I'm just going to go ahead and apologize in advance for this
Okay, does anyone else ever read those ridiculously overwrought porn descriptions and want to write fic to them?
From Corbin Fisher's cinematic masterpiece, "Cain Fucks Philip"...
Philip says it’s a combination of anxiety and nerves. It’s understandable - he’s seen Cain’s huge cock in action!
"Okay, so..." Philip began. It wasn't that he resented Cain's new foray into animal husbandry; it was just that it made for a poor afternoon's entertainment. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"
"I just got a new male for breeding," Cain said, and god bless him, he sounded so excited. "The hens are practically lining up for him!"
That wasn't exactly how Philip would have described it -- it looked more like the giant rooster was pecking angrily at a two lady chickens who were vastly more interested in their lunch than in him. Jesus, he thought, the beak on that thing. If it tries to come over here, I'm running away.
Cain gets his uncut dick out and wastes no time making Philip suck it.
"My god, man! Can't you see there's NO TIME?! SUCK SUCK SUCK!"
He jackhammers Philip’s face
"Ca-a-a-a-a-a-ain?"
"What?"
"Th-i-i-i-i-is i-i-i-i-i-is re-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ealy-y-y u-unco-o-o-o-omfortabl-l-l-l-e."
Cain loves the shrimp job.
"At first I wasn't sure about working in the prawn industry," said Cain, "but this gentleman by the name of 'Bubba' convinced me that it's such a versatile foodstuff. 'Fruit of the sea,' I believe he called it. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, that Bubba, but he knew his shrimp."
“I can’t wait to fuck it. I’m gonna fuck it so good.”
"So well," Philip sighed. "It's an adverb. Really, Cain, if this relationship is going to work, you're going to have to brush up on your grammar."
Cain says "Don’t you run away from me. That ass is mine”
"You do know that the donkey doesn't actually speak English, right?" Philip called out, but it was too late; Cain had already begun to chase his newly-purchased mule down the ravine.
Cain wants to tattoo Philip’s ass with his name, marking his territory!
"Pleeeeease?" Cain begged.
"Certainly not!" replied Philip. "Just because you couldn't keep your mule from running away doesn't mean you can try to put your name on mine!"
"No, I guess you're right." Cain looked so crushed that Philip nearly relented.
"Well," snorted the tattoo artist, obviously still in a foul mood from having to fit the donkey in the chair. "What's it going to be?"
Philip glanced over at Cain and smiled. "Both our names, please."
::facepalm:: Of course I gave it a sappy ending.
From Corbin Fisher's cinematic masterpiece, "Cain Fucks Philip"...
Philip says it’s a combination of anxiety and nerves. It’s understandable - he’s seen Cain’s huge cock in action!
"Okay, so..." Philip began. It wasn't that he resented Cain's new foray into animal husbandry; it was just that it made for a poor afternoon's entertainment. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"
"I just got a new male for breeding," Cain said, and god bless him, he sounded so excited. "The hens are practically lining up for him!"
That wasn't exactly how Philip would have described it -- it looked more like the giant rooster was pecking angrily at a two lady chickens who were vastly more interested in their lunch than in him. Jesus, he thought, the beak on that thing. If it tries to come over here, I'm running away.
Cain gets his uncut dick out and wastes no time making Philip suck it.
"My god, man! Can't you see there's NO TIME?! SUCK SUCK SUCK!"
He jackhammers Philip’s face
"Ca-a-a-a-a-a-ain?"
"What?"
"Th-i-i-i-i-is i-i-i-i-i-is re-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ealy-y-y u-unco-o-o-o-omfortabl-l-l-l-e."
Cain loves the shrimp job.
"At first I wasn't sure about working in the prawn industry," said Cain, "but this gentleman by the name of 'Bubba' convinced me that it's such a versatile foodstuff. 'Fruit of the sea,' I believe he called it. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, that Bubba, but he knew his shrimp."
“I can’t wait to fuck it. I’m gonna fuck it so good.”
"So well," Philip sighed. "It's an adverb. Really, Cain, if this relationship is going to work, you're going to have to brush up on your grammar."
Cain says "Don’t you run away from me. That ass is mine”
"You do know that the donkey doesn't actually speak English, right?" Philip called out, but it was too late; Cain had already begun to chase his newly-purchased mule down the ravine.
Cain wants to tattoo Philip’s ass with his name, marking his territory!
"Pleeeeease?" Cain begged.
"Certainly not!" replied Philip. "Just because you couldn't keep your mule from running away doesn't mean you can try to put your name on mine!"
"No, I guess you're right." Cain looked so crushed that Philip nearly relented.
"Well," snorted the tattoo artist, obviously still in a foul mood from having to fit the donkey in the chair. "What's it going to be?"
Philip glanced over at Cain and smiled. "Both our names, please."
::facepalm:: Of course I gave it a sappy ending.