(no subject)
What the hell is going on with me? so much weight is on my shoulders It's so hard to think lately, but I still do, about Alicia mostly...I've been treating her like shit though, being extremely selfish, i think everything is about me when of course it isn't, I just want to have a relationship where everything is real and fun and interesting, and it is but I just ruin it with my emotions I can't control them its so hard to, if its like this now, I don't even know what its going to be like when i run out of meds because i have no insurance, I really hate saying that, but I mean wtf my meds really do change my mood and make me easier to talk to, but still my emotions sometimes still seep through. I'm going to be more aware though, and relax the fuck out or chill the fuck out whatever. My feelings for Alicia are sooo....different it's love i'm fairly sure, I mean i feel like i know her already, and theres some sort of connection between us i really don't know what it is or what it means. Anyway shes so different from anyone I've ever met, I think shes here to help me because shes not as emotional as i am or romantic, I have to see where it goes I need to see her in person way more.
but yeah i don't know what or who doesn't want me to be content or have a life but they are winning, my cars fucked up again, getting fixed again $275 down the drain, i'm another payment behind on Capital one $168.32 thats my minimum payment so in total i owe them $668 my last payment was November 8th 2007 lol. My mom ran out of money and meds for her depression, she is like....idk I am afraid shes going to kill herself, she is seriously not well, like every time i talk to her she ends up crying about anything its so sad but i don't know what to do about it. I need to find my own medical insurance fast, whether its another job or from haven
Josh and Jen broke up for good now, I was in the middle of it I don't really feel like explaining, just they got in a horrible fight physical and verbal and josh flipped out and wrecked his house and jen ended up throwing a chair through one of his walls and the cops came over and everything they had to end it with the cops in the room...sad it really was
I miss Dom I've been a dick to everyone and selfish I really gotta stop all this nonsense and i'm going to, i'm going to do something about this bullshit pessimist shadow i am and destroy it and be myself again
but i need to get off this I think i'm hanging out with jen soon now gotta change for work too
but yeah i don't know what or who doesn't want me to be content or have a life but they are winning, my cars fucked up again, getting fixed again $275 down the drain, i'm another payment behind on Capital one $168.32 thats my minimum payment so in total i owe them $668 my last payment was November 8th 2007 lol. My mom ran out of money and meds for her depression, she is like....idk I am afraid shes going to kill herself, she is seriously not well, like every time i talk to her she ends up crying about anything its so sad but i don't know what to do about it. I need to find my own medical insurance fast, whether its another job or from haven
Josh and Jen broke up for good now, I was in the middle of it I don't really feel like explaining, just they got in a horrible fight physical and verbal and josh flipped out and wrecked his house and jen ended up throwing a chair through one of his walls and the cops came over and everything they had to end it with the cops in the room...sad it really was
I miss Dom I've been a dick to everyone and selfish I really gotta stop all this nonsense and i'm going to, i'm going to do something about this bullshit pessimist shadow i am and destroy it and be myself again
but i need to get off this I think i'm hanging out with jen soon now gotta change for work too