this is a lesson in procrastination
In leiu of studying for my stat midterm...
So, life, where are we going, I ask myself? I know, life, we're enjoying taking it one day at a time, I know we're looking ahead enough since my NZ ap is 100% in, but are we spending our time right, life?
I wish I didn't feel torn in so many directions. So many completely different directions. In summation:
IF I follow my major, I'll end up doing special effects or Imagineering, writing code and code and making efficient algorithms. Not appealing. Unfortunately, I'm decently good at it. CSE, that is. Math and science I'm good at. And while interesting pre-college, I am mostly finding them painful in college. Or a nuisance. And computer art, though again not especially difficult, isn't as fulfilling as working in real media. Which I'm not good enough at. So, this cse/art computer graphics thing, though appropriate...what am I doing here?
SO last semester, doing west side inspired me not to rule out moving to new york and auditioning my butt off for a couple years. But will I? Am I really a performer? Is that my calling? Can I handle the lifestyle without success? Will lack of money distress me? Can I live such an insecure life? It'd be a good spiritual challenge, sure. And I'd always have the safety net of a BSE. A BSE I don't know if I want. I almost prefer a BFA, but I'm not talented enough. Because I'm too easily satisfied. But then there's theatre...practically, the most appealing thing in the world. Hmm..
But finally, well, my little dances with Religion/Philosophy/Theology. If I stuck to academia, I'd head there. And there could take me so many places. Think of all the things I could see. Mostly, I chose against religion because I wanted to preach but be a Catholic, which doesn't work. But why not teach instead? Or write?
Or maybe that just seems appealing because I feel locked into something else, something I don't feel certain about.
I'm a flighty kind of person.
So, life, where are we going, I ask myself? I know, life, we're enjoying taking it one day at a time, I know we're looking ahead enough since my NZ ap is 100% in, but are we spending our time right, life?
I wish I didn't feel torn in so many directions. So many completely different directions. In summation:
IF I follow my major, I'll end up doing special effects or Imagineering, writing code and code and making efficient algorithms. Not appealing. Unfortunately, I'm decently good at it. CSE, that is. Math and science I'm good at. And while interesting pre-college, I am mostly finding them painful in college. Or a nuisance. And computer art, though again not especially difficult, isn't as fulfilling as working in real media. Which I'm not good enough at. So, this cse/art computer graphics thing, though appropriate...what am I doing here?
SO last semester, doing west side inspired me not to rule out moving to new york and auditioning my butt off for a couple years. But will I? Am I really a performer? Is that my calling? Can I handle the lifestyle without success? Will lack of money distress me? Can I live such an insecure life? It'd be a good spiritual challenge, sure. And I'd always have the safety net of a BSE. A BSE I don't know if I want. I almost prefer a BFA, but I'm not talented enough. Because I'm too easily satisfied. But then there's theatre...practically, the most appealing thing in the world. Hmm..
But finally, well, my little dances with Religion/Philosophy/Theology. If I stuck to academia, I'd head there. And there could take me so many places. Think of all the things I could see. Mostly, I chose against religion because I wanted to preach but be a Catholic, which doesn't work. But why not teach instead? Or write?
Or maybe that just seems appealing because I feel locked into something else, something I don't feel certain about.
I'm a flighty kind of person.