Week 33-2: This entry's a lot shorter than it looks. ...No, honest.
FRIDAY
posted on local Craigslist by yours truly:
Craigslist Instrument X
Here is blah blah blah and here is my price.
Make sure you use the phrase "not a spammer" somewhere in your email. Vague replies that could easily be from a spambot, like "Do you still have this", without "not a spammer" or some other signs of human life and cognition in the message body, will be ignored.
Craigslist Instrument Y
Here is something else blah blah blah and here is my price. No trades.
I'll repeat that: No trades. See the guy in the pic? He has a gun. No, he's not me, I'm uh not nearly as uh "cool" as this guy, but... fuck you, don't even try it anyway.
Again, make sure you put the text "not a spammer" somewhere in your emailed reply. If this ad is still posted on Craigslist, I still have it, so plz don't ask the dreaded "do you still have it" question; such replies are awfully close to spamfarms' usual come-on lines, don't you know?
SUNDAY
1:15p
From: douche@bag.com
To: the_day_setup@notreallymyaddress.com
Subject: Craiglist Instrument X
Do u still have this interested
- 3:10p
Interested do u have
- 6:40p
Hey u have this want to buy
MONDAY
11:20a
From: douchebag_alternate@aol.com
To: the_day_setup@notreallymyaddress.com
Subject: Craigslist Instrument Y
Not a spammer this is the forth time I've email do u have still
DB
11:50a
From: the_day_setup@notreallymyaddress.com
To: douchebag_alternate@aol.com
Subject: Re: Craigslist Instrument Y
Hi, DB. I saw your replies yesterday re: Instrument X, but unfortunately they were dead ringers for the spambot emails I get all the time in response to my CL ads. Also, there was already someone ahead of you who had emailed Saturday to set up a Monday-morning meetup, and they bought Instrument X this morning. I'm confused by the subject-line reply on the last email you sent, though... did you have interest in Instrument Y also? Let me know.
1:30p
Its all goood
DB
...TUESDAY
12:20p
Id love to check out [Instrument Y] are you interested in trades
DB
2:40p
Well, um, my ad pretty clearly states I'm not interested in trading.
...
...But, ugh, it's a slow market right now; I'd rather get this moved if there's anything I could use in its place... so, meh, what the heck, what do you have? Please be somewhat specific so we can avoid wasting each others' time.
3:20p
Lots guitars pedals amps racks ata breifcase cases I'm sound engineer and guitar tech by trade so I accumulate lots of stuff
DB
- 4:10p
Not a spammer did you receive my email
4:40p
Yeah, um... I did. As stated, I need more info on what you have for trade before we can proceed. Here is a list of musical things for which I might be interested in trading: Broad Category 1, Broad Category 2, Broad Category 3. Do you have anything in any of these broad categories? Oh yeah, even Broad Category 4. Got anything there?
Again, please be somewhat specific about models, general condition, etc. on your reply so I know if it's something I could actually use.
...9:15p
Ok I might be able to stop by tomm
DB
10:10p
Um... you might want to call me for directions? I'll want to meet you at my shop and I'm not there nor available all the time. Here's my phone number. Also, I have no idea what you're thinking about trading. Unless you want to do an outright cash buy at my stated price, you might want to ask me if I want to trade for... whatever you have first, before you call and/or make plans to stop by.
Two days pass.
THURSDAY
2:30p
From: douche@bag.com
To: the_day_setup@notreallymyaddress.com
Subject: Craigslist Instrument Y
Not a spammer I've got a [guitar not in Broad Categories 1-4 but easily worth twice as much as Instrument Y] I'll trade you for that one
3:50p
Hrm, that does sound pretty good, if it's in good shape. Here's my phone number again, give me a call, I'm available this afternoon to take a look.
4:20p
You want some pics
DB
4:40p
Sure, although I already know what it is, I've had one before... just bring it by for me to check out, I'm here at the shop right now. Here's my phone number. Again.
4:45p
Ive had several
DB
- 4:47p
Its blue sparkle plays great since I'm a guitar tech and have been for a long time
DB
aside: Worth noting that I have heard of every reputable and non-reputable guitar tech in town; this guy isn't on the list.
4:52p
Alright, so are you available to bring it by the shop tonight, between now and just before 7 or so? Here is my phone number. Again... again. Let's do this now if you can.
4:55p
Yes will call in a few mins
...
...
...
...7:25p
It possibly might have to be tomm
DB
7:29p
Yeah, um, I was waiting here for you this whole time but needed to be home 30 minutes ago, looks like it'll *have* to be tomorrow at this point. Give me a call tomorrow morning, I'm available to show from noon to 5 or 6.
