I haven't posted in a very long time
But I need to vent a bit.
I'm feeling pretty distraught and upset.
2 months ago I was diagnosed with osteo arthritis in my right hip. Osteo arthritis happens in people twice my age. I am 21, for gods sake! I am not supposed to get things like osteo arthritis. Anyways, I talked with my GP and we discussed options and my what the future COULD hold. I left pretty freaked out.
I can no longer do impact activites like running or tennis. There is a real possibility I will need a hip transplant in 10 to 15 years.
My GP referred me to a doctor that specialized in sports injuries and arthritis. I require an MRI, complete with dye injected into my hip joints. I need to see a physiotherapist that specializes in deep muscles, and have my psoas muscle evaluated. If it's tense or constantly triggering, which the doc thought likely, I will need to undergo psoas blocks.
MOTHERFUCKING 4 INCH NEEDLES INTO MY BACK. They inject lidocaine the first time. If it doesn't work, they inject MOTHERFUCKING BOTOX. Botox is a neurotoxin. Ok, I see where they are going here, but good godamn.
I also have to get an ultrasound of my heart, because apparently its wuite common for girls of my height, and with ligament problems, to have heart problems. What with your heart having ligaments attached and all. Since I had a murmur as a child, this is a real concern. I never enve thought that being so tall could be bad for my heart.
Honestly, I'm feeling pretty helpless right now. My family is amazingly supportive, and my parents said they would both come with me for the MRI (you know, needles in my hip joint and that whole fear of needles thing), and if I require the psoas blocks, they'd be there for that, too. Norm is great, too. He is supportive and comforting and it makes me feel better to know he cares. But I'm still pretty sad.
Someone had the nerve to say to me "Well, at least it isn't cancer". Fuck you. I can still get cancer. Don't belittle my feelings. This is a degenerative disease. It will not go away. It will get worse. Let me mourn so I can move past this and try to be strong about impending pain and trauma.
I guess things are worse than I thought they were.
I hope everyone is doing well.