For America -- I know you're upset but that's NOT how you break up with a boyfriend. If everyone started a nuclear arms race every time they broke up, the planet would be barren of all life! So cut it out!
For Russia -- Your crazy rubbed off on him. The least you can do is not encourage him.
I have a very good memory, and I don't believe it needs any refreshing. I know I have been called crazy, but it's by nations who are looking to set me up as a scapegoat for the world's troubles. And theirs is hardly an unbiased opinion.
I know Russia is a Communist and everything, but really, have you read the original "Communist Manifesto" by Marx? I think Russia has good intentions. Don't get me wrong, I'm a capitalist all the way, but communism looks really nice on paper, see? It's just in practice where everything gets a little...not-working-out-quite-right. Maybe you could try to be just a little bit more understanding. When Russia's being a dick, it's not necessarily because he's Communist -- it's because he's just being Russia. He's always been that way.
Please don't send Senator McCarthy after me. I am, after all, one of your loving citizens. Also, could you say "hi" to Canada for me?
Sincerely, and with all due respect, Anonymous (Name Withheld To Protect the Innocent - ME)
Well, I'll agree with you about Russia always having been a dick.
Yeah, look, I read the Commie Handbook. Well, I skimmed it, anyway. (It was kinda dense.) I guess you could say that Communism "looks good on paper," if the total rejection of religion and morality looks good on paper to you--but let's be serious, what Russia's calling Communism hasn't got shit to do with anything Marx was talking about. You see anything about 'crazy, evil dictators killing millions of their own people' with Marx? 'Cause if so, that must've been in one of the parts I skipped.
Look, I don't hate Communism because I hate people sharing and caring. Okay? I hate Communism because it's immoral, atheistic, restricts personal freedoms, and apparently always gets taken over by crazy evil douchebags like Stalin and Mao.
Anybody who thinks the war between Communism and Democracy has anything to do with Marx is kidding themselves.
Sincerely, AMERICA
PS - I'll totally say hi to Canada if I can ever find him
Do you remember exactly when and how did you stop being loyal to monarchy and started to become a communist? Did you get a certain letter from America in 1918? Do you remember anything about it?
Why did you start smoking? It's bad for your health, you know! --- Eru.
It's difficult to recall the exact moment when my world started to change, but I can certainly try, if that will suffice. In 1905, as I'm sure you remember, I massacred my people in my own city. At the time I thought they were ingrates, just a mob of peasants too stupid to see how much my Tsars cared for them. I refused to let myself feel how their deaths hurt me, but I-I knew. I loved them, and I had killed them. And I think...I think I realized then that they deserved something better. I didn't know what, but I promised myself I would get it for them.
A letter? I don't--oh. That. Yes, I did. I don't have it anymore. My boss--Stalin--he asked me to burn it. And I did. A very simple thing
( ... )
Dearest America: If you could turn back the clock and do some things differently, what would you do? And don't just spill the first bitter answer that comes to mind. Put some thought into it please.
Darling Russia: Would you please name three things you love most about America? I know it might be difficult to form into words, but I think you can do it.
I think you're both wonderful. May you soon live in happier times.
But I...I suppose you could have called us "friends", at one point. A long time ago. And there were...qualities of his that made me value that relationship, for what it was worth.Not much.
He had a--a joy to him that I had never encountered before. The world was a beautiful place in his eyes, and he had the ability to make everyone around him see it as he did, if only for a few seconds.
He used to have a wonderful laugh.
He would tell me all sorts of lovely little lies: that I was good, that I was beautiful, that he wanted to hear the sound of my voice. All stupid, unimportant things, but for that brief period of my life I...I must have enjoyed being lied to.
Hey, America, I'm a big fan, love your stuff and the red white and blue is fab ♥ I gotta know--do you have, like, an office in the White House or anywhere in DC? A base where you check in with the boss, I guess you could put it, and a whole slew of interns who wonder just what exactly it is you get paid to do and why you get so much vacation time? Or even just a certain seat in the Senate where no one else ever sits because it's 'reserved'? I'm curious! It seems like the last time we saw you, you were working for the FBI, is what I'm driving at. Are you going to stick with them, if that was the case?
