(no subject)
here's the deal: i don't buzzkill you, don't buzzkill me.
seriously, am i just fuckin' small-time here? is that what it is? am i thinking too highly of myself, trying to be funny when i'm not, thinking i'm purty when i'm obviously just lipstick on a pig?
don't squash my jokes. that's called being a dick. i hope your five minutes/five seconds of satisfaction are just awesome.
me: why did the chicken cross the--
you: you're not good at this.
FUCK YOU
don't be a literalist in the face of fancy. shit's sake. just cause you don't have an imagination or sense of whimsy doesn't mean you're right.
kid: that cloud is a dinosaur!
you: actually, that cloud is an amorphous accumulation of suspended water vapor.
YOU'RE A DICK
BONUS ROUND:
if you see two women, don't just tell ONE of them that she's pretty. yes, this happened. and hey guess what? it's really fucking hurtful to be walking alongside someone and have a passerby say, "hey, look at you, you look pretty." and even better, for that passerby to say, after i've already accidentally smiled and said thanks, "oh and you, too." HEY GUESS WHAT FUCK OFF. i guess this is a no-good-deed-goes-unpunished thing, but it's not. it's not a good deed. the friend with me, i'm sure she knows how pretty she is. but she's got other attributes that people don't even think about because she's so purrrrty. (news flash: she's good friends with me because i don't treat her like a fashion model marble statue goddess exotic mystery woman. i treat her like somebody who enjoys vietnamese food, bad puns, and honest literary criticism. dur hey.) so she gets singled out in public for being so purty, and i'm standing next to her and being ignored for not being purty. AND WE ALL GO HOME SO HAPPY.
what i'm saying is people suck today. fucking BE NICE, people.
anyway.
seriously, am i just fuckin' small-time here? is that what it is? am i thinking too highly of myself, trying to be funny when i'm not, thinking i'm purty when i'm obviously just lipstick on a pig?
don't squash my jokes. that's called being a dick. i hope your five minutes/five seconds of satisfaction are just awesome.
me: why did the chicken cross the--
you: you're not good at this.
FUCK YOU
don't be a literalist in the face of fancy. shit's sake. just cause you don't have an imagination or sense of whimsy doesn't mean you're right.
kid: that cloud is a dinosaur!
you: actually, that cloud is an amorphous accumulation of suspended water vapor.
YOU'RE A DICK
BONUS ROUND:
if you see two women, don't just tell ONE of them that she's pretty. yes, this happened. and hey guess what? it's really fucking hurtful to be walking alongside someone and have a passerby say, "hey, look at you, you look pretty." and even better, for that passerby to say, after i've already accidentally smiled and said thanks, "oh and you, too." HEY GUESS WHAT FUCK OFF. i guess this is a no-good-deed-goes-unpunished thing, but it's not. it's not a good deed. the friend with me, i'm sure she knows how pretty she is. but she's got other attributes that people don't even think about because she's so purrrrty. (news flash: she's good friends with me because i don't treat her like a fashion model marble statue goddess exotic mystery woman. i treat her like somebody who enjoys vietnamese food, bad puns, and honest literary criticism. dur hey.) so she gets singled out in public for being so purty, and i'm standing next to her and being ignored for not being purty. AND WE ALL GO HOME SO HAPPY.
what i'm saying is people suck today. fucking BE NICE, people.
anyway.