NO, NO, ITS FINE KATARA. I THINK THEY ONLY THREW AROUND MY BOOKS AND...
CRAP! HAHN STOLE THAT LACEY PAIR OF UNDERWEAR! D: MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM NO LADY HAS EVER WORN THOSE...
I HAVE IT ALL CLEARED UP, BUT THANKS FOR THE OFFER. *SMILES*
/JEONG JEONG
THE THING IS HE'S REFLECTING ME ALL TOO WELL RIGHT NOW AND I THINK THAT'S MY PROBLEM. I MEAN, HE'S TRYING BUT NOT TRYING AND I JUST WILLINGLY SHIPPED MYSELF 3000 MILES FROM EVERYONE I KNOW AND LOVE AND HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH. I MEAN... I MADE TWO NEW FRIENDS, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING WAY TOO CLINGY AND I THINK THAT'S COMING OUT IN JJ TOO. I JUST START WILLINGLY TALKING TO EVERYONE AND I THINK SOMEHOW, THAT'S GETTING VERY OFF-PUTTING ER... SIMILAR TO WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW. ^^;
THING IS, I HAVEN'T HAD TO MAKE FRIENDS IN THE LAST 5 YEARS... I MEAN... I MADE FRIENDS, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO... BUT I THINK ITS SORT OF GETTING REFLECTED IN JJ. XD HE DOES AMUSE ME, BUT MOSTLY CAUSE I FIND MYSELF THINKING "SHIT, I AM TOTALLY GONNA BE AN OLD LADY VERSION OF JJ HERE..." *RANTITY, RANTITY, RAAAAANT*
GAH, SORRY FOR GOING OFF ON A RANT LIKE THAT THERE. ^^; I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANYONE REGRET COMMENTING TO ME.
AWWWWR. D8 *HUGS* I KNOW HOW THAT IS, AT LEAST KIND OF. I MOVED AFTER MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL AND DIDN'T MAKE ANY FRIENDS UNTIL SECOND SEMESTER SENIOR YEAR, SO YOU'VE GOT ME BEAT. >>
AND NO, I WOULDN'T COMMENT AND SAY THAT STUFF AND THEN REGRET IT. IF YOU WANNA TALK OR WHATEVER ALWAYS FEEL FREE. I'M APPARENTLY A GOOD LISTENER? IN ANY CASE IT'S NOT OFF-PUTTING TO ME, IT JUST MAKES ME WANNA GIVE YOU MOAR HUGS. D8
*GLADLY ACCEPTS HUGS* I STILL HAVE MY FRIENDS ONLINE, YEAH BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE ANYONE AGAIN TILL DECEMBER. AT LEAST I HAVE EM ONLINE AND I KNOW I CAN CALL SOME OF THEM BUT NOTHING COMPARES TO HUGGING, AND BSING, AND PLAYING STRIP POKEMON WITH EM, YAKNOW? ALL THE RANDOM SHIT FRIENDS DO... AND OVERALL, WHAT BORED KIDS THAT LIVE IN NEW JERSEY SUBURBS DO. *NODS* I'M IN A CITY NOW BUT NEITHER OF MY FRIENDS LIVE IN THE CITY. MY MORNING COMMUTE TO THE SCHOOL IS 20-40 MINUTES, WHICH ISN'T BAD AT ALL, BUT THEIR'S IS A 1-2 HOUR BART RIDE.
I SPENT A LONG WHILE MAKING THE FRIENDS I HAVE... AND AT THIS AGE, ITS HARD TO MAKE THOSE FRIENDS YOU'LL HAVE FOREVER... WHEN YOU'RE YOUNGER, YOU'RE JUST FRIENDS FOR NO REASON AND STICK TOGETHER. THERE'S NO "OH WE HAVE TO SEE IF WE CLICK." NO, IT WAS JUST "OMG, BECCA, YOU WANNA PLAY POKEMON WITH US? :D" AND I WAS LIKE "OKAY! :D *RUNS OFF IN LITTLE FOURTH GRADER FASHION*" AND NEXT THING I KNOW, I HAVE A FRIEND FOR LIFE, HIS SISTERS ARE NOW MY BFFS, AND THEN THE REST JUST... CAME... FULL LUNCH TABLE FROM THE SIXTH, SEVENTH, AND EIGHTH GRADES... ONE OF MY SIXTH GRADE LUNCH TABLE MATES WAS IN MY HOMEROOM FOR ALL FOUR YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL... I AM DOING A WEBCOMIC COLLABORATION WITH ONE OF THEM... ITS JUST A LOT OF STUFF... WONDERFUL MEMORIES AND I'M TRYING TO EMULATE THEM... I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SIDEWAYS GLANCE AT ANYTHING I'LL SAY AND JUST GOES WITH THE FLOW OF THE CONVERSATION UNTIL IT ESCALATES OUT OF CONTROL.
