(no subject)

[the_clown_king]

I used to think I understood people. Now, I don't think I do.

I don't understand how people can be so very cruel for no reason. Or...why they lash out the ways they do. I'm not so naive that I've never met cruel people, but... at least I could understand why they were the way they were. I didn't like it, and I can't stand being around those people, but....

Since coming here, I've met people who were just evil. And they hurt people I cared about.

And now...one of them hurt me. And I just can't understand it. Ed tried to explain, and I understand that what he did was because of Ed, but that doesn't make any sense to me. I don't even understand why anyone would want to hurt Ed in the first place.

But...well, I guess it's better he did it to me, and not Ed. That would be worse, I think.

It has changed things. I don't know how...I'd handle it if we were to be intimate with each other now. And I want to have that with Ed. I...I'm falling in love with him and I want to be with him. But...

I just wish I knew how to deal with this. I wish silly things wouldn't make me so sad. I wish I understood how someone could try and force someone. I don't think there's a more evil or vile action someone could take against another person.

And I really wish he hadn't sounded just like Ed.