But.
I am really distressingly pleased with life right now and I have no reason to be.
But I can watch anime with friends, and I haven't gotten the Dreaded Sick yet, even though my immune system was probably weakened by that cold so knock on wood, and I'm edit edit editing like crazy, and my classes are made of the fun times.
But both tests I've had so far I got Cs on, and I have an intermediate accounting test this Thursday about which I am VERY apprehensive, so I am a little bit stressed about grades in general.
But I've read some really spectacular fanfic over the last couple days, and there are good writers on the internet.
But my own writing style leaves a lot to be desired, I think.
But Dani - screw pseudonyms, I don't even care anymore and they're hard to remember - has Dragon Weather and its two sequels, those books I spent forever looking for. And I finished Labyrinth (the book) and it was terribly awesome and awesomely terrible at the exact same time.
But I didn't eat my pill this morning and I couldn't focus at all today on anything, and I'm concerned about the accounting major because while I think I understand it and am doing okay, I'm terrified that my best will only end up being mediocre, as usual. You'd think I would be used to it by now, but I'm not.
But one of the exchange students found me after the Processes of Management test and we were talking about our scores, and she said she did really poorly because she didn't understand the questions and I told her I sympathized, because that was EXACTLY my problem all last year in my Spanish classes. Do well in the class, understand the material, bomb the test because the language is weird and so much of the comprehension is based on wording. So I know it really wasn't just me, and I told her that if she needed help with anything she could come to me, and I wasn't sure how much help I'd be but I would certainly try, and if I see her again I'm going to ask her if maybe we could start a study group.
But really, I should be able to force myself to buckle down and just study the material. So, tomorrow - no editing. I will not open In Space, I will not open In Time, I will not draw a picture. I will study accounting, and management, and HOBO, because I genuinely like studying those things. And if this test goes poorly, I will apply for a tutor because really there is nothing shameful in admitting I need help.
But that's not what my brain keeps telling me. It tells me I should stand alone and make my own strength, not to take strength from others, because to do so is weakness. It tells me that there is no honor in seeking help and that if I cannot understand a concept on my own, I do not deserve to understand. It tells me that it is okay for other people to do this, but not for me.
But I just smile at my brain and keep telling it that it is stupid and that I still have my honor.
But I can watch anime with friends, and I haven't gotten the Dreaded Sick yet, even though my immune system was probably weakened by that cold so knock on wood, and I'm edit edit editing like crazy, and my classes are made of the fun times.
But both tests I've had so far I got Cs on, and I have an intermediate accounting test this Thursday about which I am VERY apprehensive, so I am a little bit stressed about grades in general.
But I've read some really spectacular fanfic over the last couple days, and there are good writers on the internet.
But my own writing style leaves a lot to be desired, I think.
But Dani - screw pseudonyms, I don't even care anymore and they're hard to remember - has Dragon Weather and its two sequels, those books I spent forever looking for. And I finished Labyrinth (the book) and it was terribly awesome and awesomely terrible at the exact same time.
But I didn't eat my pill this morning and I couldn't focus at all today on anything, and I'm concerned about the accounting major because while I think I understand it and am doing okay, I'm terrified that my best will only end up being mediocre, as usual. You'd think I would be used to it by now, but I'm not.
But one of the exchange students found me after the Processes of Management test and we were talking about our scores, and she said she did really poorly because she didn't understand the questions and I told her I sympathized, because that was EXACTLY my problem all last year in my Spanish classes. Do well in the class, understand the material, bomb the test because the language is weird and so much of the comprehension is based on wording. So I know it really wasn't just me, and I told her that if she needed help with anything she could come to me, and I wasn't sure how much help I'd be but I would certainly try, and if I see her again I'm going to ask her if maybe we could start a study group.
But really, I should be able to force myself to buckle down and just study the material. So, tomorrow - no editing. I will not open In Space, I will not open In Time, I will not draw a picture. I will study accounting, and management, and HOBO, because I genuinely like studying those things. And if this test goes poorly, I will apply for a tutor because really there is nothing shameful in admitting I need help.
But that's not what my brain keeps telling me. It tells me I should stand alone and make my own strength, not to take strength from others, because to do so is weakness. It tells me that there is no honor in seeking help and that if I cannot understand a concept on my own, I do not deserve to understand. It tells me that it is okay for other people to do this, but not for me.
But I just smile at my brain and keep telling it that it is stupid and that I still have my honor.