(no subject)

[the_death_song]

work was torture
but that is not the point
it was hard to act normal
the lump in my throat came and went all day
the size of a grapefruit when my boss tells me, "Beth, you had a really good day today, good job!"
i felt sick
for a lot of reasons
only one of which matters right now
and now i'm home and i don't know what to do.
i will go out to the memorial
i think that is a good idea
i don't know how i'm supposed to feel
everything is out of focus
i feel like i'm wearing someone's glasses
leaded glasses, or ones made of isinglass
the event is inappropriate, therefore, can there be an appropriate emotion?
i guess i can't fuck up then, if that's the case
this is cold comfort
a pat on the back on the march to the firing squad
there is nothing else i can say
i have been walking through the ruins of good things
last night, today
they are sticking through my shoes
not so much a thorn in my side
as a dirty needle.

~ ♠a stranger in the house of God ♠ ~