Thru the eyes.
She sat down and began to cry.
I told her its ok, its really not that bad.
"If only i could mean it." I thought.
Its kind of weird how she is the one crying.
How a person could love so much.
I can see nothing but desperation in her eyes, like everything she ever thought was worth living for is gone.
But ofcourse i would feel the same, infact i do.
I think im losing her to.
But even now i have to be to "macho" to cry dont i.
Not one tear....
I wanted to cry, but i could never shed enough tears.
I wanted to scream, but i could never scream loud enough.
I wanted to pound my head, but i could never pound hard enough.
I wanted to destroy every smile i saw, but what for?
It wont change anything.
Several days later, now i have nothing, not even myself.
Last night i talked with an angel, she spoke in the colors of roses.
She said "Its really not that bad, and i mean that. Just smile, and love, and show your as happy as they make you, show them that they mean everything you say they do, to you. Im sorry but i have to go now." And i.. "Please dont go, i dont want you to, i dont want to be alone." I cried on her shoulder and told her i dont want to go, im not ready.
She just rubbed my back and said "I have to go.."
I cant look anyone in the eyes.
I cant....
I made myself some cereal, and came out to the living room.
The TV is off, everyone is just sitting there, staring at a random spot on the carpet.
"What the fuck are you doing?!!" I shouted "You all have so much life left and you sit there like everyone around you is dying!"
I got no response so i threw the bowl of cereal thru the window and went to my room.
I stared in the mirror for a goo 15 minutes, and i wish i had the time to tell you about all the things i saw.
I knew it had to change, nothing is worth this.
Several weeks later, i guess ive accepted the truth somewhat by now, but the knot in my throat has all but disapeared.
Last night i talked with the Devil, he spoke in the shape of thunder.
He said "Do it, take everyone, destroy everything you want to, i wont go until you do."
I told him i want him to leave, im ready, and i cant wait.
Several months later, im feeling kind of weak and slow, im scared and my heart constantly races, i dont know when im going to wakeup.
I decide to take a nap so i turn on the record player and lay down.
As soon as i close my eyes my entire life flashes before me.
I no longer feel weak, my heart no longer races, infact i dont feel it beating at all.
I was flaoting, bodiless for the time being.
I listenened to the lullabies of tears hitting the floor.
And i wished i could comfort them, and then, i was swiftly torn away..
I saw a light, just like the stories i always heard.
I met with old friends and people who i never know were my friends, i met some strangers who wanted to shake my hand, and in the course of one second i had over athousand in depth conversations about the mortal perception of life and death, and the properties of man.
I met a man who has done this millions of times and learned that i myself was a veteran.
Im in a room, atleast i think i am, all white, no walls insight.
But there is a door, made of old chiped wood and beat up wood and a dull silver knob.
I asked what its for and they all said on the other side is a wonderful treasure and its all mine.
To be continued......................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I told her its ok, its really not that bad.
"If only i could mean it." I thought.
Its kind of weird how she is the one crying.
How a person could love so much.
I can see nothing but desperation in her eyes, like everything she ever thought was worth living for is gone.
But ofcourse i would feel the same, infact i do.
I think im losing her to.
But even now i have to be to "macho" to cry dont i.
Not one tear....
I wanted to cry, but i could never shed enough tears.
I wanted to scream, but i could never scream loud enough.
I wanted to pound my head, but i could never pound hard enough.
I wanted to destroy every smile i saw, but what for?
It wont change anything.
Several days later, now i have nothing, not even myself.
Last night i talked with an angel, she spoke in the colors of roses.
She said "Its really not that bad, and i mean that. Just smile, and love, and show your as happy as they make you, show them that they mean everything you say they do, to you. Im sorry but i have to go now." And i.. "Please dont go, i dont want you to, i dont want to be alone." I cried on her shoulder and told her i dont want to go, im not ready.
She just rubbed my back and said "I have to go.."
I cant look anyone in the eyes.
I cant....
I made myself some cereal, and came out to the living room.
The TV is off, everyone is just sitting there, staring at a random spot on the carpet.
"What the fuck are you doing?!!" I shouted "You all have so much life left and you sit there like everyone around you is dying!"
I got no response so i threw the bowl of cereal thru the window and went to my room.
I stared in the mirror for a goo 15 minutes, and i wish i had the time to tell you about all the things i saw.
I knew it had to change, nothing is worth this.
Several weeks later, i guess ive accepted the truth somewhat by now, but the knot in my throat has all but disapeared.
Last night i talked with the Devil, he spoke in the shape of thunder.
He said "Do it, take everyone, destroy everything you want to, i wont go until you do."
I told him i want him to leave, im ready, and i cant wait.
Several months later, im feeling kind of weak and slow, im scared and my heart constantly races, i dont know when im going to wakeup.
I decide to take a nap so i turn on the record player and lay down.
As soon as i close my eyes my entire life flashes before me.
I no longer feel weak, my heart no longer races, infact i dont feel it beating at all.
I was flaoting, bodiless for the time being.
I listenened to the lullabies of tears hitting the floor.
And i wished i could comfort them, and then, i was swiftly torn away..
I saw a light, just like the stories i always heard.
I met with old friends and people who i never know were my friends, i met some strangers who wanted to shake my hand, and in the course of one second i had over athousand in depth conversations about the mortal perception of life and death, and the properties of man.
I met a man who has done this millions of times and learned that i myself was a veteran.
Im in a room, atleast i think i am, all white, no walls insight.
But there is a door, made of old chiped wood and beat up wood and a dull silver knob.
I asked what its for and they all said on the other side is a wonderful treasure and its all mine.
To be continued......................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................