Comments 105
For Russia -- Your crazy rubbed off on him. The least you can do is not encourage him.
Reply
I can't recall any specific instances of this "crazy" behavior you're attributing to me. Perhaps you're thinking of someone else.
-Россия
Reply
You know what they are.
Or perhaps you would prefer to look into your surveillance records to refresh your memory?
-Hap
Reply
Дорогая Haphazard,
I have a very good memory, and I don't believe it needs any refreshing. I know I have been called crazy, but it's by nations who are looking to set me up as a scapegoat for the world's troubles. And theirs is hardly an unbiased opinion.
-Россия
Reply
I know Russia is a Communist and everything, but really, have you read the original "Communist Manifesto" by Marx? I think Russia has good intentions. Don't get me wrong, I'm a capitalist all the way, but communism looks really nice on paper, see? It's just in practice where everything gets a little...not-working-out-quite-right. Maybe you could try to be just a little bit more understanding. When Russia's being a dick, it's not necessarily because he's Communist -- it's because he's just being Russia. He's always been that way.
Please don't send Senator McCarthy after me. I am, after all, one of your loving citizens. Also, could you say "hi" to Canada for me?
Sincerely, and with all due respect,
Anonymous (Name Withheld To Protect the Innocent - ME)
Reply
Dear Anon,
Well, I'll agree with you about Russia always having been a dick.
Yeah, look, I read the Commie Handbook. Well, I skimmed it, anyway. (It was kinda dense.) I guess you could say that Communism "looks good on paper," if the total rejection of religion and morality looks good on paper to you--but let's be serious, what Russia's calling Communism hasn't got shit to do with anything Marx was talking about. You see anything about 'crazy, evil dictators killing millions of their own people' with Marx? 'Cause if so, that must've been in one of the parts I skipped.
Look, I don't hate Communism because I hate people sharing and caring. Okay? I hate Communism because it's immoral, atheistic, restricts personal freedoms, and apparently always gets taken over by crazy evil douchebags like Stalin and Mao.
Anybody who thinks the war between Communism and Democracy has anything to do with Marx is kidding themselves.
Sincerely,
AMERICA
PS - I'll totally say hi to Canada if I can ever find him
Reply
Dear Motherland,
Do you remember exactly when and how did you stop being loyal to monarchy and started to become a communist?
Did you get a certain letter from America in 1918? Do you remember anything about it?
Why did you start smoking? It's bad for your health, you know!
---
Eru.
Reply
Дорогая Eru,
It's difficult to recall the exact moment when my world started to change, but I can certainly try, if that will suffice. In 1905, as I'm sure you remember, I massacred my people in my own city. At the time I thought they were ingrates, just a mob of peasants too stupid to see how much my Tsars cared for them. I refused to let myself feel how their deaths hurt me, but I-I knew. I loved them, and I had killed them. And I think...I think I realized then that they deserved something better. I didn't know what, but I promised myself I would get it for them.
A letter? I don't--oh. That. Yes, I did. I don't have it anymore. My boss--Stalin--he asked me to burn it. And I did. A very simple thing ( ... )
Reply
Darling Russia: Would you please name three things you love most about America? I know it might be difficult to form into words, but I think you can do it.
I think you're both wonderful. May you soon live in happier times.
Yours Truely,
Tiff
Reply
Reply
Дорогая Tiff,
I have never loved America.
But I...I suppose you could have called us "friends", at one point. A long time ago. And there were...qualities of his that made me value that relationship, for what it was worth.Not much.
He had a--a joy to him that I had never encountered before. The world was a beautiful place in his eyes, and he had the ability to make everyone around him see it as he did, if only for a few seconds.
He used to have a wonderful laugh.
He would tell me all sorts of lovely little lies: that I was good, that I was beautiful, that he wanted to hear the sound of my voice. All stupid, unimportant things, but for that brief period of my life I...I must have enjoyed being lied to.
But all that is over and done with.
-Россия
Reply
Your pal,
sadlygrove
Reply
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