THE THING IS A FRIEND LIKE THAT CERTAINLY TAKES SOME TYPE OF CONDITIONING... AND EVEN THOUGH I FOUND TWO FRIENDS (ANIME NERD NAMED SADO, MY SANFRAN KITTY-BOY WHO TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ZUKO, SO I CALL HIM "ZUZU"), I'LL STILL MISS MY 10+ GROUP. I MISS BEING BOMBARDED BY HUGS, BY GETTING MY HEAD SCRATCHED, BY BEING ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP IN SOMEONE'S LAP WITHOUT IT BEING A WEIRD FRIENDSHIPY THING...
ITS HITTING ME A LITTLE HARD AND I'M WITHDRAWING INTO MYSELF MAJORLY... I THOUGHT IT'D BE EASIER TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE IN MY MAJOR, BUT I SUPPOSE IT'LL TAKE LONGER... UNTIL I GET TO CLASSES THAT ARE SPECIFIC TO MY MAJOR AND NOT EVERYONE ELSE'S MAJOR. SURE, I FEEL BAD FOR TURNING DOWN SOME OF MY ROOMMATES BUT LIKE... I DUNNO... I DON'T FEEL A CONNECTION. I FEEL AN INSTANT CONNECTION WITH SOME PEOPLE AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME AGGRESSIVELY PUSH FORWARD WITH A FRIENDSHIP AND I GUESS IT CAN BE A LITTLE... INTIMIDATING...
I DON'T REGRET COMING HERE FOR COLLEGE, BUT I MISS MY FRIENDS... EVEN IF I KNOW I CAN HAVE THEM FOREVER...
AND THANKS... I PROMISE NOT TO DO THIS OUTSIDE OF MY OWN JOURNALS PUBLICLY... THAT'S REALLY PUSHING IT... I MEAN... I FEEL WEIRD CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST DOING A WHOLE "POOR ME! D:" THING, BUT I KIND OF WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH SOMEONE WHO WON'T RESPOND WITH "I MISS YOU TOO!" AS MUCH AS I LOVE THEM, I ALMOST WANT AN OUTSIDE OPINION TO SEE IF THIS IS NORMAL IS ALL...
I'M A HUGGY PERSON... I KIND OF WISH I COULD ACCEPT ONLINE HUGS IN PERSON. XD
BUT I ALSO WARN YOU, I CAN GO ON FOREVER WITHOUT REALIZING IT. ^^; I KIND OF GOT INTO AN HOUR AND A HALF LONG IM RANT AT A FRIEND THE OTHER DAY...
OH NO, IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL. I FELT SOMEWHAT SIMILAR ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS WHEN I CAME TO COLLEGE, BUT NOWHERE NEAR THAT LEVEL AS I'D ONLY REALLY KNOWN THEM A FEW MONTHS. IT WAS JUST THE KIND OF THING WERE I JUST CLICKED WITH AN ENTIRE GROUP, AND THEN I BASICALLY LOST THEM ALL. IT'S SCARY AND SURE THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE YOU TALK WITH AND MAYBE GO TO DINNER WITH, BUT IT JUST ISN'T THE SAME.
I WAS LUCKY IN THAT I RECONNECTED WITH AN EX OF MINE MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE AND IN TURN MET HER ROOMMATE, WHO IS NOW MY ROOMMATE AND MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND EVER. IT'S NOT COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE SUCH GREAT CONNECTIONS EVEN WHEN WE GET OLDER.
AND IT'S OKAY, I'M USED TO PEOPLE GOING ON FOREVER. I REALLY AM THE 'SMILE AND NOD' TYPE UNTIL PEOPLE ARE FINISHED, AND THEN I USUALLY JUST TRY TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER OR HELP THEM BY RELATING THEIR PROBLEMS WITH MY OWN LIFE. WHICH SOME PEOPLE TAKE ISSUE WITH BUT IT'S HONESTLY NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF BUT BECAUSE I WANT THEM TO KNOW I REALLY DO EMPATHIZE. >>
*NOD, NOD* SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE AS ASS WHEN I GO "IS REMINDS OF WHEN I..." AND I TRY NOT TO DO IT ANYMORE... BUT I LIKE WHEN PEOPLE CAN CONNECT IT LIKE THAT.
