that Mishas about to get all up in his face with the protective brother routine because quite frankly, Deans too busy daydreaming about Mishas brother to notice. But when his electric saw abruptly comes to a stop in Shop class that afternoon, he suddenly becomes aware of both aforementioned things.
I swear to God, Dean, if you break his heart Ill--
Youll what? Break my face? Dean smirks, beating him to the punch. Misha looks so much like Cas, squinting at him in anger like that, its hard for Dean to take him seriously. Pretty unoriginal for you Misha.
Actually I was thinking more along the lines of using that saw to chop off more than just your finger, Misha replies, and Dean cant help but balk a little at that idea.
Look, he sighs, Not for nothin Misha, I mean I know we arent kids anymore, but Im pretty sure Cas could still beat the ever loving crap out of me himself if he wanted to.
Fair point, Misha concedes.
Besides, Dean narrows his eyes threateningly, If we were gonna do the protective brother thing, I shoulda kicked your ass weeks ago.
Also a fair point, Misha deflates, backing away.
Glad we got that sorted then, Dean grins, turning his saw on again.
He tries to concentrate more on what hes doing after that, but he cant help that the thought of Cas being perfectly capable of knocking him on his ass turns him on, just a little.
~ 23 ~
Dude, Misha, your brother Cas is seriously hot, Richard declares one day during rehearsal, plopping down on the seat next to him. Misha rolls his eyes.
Richard, you do realise he looks exactly like me, right? he says, arching an eyebrow.
Pshaw, Richard scoffs. Totally different. I mean, hes so sweet. Everytime I see him I just want to tie him up and eat him, he leers.
Misha shudders, reflexively inching as far away from his insane friend as possible.
Think you could put in a good word for me? Richard waggles his eyebrows
Hes taken, Misha replies with no small measure of relief.
What? Richards eyes go almost comically wide with disbelief and despair, a reaction which Misha enjoys in no small measure either.
Yep, he smirks, Very seriously taken.
By who?! Richard sputters, Its Sebastian isnt it. You should know better than to expose all that innocent sweetness to a salacious lech like Sebastian!
(Hey! Sebastian protests from the other side of the theater.)
Oooh big words, Richard, Misha mocks him, Been studying for the SATs?
Cmon, Misha, you gotta give me something! Richard begs, just as Misha spies Jensen coming back from the bathroom. Jensen may have given up baseball to join the play, but hes still just as big as Dean. And Richard is smaller than Cas, even. Misha has no doubt Dean could beat Richard to a bloody pulp, given the right incentive.
Just leave it alone Richard, for your own good. Trust me.
~ 24 ~
So Dean, Jensen grins, popping his head in the door of his brothers bedroom barely two minutes after Dean gets home. Its not like he was just waiting for Dean or anything. Because that would make him sadistic, or slightly evil, even. And that would mean Misha has been a very bad influence on him.
Deans lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a dopey smile on his face that Jensen knows has something to do with Cas. Jensen grins. He cant wait to see Deans reaction to this.
I just heard from Misha that one of his friends wants to, and I quote, tie Cas up and eat him, he smirks.
What?! Dean shoots up in his bed. Who?! he snarls.
He wouldnt say, Jensen shrugs. Im not even supposed to be telling you this much.
I bet its that Sebastian lech, Dean narrows his eyes.
(Somewhere across town, Sebastian suddenly sneezes.)
Oh fuck, Dean pales suddenly, his eyes widening in horror. Do you think Cas would want that? Someone like Sebastian or one of Mishas other theater buddies? I mean, theyre all really smart, arent they? And witty? And
And its almost funny for a second, until Jensen realizes his twin is actually, genuinely, freaking the fuck out.
Dean! Jensen cuts off his twins panicked rambling, grabbing him by the shoulders and giving him a shake. Dean, Cas isnt going to just up and leave you, anytime soon. If ever. Hes totally in love with you.
Holy shit, he totally is, right? Dean whispers, looking even more panicked than before. Jesus Jen, the things he lets me do to him Who knew nerds could be so hot? Dean huffs an amazed sound, even as Jensen cringes at the unwanted information.
