141 - "I think I have courage to die, but not to die thus in small sick ways."
He watched her sleep, tossing and turning, saying his name.
He watched her walk around school with her human friends, stealing looks at him every now and then.
He watched the way that the leech, Jacob Black, would stare at her in obvious longing when clearly, Bella Swan belonged to him.
It ached at Edward, a little each day, that she was so fragile, so human, yet longing to leave that life forever. Every kiss tore at his restraint, the scent of her causing visions of killing Bella in various fashions to fill his head until he couldn't think straight. He was the worst sort of predator, because she loved him and put full trust into him.
He finally couldn't stand it any longer after Jasper attacked her. A simple birthday party, and yet every vampire in his family had to leave the room save for Carlisle. For a finger cut. That was when Edward knew that he would leave her.
He'd always known what was best for Bella, anyway.
Once he was gone, though, it was far, far worse. He never changed his clothing -- it ended up quite torn and tattered while he hunted for Victoria to occupy his mind. His hair was disheveled. For someone already dead, he looked like death itself, finally.
Until he was told of Bella's death.
He was going to die, perhaps not to join her in Heaven, but at least death would be preferable to the way he was living at the moment. The Volturri were of no help when he offered himself to them, so Edward decided to walk into the sun. Then, they would have to kill him.
Oh, he wanted to die, but since Carlisle knew of no way to properly kill oneself, Edward was at a loss as to how to die, except to have others do the dirty work for him. Selfish and perhaps slightly cowardly to let another kill you, he thought, but at least he had the courage to die in a world without Bella Swan.
Edward Cullen
The Twilight Saga
341
He watched her walk around school with her human friends, stealing looks at him every now and then.
He watched the way that the leech, Jacob Black, would stare at her in obvious longing when clearly, Bella Swan belonged to him.
It ached at Edward, a little each day, that she was so fragile, so human, yet longing to leave that life forever. Every kiss tore at his restraint, the scent of her causing visions of killing Bella in various fashions to fill his head until he couldn't think straight. He was the worst sort of predator, because she loved him and put full trust into him.
He finally couldn't stand it any longer after Jasper attacked her. A simple birthday party, and yet every vampire in his family had to leave the room save for Carlisle. For a finger cut. That was when Edward knew that he would leave her.
He'd always known what was best for Bella, anyway.
Once he was gone, though, it was far, far worse. He never changed his clothing -- it ended up quite torn and tattered while he hunted for Victoria to occupy his mind. His hair was disheveled. For someone already dead, he looked like death itself, finally.
Until he was told of Bella's death.
He was going to die, perhaps not to join her in Heaven, but at least death would be preferable to the way he was living at the moment. The Volturri were of no help when he offered himself to them, so Edward decided to walk into the sun. Then, they would have to kill him.
Oh, he wanted to die, but since Carlisle knew of no way to properly kill oneself, Edward was at a loss as to how to die, except to have others do the dirty work for him. Selfish and perhaps slightly cowardly to let another kill you, he thought, but at least he had the courage to die in a world without Bella Swan.
Edward Cullen
The Twilight Saga
341