AND I KNOW ITS POSSIBLE, ITS JUST HARDER THAN BACK IN THE DAY WHEN SO MANY THINGS DIDN'T MATTER TO A FRIENDSHIP AND WELL... SOMETIMES ITS HARDER TO TELL IF YOU'RE EVEN FRIENDS... YOU CAN HANG OUT AND NOT BE FRIENDS, APPARENTLY... AH WELL... OKAY, YEAH, I KNOW THAT TOO WELL... THERE WERE TWO KIDS THAT SORT OF LATCHED ONTO OUR GROUP, BUT NO ONE ACTUALLY LIKED THEM... I'LL ADMIT, I WAS A TOTAL BITCH AND I TOTALLY CHEWED OUT ONE OF THEM EVERY DAY AT LUNCH EBCAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE THE SORTS OF QUESTIONS ASK AND ASSUMPTIONS HE'D CONTINUALLY MAKE ABOUT MY FRIENDS. I DID PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING SHORT OF BITCHSLAPPING HIM. I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT... I ONLY FEEL BAD THAT THIS KID HAS NO CONCEPT OF SOCIAL ETTIQUETTE (*SO SURE I SPELLED THAT WRONG*), BUT IT ANNOYED ME MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT HE ACTED LIKE HE KNEW US BUT HE DIDN'T... I'M REALLY NOT SURE IF HE WAS EVEN AWARE THAT I DIDN'T LIKE HIM. HE'D TALK ABOUT HOW SCHOOL DEPRESSED HIM TO ME AND MY FRIEND AND IT PISSED ME OFF TO NO END BECAUSE SHE HAD SERIOUS HOME ISSUES, HURT HERSELF, AND WELL... I JUST FEEL LIKE SCHOOL ISN'T WORTH BEING EMO OVER IF YOU'RE NOT FAILING, WHICH HE WASN'T. I KNOW BEING PROTECTIVE OF FRIENDS CAN BE A BAD THING, BUT I KNEW MY FRIEND DIDN'T LIKE THE THINGS HE'D ASK OR THE THINGS HE ASSUMED... AND THAT'S KINDA WHY I WAS A RABID HYENA TO THIS GUY...
BUT MY FRIENDS ARE MY FAMILY THAT LOVES ME BECAUSE I'M ME... AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S HOW A LOT OF PEOPLE VIEW THEIR FRIENDS... YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE A FRIEND LIKE THAT IN THREE WEEKS AND THAT BUGS ME A BIT, I GUESS. I HAVE NO ONE THAT KNOWS ME OUT HERE, SO I'M ALL TO WILLING TO SPILL OUT EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF LATELY. ^^;
YEAH, YOU DEFINITELY CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS LIKE THAT IN SUCH SHORT TIME, AND IT'S DEFINITELY A HELL OF A LOT HARDER.
I HAD A "FRIEND" LIKE THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL. SHE JUST KIND OF FOLLOWED ME AROUND AND BOTHERED ME AT LUNCH AND DIDN'T REALLY GET THAT I WASN'T THAT INTERESTED IN HANGING OUT WITH HER. >>
AND OH MAN, I WILL TEAR PEOPLE APART IF THEY MESS WITH MY FRIENDS. IT'S ABOUT THE ONLY TIME I'LL DO IT, I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY TO ME, BUT IF IT'S MY FRIENDS...
AGREED. ESPECIALLY IF ITS THAT ONE FRIEND THAT WON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT WHICH KIND OF FURTHERS THE OTHER KIDS DELUSION THAT HE'S PART OF THE GROUP. D<
I MEAN, I ESTABLISHED THAT I CAN BE ONE SCARY BITCH WHEN DEALING WITH ME, BUT I STILL NEEDED TO GET THAT ACROSS WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE INVOLVED. THE WORST THING IS WHEN YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS HAVE A DISAGREEMENT. LAST TIME, I REALLY HAD NO TROUBLE TAKING A SIDE... FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS, BUT ABOVE ALL BECAUSE SHE HAD A BETTER ARGUMENT TO MAKE. IT WAS A SHORT ARGUMENT, BUT IT SCARED ME FOR A WHILE.
AND WELL... TOTALLY MEAN OF ME, BUT IT WAS ALMOST A GAME I PLAYED WITH THIS ONE KID AT THE LUNCH TABLE... SEE HOW LONG I CAN LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT YELLING AT HIM... ONLY ONCE DID HIS UTTER STUPIDITY ACTUALLY MAKE ME MOVE ME SEAT. XD I FELT REALLY BAD FOR LEAVING MY FRIEND WITH HIM THOUGH...
YEAH, I'M USUALLY THE FRIEND THAT WON'T SAY ANYTHING, BECAUSE IF IT'S ME I DON'T CARE. D8 BUT YEAH, CHOOSING ALWAYS REALLY SUCKS. I HAD THE MOST AWKWARD CHOOSING TO DO EVER ONCE... SO THERE WAS A GROUP OF FIVE OF US. ME AND ANOTHER GIRL, R, LIKED THIS GIRL C. WELL C PICKED R AND NOT ME, AND THEY LASTED LIKE A COUPLE MONTHS IF EVEN, AND THEN THEY BROKE UP AND I WAS EQUALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH BOTH OF THEM... IT WAS AWFUL HAVING TO CHOOSE. BUT THEN R WAS BEING WEIRD AND ENDED UP HANGING OUT WITH MY VERY FIRST GIRLFRIEND EVER WTF (RANDOMLY, I HADN'T TALKED TO THE GIRL SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER THROUGH ME AT ALL) SO IT ENDED UP BEING EASIER, BUT... YEAH.
