Re: Story time...chibisilverwingDecember 22 2003, 14:37:07 UTC
“Don’t comfort me. Comfort yourself.” I was speaking in a voice I didn’t recognize. One I had never heard myself use before. And that’s the second she burst into a fresh tirade of tears and to my surprise she lightly hugged me, sobbing into my shoulder, “Why her…? Gohen…” She didn’t seem to be able to even get past those words… Now I can remember only one thing, I felt the weakest I have ever felt. My eyes felt wet and as I weakened the darkness in my heart swallowed every last bit of light inside me. But I was sure not to make a sound; maybe then Sparky might not see it, that moment of my extreme weakness. I wanted no one to see it; no one to hear my suffering. I could feel her tighten her embrace slightly, perhaps to reassure herself, perhaps to comfort me. I wanted to stop the tears streaming down my face before Kane could see the powerlessness in me. I shut my eyes tight to try to stop the water flooding my eyes but then I was seen by someone much worse than Kane... All those people I killed and their families I saw them all laughing at me I saw them as I did back in heaven when I had to visit them all. I remember every face and every name. "How does it feel to lose one YOU love you beast! You monster! You MURDERER!" A teenager named Matt yelled at me. “Now you’ll cry like we cried! Doesn’t it hurt?!” A girl only about ten named Paige shouts with tears in her own eyes. I opened my eyes quickly and the tears puddled down my cheeks relentlessly. No use now. They wanted to see me cry; they liked to see me in pain, it was almost like their revenge. I know there were moments back in that white room when I didn’t care that I as filled with darkness, in fact I could have cared less. All I wanted was freedom. But at that moment as darkness finished taking its hold I cried like a child. I think that back in the white room I had no idea that light even existed but by now I was just so used to having that beautiful light filling me. What will I do without it? I’m going up the stairs now and on the wall I pass I see a plague with “National Piano Showdown Champion, Gohen Takasugi” inscribed in it. My name; it’s just the one gift she gave me that no one can ever take. When ever I hear it I think of her, I remember the first person to treat me like I was a human being, the first person to tell me I was even worthy of existence. Maybe I should change it? I don’t want to forget her I just want to be rid of this horrible pain… It had been only two days away from her funeral and I still didn’t want to really tell myself it was true, for sure true. I mean really truly, no turning back, no coming back, NEVER coming back. But while I tried so hard and hoped for some kind of miracle, for her to visit me I in a dream or SOMETHING, Claire shoved it in my face; she made me look at it that day. She couldn’t plan that funeral all-alone and so those questions made me, forced me, to look this in the face. And it hurt even more. ‘What color casket?’ ‘White with four little crosses’… ‘Open casket, closed casket?’ ‘Well I want to see her one last time’… ‘What should she wear?’ ‘Her wedding dress, it was so beautiful’… ‘What time? What day? What restaurant will we send everyone to? What kind of flowers?’ These all passed me by. What’s the use? I feel like I’m dead. I wish I were dead. ‘Where will she be buried?’ ‘Next to me.’ This required me to perform the eerie custom of getting my own tombstone. Seeing my name in stone next to Chibi’s in the middle of that cemetery made me feel like I was only a ghost. ‘Here lies Chastity Mihashi, loving mother, wife, and friend.’ She wanted to be by her parents so I put mine next to their graves too; I hope they don’t mind…
Now I can remember only one thing, I felt the weakest I have ever felt. My eyes felt wet and as I weakened the darkness in my heart swallowed every last bit of light inside me. But I was sure not to make a sound; maybe then Sparky might not see it, that moment of my extreme weakness. I wanted no one to see it; no one to hear my suffering.
I could feel her tighten her embrace slightly, perhaps to reassure herself, perhaps to comfort me. I wanted to stop the tears streaming down my face before Kane could see the powerlessness in me. I shut my eyes tight to try to stop the water flooding my eyes but then I was seen by someone much worse than Kane... All those people I killed and their families I saw them all laughing at me I saw them as I did back in heaven when I had to visit them all. I remember every face and every name.
"How does it feel to lose one YOU love you beast! You monster! You MURDERER!" A teenager named Matt yelled at me.
“Now you’ll cry like we cried! Doesn’t it hurt?!” A girl only about ten named Paige shouts with tears in her own eyes.
I opened my eyes quickly and the tears puddled down my cheeks relentlessly. No use now. They wanted to see me cry; they liked to see me in pain, it was almost like their revenge.
I know there were moments back in that white room when I didn’t care that I as filled with darkness, in fact I could have cared less. All I wanted was freedom. But at that moment as darkness finished taking its hold I cried like a child. I think that back in the white room I had no idea that light even existed but by now I was just so used to having that beautiful light filling me. What will I do without it?
I’m going up the stairs now and on the wall I pass I see a plague with “National Piano Showdown Champion, Gohen Takasugi” inscribed in it. My name; it’s just the one gift she gave me that no one can ever take. When ever I hear it I think of her, I remember the first person to treat me like I was a human being, the first person to tell me I was even worthy of existence. Maybe I should change it? I don’t want to forget her I just want to be rid of this horrible pain…
It had been only two days away from her funeral and I still didn’t want to really tell myself it was true, for sure true. I mean really truly, no turning back, no coming back, NEVER coming back. But while I tried so hard and hoped for some kind of miracle, for her to visit me I in a dream or SOMETHING, Claire shoved it in my face; she made me look at it that day. She couldn’t plan that funeral all-alone and so those questions made me, forced me, to look this in the face. And it hurt even more.
‘What color casket?’ ‘White with four little crosses’… ‘Open casket, closed casket?’ ‘Well I want to see her one last time’… ‘What should she wear?’ ‘Her wedding dress, it was so beautiful’… ‘What time? What day? What restaurant will we send everyone to? What kind of flowers?’ These all passed me by. What’s the use? I feel like I’m dead. I wish I were dead. ‘Where will she be buried?’ ‘Next to me.’ This required me to perform the eerie custom of getting my own tombstone. Seeing my name in stone next to Chibi’s in the middle of that cemetery made me feel like I was only a ghost. ‘Here lies Chastity Mihashi, loving mother, wife, and friend.’ She wanted to be by her parents so I put mine next to their graves too; I hope they don’t mind…
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