little little little
the past months have beat on me enought to make me feel so tiny and unimportant. i don't know what i want to do with life. i've always thought i was pretty great, but the more i look at it, why do i have this thought of myself? no particular reason. i don't do anything, i'm not great at anything besides talking and bullshitting, but really what does that do. i'm motivated for nothing. i don't know what i want to do. the one thing i am sure about, i'm not anymore. it seems like all the relationships i've tried to build with friends don't turn out the way i want them too. i'm moving to LA to support my girlfriend, i love her, but it's LA. what am i really supposed to do in LA? i don't know what to do, i don't know what to say. i suddenly feel like everything i have to say is a hassle for anyone who has to listen.i know my girlfriend loves me and i love her, but it seems like everyone else important in her life, has decided that i'm not the one for her except her. i know no one says that to her directly, but it's hinted at. i wish i could be sure of something, anything. something that could make me feel real and not just like a waste of time. i slowly feel like my sanity is leaving my body and leaving me an empty shell who looks exactly like i used to but without the ambition and the confidence. the one thing i am able to pull off, is getting most people to like me and think i'm interesting, but really what does that do? i'm considerate of everyone, but where does that get me either. walked on, ignored, belittled and i know it. what the fuck is wrong with me? for the first time in my life, i can't convince myself i have the answers.