WOW TALK ABOUT A REALLY CONFUSING STORY. SORRY. XD
THE HALF HOUR RANT I WENT ON WAS WITH JET DOWN THAR. IT WAS VERY EMOTIONALLY DRIVEN AND IT WAS ALL ABOUT ONE OF OUR FRIENDS I FELL IN LOVE WITH ALMOST THREE YEARS AGO AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT. I HATE HER FOR REJECTING ME, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I HATE MYSELF FOR STILL LOVING HER SO MUCH. AND ITS LIKE... MY WHOLE JUNIOR YEAR WAS UNPLEASANT CAUSE I MADE IT UNPLEASANT (I TOLD HER HOW I FELT LAST DAY OF OUR SOPHOMORE YEAR). SO I NEARLY SCREWED OVER OUR FRIENDSHIP TILL I GOT YELLED AT AND IT STARTED GETTING BETTER. THEN, WHILE I AM DRIVING, THE FRIEND THAT YELLED AT ME TOLD ME THAT SHE LIKED THE GUY THAT LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM ME. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED, BUT FOR A SECOND, EVERYTHING WENT TOTALLY BLACK. THEN I WAS AT A TRAFFIC LIGHT. .__. AND THIS GUY IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE MOST GUYS I KNOW, SO ITS NOT LIKE I HATE HIM OR ANYTHING.
BUT I WENT ON A HUGE HEATED RANT ABOUT IT AND IT WAS A LOT OF DIGGING AROUND ABOUT WHY I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH BECAUSE OF IT AND IF ITS JUST ME PROJECTING IT ON HER.
AS FOR "THE QUIET FRIEND" THING... I DUNNO WHY, BUT I REALLY WON'T TAKE SOME THINGS. SOMETIMES, I CAN MAKE SARCASTIC COMMENTS THAT WILL SHUT A PERSON UP IMMEDIATELY... I TAKE IT AND THROW IT BACK IN MY WEIRD WAYS, BUT I WILL TOTALLY GO INTO A LOUD BITCHFEST CAUSE I'M FROM NEW JERSEY AND THAT'S HOW WE RICKROLL. XD
AND UGH, FUCKING GIRLS AND THEIR BEING HARD TO GET OVER. >> IT TOOK ME FOUR YEARS TO GET OVER K, THE ONE WHO I RECONNECTED WITH HERE AT COLLEGE. SHE DIDN'T ENTIRELY REJECT ME, WE DATED TWICE, AND SHE DUMPED ME FOR THE SAME GUY BOTH TIMES. D8 IT SERIOUSLY SUCKS. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO MAKE YOURSELF GET OVER SOMEONE YOU JUST CAN'T. YOUR BRAIN DOES IT ON ITS OWN DAMN TIME. >>
THAT'S ENTIRELY THE REASON I STARTED SAYING "THAT'S HOW I ROLL."
AND GOD, I KEEP WORRYING THAT SHE'LL COME BACK FROM DENVER DURING A BREAK OR SOMETHING AND LET US KNOW SHE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. D: SERIOUSLY, THAT WOULD JUST FUCK ME UP TO NO END. ITS ONE OF THOSE REALLY WEIRD FEARS I HAVE. AND IT'LL FURTHER THAT WHOLE "WHY WASN'T I GOOD ENOUGH?" THING I KEEP RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD.
FUCK GIRLS AND RELATIONSHIPS. LET'S GO EAT ICE CREAM AND BITCH AT MOVIES! D< IT SOLVES ALL PROBLEMS! IT SOLVED IT AFTER GIRL-I-LOVE AND I DANCED AT PROM LIKE GIRLS DANCE AT PROM. D<
GOD, EATING ICE CREAM AND BITCHING AT DISNEY FILMS IS LIKE... A PASSTIME FOR MY FRIEND GROUP. XD
ME AND MY ROOMMATE EAT ICE CREAM AND PLAY GUITAR HERO. BECAUSE WE'RE COOL. SERIOUSLY, WEEPY GUITAR HERO IS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING EVER AFTER THE FACT. THERE IS NOTHING LESS HARDCORE THAN PLAYING FAKE GUITAR WHILE CRYING. XD
BUT GOD, THAT DOES SOUND AWESOME. :D MY FRIEND WOULD ACTUALLY GO "YOU, GUITAR HERO, NOW!" ON AIM AND IT WAS LIKE... A THREE MINUTE DRIVE TO HER HOUSE. X3 IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE FUNNY THINGS... AND ITS LIKE... I DUNNO, WE WERE JUST GETTING USED TO ME BEING ABLE TO DRIVE OVER AT WHATEVER TIME... LAYING IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE AND BSING AT LIKE... 11 AT NIGHT IS ONE OF MY BEST MEMORIES. ^^
CRAP! HAHN STOLE THAT LACEY PAIR OF UNDERWEAR! D: MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM NO LADY HAS EVER WORN THOSE...