7:35p
K will do call ya tomorrow
DB
Three days pass.
SUNDAY
7:50a
From: douche@bag.com
To: the_day_setup@notreallymyaddress.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Craigslist Instrument Y
Is it sold not spam
DB
8:10a
I remember you, so there's no need to keep doing the "not a spammer" thing. Not sold yet. Probably not able to show today.
8:15a
Ok maybe tomm here is the guitar i have
[no attachment]
8:20a
Think you forgot an attachment - anyway, you have my number so give me a call. I'm going to send it on to eBay if it's not moved or traded by Tuesday night.
...
...
3:40p
[no message text]
[fourteen more very large, extremely blurry cell phone pics attached; a few may or may not actually be pictures of DB's penis, hard to say]
3:50p
Cool, um, looks fine, but I'll still need to check it out in person to say yes or no. I actually have some unexpected availability right now if you're free. Here's my number. AGAIN.
...
...
MONDAY
9:00a
Are you going to be around later today
DB
10:30a
Yep, *some*, but let me know what time window you're thinking.
10:45a
Im on my way buy my silly ass forgot the guitar can I still look at yours
10:49a
Uh... wow, do you even know where you're going? Could you go back to your house and get the guitar? I'd rather do that trade, as we've been discussing for the last five days.
10:51a
Can u call me 555-555-5555
DB
10:52a
Just tried calling - no response.
10:56a
Still no response. Please call ME as soon as you can... again, here's the number, AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN. I just had to rush down to the shop assuming you were on your way, despite not asking me if you could come first and despite only knowing the vaguest details of the location taken from the ad. Are you coming? Did you go back to get the guitar?
...
11:26a
Are u interested in watches by chance not a spammer
DB
11:30a
No, I'm not interested in watches. Are you still on your way?
11:32a (texted)
Are you still on your way?
...
...
...
...
...10:26p
DB - Guess you're not interested in Instrument Y any more, by your lack of appearance and/or response to my emails and texts. Well, fair enough, but... three directives:
1) Lose my number. You seem unable to call it anyway, so I'm not too worried about 1).
2) Forget about any deals with me in the future and don't bother replying to my ads. My ads are pretty easy to spot in our local market. They're the ones with the specific and consistent anti-spam directives, the same general coordinates in town given each time, the highly detailed description of item condition, and the clear, mostly-proper use of generally-accepted English syntax / grammar / punctuation.
3) Treat other Craigslist sellers (and buyers) with a helluva lot more respect in the future. Clear communication-- "I won't make it after all," "sure, here are some times that will positively work for me," etc.-- is a big part of that when it comes to in-person deals. Most buyers (and sellers) are pretty good about this kind of thing. Maybe you don't consider your own time very valuable, I don't know, but it's an extremely valuable commodity for many of the rest of us.
Speaking of, thanks for wasting a colossal amount of my time this past week. Very much appreciated.
POSTSCRIPT
Yes, this all really happened across the timespan (and approximations of timestamps) depicted, at the very end of February 2012.
In the interest of full disclosure, my emails are shortened / made maximally clear for the sake of event depiction, and/or for the sake of non-gearheads. (Also, those aren't the actual ads I posted, duh.)
On the other hand, "DB"'s emails are exactly as he wrote them-- save, natch, for his phone # and name/signature, the latter of which he consistently signed as his FULL name: "Dou che bag", with lowercase letters ALWAYS used for his middle and last names. And, no, he never did get the hang / purpose of the "not a spammer" thing, just as depicted.
"DB," alas, did not reply to my final email in this saga. He did, however, reply to several more of my ads this spring with nary a clue, somehow, as to who he was dealing with. After the third such attempt to buy something from me (except, of course, not really), I was forced to block both of his known email accounts in my mail client to keep my blood pressure down.
Instrument Y sold locally the evening following the end of this "dialogue." A member of a touring Christian rock band, in town just for the night, emailed me with his phone number in the first email. We had the sale / meeting set up 20 minutes later. I brought him the guitar; he didn't even look it over, just said he'd take it... and handed me a $25 "tip" over my asking price for the trouble involved in bringing it to him on basically no notice, not that I minded at all. We shook hands and smiled as we parted.
I buy and sell a lot of stuff on Craigslist. It's been my experience that most Craigslist transactions involve good, easy-to-work-with folks. Maybe 10-15% of them, though, are truly... hardcore... douchebags.