Dean doesnt notice, rambling on, Its like he never learned to be self-conscious about himself, so he isnt. And he loves it because its me. And its fucking terrifying because I think I Dean trails off, his panic reaching a fevered-pitch, and Jensen knows what hes going to say even before he finishes;
I think Im in love with him too.
~ 25 ~
Castiel is sitting in his usual spot under a tree outside the cafeteria, slowly eating his lunch and trying to read a book, but quite frankly, hes too distracted with daydreaming about Dean to get through a single sentence. Unfortunately, that also means hes too distracted to notice the annoying interruption thats about to sit down next to him.
Hey, Cas! Remember me? said interruption leers as he plops himself down, leaning so close, their legs press up against each other.
Castiel frowns, trying to lean away. Youre a friend of Mishas?
Mr. Interruption beams, Thats right! Im Richard.
Knowing his name doesnt make him any less annoying though, and Castiels frown deepens. Was there something you wanted?
Well Richard sing-songs, Misha told me youre taken, but I dont see anyone here with you, so I was just wondering if you wanted some company?
Castiel is about to spit out a very definite I dont, but before he can even open his mouth, Dean plops down on his other side, easily draping an arm around his shoulder and pressing a kiss into his neck.
Castiel cant help the shiver that runs through him at that, but when he realises what Deans just done he finds himself with a stupidly happy smile on his face. Its the most affectionate Deans ever been with him in public. The most affectionate Deans ever been with anyone in public. Over his entire history of serial one-night stands and womanizing ways.
Granted, it all happens so quick youd miss it if you blinked, but no one in the cafeteria has blinked an eye since Dean slammed out the door and sat himself down. Hes just sent a very clear message to anyone and everyone whos watching.
Hey Cas, Dean grins innocently as Richard gapes at them. Is there a problem here? he asks, his grin taking a hard edge as he looks pointedly in Richards direction.
Nope, no problem, Richard recovers hastily, Im just gonna go over there now, he mumbles, fleeing the scene.
Seeya later, Dick. Dean smirks.
~ 26 ~
Quite frankly, Jensens a little intimidated by how fast Dean and Cas are moving in their relationship. More than a little intimidated actually. Downright scared, to be exact. Because he gets it.
As if he wasnt already spending enough time with Misha, now they look for every single chance they can get. They disappear during lunch, skip study hall, stay after rehearsals when everyone has left - hell even during rehearsal if theyre sneaky enough - Misha shows him dark, secret corners of the theater he never knew existed, and touches him in ways he never knew he wanted, but can barely live without now.
He doesnt know how he thought he could ever settle for Matt. How he ever couldve fooled himself into believing what he felt for Matt was something real. But maybe that was because he didnt know he could feel like this.
Misha makes him react and crave and need in ways he never knew he could. And while he was a little shy about it at first, now he finds he can barely hold back anymore, throwing himself at Misha unashamedly and whole-heartedly.
Its Deans little freakout over Cas that sticks with him, making him ponder all the breath-stealing things Misha does to him, all the things he lets Misha do to him, all the things he wants Misha to do to him, and what that all means exactly. Until finally, one afternoon after rehearsals, when theyre folded up in the velvet-heavy curtains of the stage, hidden from the rest of the world and rutting up against each other with their flies open and Mishas mouth doing wondrous things to his nipple, Jensen suddenly blurts, I think I love you.
And then Misha makes him come so hard he forgets to be disappointed Misha doesnt say it back.
~ 27 ~
I think I love you too.
Thats all he had to say.
And its kind of a big deal that he didnt. He knows that. Hell, he lost Jensen once because he failed to do the simple thing of telling Jensen he liked him back.
He was just caught off guard, is all. He wasnt trying to pull a confession out of Jensen this time, so he was unprepared. Jensen just told him how he felt freely, of his own volition, right out of the blue. Well, in the midst of some serious throes of passion, but still.
No. The truth is, Mishas not even sure if hes capable of saying something honestly straight-faced. When it gets down to it, he always manages to avoid any serious situations with humor. Like he did the first time he got Jensen to admit his feelings. And that turned out wonderfully.
Well, eventually it did, anyway.
Okay, so this time Misha realises he needs to do something here. Something decidedly declarative. Maybe something that will set the mood so perfectly, he cant help but confess his undying devotion.