I HAVE IT ALL CLEARED UP, BUT THANKS FOR THE OFFER. *SMILES*
/JEONG JEONG
THE THING IS HE'S REFLECTING ME ALL TOO WELL RIGHT NOW AND I THINK THAT'S MY PROBLEM. I MEAN, HE'S TRYING BUT NOT TRYING AND I JUST WILLINGLY SHIPPED MYSELF 3000 MILES FROM EVERYONE I KNOW AND LOVE AND HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH. I MEAN... I MADE TWO NEW FRIENDS, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING WAY TOO CLINGY AND I THINK THAT'S COMING OUT IN JJ TOO. I JUST START WILLINGLY TALKING TO EVERYONE AND I THINK SOMEHOW, THAT'S GETTING VERY OFF-PUTTING ER... SIMILAR TO WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW. ^^;
THING IS, I HAVEN'T HAD TO MAKE FRIENDS IN THE LAST 5 YEARS... I MEAN... I MADE FRIENDS, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO... BUT I THINK ITS SORT OF GETTING REFLECTED IN JJ. XD HE DOES AMUSE ME, BUT MOSTLY CAUSE I FIND MYSELF THINKING "SHIT, I AM TOTALLY GONNA BE AN OLD LADY VERSION OF JJ HERE..." *RANTITY, RANTITY, RAAAAANT*
GAH, SORRY FOR GOING OFF ON A RANT LIKE THAT THERE. ^^; I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANYONE REGRET COMMENTING TO ME.
Reply
AWWWWR. D8 *HUGS* I KNOW HOW THAT IS, AT LEAST KIND OF. I MOVED AFTER MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL AND DIDN'T MAKE ANY FRIENDS UNTIL SECOND SEMESTER SENIOR YEAR, SO YOU'VE GOT ME BEAT. >>
AND NO, I WOULDN'T COMMENT AND SAY THAT STUFF AND THEN REGRET IT. IF YOU WANNA TALK OR WHATEVER ALWAYS FEEL FREE. I'M APPARENTLY A GOOD LISTENER? IN ANY CASE IT'S NOT OFF-PUTTING TO ME, IT JUST MAKES ME WANNA GIVE YOU MOAR HUGS. D8
Reply
*GLADLY ACCEPTS HUGS* I STILL HAVE MY FRIENDS ONLINE, YEAH BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE ANYONE AGAIN TILL DECEMBER. AT LEAST I HAVE EM ONLINE AND I KNOW I CAN CALL SOME OF THEM BUT NOTHING COMPARES TO HUGGING, AND BSING, AND PLAYING STRIP POKEMON WITH EM, YAKNOW? ALL THE RANDOM SHIT FRIENDS DO... AND OVERALL, WHAT BORED KIDS THAT LIVE IN NEW JERSEY SUBURBS DO. *NODS* I'M IN A CITY NOW BUT NEITHER OF MY FRIENDS LIVE IN THE CITY. MY MORNING COMMUTE TO THE SCHOOL IS 20-40 MINUTES, WHICH ISN'T BAD AT ALL, BUT THEIR'S IS A 1-2 HOUR BART RIDE.
I SPENT A LONG WHILE MAKING THE FRIENDS I HAVE... AND AT THIS AGE, ITS HARD TO MAKE THOSE FRIENDS YOU'LL HAVE FOREVER... WHEN YOU'RE YOUNGER, YOU'RE JUST FRIENDS FOR NO REASON AND STICK TOGETHER. THERE'S NO "OH WE HAVE TO SEE IF WE CLICK." NO, IT WAS JUST "OMG, BECCA, YOU WANNA PLAY POKEMON WITH US? :D" AND I WAS LIKE "OKAY! :D *RUNS OFF IN LITTLE FOURTH GRADER FASHION*" AND NEXT THING I KNOW, I HAVE A FRIEND FOR LIFE, HIS SISTERS ARE NOW MY BFFS, AND THEN THE REST JUST... CAME... FULL LUNCH TABLE FROM THE SIXTH, SEVENTH, AND EIGHTH GRADES... ONE OF MY SIXTH GRADE LUNCH TABLE MATES WAS IN MY HOMEROOM FOR ALL FOUR YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL... I AM DOING A WEBCOMIC COLLABORATION WITH ONE OF THEM... ITS JUST A LOT OF STUFF... WONDERFUL MEMORIES AND I'M TRYING TO EMULATE THEM... I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SIDEWAYS GLANCE AT ANYTHING I'LL SAY AND JUST GOES WITH THE FLOW OF THE CONVERSATION UNTIL IT ESCALATES OUT OF CONTROL.
