Rockstar 101: AKA Everything You Thought You Knew About Being in a Band until You Went On Tour

[the_dark_clan]

Disclaimer: These opinions are not the opinions of any band members beyond myself, and any resemblance in beliefs or feelings of any band member, real or imagined, is purely coincidence, or is cited directly. Terms used often by fellow band members may be used, but this does not mean it came from them. It means I talk more like them now.

I have just finished my first "mini tour" with the band, and it was an eye-opening experience. As in, my eyes were open for WAY too long.

I thought I'd report the things I learned while on tour. I'd say I was prepped for learning some of these by experiencing large bellydance festivals, but they were really solidified in experiencing the music community. But they could easily apply to any performance art where you are not at home for a period of time.

I think I can say that MC Hammer  Vanilla Ice summed it up with "Stop, Collaborate and Listen."  (Ok, I blame that terrible mistake on not having had caffeine before I wrote that part.)

Oh yes, I'm going there. This will take two or three posts - the first of which is Stop!

STOP

• Stop Taking It So Seriously

I am not special. I am one of 8,000+ people who are in a band, getting up on a stage and putting myself out there. Someone does the shit I do - and they have better shoes. And the crowd is probably not there for me. Unless, of course, it is all your friends - in which case, they are all there for you. If they showed up.

• Stop For a Moment and Breathe

Really, it isn't as hard as it seems. It's all the stuff BEFORE the show that is hard: rehearsing, writing songs and music and parts. Thankfully, I leave that to Dan. I just pester him for my part, sing it, play it, and I'm done. Getting on stage - at least for me - is just the natural next step. The first time, I was pretty freaked out. Now, it's like a natural progression - and gives me a chance to wear a top hat.

• Stop and Take a Moment to Yourself

Traveling with a group of people crammed into small spaces together for long periods of time is a skill. A skill I actually already have due to doing this WAY too often. But with each new group you try it with, there's always a "feel-it-out" time when you learn to adjust to what people do. This includes the balance of talk and silence. Luckily, Mercedes was pretty straight forward about it: silence is OK. In fact, it is golden. So, take that moment to yourself - put on your headphones, and relax. They'll still be here when you get back, and they'll understand.

• Stop and Pee when You Have To

This could also be called: You're Gonna Be Late for Waiting Around. As with most planned ETAs, something always seems to get in the way, and very very few events are going to be "planned" or timed out. This is a FEEL thing, not a PLAN thing. (With the possible exception of The Dark Room show that had set times of 7:30 -8:07.) You are going to show up later than you expected, but still have to wait around. You'll get ready in spurts. First you'll have to load out the gear into a pile near the stage. Then begins to the sound checks (if you're lucky) or line checks. You'll get to put on some makeup, and then have to come back out to set up your part of the stage. Then you'll get to go back and do your hair and anything else, perhaps even get dressed. Most likely this will all occur in a bathroom as most places don't have "green rooms". And go to the bathroom as much as you can.

Also learned a lesson - do not get ready before the show in anything that could be ruined by moving gear.

• Stop Feeling Frivolous

If shaving your legs makes you feel good about getting on stage, do it. Yeah - you're wearing a leather bodysuit that no one will see ANY flesh through, but if it makes you feel more "done", do it. I painted my nails in the car on the way there (ostensibly, a BAD idea when wearing white.) But it made me feel finished. It made me feel complete. And that came up with me onstage.

• Stop Thinking People will Be There

This sounds rude, but it isn't. First, I was a little peeved that some people who said, "OMG! I totally want to be at your show! Tell me when and I'll be there," didn't show up. It doesn't mean they don't like you or think what you're doing is dumb. It just means they didn't make it to the show. Just like you didn't get to Bobby's school play that time.

These shows are also small. They are usually in small venues, sometimes on odd nights. Be extremely grateful for the people that are there, and be your own source of energy. If you need a crowd to feed off of in order to have a good show, you are screwed. Yeah - a crowd is awesome, and seeing people loving your music is great. But don't expect it, and let people know that you appreciate them being around.

• Stop Thinking You'll Get Sleep

You won't. And even if you do, it's a fluke, and probably will be immediately made up for by some wankery occurring, or you will have wished you were up. Typically, you will not be comfortable, you will not have a whole lot of time to sleep, and you probably won't want to. (As a side note, bring a pillow.)

Dan appears to have mastered the sleeping while in a moving vehicle thing. I have not. Up till 3, leaving at 9am is the theme. That's what happens when you are the tour bus. Seriously, take plenty of Vitamin C, Zinc, and anything else that you might need to boost your immune system, because you are not going to get sleep.

But it's about the experience right? Hell yeah it is.

I'll continue with Collaborate and Listen in the next post or two. But I'd love to learn your "Stop" lessons too.