He takes Jensen on a date. An honest-to-goodness dinner and a movie, date. Its not an overly creative solution, but its a definite change from all the sneaking around, finding secluded places around school to make out. And he knows Jensen is kind of traditional at heart, so hell appreciate the gesture.
He even shows up at Jensens house with flowers. Well, two comically large plastic sunflowers, in a ridiculously large gift box, but theyre still flowers. And Jensens reaction when he opens the box is completely worth it, stunned and laughing so hard he almost cries. God, Misha loves that laugh.
Its a perfect evening. Right up to the point theyre in his bed, slowly peeling off each others clothes and their own respective watches and accessories, and Misha makes a passing comment about Jensens ring. Hes tried doing some work with silver and jewellery in Shop class and he cant help but admire the detail on it.
You can have it, if you want, Jensen tells him.
Really? But its so beautiful, I cant, Misha protests.
Its yours. Jensen breathes, sliding it on his finger.
And if there was ever a moment for a love confession, it shouldve been then. Jensens just given him his ring for crying out loud.
So of course, what he says is, Wow. I bet this ring is going to feel great when I jack off.
And Jensen, beautiful soul that he is, just smiles and replies, Then I hope it reminds you of me when you do.
Its then that it hits him, that what he feels for Jensen goes way beyond a cheesy dinner and movie date. And while once upon a time it was a huge deal just to get Jensen to admit he had a crush, what Misha feels for him now is so much more than that.
And he doesnt think it. He knows.
~ 28 ~
Jensen doesnt need Misha to say it. He knows Misha now. So he knows not to pay attention to anything that comes out of Mishas mouth. Nothing Misha says is serious, so the words themselves dont matter.
Its Mishas actions that tell him everything he needs to know. Misha is always there for him - even though he comes across as a careless scatterbrain - always on time for rehearsals, or any of their other secret rendezvous. And hes always completely present and focused, even though he seems like hes all over the place and easily distracted he doesnt miss a thing.
That kind of attentiveness and care overwhelms him sometimes. And its probably what led to his unbidden declaration of love to begin with.
That, and Mishas amazing tongue.
Yeah, Jensen doesnt need Misha to tell him anything at all. Not if it means Misha has to stop doing all those other wonderful things with his mouth to say it.
Thats his first thought when theyre making out on Mishas bed one afternoon, and he suddenly realizes Mishas mouth is no longer on his skin, but forming words instead.
I made something for you in Shop, Misha is saying, and Jensen pouts even more when he realizes that not only has Misha stopped kissing him, but hes stopped for a friggin birdhouse or something.
But then he sees what Mishas pulled out of his pocket, and all he can do is blink, dumbfounded, as Misha takes his hand, and slides it on.
Oh good, it fits, Misha breathes a sigh of relief. Dean helped me with the sizing, but I still wasnt sure, he smiles.
What is this? Jensen finally breathes, staring at the simple band of silver around his finger.
Thats so you know how I feel about you, too, Misha murmurs.
A small sound of surprise escapes Jensens throat then, at the meaning of the gesture, the honesty in Mishas words, and sincerity in his eyes.
Another blink though, and its gone.
And now youll think of me when you jack off as well.
~ 29 ~
If anyone told Jensen at the beginning of the year that when he gave up baseball to try new things, he would end up joining the school play just to be closer to the boy who lives across the road he wouldve told them they were crazy.
But thats exactly what happened. Plus a whole lot of crazy on top of that.
When he finally loses his virginity to said boy across the road, it goes a lot like his first time performing on stage. Hes nervous as hell at first, so there are a few awkward hitches here and there. But he puts his trust in Misha, so eventually they find their rhythm. And by the end of it Jensens pretty sure its something he wants to do for the rest of his life.
He's found what he was looking for.
~ 30 ~ flashforward ~
Sometime in the not so distant future
Dean.
Hmm?
Youre hogging all the sheets again.
Well how else am I supposed to make sure you stay close to me, Cas?
As if Id want to be anywhere else. Assbutt.
Meanwhile, under the sheets, in a bedroom not so far away
Permission to come aboard, sir?
Permission granted.
~ fin