THE THING IS A FRIEND LIKE THAT CERTAINLY TAKES SOME TYPE OF CONDITIONING... AND EVEN THOUGH I FOUND TWO FRIENDS (ANIME NERD NAMED SADO, MY SANFRAN KITTY-BOY WHO TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ZUKO, SO I CALL HIM "ZUZU"), I'LL STILL MISS MY 10+ GROUP. I MISS BEING BOMBARDED BY HUGS, BY GETTING MY HEAD SCRATCHED, BY BEING ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP IN SOMEONE'S LAP WITHOUT IT BEING A WEIRD FRIENDSHIPY THING...
ITS HITTING ME A LITTLE HARD AND I'M WITHDRAWING INTO MYSELF MAJORLY... I THOUGHT IT'D BE EASIER TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE IN MY MAJOR, BUT I SUPPOSE IT'LL TAKE LONGER... UNTIL I GET TO CLASSES THAT ARE SPECIFIC TO MY MAJOR AND NOT EVERYONE ELSE'S MAJOR. SURE, I FEEL BAD FOR TURNING DOWN SOME OF MY ROOMMATES BUT LIKE... I DUNNO... I DON'T FEEL A CONNECTION. I FEEL AN INSTANT CONNECTION WITH SOME PEOPLE AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME AGGRESSIVELY PUSH FORWARD WITH A FRIENDSHIP AND I GUESS IT CAN BE A LITTLE... INTIMIDATING...
I DON'T REGRET COMING HERE FOR COLLEGE, BUT I MISS MY FRIENDS... EVEN IF I KNOW I CAN HAVE THEM FOREVER...
AND THANKS... I PROMISE NOT TO DO THIS OUTSIDE OF MY OWN JOURNALS PUBLICLY... THAT'S REALLY PUSHING IT... I MEAN... I FEEL WEIRD CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST DOING A WHOLE "POOR ME! D:" THING, BUT I KIND OF WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH SOMEONE WHO WON'T RESPOND WITH "I MISS YOU TOO!" AS MUCH AS I LOVE THEM, I ALMOST WANT AN OUTSIDE OPINION TO SEE IF THIS IS NORMAL IS ALL...
I'M A HUGGY PERSON... I KIND OF WISH I COULD ACCEPT ONLINE HUGS IN PERSON. XD
BUT I ALSO WARN YOU, I CAN GO ON FOREVER WITHOUT REALIZING IT. ^^; I KIND OF GOT INTO AN HOUR AND A HALF LONG IM RANT AT A FRIEND THE OTHER DAY...
Reply
OH NO, IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL. I FELT SOMEWHAT SIMILAR ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS WHEN I CAME TO COLLEGE, BUT NOWHERE NEAR THAT LEVEL AS I'D ONLY REALLY KNOWN THEM A FEW MONTHS. IT WAS JUST THE KIND OF THING WERE I JUST CLICKED WITH AN ENTIRE GROUP, AND THEN I BASICALLY LOST THEM ALL. IT'S SCARY AND SURE THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE YOU TALK WITH AND MAYBE GO TO DINNER WITH, BUT IT JUST ISN'T THE SAME.
I WAS LUCKY IN THAT I RECONNECTED WITH AN EX OF MINE MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE AND IN TURN MET HER ROOMMATE, WHO IS NOW MY ROOMMATE AND MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND EVER. IT'S NOT COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE SUCH GREAT CONNECTIONS EVEN WHEN WE GET OLDER.
AND IT'S OKAY, I'M USED TO PEOPLE GOING ON FOREVER. I REALLY AM THE 'SMILE AND NOD' TYPE UNTIL PEOPLE ARE FINISHED, AND THEN I USUALLY JUST TRY TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER OR HELP THEM BY RELATING THEIR PROBLEMS WITH MY OWN LIFE. WHICH SOME PEOPLE TAKE ISSUE WITH BUT IT'S HONESTLY NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF BUT BECAUSE I WANT THEM TO KNOW I REALLY DO EMPATHIZE. >>
Reply
AND I KNOW ITS POSSIBLE, ITS JUST HARDER THAN BACK IN THE DAY WHEN SO MANY THINGS DIDN'T MATTER TO A FRIENDSHIP AND WELL... SOMETIMES ITS HARDER TO TELL IF YOU'RE EVEN FRIENDS... YOU CAN HANG OUT AND NOT BE FRIENDS, APPARENTLY... AH WELL... OKAY, YEAH, I KNOW THAT TOO WELL... THERE WERE TWO KIDS THAT SORT OF LATCHED ONTO OUR GROUP, BUT NO ONE ACTUALLY LIKED THEM... I'LL ADMIT, I WAS A TOTAL BITCH AND I TOTALLY CHEWED OUT ONE OF THEM EVERY DAY AT LUNCH EBCAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE THE SORTS OF QUESTIONS ASK AND ASSUMPTIONS HE'D CONTINUALLY MAKE ABOUT MY FRIENDS. I DID PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING SHORT OF BITCHSLAPPING HIM. I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT... I ONLY FEEL BAD THAT THIS KID HAS NO CONCEPT OF SOCIAL ETTIQUETTE (*SO SURE I SPELLED THAT WRONG*), BUT IT ANNOYED ME MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT HE ACTED LIKE HE KNEW US BUT HE DIDN'T... I'M REALLY NOT SURE IF HE WAS EVEN AWARE THAT I DIDN'T LIKE HIM. HE'D TALK ABOUT HOW SCHOOL DEPRESSED HIM TO ME AND MY FRIEND AND IT PISSED ME OFF TO NO END BECAUSE SHE HAD SERIOUS HOME ISSUES, HURT HERSELF, AND WELL... I JUST FEEL LIKE SCHOOL ISN'T WORTH BEING EMO OVER IF YOU'RE NOT FAILING, WHICH HE WASN'T. I KNOW BEING PROTECTIVE OF FRIENDS CAN BE A BAD THING, BUT I KNEW MY FRIEND DIDN'T LIKE THE THINGS HE'D ASK OR THE THINGS HE ASSUMED... AND THAT'S KINDA WHY I WAS A RABID HYENA TO THIS GUY...
BUT MY FRIENDS ARE MY FAMILY THAT LOVES ME BECAUSE I'M ME... AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S HOW A LOT OF PEOPLE VIEW THEIR FRIENDS... YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE A FRIEND LIKE THAT IN THREE WEEKS AND THAT BUGS ME A BIT, I GUESS. I HAVE NO ONE THAT KNOWS ME OUT HERE, SO I'M ALL TO WILLING TO SPILL OUT EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF LATELY. ^^;
Reply
YEAH, YOU DEFINITELY CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS LIKE THAT IN SUCH SHORT TIME, AND IT'S DEFINITELY A HELL OF A LOT HARDER.
I HAD A "FRIEND" LIKE THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL. SHE JUST KIND OF FOLLOWED ME AROUND AND BOTHERED ME AT LUNCH AND DIDN'T REALLY GET THAT I WASN'T THAT INTERESTED IN HANGING OUT WITH HER. >>
AND OH MAN, I WILL TEAR PEOPLE APART IF THEY MESS WITH MY FRIENDS. IT'S ABOUT THE ONLY TIME I'LL DO IT, I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY TO ME, BUT IF IT'S MY FRIENDS...
Reply
I MEAN, I ESTABLISHED THAT I CAN BE ONE SCARY BITCH WHEN DEALING WITH ME, BUT I STILL NEEDED TO GET THAT ACROSS WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE INVOLVED. THE WORST THING IS WHEN YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS HAVE A DISAGREEMENT. LAST TIME, I REALLY HAD NO TROUBLE TAKING A SIDE... FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS, BUT ABOVE ALL BECAUSE SHE HAD A BETTER ARGUMENT TO MAKE. IT WAS A SHORT ARGUMENT, BUT IT SCARED ME FOR A WHILE.
AND WELL... TOTALLY MEAN OF ME, BUT IT WAS ALMOST A GAME I PLAYED WITH THIS ONE KID AT THE LUNCH TABLE... SEE HOW LONG I CAN LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT YELLING AT HIM... ONLY ONCE DID HIS UTTER STUPIDITY ACTUALLY MAKE ME MOVE ME SEAT. XD I FELT REALLY BAD FOR LEAVING MY FRIEND WITH HIM THOUGH...
Reply
YEAH, I'M USUALLY THE FRIEND THAT WON'T SAY ANYTHING, BECAUSE IF IT'S ME I DON'T CARE. D8 BUT YEAH, CHOOSING ALWAYS REALLY SUCKS. I HAD THE MOST AWKWARD CHOOSING TO DO EVER ONCE... SO THERE WAS A GROUP OF FIVE OF US. ME AND ANOTHER GIRL, R, LIKED THIS GIRL C. WELL C PICKED R AND NOT ME, AND THEY LASTED LIKE A COUPLE MONTHS IF EVEN, AND THEN THEY BROKE UP AND I WAS EQUALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH BOTH OF THEM... IT WAS AWFUL HAVING TO CHOOSE. BUT THEN R WAS BEING WEIRD AND ENDED UP HANGING OUT WITH MY VERY FIRST GIRLFRIEND EVER WTF (RANDOMLY, I HADN'T TALKED TO THE GIRL SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER THROUGH ME AT ALL) SO IT ENDED UP BEING EASIER, BUT... YEAH.
WOW TALK ABOUT A REALLY CONFUSING STORY. SORRY. XD
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THE HALF HOUR RANT I WENT ON WAS WITH JET DOWN THAR. IT WAS VERY EMOTIONALLY DRIVEN AND IT WAS ALL ABOUT ONE OF OUR FRIENDS I FELL IN LOVE WITH ALMOST THREE YEARS AGO AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT. I HATE HER FOR REJECTING ME, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I HATE MYSELF FOR STILL LOVING HER SO MUCH. AND ITS LIKE... MY WHOLE JUNIOR YEAR WAS UNPLEASANT CAUSE I MADE IT UNPLEASANT (I TOLD HER HOW I FELT LAST DAY OF OUR SOPHOMORE YEAR). SO I NEARLY SCREWED OVER OUR FRIENDSHIP TILL I GOT YELLED AT AND IT STARTED GETTING BETTER. THEN, WHILE I AM DRIVING, THE FRIEND THAT YELLED AT ME TOLD ME THAT SHE LIKED THE GUY THAT LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM ME. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED, BUT FOR A SECOND, EVERYTHING WENT TOTALLY BLACK. THEN I WAS AT A TRAFFIC LIGHT. .__. AND THIS GUY IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE MOST GUYS I KNOW, SO ITS NOT LIKE I HATE HIM OR ANYTHING.
BUT I WENT ON A HUGE HEATED RANT ABOUT IT AND IT WAS A LOT OF DIGGING AROUND ABOUT WHY I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH BECAUSE OF IT AND IF ITS JUST ME PROJECTING IT ON HER.
AS FOR "THE QUIET FRIEND" THING... I DUNNO WHY, BUT I REALLY WON'T TAKE SOME THINGS. SOMETIMES, I CAN MAKE SARCASTIC COMMENTS THAT WILL SHUT A PERSON UP IMMEDIATELY... I TAKE IT AND THROW IT BACK IN MY WEIRD WAYS, BUT I WILL TOTALLY GO INTO A LOUD BITCHFEST CAUSE I'M FROM NEW JERSEY AND THAT'S HOW WE RICKROLL. XD
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AND UGH, FUCKING GIRLS AND THEIR BEING HARD TO GET OVER. >> IT TOOK ME FOUR YEARS TO GET OVER K, THE ONE WHO I RECONNECTED WITH HERE AT COLLEGE. SHE DIDN'T ENTIRELY REJECT ME, WE DATED TWICE, AND SHE DUMPED ME FOR THE SAME GUY BOTH TIMES. D8 IT SERIOUSLY SUCKS. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO MAKE YOURSELF GET OVER SOMEONE YOU JUST CAN'T. YOUR BRAIN DOES IT ON ITS OWN DAMN TIME. >>
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AND GOD, I KEEP WORRYING THAT SHE'LL COME BACK FROM DENVER DURING A BREAK OR SOMETHING AND LET US KNOW SHE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. D: SERIOUSLY, THAT WOULD JUST FUCK ME UP TO NO END. ITS ONE OF THOSE REALLY WEIRD FEARS I HAVE. AND IT'LL FURTHER THAT WHOLE "WHY WASN'T I GOOD ENOUGH?" THING I KEEP RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD.
FUCK GIRLS AND RELATIONSHIPS. LET'S GO EAT ICE CREAM AND BITCH AT MOVIES! D< IT SOLVES ALL PROBLEMS! IT SOLVED IT AFTER GIRL-I-LOVE AND I DANCED AT PROM LIKE GIRLS DANCE AT PROM. D<
GOD, EATING ICE CREAM AND BITCHING AT DISNEY FILMS IS LIKE... A PASSTIME FOR MY FRIEND GROUP. XD
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WHY DOES THAT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING ZUZU WOULD DO?
BUT GOD, THAT DOES SOUND AWESOME. :D MY FRIEND WOULD ACTUALLY GO "YOU, GUITAR HERO, NOW!" ON AIM AND IT WAS LIKE... A THREE MINUTE DRIVE TO HER HOUSE. X3 IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE FUNNY THINGS... AND ITS LIKE... I DUNNO, WE WERE JUST GETTING USED TO ME BEING ABLE TO DRIVE OVER AT WHATEVER TIME... LAYING IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE AND BSING AT LIKE... 11 AT NIGHT IS ONE OF MY BEST MEMORIES. ^^
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